“I believe in you.” It’s nice when someone says that to you, isn’t it?
But what does it really mean? They believe you exist? Of course not. They’re saying they believe in your ability to achieve something. Or they believe in your general goodness and value.
In a way, when someone says “I believe in you,” they are practicing the art of positive thinking. They are choosing to believe the best. It feels good when you are the recipient of that faith.
I recently stumbled across a survey of jokes that were voted to be among the best. I thought this one was funny…
“I saw a book called The Power of Positive Thinking and thought I should probably read that. But then I thought, ‘What the hell good would that do?’ and I walked away.”
I like this joke because it makes light of a trap many of us find ourselves in. Once the human mind starts down the track of negative thinking, it can be difficult to switch tracks. It’s not easy to suddenly decide to be a positive person.
Once the rolling snowball of negativity starts to build, it can feel nearly impossible to reverse course. But there’s one method, one simple psychological side step that can do the trick.
I’m talking about a simple mental habit. You can get the benefits today. But there is also a long-term payoff…
A permanent increase in feelings of happiness.
According to Rick Hansen, PhD, the author of Hardwiring Happiness, you can rewire your brain so you feel happy more often.
Feelings of gratitude and well-being become automatic when you think certain kinds of thoughts. Thoughts that force your brain to adopt new neural structures.
All you have to do is make the simple choice to get thankful about something, even if most of your life sucks right now. It’s gratitude that does the trick. Look for things to feel grateful for.
The instant benefit is improved mood. And in the long run, it rewires your brain for happiness.
Today, I want to suggest one simple form of gratitude. It has to do with the mindset you bring to dating.
I challenge you to be grateful for the power you have to love others. It’s a simple thing, but it really is something worth celebrating.
You have love, and you are able to give it to someone else. That is a precious gift of immeasurable value.
Dating provides micro opportunities to practice the art of giving your love away. Don’t worry about using it up. Unlike other valuable resources, your supply tends to grow the more you practice giving it away.
As you know, most of us fall into the trap of becoming increasingly negative and panic stricken as we try to find someone else to love us. We all want to be loved, but other people don’t do it right, or at least not perfectly. So we become focused on the problems in our love life.
No one would blame the victim of a spinal cord injury for focusing on the sudden problems that come from paralysis. Yet a 2013 research study in Canada involving fifteen people with spinal cord injuries found something interesting. The vast majority of them were practicing gratitude, particularly gratitude about the simple things.
They told the researchers how they began to deeply appreciate small things they had previously taken for granted. They gave examples like the birds chirping in the morning hours outside their window. Or the small gestures of kindness they were still able to offer when interacting with others.
The feeling of gratitude is like a breath of fresh air you can literally feel in your body. It’s a positive sensation you can actually notice if you pay attention.
You may not be in a relationship right now, or you may be in one that is not meeting all of your needs. But I challenge you to take thirty seconds to adopt a new mindset. Dating becomes a lot more fun when you focus on what you have to give. The beautiful gift of love.
Don’t wait until you find the perfect person to give it to. Give it away in tiny doses to people who don’t even deserve it.
Because appreciating the beauty of the love you have within you will make you glow from the inside out. It will boost your immune system, lower your stress, and enhance the natural beauty of who you are.
Today I am grateful for the opportunity to have a small influence in your life, hopefully in a positive direction. I believe you are valuable and intrinsically good.
I believe in your ability to choose a positive direction for your thoughts. I believe in your potential to enhance the irresistible qualities you already possess. And I believe you’re going to have fun in the process.
In short, I believe in you.
Your Dating Coach from a Distance,
James
Thank you, James! Your advice has been a tremendous help. I believe in you, too!
😀
God bless you James for sharing this message.very uplifting.Thank you …beautiful soul.
Thank you for this wonderful thoughts! They so much fit to my current situation, when I’m aware that I give more love then I receive, but I actually feel happy, simply because love is always a benefit, for the other person and for ourselves too.
Thank you James. I really needed to hear that because I have a lot of love to give and was starting to be a little angry because it was nit being reciprocated as I think it should; however, this is the person God made, so I can’t be angry at the gift. Lord I thank you for the gift of Love.
