[Coach Spyce]

Anna,

Thank you for sharing that, it definitely puts some things in perspective. You’ve come a long way in your sexual healing and that’s wonderful! I totally support you going after what you want in a healthy and positive way. As mentioned, as long as everything is above board, nothing is really off limits!

I’m glad that you like Paul. It sounds like a great situation where you can practice really asking for what you want in a clear and compassionate way. And yes, you don’t have to give negative feedback in order to have something different for the next time. Just mentioning what you would like from him is enough for now. Let’s see how he does with that info! Hopefully he is receptive.

Ricky: off the table, on to the next! I’m glad to see that you don’t get too hung up on people and are able to move on when you learn that the connection isn’t happening. Good for you!

Billy: Is that the friend who knew you for a long time from recovery? I haven’t heard too much about him yet…

Steven: hopefully he heals up quickly! If you’re very attracted to him, that DOES make the build up and the expectation that much more intense. I guess you will just have to see how it goes when you are able to meet up. Just make sure that you are clear in your boundaries before you meet with him. It’s so much easier to hold clear boundaries the more excited we are by someone, and I don’t want you to do something that you feel bad about later (like not using protection with Paul).

So just remember that you and your sexuality are a gift. It’s not a commodity and they have no right to any of you. You can pick or choose what you want to give, how much you want to give, and no one is ever owed anything from you.
Do what you want to do, and ONLY that! If someone doesn’t like that, then they don’t deserve your time and attention!

Keep us in the loop 🙂
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hey Caroline,

I’m just gonna say it, you are a total BAD ASS!! I’m amazed by your incredible strength and maturity in this situation. It’s not at all easy to split up with someone who you’ve been with for so long, and you are really going at it with grace and finesse.
It’s understandable that you blocked him on your phone, and I agree. You don’t owe him access to your life, your time, your insight, your support. And blocking him in social media also seems like really healthy self-care.

I do think that when there isn’t real closure, like there wasn’t in this situation, the person who feels the worst about the breakup does do things to try and stay connected, which is why he’s trying to keep in contact with your people. I’m getting the feeling that he’s regretting that he wasn’t more responsive to you, and I’m pretty sure that he’s not happy that you broke up. I mean, I know that you’re not jumping for joy either, but it sounds like to you it’s more of a relief, and the more that you get way from fhim, the more that you see what a weight he was on you. For him, it’s probably the opposite. The more he is away from you, the more he’s realizing that he’s lost a good thing. But so it is. Hindsight is 20/20 and that’s just the way it goes. Be better or lose out. That’s life. He wasn’t up to your speed and the sooner that you saw that and moved on, the better for both of you really.

So yes, he may reach out to more people because he probably feels really bad about losing you, and we already know his self esteem is in the toilet. He needs to get back on his feet but he doesn’t get your help anymore with that.

In terms of what to do next, it sounds to me like you’re doing really good! Getting out there and spending time with friends, doing the things that you really love to do. What’s especially good after a breakup is to think about all of th4e things that you may not have been doing much of for the last 3.5 years and do them! Whether it was because he didn’t like them, or there wasn’t time or space to, or whatever it was, I’m sure there was at least one thing that you enjoyed that you put on the back burner. So find out what that is, and get back to it!

Whether or not you jump back into the dating pool is dependent on a few factors. There’s the famous saying by the infamous Mae West, “the easiest way to get over one man is to get under another”, and while I appreciate that sentiment, it doesn’t always work out to our benefit.
You seem like a person who gives their all to whatever they do, and so I would hate to see you get involved with another man-child who would suck the vibrancy out of you. So before you get back out there, I’d want you to really take a deep look at who you’re attracted to and why, and make sure that you don’t ever just fall into something, but are always making a conscious choice based on shared goals and lifestyle choices.

I used to do a course called Break Up Bootcamp. It was a sister course to my Love Cleansing Bootcamp. In both of these courses we really looked deeply at what we are attracted to, and what we were actually looking for or wanting. Sometimes the two are very different. But we allow ourselves to “fall in love” based on emotions, and not on rational thought. So that’s what I’d recommend. Do a deep dive on all of those concepts, and report back!

How does that sound?

Rooting for you!
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Catherine,

I hope that you had a nice weekend! Yes, you are very perceptive, have you been told that before? I just want to let you know that you are not average in that area, so if no one ever told you that, now you know!

