Where do you get your energy from?
What makes you feel alive?
Do you agree that energy is important? Do you agree that people who routinely find ways to tap into energy reserves seem more vibrant and alive?
If so, you may also agree that romance can only be born when two people are energized when they meet.
In a long-term relationship, the quality of energy you bring to the relationship will determine the quality of the long-term benefit each partner receives.
What kind of person energizes you?
If you pursue romantic interactions with those who bring out your best qualities, guess what will happen. That’s right, you will find yourself in the company of people who bring out the best in you, and as a result you will tap into your higher qualities (your best identity) more often.
How To Resonate With People by Feeling A Special Connection
Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what it is about a person that makes you feel alive. With some people, you just feel a special kind of connection, and I believe it is the connection itself that ignites the energy you feel.
We resonate with some people more deeply than we resonate with others. I use this term, “resonate” to mean that feeling of being in sync, like the world suddenly becomes a less lonely place the second you enter their presence.
Sometimes you can feel it almost instantly. A friend of mine told me of an experience involving a woman he met on an elevator. He stepped onto the elevator, felt a warm connection with a woman he had never met before, and exited the elevator sixty seconds later knowing he could really enjoy spending time with her.
The two of them talked briefly on the elevator, and he could tell she was attracted to him. The feeling was mutual. They both lingered for a few seconds after exiting the elevator, both standing and looking into each other’s eyes, hesitant to let go of this sudden feeling of connection.
At other times, that sensation of feeling connected grows more slowly over time.
It’s a sense of oneness that allows you to experience the world together as it unfolds one second at a time. We often discover this sensation of oneness in moments of silence or a while working on a project together.
On a first date, it’s the space between your attempts at communication when your mind slips into that special kind of oneness with the man sitting across from you. These are the experiences you never forget, even if the circumstances of your life cause you both to go separate ways.
What Triggers These Special Moments?
It’s just my opinion, but I ask you to consider it; test it and determine if it holds any truth. I believe the special resonance generates energy because some people help us to effortlessly slip into a fuller awareness of the present moment as it unfolds.
All the vibrancy of life is contained within the present moment. The future and the past are vivid in our imagination, but they hold none of the actual energy of the life force that pulses through each of us as time unfolds.
We often discover a special connection when we are not looking for it. The more forcefully our mind fuses with an agenda, a goal, or a desired outcome, the harder it is to fully embrace the present moment for what it is here and now.
When you find yourself interacting with a potential partner because of a goal to build some kind of relationship with them in the future, the most vibrant version of your mind and identity is somewhat deadened by the fact that you are partially living in the future, less identified with the present moment as it unfolds.
In contrast, when you find yourself unexpectedly resonating with another human being, you simply marvel at the unfolding experience in “the now.” So it is no surprise that we often find these special connections with people when we are not looking for them.
While these special connections seem to happen rather serendipitously, I believe we can encourage them by taking one simple action. Practice connecting with people in the present moment frequently. Do this when you first meet someone. Do it before you evaluate what the relationship could become in the future.
For example, do not look to see if he has a wedding band on his finger. Do not check what kind of shoes he is wearing. You can do all of that a few seconds later. Instead, each time you meet a new person, or even someone you have known for years, start by trying to experience the present moment in his presence.
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ave you ever had one of these special connection moments? I am curious whether any of you have noticed anything unusual that is either predictive or somehow related to these experiences. Share your comments below so we can all look for common themes together.
By the way, I have spent a great deal of time exploring the hidden passages that seem to emerge at points of sudden deep connections between men and women. My private clients and I have shared that journey together, and I have distilled many of our secrets into an advanced relationship course.
It is a coaching and self-study course available to any of you who recognize the true value of leveraged knowledge. I encourage you to speed your dating success by learning from those who have been studying this concept for a while. Click here to learn more now.
I met a man last August on an online dating site. We chatted text FaceTime then met in early October In his town. He invited me over to his house and we never left each other’s arms. We developed so much communality and chemistry as he was the first to even mention it. He visited my place in November. Another wonderful visit. After that visit he told me that he wasn’t as far along as I was and I should also date others. Every time since when we text or FaceTime, he brings up the fact that when we are together it’s magic. Yet he won’t commit to seeing me again. Not sure what to do as I’ve never felt this type of magic nor has he in the past.