Thank you James.
I have just emailed this to my twin flame. We are not back together yet but every day I will send him some thing to jog his memory. This is one of the nicest and most beautiful paragraphs I have seen in a long time and it is one of those things I want to say but am not always so good at putting the words together. Thank you for posting this. x
Today I am grateful for the opportunity to have a small influence in your life, hopefully in a positive direction. I believe you are valuable and intrinsically good. I believe you will be a creator as you consciously choose to direct the focus of your thoughts toward things you are grateful for. In short, I believe in you.
🙂
Thank you so much James. Your wrote such a wise and helpful article! I cried and cried when reading it. I remind myself to be grateful but often I forget how good life already is and I take things for granted.
I really love the second last paragraph in your article “Don’t wait until you find the perfect person to give it to. Give it away in tiny doses to people who are not even fully deserving of it. Appreciating the beauty of the love you have within you will make you glow from the inside out. It will boost your immune system, lower your stress, and enhance the natural beauty of who you are.”. Thank you so much, James.
I really appreciate feedback like this, Jun. Thanks for taking the time to write.
I strive to pratice gratitude in all aspects of my life on a daily basis. To love and be loved is a great gift to all. Thank you for a wonderful article.
There is always a reason for all these things that heppen in our lives, be it bad or good.
Thank You James…I Am Very Grateful, For This Post, And For The Warm Feeling It Is Already Giving Me. I Appreciate…You! 🙂 Tina
Wow im with you on practicing gratitude.
James, Thank you for your refreshing incite into the power of gratitude as well as the power of positive thinking. You are so inspiring and your messages come at just the right time in my life to open me up to new thought and mindful choices. Happiness really is a choice. I must say, I do get a little sad when I get close to the end of your daily Emails. But the positive side is there will be a new one in the next morning, if we are lucky enough to have another day.! God bless Bernadette.
Thank you so much James. You are such a blessing. Chosing to help us for free online to better our relationships ! I thank God for the mother who bore you. what a treasur! what a blessing to the world!
Sincerely am never the
same from when i subscribed to your site… We say it here in Nairobi, Kenya, Barikiwa sana sana & keep going……I believe in you!
Hi James, thank you for this e-mail, saying thank you is not even enough for me to say. You have helped me feel better, uplift myself right now and gave me a clear understanding of what i should do for myself. I was crying and i just stopped because of I am reading your e-mail. I am so lucky to know you James, thanks again.
Thanks for that feedback, Xenia. I’m glad my thoughts were helpful to you today.
James
Lovely post.
Also, since we’re talking about gratitude, I just wanted to say thanks for taking the trouble to actually write often instead of posting a video as most “relationship coaches” do. I always open your emails n find content that’s useful. Most of the others have a link to a vid n I just hit delete!
James…
What a timely post today. Just what I needed to be reminded of. What I enjoy about your writing is how much your authenticity shines through. You really are concerned about helping people be the best version of themselves they can be so that they can have truly meaningful relationships. I’m grateful!
Thanks,
Tracey
Thank you, people don’t hear this idea enough. I personally made a conscious decision years ago to be positive as I was noticing the heaviness of the negativity I saw around me.
It’s so liberating to be grateful each day!! To look at situations from a positive point of view. I admire and comment on it when others practice this art….. negativity is so insidious.
Happy, happy, joy, joy..
Very uplifting James and affects all aspects of our lives…Suzette
Thank you James it was a breath of fresh air just reading the email, no one could have said it better than you, you are a inspiration to my soul that email was an eye opener, I was giving up on myself and not believing in me anymore, thank you! From the instant I start reading it I start to smile, thanks again James.
Thank you. It’s nice to be reminded to change our focus, it’s a win win all round. Your words of wisdom have a lovely uplifting effect, thanks.
Tina x
Thank You James, Even though I have been hurt repeatedly by giving my Love and not getting it back, I can not change who I am, If I Love someone I can’t hide it and really don’t understand why I should. I have loved in vain and still find the Strenght to do it again. Thank you for this message, You have confirmed that I should go with my feelings and not be affraid to Love. I continue to Hope, That True Love will come into My life. Blessing’s to You, Cindy