Thank you for sharing all of that about your previous relationship. I am so so sorry to hear that you and your sons went through all of that, and I am now even more impressed by your calm and rational behaviour given such an intense and toxic past situation. I also want you to know that I would never think “why didn’t she realize it?” or blame you in any way. You are the victim here of two very depraved people. There’s no way that anyone could expect that you would know, or even suspect. Why would you think that someone who claims to love you, the father of your children, along with a long term friend, would join forces to betray you so viciously? Only psychotic people think that way.

I am so glad that you have gotten out of that and are regaining your life back. You have obviously worked very hard to move forward while caring for your children, and I really commend you for that. You are a very strong person, and you deserve to be rewarded for everything that you’ve done. Of course personal development is a lifelong process that we all are constantly striving with (at least hopefully most of us are) but it sounds like you’ve come really far in the past three years especially.

But I can understand being nervous about meeting up with someone new who you had put so much time already into getting to know. However, I just don’t want you beating yourself up over it! Yes, be inspired to make positive changes for you, but don’t make yourself feel too bad, or that your success in life hinges on this potential relationship with Sean. Because in reality, he may not be the one. And if he’s not, it’s because there’s someone else out there who is better suited for you.

Certainly the fear is there for him because of his past, that makes total sense. He wants to know that whoever he is with is really the person he wants to be with in the long haul. I’m sure it also doesn’t help that you are the first person to connect with since his separation/divorce, so he may feel like he hasn’t had time to “play the field” and he’s just going with the first thing that dropped in his lap, which seems a bit similar to what he’s done.
Him going on about the incompatibilities of senses of humor is rather ridiculous, but you know that it’s just his fear talking, and him looking for a reason to mess things up. But all you can do right now is what you are doing. Being patient, being kind as you’ve been, being communicative and open about your feelings, and waiting to see what happens.

BUT, don’t wait too long! And don’t put anything in your life on hold while you do. There’s no reason to put all of your eggs into his basket, although it seems like he might be pretty upset if you took any eggs out! So if he does express that, you will then have to have the heart to heart as you do not deserve to be in limbo while he figures out what he wants, or gets over his fear, or deals with whatever is getting in the way of him wanting to keep this to a platonic level. If what you’re truly looking for is a relationship, then at a certain point you will want to cut your losses and move on if he’s not giving you that. However, if what you’re really wanting right now is a relationship with him, you will want to really go deeper with him on what’s going on, and see what’s feasible.

Make sense?

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Anna,

I’m sorry that you feel judged. That is never our intention. Heidi and I are only here to help you get what you want in a way that’s going to be fulfilling and satisfying, with the least heartbreak possible.

Sexual exploration is fun, and has the ability to be all of the things that you described. It can make you feel powerful, sexy, special, cared for, free, beautiful, in control, out of control, connected and alive. AND, it can also make you feel all of the opposite, and even be dangerous. So HOW you explore is really important.

Believe me, I totally relate. As mentioned, not only was I specifically a sex coach working in the field of kink and alternative relationships, I have had many of my own personal experiences before, during, and after that time. I have experienced the healing properties of sex, as well as the harmful. To be honest, I love what you’re doing on many levels. We just want to help you hone in on what you want so that way you can get it, in a healthy and fulfilling way.

One of my mentors is Annie Sprinkle. She was a porn star in the 70’s and then she became a feminist porn producer and director. She coined the term “Metamorphasexual” and I’ve always related to that. Basically she’s saying that as we sexually explore, we sexually evolve as well. Sometimes you don’t know that you want something until get it, or until you don’t get it, and that’s ok. Trying new things is great, and enlightening. We all have bodies and the ability to experience immense sexual pleasure. Delving deep into that is not an issue. But it can become an issue and an addiction if we are constantly seeking the next thrill and never getting satisfied.

I’m glad that you’ve found a willing partner who wants to go on this journey with you, and I’m sure that you will find others. Be safe, and be good to yourself. Think deeply, but don’t think yourself into a corner. Focus less on who this person is to you and more on the experience as it sounds like that’s more vibrant to you right now.

We are here. Never to judge, but to help guide you through the process so you can have all the hot sex you want, without the pitfalls!

