You’re with a guy you really like, but you’ve noticed something troubling.
You put a ton of effort into sending him sweet messages, planning things to do, and showing him how you feel.
And what does he do?
Well, he’s happy to show up. That’s about it.
Your friends tell you he’s probably not that interested in you.
If he were really into you, he’d be putting in as much effort as you are.
Is that true?
Should you dump him and move on with someone who truly values you?
Let’s find out!
What Makes A Guy “Low Effort”
There are “high effort” people and “low effort” people.
High effort people invest a lot in their relationships. They plan ahead, think of thoughtful things to do, and work on building a deeper connection.
Low effort people show up and have fun.
When you’re a high-effort person, you can’t help but notice the discrepancy.
Why isn’t your guy doing as much for you as you’re doing for him?
Does that mean you care more about him than he cares about you?
Not necessarily!
There are 10 possible reasons he’s not putting in as much effort as you, and only one has to do with his feelings towards you.
Reason #1. This Is Who He Is
Some guys prefer a laid-back approach to relationships.
To them, relationships are about fun rather than work. They live in the moment. They prefer to express affection spontaneously rather thinking ahead to purchase a thoughtful gift.
These guys may not notice the discrepancy between how much you do and how much they do, because they’re not keeping track.
They may even find it upsetting if you point out how much more you do. If you want to do more for the relationship, they say, go ahead. But do it because you WANT to.Don’t do it if it’s going to create some obligation on them to reciprocate.
Reason #2. He Doesn’t Know What You Want Him to Do
Some guys are just clueless. They don’t have much experience in relationship maintenance. They don’t know what you expect from them.
That’s why it’s always important to communicate. Let him know what you’d like him to do. If you’d like him to plan every other date, tell him. If you’d like him to text you every day, tell him.
Give him the opportunity to make things right.
Reason #3. He’s Been Trained This Way
Some guys have been in relationships where their partner wanted to control everything.
She wanted to decide where they went and what they did.
If he took it on himself to plan something, she shot holes in his idea.
These guys got used to not doing anything unless they were told.
Reason #4. He Doesn’t See It As His Role
Other guys grew up thinking that the woman was supposed to do all the relationship maintenance while the man was supposed to go to work and support his family.
These men believe it’s their job to earn a good living and pay for things, but it’s her job to plan date nights and remember anniversaries.
Reason #5. He Think He Is Doing A Lot
From your perspective, it looks like he’s doing nothing while you’re doing everything.
But does it look the same from his perspective?
Sometimes guys think they are actually doing a lot for the relationship. It’s just that their contributions aren’t noticed or appreciated.
It also could be that he overvalues his contributions and undervalues yours.
Reason #6. He’s Giving You All He Can Right Now
Imagine a world where, every time you fell in love, you could apply for two weeks’ leave from work in order to dedicate yourself to spending every minute with your beloved.
That would certainly make our love lives easier!
Unfortunately, we live in a world where finding time for our love lives means scraping time away from our other commitments.
Sometimes guys can’t find the time or energy to do more than they’re doing. When things ease up, they contribute more.
Reason #7. He Thinks This Makes You Happy
If he thinks you enjoy taking the lead, he might be very happy to sit back and take a more passive role.
When you make the decisions, he knows you’re always getting exactly what you want. He doesn’t have to take the risk of planning something only to find out you don’t like it.
Reason #8. He Think It’s Your Job to Chase Him
Some guys believe that a high-value man doesn’t chase after a woman. He sits back and lets the women chase him.
He might believe that you will respect and value him more if you’re the one putting in the work to establish a relationship with him.
Reason #9. He’s Just Not That Into You
It’s also possible that he doesn’t have strong feelings about you one way or the other, and his lack of investment reflects that.
Reason #10. You’re Not a Good Match
Ultimately, you can try to puzzle out the reason he’s putting in less effort than you are, but what matters most is how you feel.
If you feel like he’s not doing enough to make you feel loved and cherished…
And you’ve talked to him and nothing has changed…
Then chalk it up to a mismatch and move on.
You’ll be happier if you find a guy who’s willing and eager to do the work of making you feel loved.
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