Superheroes don’t have it easy.

Romance is always troubled for them.

Yet how often have you thought your life would be easier if only you were Wonder Woman?

If only you DID have superpowers. Then you could get everything done, put the world to rights, look great in skintight clothes, and still get home in time to relax and catch a few episodes of your favorite show.

But life isn’t any easier for superheroes than it is for the rest of us.

If anything, it’s even harder for them to find love.

They don’t know if the person who falls for them will still feel the same once he or she finds out their true identity. They can’t commit when they don’t know when they’ll next be called away to serve justice.

Falling in love makes them weak. Once their arch nemesis discovers their secret love, they’re vulnerable in a way they weren’t before.

So maybe you’re not a superhero, but you might be able to relate to some of those fears.

Will he still love you once he sees the things you’ve dedicated your life to?

Will falling in love take away some of your power? Can you afford to depend on someone who might get sick, die, or betray you?

How can you commit to him when you don’t know what the future is going to be?

Superheroes don’t tend to show up in my office looking for a relationship coach…

But if one did, here’s the advice I’d give.

1. It’s okay to be a little selfish.

Superheroes have an unfortunate tendency to keep rescuing the one they love.

Why? Because they are so busy saving the world that the person they love ends up getting neglected.

It’s the whole, “With great power comes great responsibility,” complex. “Sorry, I know it’s our anniversary, but I have to go because I hear sirens in the distance.”

A real relationship can only unfold when the two of you build your story together. That means you have to work together to protect the relationship you share. It means you’re going to be a bit selfish, spending more time impressing your partner than you spend impressing everyone else.

It means you let him “save you” once in a while so he feels manly and strong. And it means you save him once in a while and make no apology for putting him first in your life.

2. Take off the cape at home.

When a superhero takes off her cape, she’s vulnerable. She’s just an ordinary woman. She doesn’t have her sword and shield on hand.

That can be scary. What if you trust him and he hurts you? What if he’s an evil villain in disguise?

That’s a risk even superheroes take.

They take it because they know something important:

If they cannot be known, they cannot be loved.

When you’re on a date, flirting and looking great, he may end up fascinated by you. He may end up wanting to see you again. But he won’t know enough about you to love the real you.

The “real you” is the woman you are when there’s no one around to perform for. It’s the woman you are when you’re not thinking about anyone else. It’s the woman you are when you’ve just woken up with crazy hair and not a stitch of makeup.

Can he love you like that?

Of course he can. That’s the only woman he can love.

Because, as much as people admire superheroes, they can’t get close to them. That red cape—as sexy as it might look—is a barrier to intimacy.

3. Don’t let love be your weakness.

The minute a superhero falls for someone, you know how the plot will unfold.

The evil villain will find out and kidnap the superhero’s lover. All will seem lost. The superhero will risk everything. And those of us in the audience will be thinking:

“Seriously? Come on, people! You knew this would happen!”

When you fall in love, you might know it’s going to turn out badly, but you do it anyway.

The plot unfolds as expected. He betrays you, or he hurts you, or you lose him and suffer terribly.

Love should not be an energy leak. It shouldn’t be something you have to stay on guard to protect.

There’s an alternative:

Use love as FUEL instead of letting it drain you.

He’s not what makes you feel good. Your love for him is what makes you feel good. The desire to love someone is built into your soul and your DNA. Loving someone will make you thrive because it’s the natural unfolding of who you were meant to be.

So shift your focus. It’s not all about him. It’s about how empowered you feel when you love someone.

Whatever happens with him, you know that you can love again. YOU own your love. It’s not his.

And that may very well be the mark of a superhero. The choice to love no matter what.