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Catherine,

Well I do want to let you know that I think that you sound very healthy and well put together about it all. It’s nice that you’re steering the ship so to speak a bit more than women are taught to, and then some women do, as I think that always makes for a better outcome.
And it sounds like if you left it up to him, the ship might never even leave the dock!

Now that you’re telling me more about experience with his past relationships, and/or lack of it, much of what we have been thinking makes sense. I do think that he might be afraid of rejection, and felt like better to just not go there with you than to risk being rejected. He probably felt rejected on the date because you were not your usual self, and he may have felt like it was due to him. That you weren’t attracted to him and so better for him to say it before you did.

Whatever the specifics, I definitely feel like it’s fear that’s stopping him and not an attraction level. A man doesn’t act like he does with you without wanting to be involved with you. If he was really gone for good, he wouldn’t be making all the effort he is.

But I agree. Let the dust settle a little. Let yourselves get back into your normal rhythms of connection, and wait until things are running smoothly again to have deeper discussions about it. And in the meantime, focus on your own inner work.

So speaking of, let’s talk a bit about you.

Maybe I’m reading you wrong but you sound like a relatively confident person, so I’m wondering what made you so nervous before the date with him? And what do you think you were lacking in confidence specifically in that situation?
I know quite a bit about him, but what have your previous relationships been like?
I know you’ve been divorced “a long time” but what has your life been like in that regard? what was your marriage like?

I’d love to learn more about you so I can really be helpful in navigating through this situation.

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Catherine,

Yes it does seem like there are some subtle differences and I wonder how he might react if he felt you pulling away?
I also am one who is all bout speaking their mind and putting it all out there, and especially in a case like this, what do you have to lose? And you’ve had such great communication with him for the past 3 years, so maybe just put it all out there?

How would you feel about talking with him in a very open manner in how you’ve been talking to me?

Reminding him of how he’s said that he’s the kind of person who wants someone who he can grow old with, and how the mental connection like you have together is the most important one. Mention about how often the relationships where there’s an immediate physical attraction are the ones that are the most toxic, and rarely last, like the relationship he was already in.
Point out to him that as much as you value him as a friend and a companion, you can feel him pulling away, and that you think it’s a damn shame to give up something with real value that you’ve been building for the last three years.

Be clear with him that you think the “lack of attraction” is an excuse. Ask him to explain to you in depth what the issue really is. As you said, you’re not a hag, you’re better looking than he is! What is actually stopping him from letting himself go to a deeper place with you? What is the real fear that’s holding him back?

Let me know if you’re willing to have a discussion like this with him. I do think that it could be meaningful and reveal some answers. Most men have never had a woman that they are intimately involved with (and you are intimately involved, even if it’s not “romantic” at this point) really ask them these deep kinds of questions because the women are afraid of scaring off the men, but I think when women do, the men (if they are worth their weight in salt) appreciate the confidence that it takes for a woman to do that, and it actually can bring you closer.

How does that sound to you?
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

That is all spot on! I think the real question is this tho…how are things different now that you’re “just friends”? You’ve basically been in this same pattern for the last few years of being close, talking daily, etc, etc.

So how is anything actually different since the in person date?

[Coach Spyce]

Wow, CONGRATS!!! I know that it’s hard, and I know that you feel sad and I’m sure in a state of shock, but GOOD FOR YOU for asking for what you need, in a clear and healthy way.
It sounds like that has NOT been the dynamic between the two of you at all, and this is a really great step in your own personal development.

You are right, he’s not a mature person, and he’s been blaming his lack of whatever on you. Trying to break you down because he feels bad about himself and where he’s at in life. You were a great partner, a wonderful friend, and his biggest fan, and he’s too insecure to realize all that you did for the relationship. His loss, his loss!

It definitely sounds like he’s a poor communicator because even in what you were just telling me, I had to go back to the conversation to the park to see what all he had said. And still I was like, wait! What exactly did he say? There was never actually any real reasons given other than to say that it was the “Caroline show”. Sorry if that show is more exciting to people, buddy! You can’t help it if you’re just that much cooler than him…
he never took responsibility for anything, but it was apparent that you were “too much” for him. Whenever I hear someone say that I, or another fabulous woman is too much, what I hear is: I am not enough.
And that’s the crux of it. He is not enough. He is not mature enough, man enough, dynamic enough, communicative enough, strong enough, etc to be with someone as high quality as you.

