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Eharmony. They screen better than other sites and match similar interests etc. we’re getting to know each other more and more and are well suited for each other. I think we’re going to have a wonderful time together!
It continues to be good! We’re really getting into knowing our likes and dislikes and had awesome chemistry when we met. Now to enjoy and see where it goes.
Kanya,
It’s paying off finally! And thank you for your being proud of me. That means a lot!!! I’ve met a guy who so far meets all my criteria. Remember I said I wanted someone similar to my son? Well, this guy, JJ, is more than I ever dreamed of and we’ve covered ground in a short time. He wanted to lay all our cards on the table to see if we stand a chance. He’s as cautious as I am about starting a solid relationship. We’re both musicians. I write lyrics but have trouble with the music end, and he’s just the opposite. So we talked about joining forces and doing music together. We both ride Harleys, so that’s a plus. He thinks my bike with the add on trike wheel kit is cool and not an embarrassment lol. He’s from my last hometown and neither of us mind the drive.
But more important than those things, which are important too, we’ve connected on a deeper level of spirituality, lifestyle, wants and desires, family values and a myriad of other things. He’s super laid back, respectful, ornery, fun and serious all ties together. So far no red flags and we’ve covered anything we can think of. I know it’s early, but I see a lot of hope in this one. Plays in a band (cousins with Axel Rose from Guns and Roses lol), and appears to be very solid in his life. We’ve talked and texted for hours and hours getting acquainted. We both have a bit of a wild side in the same ways. But we both have a serious side that seems to click. I’ve never been involved with anyone, ex husband included, that I’ve clicked with like JJ.
So we’re going to start with a growing friendship, share music and art together (he’s an amazing artist!), and see where we go. Slow and easy at first to make sure we’re compatible. There’s definitely a strong chemistry going on. I’ve grown so much up to this point that I feel secure in my decisions and can’t wait to see how this develops. I’ll keep you posted. He’s coming down in a couple days and we’ll meet face to face. Neither of us can wait lol. I’m confident we’ll make good choices as we proceed.I ended it. Told him he was too clingy and didn’t give me space when I asked for it. He said he didn’t understand. Ugh! Wanted to stay friends and I said it just wouldn’t work. I really don’t think he gets it but he’s going to have to figure it out on his own. Oh well
I had a talk with J and asked him to slow down. He’s very needy and head over heels for me. I enjoyed his company but he was too in love too fast. Great guy but it was too much. He didn’t take it well and slipped out in the night leaving me a message. I feel bad that he hurts but I had to be honest with him. Even when I told him I needed time and space he kept trying to convince me he was in love and needed me. Ugh! He kept kissing on me and couldn’t understand where I was coming from. He tried to understand but so wanted me to return the love. I’ll figure out what to say to him but it got a little creepy and weird. I hope he finds the woman he’s looking for who will unconditionally love him and not take advantage of him like others have.
Oh yes. I’m making him slow down. Just saying he’s not afraid or against commitment lol. We’re enjoying each other’s company and just having fun getting to know each other. I’m not in whole hog yet. My friends like him so far, as do I, but it’s a long road ahead and see where we go.
J is winning my heart lol. He has slowed down at my request, he’s real in his heart, sweet, kind and persistent, in the right way. He’s simply opened his heart to me and waiting for me to soften. I really like him. Interesting that he’s not a macho guy, just a nice person who wants to be with me. My family is encouraging me to open up to him and give him a good chance. That’s a first!
On my own I’m opening up and realizing that he may be someone I want to be with long term though we’re going slow. He’s made 3 trips to take me out, goes shopping with me, which is amazing. What guy is willing to do that?! USAF retiree and gentle as a dove. He brings tears to my eyes with his beautiful nature. And reminds me of my dad in all the good ways. That’s a huge compliment from me. He’s coming again today and I’m looking forward to spending the day with him.
He’s not afraid of commitment and wants a life partner.Here’s a new twist. I met J and he’s really sweet but after a week is head over heels, telling me he loves me etc. Can’t stand to be away from me. Guess I went from one extreme to the other LOL. I’m interested but not head over heels so I’m backing him off. Wish it was more somewhere in the middle.
