“Do guys just not ask women out anymore?” my client Annie asked me.

She’d gotten married in her early twenties, and she didn’t remember dating being this hard.

She’d done everything possible to meet someone since her divorce—signing updating apps, attending meetups—but none of it came to fruition.

“You can be honest with me, James.” She sighed. “Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?”

Like Annie, you may worry that there’s something about you that’s putting men off.

But the truth might be much simpler.

Men today really aren’t asking women out on dates like they used to.

It Might Not Be You

If you feel like you never get asked out anymore, you’re not the only one.

Two out of three singles who are looking for love say their dating life isn’t going very well.^[1]

It’s hard to find someone who wants what they want. It’s hard to find someone who meets their expectations.

And it’s hard to get up the courage to meet new people.

Despite the convenience of dating apps, nearly half of singles think dating has gotten harder over the past 10 years.

So if you’re not getting approached, it may have less to do with you than how the dating scene has changed.

Here are 10 reasons men aren’t asking women out… and what you can do about it.

10 Reasons He’s Not Asking You Out

1. He’s not sure you’ll respond positively.

One of the most common reasons men don’t ask women out is because they don’t know whether their advances will be welcome.

They feel that women are less open to being talked to or asked out these days. They worry that any flirtatious comment will be construed as harassment.

Men who once might have approached a woman at a grocery store now limit their flirting to dating apps, where at least they know flirting is welcome.

Tip: Take the lead. Flirting with him gives permission for him to flirt back.

2. He lacks confidence.

Another major reason guys don’t ask women out is because they don’t think women would find them attractive.

Many men have been sold the idea that women are only attracted to “alpha males” who are stereotypically handsome, tall, and make a lot of money.

A guy who doesn’t have those advantages might not even put himself out there, because he assumes it’s futile.

Tip: If you like him, give him a compliment. Let him know you find him attractive.

3. He’s tired of being rejected.

Many men just don’t want to make the first move anymore.

They’ve been doing it since they were young. All that rejection takes a toll on their self-esteem. They wish women would lend a helping hand.

Tip: Be the first one to suggest catching up for coffee or catching a movie together.

4. He thinks he can’t meet women’s expectations.

Some men think they couldn’t ever make a woman happy.

Romantic expectations are higher today than they’ve ever been. We don’t want a “good enough” partner—we want a soulmate. Someone who fits us like a glove, fulfills all our emotional needs and keeps the passion alive for a lifetime.

That’s a tall order for an ordinary guy who knows he’s going to make mistakes.

Tip: Let him know you’re looking for something real, not something perfect.

5. He has no game.

Some guys don’t have the first clue about how to flirt. They’re not great at reading social cues. They really don’t want to come across as a creep or a player.

So they don’t say anything and hope something good will fall into their lap.

Tip: If your subtle cues aren’t working, be more obvious. He might need help realizing you’re into him.

6. He gets social anxiety.

Many guys are just shy.

Especially with a woman they like, they get nervous. They’re so worried they’re going to blow it that they overthink it and freeze up.

Tip: Help him get comfortable with you by spending time with him on a stress-free, platonic level.

7. He’s got unrealistic expectations.

Some guys don’t ask women out because they’re holding out for the perfect woman (who doesn’t exist).

Tip: Pass on this one.

8. He’d rather hang out.

Some guys have given up on dating completely.

It’s expensive, it’s stressful, and it rarely goes anywhere.

They’d rather hang out with someone informally and see where things lead.

Tip: Don’t assume he’s not interested just because he wants to “hang out.”

9. He doesn’t want to get burned.

Some men are cautious about dating because they’ve had their hearts broken before.

They know how badly things can go wrong. They’re not sure if they want to take the risk again.

Tip: Share your own vulnerabilities and fears. You can take it carefully together.

10. He’s given up.

Some men would happily date if the perfect partner fell into their lap, but in the meanwhile they’re getting on with their lives.

They’ve gotten used to being on their own. A relationship would have to be pretty special to change that.

Tip: Strike up a friendship. Spend time together platonically and see if it evolves into something more.

It’s tempting to wish the world would go back to a time when dating was easier, when gallant men asked women out to dinner.

But dating has always changed and evolved.

Keep an open mind. Look for opportunities to show interest and move things along. You don’t have to be stuck waiting for him to ask you out.

[1]https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/