I know that it still hurts and I want to address your last sentence: I just can’t believe the person I thought I loved would do this to me.

It’s not about you. It’s about him. You did nothing wrong. He doesn’t know how to love, but that’s not on you. That’s no indication of your loveableness/loveability (I know neither of those are a word!). It’s purely about that he is not secure enough in himself to be able to truly give over to loving you the way that you could him. I’m sorry that you feel shattered. But I hope that you will soon come to feel much lighter without this weight of him around your neck. Honestly he sounds exhausting. I don’t know how you did it for all that time…

You will heal and you will move on. You will find someone better and more up to your speed and you will pity this man. You will definitely be the one that got away, but cest la vie.

Life will be good to you, I can feel it! Please let me know how I can help in the meantime. Anything for another awesome New York chica!

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Anna,

Well that happened quickly! That’s the thing…men are like buses. If you miss one, there’s another one coming in 10 minutes!

The video that you’re referring to…you sent to the 24 year old? I don’t necessarily think that there’s anything wrong with that, but you have to know your audience. Honestly he’s probably intimidated. There are not many women like you who are going to meet someone and let them know immediately that they are DTF within the first meeting or two.

There is nothing wrong with what you’re doing, but you have to be clear about what outcomes you’re looking for. The 24 year old is very likely not going to give you the mind-blowing sex that you want. Paul the potential FWB doesn’t sound like he will either. Ricky is definitely not going to, at least not any time soon. The reason why is because the kind of sex that you’re looking for is something that takes a deep connection and lots of trust to develop. It’s extremely rare to meet someone and have amazing sex right off the bat, unless that person is a sexual master themselves. If you’re looking for that, you might actually need to pay for a professional.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had oodles of incredible sex with men I met in the most innocuous of spaces, but often part of the excitement was based on the facts that they were in the moment kind of experiences. Whether or not they happened again was not guaranteed, and I also experienced a lot of things that were less than stellar.

In terms of power dynamics, that also really requires doing some very deep introspection and being with someone who you can trust implicitly. You don’t want to give yourself over sexually to just anyone, as you can put yourself in danger very easily. You have to find someone tried and true and develop something with them over time in order to have something that’s going to work and be nourishing and not damaging.

So my advice to you is to slow down. I understand the desire to just get railed, believe me, I probably do more than most. And while I want that for you, I also want to make sure that you’re safe, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

What do you think could be a good step forward in this direction without getting yourself in too deep?

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Catherine,

Thanks so much for sharing all of that! Must feel good to put it all out on paper in some sense, right?

So basically what that means is that you are the first person that he connected with after his messy divorce, or practically during! And of course in three years you’ve gotten to know each other very well. You saw the best of each other and the worst, and there was obviously a lot of time and attention that went into the relationship.
You became each other’s best friend, confidante, and person to lean on through all of the bad times, and there certainly have been rough times for all of us these last few years! So it’s no wonder that the two of you bonded, and bonded deeply.

While I can understand how sometimes you meet someone in person and the chemistry doesn’t feel like you think it would, or as you’ve built it up to be. There’s a lot of pressure on a meeting after 3 years of connection, and it’s no wonder that you were nervous. That’s certainly a LOT! Of course you were nervous about how you looked, and not being in the shape that you’d want to be, and not being able to keep up with him physically. It’s ok that you were nervous and that you ran off, but maybe that made him feel insecure? It’s hard to say for sure. I don’t think that you should beat yourself up too much about that part of it.

It still seems to me like the lack of attraction is a lame excuse though, and my money is still on something deeper than that. Yes perhaps on the surface he didn’t feel an immediate punch to the gut, but in reality, that kind of instant chemistry is usually indicative more of a toxic relationship that will end in heartache than a comfortable and healthy relationship with someone that you can grow old with. None of us are young anymore, and even in the best situations, the physical dynamic fades with time and age. It’s rare that a man at 65 is going to care about how much sex he’s having if he’s with someone that he feels loved by and connected to. It’s very shortsighted of anyone to make decisions based on physical attraction alone, but as a society, we are told that that’s what’s the most important, when in reality it’s just not.

But I’m still thinking that it’s more about the fact that he is not really ready to be in a committed relationship with anyone, and if he were to go there with you, it could very well change the wonderful dynamic that you’ve already set up. The one where you basically ARE in a deep and committed relationship, without the confusing aspects of sex thrown into the mix to mess everything up. I have a hunch that’s where his head is at, even if he’s just simplifying it with a lack of attraction.