Kanya,
THANK YOU! I know I’m good enough for the world and universe and that’s all that matters! I have many many wonderful qualities and will make my list of my wonderful qualities! Yes, I questioned myself, but in a good way. I did nothing wrong. I was just myself. What I realized is that I can overcome my own baggage, though it will always be part of my history and when I communicate I need to watch my own triggers. I also realized that I want someone who will accept me for who I am, a beautiful woman with many wonderful qualities and I cherish that I’m a work in progress. There’s always room for growth until the day I die. I never want to grow stagnant or stuck in my ways. I’ve worked too hard on my own growth, weeding out what I want and need to change in myself and doing it, which I am, to let anyone tear me down or break me up.
Yes, it’s hard to hear it from anyone, especially someone I want to be in relationship with, but I’m strong and willing to learn and grow. It’s too bad D wasn’t willing to see and accept me for me, but life goes on and I’ve grown within myself for it. I’m not beating myself up for anything!!
I’m taking a little break in my search and enjoying my friends and family for the holidays. I feel 10 pounds lighter for having dealt with this in a healthy manner. I just had to regroup. I have wonderful, supportive friends who love me for who I am, as I do them. My circle of friends is delightful and we love to grow together toward the better good within ourselves.
I’m reading the Dhammapada for spiritual grounding and it’s wonderful. Buddha had so much insight in finding the true self. I love the process of digging into my heart and finding deeper meanings for not only my heart but also for my soul.
One day I will meet my soul mate with whom I can truly be myself and he will love me for me!
My best friend and cousin put it this way: we try on different men to find the right fit. I’ve been trying on different men and coming to realize what I want and don’t want in an “outfit “.
I am fun, caring, compassionate and loving. Just a few of my wonderful traits, which defines me in a few simple words. I’m looking for someone who will cherish, not challenge, these traits. I want a man who’s not controlling or full of anger and darkness. No more “projects “ or trying to fix or heal him!!
My gift of healing is truly a gift, and once I meet a good man who’s not in desperate need of healing, it will be truly appreciated in the right way. Who wouldn’t love to be in the company of a woman who exudes love and healing and joy in her heart?
I’m breathing easy now and relaxing into life! I needed the kick in the pants that D gave me to move forward in a healthy way.
I love life and it’s too short to dwell on someone else’s sh*t! I’m excited about my new insights into myself and where they can take me.
As for future dating? I don’t want this to sound weird, but I want someone similar to my youngest son. He’s not only adorable (how could he not be?), but relaxed, laid back, easy to communicate with, willing to grow, fun to be with, non-judgmental, supportive, loving and getting his own sh*t together. We share many wonderful qualities. After all, I raised him to be the kind of man any woman would want! I know there’s at least one man out there who will fit the qualities I desire and deserve.
Eventually I’ll be ready for shopping again and know I’ll find the one who fits me best! Until then, I have much to do to keep me busy and am going to enjoy my life!Well, I’ve been giving it lots of thought and I can’t live with someone who is black and white in everything. There are so many gray areas in life. D was supposed to call me with his “verdict “, and I use that word on purpose. 9:15 last night, when he was supposed to call me, came and went with no communication. I texted him this morning at 7 and still no response. Finally at 9:30 he called and no immediate apology till I asked him what happened. He’d fallen asleep till 7 this morning. I said I understood that but what about the last couple hours? He gave me the same response. “I fell asleep. “ So I reiterated that good communication failed.
He said he just wants to be friends because I’m not a good communicator and that’s what he wants in a romantic relationship. I told him if I wasn’t good enough in his eyes to be in a romantic relationship then I wouldn’t be a 2nd class citizen and just be friends and that it just didn’t feel good to be relegated to that status. I wished him well in finding his perfect woman and he said thank you, lol. It wasn’t a compliment from my end. So I will continue my journey and grow and enjoy life!I had a feeling you would ask just that! I’m processing what I want and what I see in him. I’m sure some of it is that I don’t want the rejection. Some is in thinking through what I want and he has a lot of the qualities I’m looking for. I go back and forth while I’m trying to sort it out, which isn’t all bad. Still sorting out my own feelings.
Another saga. I invited D down to my house and he said his schedule didn’t allow time till after New Years. So I offered to go to him one more time and then it would be his turn to drive. He answered with “If I can’t make it down there I can’t make it period. It’s not a matter of a drive. It a matter of just a lot of activities daily“
It struck me wrong so I chewed on it for a couple hours and decided I needed to address my feelings about what I perceived as curtness. I admit what I said wasn’t the best, but I said “You don’t have to get testy with me, I just didn’t understand.”
