You’ve got this amazing friend….
And something’s changed.
You’ve started to feel more than friendship.
You catch yourself thinking about him in a different way. Your heart beats fast when he smiles. Your skin tingles when his arm brushes yours.
You’re wondering: could there be something more?
Could you risk turning this amazing friendship into a relationship?
I have good news for you… and bad news.
The good news? Relationships that begin as friendships are more likely to result in happy, lasting marriages.
When you’re already close, you know each other’s quirks, strengths, and weaknesses. You like each other for who you are. Romance is the cherry on top.
The bad news is that most friendships can’t make the leap to romance.
You can guess why. If there was clearly some romantic potential there, you probably wouldn’t have ended up as friends.
But all is not lost!
Men are often more open to the idea of exploring their romantic potential with a friend.
Just don’t race out and confess your feelings. You’ll want to test the waters first.
Don’t risk ruining a great friendship unless you have a green light from him.
Follow these three steps…
Step 1. Ask Yourself, “Is The Timing Right?”
Just because you have feelings for your friend doesn’t mean you should act on them.
If you’re in a relationship, or if he’s in a relationship, exploring those feelings risks crossing into emotional affair territory.
Even if he’s single, you’ll want to ask yourself whether he’s emotionally available for a relationship.
Has he said he’s looking for the same kind of relationship you are?
Or is he not interested in relationships right now?
If he’s not interested in being with anyone, acting on your feelings could lead to disappointment.
Step 2. Test the Waters
Right now, you’re just friends.
You don’t go on anything that could be construed as a date. He doesn’t dress up for you. You don’t dress up for him.
You’re so comfortable with one another that you don’t stand on ceremony. Your friendship is reliable.
But all those wonderful traits of friendship—dependability, comfort, safety—douse any sparks of chemistry…
And you need to fan those sparks into a flame if you’re hoping to make this something more.
Chemistry involves a certain kind of pleasurable discomfort. There’s this tension between you, an unpredictability that keeps things exciting.
Subtly introduce a bit of unexpected tension into your relationship by:
- Dressing a little differently
- Visibly checking him out with an appreciative smile
- Holding his gaze a few beats too long
- Complimenting his appearance in a humorous or light-hearted way
- Flirting with him or teasing him affectionately
- Giving him a playful nudge
- Lightly touching his arm
- Sitting closer to him than usual
Pay careful attention to how he responds.
Does he fail to notice? Does he seem shocked?
Does he seem to enjoy it? Does he flirt back?
If he reciprocates by flirting back or finding excuses to touch you more often, you’ve got a green light!
Step 3. Proceed if You Get a Green Light
Notice that I didn’t suggest you try to win his heart by surprising him with a romantic gift or cooking him a romantic meal.
Making a romantic gesture when you haven’t put in the groundwork of developing sexual tension is bound to fail.
You want to get him curious about this new energy between you.
You want this shift to happen gradually over time, rather than forcing it.
If, regardless of your efforts, he acts like nothing has changed, then it may be best to resign yourself to the fact that this is just a friendship.
Mourn what could have been. Take some space for yourself to emotionally disengage and seek different opportunities for romance.
On the other hand, if you notice him responding positively to your flirtation, take it to the next level!
The safest way to do this is by playing a game.
Try playing a question game with him, where you take turns asking each other revealing questions.
Towards the end of the game, ask him: “Have you ever had feelings for a close friend?”
Then follow up with this question: “What advice would you give to someone in that situation?”
If he’s been paying attention, he’ll wonder why you’re asking—and he may already be able to guess why!
If he still doesn’t have a clue, your next step is follow his advice. Do exactly what he suggested… and be prepared for any outcome.
He may be shocked. He may need some time to think about it. He may let you down gently.
Or he may be delighted you finally asked. You won’t know unless you try!
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