Just not sure what to do other than give him space and time.
I’d love to know this answer also. I too have felt this incredible connection. It’s beautiful. He also feels it. But he’s not ready for anything. Is this a normal feeling? I’ve not dated in 24 years.
As I ponder the situation, I find myself thinking there are only two possible scenarios here. He either does feel that special connection or he doesn’t feel it and he is just being complementary or telling you what he knows you would want to hear while keeping his options open.
If it’s the first scenario (he feels the special connection) then time is on your side because he will certainly not want to give that up and will feel drawn to the idea of eventually spending more time with you. No commitment is needed since you are both enjoying the relationship as it is now. Defining the relationship differently to get to some sort of future “goal state” for the relationship would be a mistake.
If it’s the second scenario (he does not feel as strongly as he claims) then he is most likely playing the field to see if there’s a better match for him out there. He’s asking for time and space so he can watch to see how his feelings for you might change or develop over time, but he doesn’t want to promise more than he can commit to at this point.
In that case, you want to leave the door open so that he can easily invite you back into his life, but you should avoid putting all your eggs in one basket. You’ll need to protect your heart by getting busy with all the other beautiful things in life so that you don’t live in an emotionally fragile state while waiting and hoping.
Either way, it’s okay for you to voice the fact that you would like to spend more time with him even if he’s not sure where things are going yet. And it’s also okay for you to set a boundary with him, letting him know what you would need from him (in terms of time spent together) in order to keep your heart open to the relationship.
Wishing you love and happiness,
James
Very often these instant connections are magical and vibrant, but are hardly the basis for an extended relationship. Sorry to slow up the process. Ex. I met a man and felt an intense vibration. I could hardly look at him without becoming nearly speechless. He seemed to feel the energy too. But both of us had not been married in 42 years and I hadn’t dated in 17 years. I have never felt this way before and so happy to feel it now at 84, even if it does not work out for us. We talk every day. He is 76. We discovered many similarities and share the same work ethic and hobbies, like music. I like classical and jazz, he likes folk and rock. He has come to like my music and I realized I’d missed a lot in folk and rock. After 6 months we are holding hands and lightly kissing. We are just loving our company and I have held back talk of futures and words of love…subtly giving him tokens of things from my trips that he can use every day like notepads and mug and a pen. He said his paradigm has changed and I am at its center. I accepted this with gratitude and a light in my eyes, and did not ask for an explanation. Then we left and went to an inspiring musical event. Magical. 6 months. Patience can be a pain but titillating in some ways. Esp. Ay our ages
Is it possible to have this connection via text? We’ve gotten to know each other fir that past six months. It all started because of a business call He said he fell in love with my voice Unfortunately he relocated that same week but continue to stay in touch via text.
It’s amazing what can happen via text alone. That said, there relationship must become more than a digital connection if you really want to invest in each other’s lives. So most people put a focus on crossing the divide once they realize there’s a special connection.
A little over a month ago I went to a friend’s house for a social distancing visit. She had a neighbor she’d been wanting me to meet. I was emotional as I had just found out we would not be returning to school this year, I teach K-2nd grades. My point is, I wasn’t looking for a connection, and it hit me in the face. We had an instant connection like I’ve never experienced in my life. Instead of being “put off” by my emotions, he said he understood that teaching makes me “tick” and the way I was feeling was understandable. We talked for 2 hours and were both blown away by how many things we have in common. My girlfriend later commented that it was like she wasn’t even there, not our intention, just caught up in the moment. We continued to “meet” up at their house and every time we were/are together, it’s the same experience. My friend became a little jealous and didn’t have me over for a week. During that time, the guy reached out to me about a mtn. biking trail we had talked about. We met up and went for a great ride. He wrote to me after saying, “Thank you.”
