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We were together before the cancer returned. Then it was basically over as I look back. As for not wanting to let me go? Maybe for the sex? What are your thoughts?
Heidi,
Thank you! I certainly won’t be talking to him again, lol! And yes, we’ll be taking it very slowly! We both agree on that one. A relationship takes time to build. But we plan on moving forward and seeing what happens.I just saw on Tinder that my former guy with cancer tried to match me. I deleted it! Guess he’ll have to catch on, lol! I won’t be looking at the site again and will ignore advances. He’ll figure it out.
New scoop. Online dating is not for the faint of heart, LOL! I found someone I’m very interested in pursuing who is pursuing me as well. I told the 2nd guy who wanted to meet me that I’d found someone and was starting a relationship with him. He called me a liar and a skank, told me he didn’t want me anyway because my pussy was out there for everyone. I told him I’d been honest with him, had told him he had competition up front, said he’d lost. He accused me of being a “ho” and sleeping with everyone out there. All I could do was burst out laughing. So I told him I wasn’t sleeping with anyone at this point and reminded him he lost. Really pissed him off! I told my new interest what happened and he said, “what an insecure guy. probably not scoring well online!” Wonder why?! LOL. I blocked him on my phone, reported him to Tinder, and found a message from him on my laptop (didn’t think about having to block him there, but have now), told him to quit messaging me or I’d turn him in for harassment. This is what he sent before I blocked him, “Dumb shit every time u send me something I will answer. U r a ho n a fraud u go away dumb ass.” What a d*ck. My thought is he’s not getting any, lol.
On a good note, I just started seeing a delightful, fun man who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. His goal is to please me and treat me like a queen. I hope it’s the start of a wonderful relationship. We both know time will tell and are looking forward to seeing what the future brings. He texts me, calls me, meets up with me and wants to be with me as much as we possibly can. I met him last night and loved who I met. Good values, loves his kids in a healthy way, not jealous and VERY easy on the eyes! He thinks I’m the sexiest woman on earth and tells me that every 5 minutes (maybe not that often, but he gets that we women love to hear it!). Here’s to potential love and lots of fun getting there!
Hilarious story: I told him when he kissed me for the first time, I’d make him tingle all over. He said, “You’re not gonna tase me, are you?” LMAO
Hi Kanya,
I ended things with him, telling him I know he needs to put his energy into staying alive. It was a hard decision and we’re still discussing it, but I said I, too, need peace of mind and peace of heart and am not getting it. I’m moving forward with my life now. I feel much more peace. He’s kind of scratching his head. After I thought about all the weirdness I told you with his daughters, and how he didn’t make time for me, and his new match profile, now times 2, I decided I needed more space than he did. I laid out what I needed and he agreed. I said we both had to want it and he agreed. Now I’ve heard no more so am thinking it’s definitely over. When I laughingly asked him about his second posted match profile and he said who cares, I realized I did, and if he doesn’t, he’s disrespecting me. And that he won’t tell his daughter to stop, I don’t need that in my life. So I’m scouting out my own match and tinder sites and have several, and I do mean several, chasing after and begging me to go out with them! Never had that before and I’m holding them at bay, enjoying every minute, LOL.Hi Kanya,
I appreciate your input. Yes, I took the gun very seriously. Grateful nothing happened! Also, it was an eye opener as to her trigger points. They’ve had a tough life as their neighbors, whom they knew and trusted, blew up their house and one of the neighbors is still on the run, threatening all survivors’ lives, hence the gun.You’re right on the priority issue. He’s trying to stay alive and anything that challenges him goes by the wayside. We started out just dating for fun and he fell hard for me. Made it quite clear that we were a long-term item. He used words like “forever,” “you’re Priority 1,” “wish I’d met you 30 years ago,” “I want you to be mine,” “I want it all,” etc. He was more smitten with me than I was with him, initially, LOL.
Then the cancer hit and he pushed me away, except with texting. Said he needed to do this alone, getting his affairs in order, treatments, etc. and wanted me to be support and just let him know I care. Then we could be together once he got things rolling. He likes to be in control, maybe a little too much for my tastes. I’m still processing all this.
As for his Match account, I just saw that it’s been online for 3 weeks, about the time he visited his daughters. He appeared not to know about it, had closed his other one out since we were together, as did I. No, he still has not closed it. Says he didn’t do it and doesn’t care that it’s there. I don’t know if he’s on it or not. He’s sick from his chemo and probably not looking, but who knows? As far as I know, he’s not lied to me, but I know people change under duress.
I’m not sure how I’d like to proceed. Part of me wants to try and work it out. Part of me is about done with the attitude crap. I know he’s dealing with a lot, but a little compassion and respect of my time would go a long way. It’s been several days since he’s contacted me, so I’m just waiting. Not sitting around waiting but keeping busy and getting my life together. Just waiting to see what his next move will be toward me. I have no clue. The rules have changed drastically, especially after our miscommunication last week. I still feel it was complete disrespect of me and my time. and we had a blow-out about his Match being reopened. We worked it out that same night, but I haven’t heard from him much since then.