As to whether or not you should still keep on connecting with him, that’s up to you. But I’d say if he’s your best friend and you really love your connection with him, why stop it now? If he does start dating seriously, that could be a time to re-examine. But for now, it’s all just words, and not very convincing words at that. But really it’s up to you to decide what’s going to work for you.

How are you feeling about this new turn of events, and how is it impacting you in your daily life?

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Thank you Laurie! I’m so glad to know that my messages are helping you, and I appreciate your kind words!

It’s not surprising that he’s contacting you, but I also think that it’s important that you give him a final kick to the curb. While I know that you don’t want to have conflict with anyone and you feel ashamed, I would encourage you to nip this man’s contact with you in the bud. First off, you have nothing to be ashamed of, let’s get that clear. But secondly, he doesn’t deserve any of your attention nor to think that everything is ok and that he has the right to contact you casually.

If I were you, I would send him a message with something along these lines:
What you did to me and are doing to all these other women is despicable and sick. I do not want to have anything to do with you. Do not contact me ever again. You are not worth to even be on the same planet as me!

Ok, maybe that last line is a little much but you know what I mean! I want to see you standing up for yourself here and not just letting him think that everything is ok, and that you are a doormat, or ok with how things went down. Say something and then block him.

As mentioned, I think it’s just the way it works that certain kinds of men seem very alluring to strong women. For many years I was fixated on the “Alpha” man. I wanted someone who would walk into a room and take over the space. Someone who was outgoing, assertive, confident, and secure. However, I learned that A doesn’t always mean B and C follow, and that typically the most assertive men of all are the ones who are the least confident and secure. So the men I’ve really had the best relationships with have been the ones who are willing to support me in reaching my highest heights, and maybe they need some support of their own. Men who are vulnerable enough to admit their weaknesses, and strong enough to do something about their insecurities. There were men that I rejected and thought of as weak, that I later came back to and have been the best partners of all.

So when I talk about how you get into a relationship, and how you remain open and receptive to love, it’s really about learning how to read people. Learning how to spot the red flags in others, and recognize in yourself what causes you to react in an unhealthy way. Sometimes there are men that you just have this visceral reaction to. We are taught to think that it’s chemistry and a good thing, but typically we are reacting to trauma that we’ve experienced, or a feeling that we think comes along with that person that we may have wanted but never had. Like passion, security, nurturing, etc. But often times we just think that based on a physiological response, and we jump in before taking a good hard look at who the person actually is, and what are all of their relationships like.

For example, any man who is telling you to lie about your relationship with him, is absolutely lying to you as well. He is a liar. I don’t say this to you to make you feel bad, just to point out how there are so many red flags and once you learn how to pick them out, they will become easier to spot.

And after that, then it’s just the simple part of trusting in yourself as an amazing catch and lovely woman! But I really do think that learning to trust your gut and see the red flags early on is going to help immensely with that.

Do you have any thoughts about that?

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Anna,

So here’s the thing: You can be a strong, assertive, independent and powerful woman in your everyday life. And despite that, and likely even because of that, you may want a man to overtake you. You may want a man to throw you down, bend you to his will, and make you into his plaything in the bedroom. To have a man claim you is like being chosen. You can want than in the bedroom, but not necessarily want that in the rest of your relationship with him.

In reality, it’s very common for high achieving women to want men to control us like that sexually because it’s a way for us to have a release from the stresses of our daily lives where we have to be in control and responsible for everything. It can feel so relaxing and nurturing when we get to lie back, and trust a sexy man to take over and make all of our decisions, just for a certain amount of time in a safe environment where there rules have been agreed upon.

If those concepts interest you, I can certainly tell you more as I used to specialize in how to play with power dynamics in a safe and nurturing way, and I’m happy to share.

In terms of what you’re doing with Paul, yes have the conversations and show him how he can please you. Tantra is a lot about being in the energy flow anyway, so maybe teach him how to give you a tantric massage. And if you want sex, then ask for it! There are no rules when you are two consenting adults who are doing this out of your own free will and there’s no money being exchanged!

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Misty,

which link are you referring to? The one above seems to be working…

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Catherine,

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us here on the forum! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re in this limbo and confusing situation with this man that you’ve been connecting with. Online dating can be so tough!