The problem, my friend told me he has a girlfriend of 6 years living in another part of the state. It hasn’t come up when I talk to him as I am just trying to enjoy the moment and not worry about what we may or may not become in the future. We are very much in the friendship stage, but the attraction is obvious. Regardless of how this plays out, I’ve never enjoyed such a connection with someone in my life. I’ve made some bad choices when it comes to men and have learned a lot from James! It’s nice to have such a positive experience with a man even if it doesn’t go anywhere.
About 2 years after a divorce, a friend invited me to a professional singles club just forming. I was busy with my work and not too interested but she kept asking so i went to a buffet dinner at a local restaurant in a private party room. Round tables of 6 were convenient for conversations. Across from me was a guy with beautiful blue eyes who caught my attention. The two of us did most of the talking and when asked why I was still single, my response was “I haven’t found a guy who could keep up with me”. He asked where I worked and the next day I got a phone call at work asking me to go out for lunch. That was the beginning of an exciting life and we are still married after 30 years.
My husband and I have been happily married for 30 years. He often asks me to look him in the eyes when we are making love. When we do, it’s as though time stands still – and this stillness allows the deepest of all connections to happen. It’s as though you’re communicating at the soul level. Living in and being fully aware of the present moment is extraordinary and elevating; I believe 2 people can actually feel it when it happens. It’s profound and memorable. Truly experiencing the present moment, with as many of the senses as possible (sight, sound, touch, taste, etc.), is where I believe the magic lives. I think whoever said, “The eyes are the windows to the soul” must have experienced deep connections frequently. Thank you for your amazing insight and shares, James. You make a beautiful difference in the world.
Four months after my husband passed away I was having coffee with a girlfriend when her neighbor and his brother who was visiting walked past and stopped to chat. When I was introduced to the brother and our eyes met there was an instant connection and neither of us could look away. It really rattled me. When we left he was waiting up the road and asked if he could talk to me. Long story short we had a wonderful “friendship” and spent 12 months as companions, unfortunately he was “emotionally unavailable” and as I needed more from him then he could give me we decided to part. But he was definitely the right man for me at the time. Would love to find that special connection that leads to a future fulfilling relationship.
Two years ago I was married (for several years) and very unhappy. One day my husband called a handy man to come give us a quote for some work to be done. When this man walked in I felt I found something I had lost a long time ago. I could barely breathe. The connection I felt was something one feels only in a dream. Or watching one of those love films that makes you think this type of love is not real. As soon as the gentleman left later that afternoon I asked my husband for a separation. I didn’t know anything about this gentleman for all I knew he could have been married or flat out not interested in me. Needless to say two years later I am still with him and have never been more connected to another individual in all my life. Time stands still when we are together. I have an unconditional love for him. True Love does exist after all!!!!
Saturdays my Mom and I play tennis then have dinner at our club. Last weekend we were deep in conversation when several men passed by our table but one looked right into my eyes and said, “Hi.” I was caught off guard but gave him a quick “Hi” back. It was so strange but thrilling at the same time. There was a brief (very brief) but very real connection, resonance if you will. My Mom noticed it and teased me afterward with a “Hi” and a wink. I think I actually blushed! I’ve thought of that several times this week and wondered if I might see him again this weekend, same time, same place?
Great example, Laura. I hope you see him again!
That’s very sweet Laura.
Thank you Tracey and James. I hope so too but, if I don’t, it’s fun to know what to watch for in the future!
I met a man on a dating site. He sent me a smile and I replied and commented on his Cubs Christmas stocking in the background of his profile picture. We quickly moved to texting and seeing each other on Zoom. We live an hour and a half away from each other so we didn’t meet right away. We talked for hours and had that instant connection together. When we did meet, we had already talked about what it was going to be like with each other. We had planned to kiss as soon as we met. We spent 10 minutes in the parking lot of a restaurant just kissing before we went in. We had just met each other face-to-face for the first time! Since we don’t see each other often, every time we do is very special and we instantly connect. We enjoy talking, laughing, making love and trying new things, comfortable silence, gazing into each other’s eye. Two months after meeting he asked me for a commitment. The energy that we have together is amazing!