My take is, I’ll give it a week, and if he chooses not to contact me (I’ve backed off drastically), then we’ll have to see if there’s anything there to rekindle. If every time I have an issue he blows up at me, I can do better than that. I’m prepared to end it if that’s what it takes to keep my sanity and respect. Been through that before and not willing to put up with much crap anymore. I understand there will always be some issues in relationships, but I’m determined to stay healthy in my life!!!
Interestingly enough, I have several guys wanting to date me. One I’ve known for years who tells me I’m a fantastic woman and beautiful. He dotes on me. Sadly, he lives 3 hours away, but we stay in contact. I haven’t crossed any lines with him and don’t know where it would go, but it’s nice to have someone in my corner for once,lol.
what I want out of a relationship is someone who wants to be with me long term, who isn’t threatened by me, or gets pissed off at me at every turn, telling me I’m being a controlling bitch, when in fact I’m just expressing my needs and wants. I have a right to that and expect it from any relationship I’m in, whether it’s friendship, dating, or more.
So that’s where I am with it all. I know it’s complicated, I know the cancer threw a real wrench into the relationship, but I still deserve to be treated well and with respect. Not sure I’m getting that now.
Peggy
Heidi,
BTW, I really believe his youngest daughter put him back on Match because she doesn’t like me. I went to his house unannounced one day to drop something off, didn’t tell him, but knew he wasn’t there, didn’t know she was there. I tried the door to drop off my gift for him and she met me there. I found out later she had his gun cocked and ready, thinking I was an intruder. It freaked him out more than it did me. I’m fairly fearless, not stupid, just fearless. There are some interesting family dynamics going on due to their former neighbors blowing up their entire neighborhood, their house included. WOW I stepped into a hornets nest with that one!Thank you, Heidi,
I appreciate your support and suggestions. Yes, it’s a HUGE jump from a somewhat normal relationship to cancer. I realized I had pushed too hard on some things. Now I’m just waiting for him to contact me. Actually, it’s very liberating not to be wondering when he’ll text me or call me or invite me up. I may even be busy when he suggests I visit. Or suggest he come my way due to my schedule, LOL. Now it’s kind of a game (not the relationship, how I handle him) and takes the pressure off for both of us. I assured him that he could live his life how he wants, as can I!! Maybe I’ll see him again. Who knows? It’s in his ballpark now. I do hope so.I’m also learning new music for performing the next few weeks, so I’ll certainly be busy between that, my house, my garden and my new outlook on life!
Hi Heidi,
He didn’t lie to me or cheat on me. Sorry if it sounded like that. He just didn’t follow through with plans we had made. I thought one thing and he thought another. He had invited me to stay Friday night, found out my flight was Thursday night, made his own plans to play poker with his buddies after his chemo treatment. I didn’t know he had shifted his plans based on my flight info. Total lack of communication more than lying. I didn’t understand what had happened and thought he was blowing me off and not following through with his invitation for the 2nd night. I hope that clarifies things on those fronts.as for his cancer, he has been given 6-24 months or longer if it goes into remission). He’s undergoing treatment and sometimes sick from that.
When I went to his house to discuss things and sort it out, instead of text which we usually do, he welcomed me, then I was careful to be a bit distant, expressed my feelings of confusion, sat there and he reached out to me.
Last night I simply texted him and said I was sitting on my porch listening to all the night sounds of the woods. Said I was imagining if he had his arms around me, how wonderful it would be. He said he would like that. I’m trying to entice him, not push him.
I hope this helps clarify things.
Peggy
Update: so we talked via text last night and he has similar issues to mine: years of marriage of our spouses trying to control us. I assured him I was not trying to control him, that I just have needs. He sent me his list of needs, “peace of mind, peace of heart, ice cream and a million dollars.” I simply said “ditto” and he replied with LOL. It took the edge off the conversation. I then told him I was almost to his house and what kind of ice cream did he want? I didn’t take him ice cream bc he didn’t tell me what kind, but the light was on when I arrived and he welcomed me in. We both agreed we were confused and just trying to hold our lives together. Touch was so much better than text!! Eye to eye was better, too. I hate just texting without phone conversation or face to face, which is even better. I kept it to just a couple of hours, excused myself since I had to get to work the next morning, kissed him goodbye and left to go home.
I also, before I went up to his house (an hour drive) found out he’d reopened his Match account with a new profile. When I asked him about it, he said he knew nothing about it. We think maybe his daughters reopened it on his behalf, which they did when it was originally set up. I’m not sure, though, because I looked at it again after I got home, and his “wants” in a woman matched me to a T. We had 14 match points which is highly unusual so I’m wondering if he did it on purpose and just didn’t want to tell me. No clue.
SOOOO….where do I go from here? As of now, I’m backing off a bit and waiting for him to contact me. I intend to be playful with him and enticing. Tired of talking about how he feels all the time. I think we need to add in other more interesting topics and I am working on my personal goals of music and art. also need to clean my house, lol. This is good time for me to do that while I’m home and on my own. But how would you suggest I proceed from here besides that stuff?
