“I believe in you.” It’s nice when someone says that to you, isn’t it?
But what does it really mean? They believe you exist? Of course not. They’re saying they believe in your ability to achieve something. Or they believe in your general goodness and value.
In a way, when someone says “I believe in you,” they are practicing the art of positive thinking. They are choosing to believe the best. It feels good when you are the recipient of that faith.
I recently stumbled across a survey of jokes that were voted to be among the best. I thought this one was funny…
“I saw a book called The Power of Positive Thinking and thought I should probably read that. But then I thought, ‘What the hell good would that do?’ and I walked away.”
I like this joke because it makes light of a trap many of us find ourselves in. Once the human mind starts down the track of negative thinking, it can be difficult to switch tracks. It’s not easy to suddenly decide to be a positive person.
Once the rolling snowball of negativity starts to build, it can feel nearly impossible to reverse course. But there’s one method, one simple psychological side step that can do the trick.
I’m talking about a simple mental habit. You can get the benefits today. But there is also a long-term payoff…
A permanent increase in feelings of happiness.
According to Rick Hansen, PhD, the author of Hardwiring Happiness, you can rewire your brain so you feel happy more often.
Feelings of gratitude and well-being become automatic when you think certain kinds of thoughts. Thoughts that force your brain to adopt new neural structures.
All you have to do is make the simple choice to get thankful about something, even if most of your life sucks right now. It’s gratitude that does the trick. Look for things to feel grateful for.
The instant benefit is improved mood. And in the long run, it rewires your brain for happiness.
Today, I want to suggest one simple form of gratitude. It has to do with the mindset you bring to dating.
I challenge you to be grateful for the power you have to love others. It’s a simple thing, but it really is something worth celebrating.
You have love, and you are able to give it to someone else. That is a precious gift of immeasurable value.
Dating provides micro opportunities to practice the art of giving your love away. Don’t worry about using it up. Unlike other valuable resources, your supply tends to grow the more you practice giving it away.
As you know, most of us fall into the trap of becoming increasingly negative and panic stricken as we try to find someone else to love us. We all want to be loved, but other people don’t do it right, or at least not perfectly. So we become focused on the problems in our love life.
No one would blame the victim of a spinal cord injury for focusing on the sudden problems that come from paralysis. Yet a 2013 research study in Canada involving fifteen people with spinal cord injuries found something interesting. The vast majority of them were practicing gratitude, particularly gratitude about the simple things.
They told the researchers how they began to deeply appreciate small things they had previously taken for granted. They gave examples like the birds chirping in the morning hours outside their window. Or the small gestures of kindness they were still able to offer when interacting with others.
The feeling of gratitude is like a breath of fresh air you can literally feel in your body. It’s a positive sensation you can actually notice if you pay attention.
You may not be in a relationship right now, or you may be in one that is not meeting all of your needs. But I challenge you to take thirty seconds to adopt a new mindset. Dating becomes a lot more fun when you focus on what you have to give. The beautiful gift of love.
Don’t wait until you find the perfect person to give it to. Give it away in tiny doses to people who don’t even deserve it.
Because appreciating the beauty of the love you have within you will make you glow from the inside out. It will boost your immune system, lower your stress, and enhance the natural beauty of who you are.
Today I am grateful for the opportunity to have a small influence in your life, hopefully in a positive direction. I believe you are valuable and intrinsically good.
I believe in your ability to choose a positive direction for your thoughts. I believe in your potential to enhance the irresistible qualities you already possess. And I believe you’re going to have fun in the process.
In short, I believe in you.
Your Dating Coach from a Distance,
James
I quit my job of 20 yrs to go on the road with my husband of 25 years. The baby of the 3 kids moved out and the house became quiet so my husband suggested this so we could be together everyday. In our 25 yrs of marriage, he worked over the road and the kids and I seen him 4-6 days a month. So when he suggested this, I did not hesitate. I missed him! It was about 6 months into this “working” with him that I noticed him staring at other women. In return the women he was staring at were driving by where we were working at and doing things like hollering at him as they went by or reving up there engines or waving really big with there arm hanging out the window of their car. And up until I started noticing this & calling him out on his lusting ways of flirting with these women, I never really knew him like I thought I did. I look at him in a total different way now. But now that I already changed jobs & I’ve been with him forever, I’m torn between leaving him or just keep getting my heart ripped out by watching all of them stare him down and smiling and waving and hollering at him. I don’t think he’s actually cheated on me with them. It’s just flirting, but I’m just furious that he looks at them like he does. And for them to get his attention like they do, he has to be doing something to them when I’m not around him and this is raging inside my heart hate for him. I’m torn. I need advice. Is it right for my husband to flirt with other women? If this goes on, will he cross the line with one of them? Please help!
You don’t say if you have tried to resolve this with your husband. No doubt he’ll say, “It’s nothing” but the other women must think you are a coworker and he is not correcting this impression by flirting back. It’s difficult given your work situation to develop outside interests aside from your husband – something you could do when you were home raising your kids and working your own job. You need something to fall back on! Try to work it out with him. If he’d let them know you are his wife that would be great, or you could get a T shirt made with “I’m his wife and I bite” or something humorous. but at the same time develop a strategy for change in your own life and how to get positive strokes for yourself.
I met a guy in January. I told him I was in a marriage of convenience. And he seemed ok. We dated on and off. Till recently. In July we went away for 4 day. And it was awesome!! He said it first!! So when we came back I thought I better say something again about being in a marriage of convenience. He says I never told him, and wants nothing to do with me now. Do you think it’s the marriage or something else??
I think it’s him, not the marriage. You need to find someone, who appreciate you. If the marriage is convenient, is it a money situation.
Most guys want a person they can trust. If somehow he missed you telling him about the marriage – convenience notwithstanding – and then split when you told him recently, then YES IT IS ABOUT THE MARRIAGE. Come on!! He is looking for something special, not just a sexual partner for an occasional fun weekend. You being married and then going outside of those vows for whatever reason is a major turnoff for most men. Let’s get real here!!
You nailed it as to the way I have been thinking lately but how did you know? I am meeting more people with whom I enjoy light conversation and similar feelings. Also think I have a person who is my soul mate since we think alike, enjoy each other’s company and even are from the same ancestry.