Let me ask you a question…before the date, did you exchange many pictures? Did you ever video chat? Did you talk about things in a romantic way and express romantic interest in each other? What did you know about his situation, in terms of his ability to date and be in a relationship?

I ask because sometimes people are on dating sites and while they are happy to talk with someone, they are still not really ready to be in a relationship. But they are lonely or stressed and it feels nice to have someone to connect with at the end of the day, and someone to share their hopes and dreams with. But then once the reality of a relationship is there, they get scared and run away. They make excuses as to why, and “I’m not attracted to you” is a painful, yet common one. I think men use it a lot because they feel like the woman can’t argue with that. It’s also easier than looking deep into their own psyche and being really honest with themselves about who and where they are in life.

Obviously he’s attracted to you in some sense, or he wouldn’t want to keep you in his life at all, but his heart not being in it for dating anymore is also a sign. Either a sign of that he’s just not ready for romance at all, or that he’s hiding his true feelings for you because of fear.

Does this make sense to you?
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Caroline,

I feel you on this and I so get where you are coming from! I too am a straight shooter, and have had people think I’m being “mean” when I think I’m being funny, or I’m just telling it like it is. I don’t know if you are a native NYer like me, but if so, it kinda just comes with the territory, dontcha think?

I’ve learned over the years that I have to find my people. Because trying to connect with people who are going to be offended by me constantly or think I’m an awful person is not only annoying, it feels pretty sucky as well, and makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you just for being who you are, when that’s not the case at all.

To be honest, your boyfriend sounds like one of those overly sensitive types. Performers, comics, etc…I know them well! It sounds like you might be the kind of person who is naturally in the spotlight because you’re vivacious and interesting, and your confidence draws people to you. There’s probably a level of jealousy there that he hasn’t expressed. The pride thing you mentioned is a huge sign of deep insecurity, which is blasting me in the face when you talk about this guy.

It’s all coming out more now because he is facing things in his own life and he doesn’t like what he sees. It’s definitely a difficult time right now to be trying to make it as a performer of any kind, and the two weeks of quarantine that we all thought was happening is turning into two years and counting. It’s difficult. I agree with Heidi that there is definitely something more going on here for him to hysterically cry for hours like that. Obviously there is more going on in his life that he just isn’t being open about.

I just ultimately wonder if he will ever really be up to your speed, or if you will spend your life trying to make a man-child into a man who has the strength to stand beside you as a true partner…

Side note: If he was paying for an apartment during that whole time, why didn’t he occasionally go stay there and give you space? Or maybe more importantly, why didn’t you ever ask him to?

It sounds like even though you could talk for days on end, there was always a lot that wasn’t being said, and therein lies the crux of the issue. Maybe you were both vaguely lying, pretending to be someway that you’re actually really not in order to be what the other person wants. If you weren’t actually talking about the things that bothered you and only chatting and laughing about the things that you do connect on, that’s not really what we call good communication…Do you think there was any of that going on?

I do understand that you want to reconnect with him. 3.5 years is a good long while to be with someone, and you don’t want to just have that relationship end so abruptly, with no closure.

My approach is always to be open and transparent, and to say the things that everything is thinking and that they don’t say because of fear. I understand that you’re afraid of scaring him off, but from what I can tell, you’re a strong and powerful woman, and you need to be with someone who can not only handle that, but who can delight and relish in it. If he thinks that you’re “mean” for speaking your mind, then he’s not the one for you for the long term. If he’s going to get skittish and run away if you approach him with truth and transparency, then maybe he’s not mature enough to have the kind of healthy and sustainable relationship that it sounds like you want, and could likely have.

But I do appreciate you wanting to at least find out what’s happening, and be able to say to him all the things that need to be said. My opinion is that sooner is better than later because how long do you want to be in limbo. It seems like you know that he has already made up his mind in some sense, so why give him more “time to think”?

Be pushy, it’s actually called being a clear communicator. Tell him that you’d like to meet and discuss your future. That you’re not willing to be in limbo anymore. Let him know that his actions are immature, and that if he wants to keep you even as a friend, he needs to be a man and have a real conversation with you. Tell him how you feel. You’ve been tiptoeing around him long enough. It’s time to grab him by the balls and remind him that he’s got a pair.

xoxo
Spyce

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