He said he’s got issues, not so much with what I said, but that it took me 3 hours to say something. And it took off from there. If I can’t communicate well with him then he doesn’t know if he can be romantically involved with me. He could still be my friend, has lots of friends who aren’t great communicators, but won’t put up with it in a romantic relationship. Through the course of our conversation he sees a bunch of red flags and will need to process if he thinks we can proceed with a romantic relationship. The more I tried to explain myself, the more he was concerned. I’m not saying I said and did everything perfectly even in my book, but I was being open and honest with him. He said it reminded him of his ex-wife and he wasn’t going that route again.
I’m feeling like no matter what I say, I’ll be walking on eggshells. Not going there again if that’s how it evolves!!
I really feel like he over reacted and talked down to me about my communication skills or lack thereof. I asked if he would give me a second chance because I slipped into some old habits and he said he’d have to think about it. And that he wouldn’t have time to really delve into it till the weekend. I gave him the time and said I also had some thinking to do myself.
He teaches communication skills and is good at it, does communicate very straight forward but I still felt like he overreacted and am concerned about his need for near perfect communication in his mind. It’s not good enough that I’m growing and working on my new skills. He wants them in place.I have concerns over all this to say the least but am waiting it out to see what he comes up with. Part of me is just curious as to what he’ll say. I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship romantic or otherwise if I trigger him like that. I’m staying grounded for sure and doing what is best for me. I just want to see if there’s any room for compromise and further discussion. It’s a learning experience for me!
I am curious as to what you all think about his reaction. And the other things he said.
I’ve realized I don’t really want a relationship with anyone right now, and if D is willing to just be friends, we can go from there. Just not into it now and need some space of my own. Enjoying work time, home time, time with my pets and family, piano playing, and whatever else I want or need to do to regroup permanently (or as permanent as anything is). Feeling good about my decision.
Crying crying and more crying. I’m finally letting myself get down and dirty with my grief. Am dealing, again, with my marriage breakup and the pain and deception I discovered long term, also dealing with relationship pain from before that, how I handled my life from the divorce time, even my suicide attempt, to now, with special attention to relationships, and what I want for my future. It’s quite the cleansing process. Closed my shop for a mental health day and am going to a sisterhood meeting tonight. All to say, I’m actively working on it!!
As for my future? I’m loving myself and building myself up! I don’t need a relationship, but want one. D is willing to go slow and take it a day at a time which is what I need right now. I’m very interested in pursuing this with him, specifically, because from what I can see, he’s the kind of man I’m looking for. I’ve updated my list of what I’m looking for in a relationship and man. What I really want is a healthy, solid relationship free from ugly drama, where we can talk and share and get to know each other for the next couple of years and hopefully continue from there. We’ll have so much to tell each other and I’m excited for that!!! I want to connect on every deep level we can, spiritual, emotional and physical. I’ll create conversation around each of these things so we can figure out if we’re on similar pages and can live with where we are. D’s interested in the same so I expect it’ll be a more than interesting time of courtship. And if it doesn’t pan out with us, I’ll get through that, too!
I see my life as a journey with a huge learning curve, and as long as I hang on tight for the ride, stay grounded and don’t veer from my chosen ideals I’ll be fine!My two ultimate goals are to stay grounded in myself and have a healthy long term relationship that hopefully will lead to marriage and a lifetime of growth, both in me and in us.
Does that answer your question? Thoughts?
So I asked my guy, D, to give me a call when he got off work, nothing bad, I just needed to share some things about my life. He called and I told him I’m still healing from my divorce (2 years ago), and other relationships, and need time and am actively working on it. That I need to take us slow and easy.
His response? That he already knew that and that I was still trying to figure out who I am and what I want for my life. I’m in the last quadrant of my life and with all the changes I’ve recently had, I’m now sorting out where I’m going. That I’m struggling with an oxymoron in my faith and current life choices (I’m a retired pastor by trade), and I waffle between “this feels good” and “OMG, what am I doing?” I laughed and said EXACTLY! Damn, he’s perceptive! We talked a little more and then I asked him if we were still on for Tuesday. He said absolutely!
He referred to us as a relationship (now that’s a change LOL) and said it takes 18-24 months to get to know each other and all their nitty gritty. He also said he’s not in the business of psych fixing of his lady. He does that at work but then he takes that hat off when he walks out the door. I’ll be sure to reiterate I’M doing the work myself and have no such expectations. I did tell him I was just informing him so we knew how to proceed. Later I sent him a special picture with “I can still send pictures, right?” “Yes always” came back immediately. I just chuckled. I wanted him to know that slowing down a bit didn’t change my desire for him. I think he got the message!
