It’s heartbreaking to fall in love with a guy who isn’t sure.

He’s not sure he’s in the right place for a relationship.

He’s not sure he can commit again. He’s been burned in the past.

He’s not sure he can be the man you need him to be.

Even as he pushes you away, you don’t lose hope.

You know you can show him the love he’s never felt.

You know you can prove to him how good a relationship can be.

You believe in him, even if he doesn’t believe in himself.

But it’s been three months, six months, a year…

And he’s still not sure.

Sometimes he talks about things he wants to do with you in the future.

Other times he talks about being single for life.

It’s driving you crazy. You’re so confused.

What’s going on inside his head?

Doesn’t he love you? Why won’t he admit you’re basically together in everything but name?

You just want answers.

Reasoning with Him Doesn’t Work

Of course you want answers.

You want to know what’s going through his head, because you could fix all this if you just understood him.

You’d address his every concern, and he’d say, “You’re right! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before! I’m ready to make this official.”

Can you imagine that happening?

Here’s what’s more likely to happen…

You explain to him why this relationship is nothing like his past relationships, it’s never going to be the perfect time for a relationship, and what you have together is worth the risk.

And what does he say?

“Huh. Well, I’m just not ready, okay?”

No matter how beautifully you counter his arguments, logic and reason won’t convince him.

That’s because we make relationship decisions from our heart, not our head.

If he’s not sure about being in a relationship with you, addressing every single one of his concerns won’t change his mind.

It’s not his mind that needs changing—it’s his heart.

The reasons he gives you for not being ready are just his head’s way of explaining what his heart feels.

The Hard Truth

You’re left with this truth:

His heart isn’t giving him an enthusiastic yes.

It’s still not giving him an enthusiastic yes after all the time you’ve spent together… all the things you’ve done together… all the love you’ve shown him.

He’s had enough time to see how special you are.

If you look deep inside your own heart, you may also see another truth:

Being half-in/half-out of a relationship is killing you.

You’re ready to build a life together. You don’t want to hang around.

The longer you wait for him to make up his mind, the harder it is on you.

Something has to change. This isn’t working.

So the next order of business is figuring out:

What are the two of you going to do next?

Have This Conversation

In the past, when you’ve tried to talk about your relationship, he’s shut down the discussion by claiming he wasn’t ready.

The conversation ended up centered on him and his issues. It didn’t give you any clarity on what would happen moving forward.

This time, you’re going to try something different.

You’re going to plant a seed in his mind.

If this isn’t working, what could change so it would work?

Here’s a script that can help guide your conversation.

Start by saying something like:

“Being with you means the world to me. I enjoy your company, and I hope you know how much I value and admire you as a person.”

Always start off difficult conversations with love and appreciation. The way conversations begin strongly influences how they unfold.

Next, explain your two truths. (Truth #1: He’s not ready. Truth #2: This ambiguity is hard on you.) You might say:

“I know you’re not ready for a relationship, and I respect that. But it’s hard, confusing, and kind of painful for me to hang around when I don’t know where I stand. I’m an attractive woman who’s ready to build a life with someone.”

Then finish by asking him:

“What do you suggest we do?”

Put the ball in his court.

He might not have any ideas—at least, at first.

He might repeat his reasons for not wanting a relationship. You can just say, “I know, and I understand. It’s hard for me, too. What should we do, do you think?”

Then leave it there.

It’s okay if the conversation goes nowhere.

Your goal is to get him thinking about what could change.

Most men, if given the choice, prefer to keep the status quo. It doesn’t require any extra work from them.

But most men also like to problem-solve. You’ve presented him with a problem that needs solving.

He’s more likely to implement a solution if it was his idea. I can’t guarantee that this conversation will change your relationship, but without it… nothing might change.