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Kanya,
Thanks! That makes perfect sense. What suggestions do you have for not needing that attachment? I’m working on it and trying not to be needy. So far I’m doing pretty well with it, but could use some tips.My take is to stay as independent as I can within myself and yet enjoy our time together. What do you mean by a clear vision?
Heidi,
Here’s the best yet, as if it could get better. Last evening I was on my way home from our shop and I get this unexpected text, “I’m off work, wanna come over?” I was floored because it was weeknight, and generally those are off limits. So I beat feet to his house and we had a marvelous, fun time filled with talk and laughter. It just keeps getting better! The best was, I was just thinking how much I wanted to spend more time together, was on the brink of asking him about it, and voila he came through.His covers are a deep beautiful wine color, the headboard is made of pallets stained walnut, and the light glows from behind in a soft creamy white. VERY beautiful and just the right touch! When he first sent me pictures, I asked when I could see it in person, and he said, “Don’t get pushy.” So I licked my wounds and waited. We only see each other on the weekends (which drives me crazy, but with his construction work, he’s exhausted and so I try to be very understanding), so I knew I’d have to wait till this past weekend to actually see it and try it out. It’s stunning!
I went over Saturday night and we talked and got caught up on our lives and I watched him play his game on his phone. He was so excited to show me his new characters, etc. (Good thing I had 2 boys and know how important this little game thing is!) I put my phone away so my full attention was on him. I went out to smoke a cigarette and he cranked up his music with a song I wasn’t familiar with, but as I listened to the words, they said “I love you…” over and over. I walked to him, leaned over and gave him a kiss, and his eyes twinkled “yes” as he held my kiss and added a few, looking straight into my eyes smiling. WOWSERS! I had just been wondering how we were doing and I got my answer. I’m being as patient as I know how, which most days is VERY patient, other days, I’m thinking, “come on, let’s move this a little faster!” And then he throws a little zinger in there that knocks my socks off.
He speaks his soul through the music he plays, and all I can do is soak it up. All night he played music with love themes and just grinned at me as if to say, “Well?” I never know what little surprises he’s going to throw my way, but I always like them!
Then I saw on his phone something that said “Here without you wow” and I thought it was a text, but not to me. I should have known better, it was a song in his lineup and he played it for me. “I’m here without you, you’re only in my dreams.And I dream about you all the time….and tonight girl it’s only your and me.” Then I went to bed and waited, and waited, and waited and finally came back out. He grinned at me and said, “You wondering if this ol’ rat bastard is ever coming to bed?” Well, I was, but I just smiled and said, “Just thought I’d come back out and join you.” I had on a new exquisite nightie on and it did the trick! After we watched the building implosion on tv, lol, to which he said, “hurry up and explode, won’t you!” the lights went out and we had a magnificent time.
We chatted and laughed Sunday morning, and I had to take off to do a wedding for a friend of mine. (I’m a retired pastor, if I haven’t told you.) I can’t wait for next weekend! He’s so gentle yet has an ornery streak that keeps me guessing what’s next! I do wish we could see each other more often, but we both have a lot on our plates, and I’m thinking eventually we’ll be back to several times a week again. We did that, but he wasn’t getting his rest or his work around the house done, lol! Too many distractions, I understand, lolololol.
He likes that I have a life outside of him and vice versa. Someday we’ll swallow each other up, but I’m just taking it easy and waiting for his next surprise move.
AND HERE’S A SWEET TWIST:
My 40th class reunion is coming up in a couple weeks. I need someone to help set up my sound equipment and keyboard and invited him, knowing he hates going to those things, but wanted to give him first choice. He declined and I asked if he would mind if another (guy) friend of mine, who he knows, could go help me. He’s cool with it even though it’s for a whole weekend. My mom, the the other hand, kinda freaked out, but that’s another story altogether! We’re cool with each other and she’ll come around. (She asked where he would sleep and I had to explain that we were really just friends, and we could “bundle” in my bed if we had too! Or he could sleep on the couch which made perfect sense. Too funny!Now he’s rebuilt his bed with a backlit headboard. Can’t wait to see it in person. Very romantic looking.
Thank you Heidi!
After 25 years of marriage that died a slow painful death, I learned that settling just destroys your soul! I lost too many years in the process. NOT going there again!
BTW, I had a wonderful night at my guy’s last night. I flirted with him a little more and it was the most delicious, erotic night yet. 😈
We finally have connected in a deeper way. And yes, I took proper precautions for my hip 😂😇!
I thanked him this morning and told him he was spectacular last night! He thanked me and then glowed. So exciting for the first time in my life to have a fun, growing relationship without all the weirdness in my past. So fun to explore and tease and learn about each other. I learned a new rule last night as I moved in for a kiss: NEVER TAKE A CIGARETTE FROM A MAN’S MOUTH! But I still got the kiss!And yes, I value my folks opinion but I know a good thing when I see it and am confident in our relationship and where we’re going so I’m in charge of my life. I don’t remember my mom asking me what I thought of my step dad when she had him move in with her, LOL 😂! She’ll get used to him, I’m sure, and then we’ll be fine. He’s a very respectful man and will win her heart. I just think all the tatts threw her off a little. He’s absolutely wonderful. Treats me well and that’s what she wants for me. And if not, well, what can I say? Too bad for her?! I’ve run him through all my tests and my son likes him. That’s saying a lot! I keep asking myself, what did I do to deserve such a man in my life? The answer keeps coming back, you were just yourself! 🤗
Heidi,
Thanks so much for your support! My hip is healing quite nicely and I’m virtually without pain! We’re getting together tonight I think. Just waiting for him to get off work and text me. I’m so excited! The song isn’t quite ready to perform yet. We’re still working on the music. My friend has the perfect music for it! I can’t wait to share it with him. So I’m getting ready for a nice evening tonight!Heidi,
Thank you for your kind words. I’m just being myself. I appreciate when others understand my fears and frustrations so try to honor them in the same way. My folks were very reserved in their opinions. They’ve seen me get hurt too many times! I showed my mom a couple pictures of him and one shows him all puffed up with his tatts showing. Her comment was that he should get along with my nephew who has lots of tatts, lol. I’m not sure she quite knows what to think as he is just himself, no pretenses, fun, goofy guy! Covered in tatts and just himself. Which makes him so special to me. But he doesn’t fit the mold of traditional which I think bothered her. They were all respectful of each other though. The treat was for the 2 of us and on the sly. We smoked it in his car, lol. He highly complimented her cooking and all but made her blush! He can be quite the gentleman when he needs to be though he blows me a lot of sh*t, lol! So I’m not sure what they thought but am not concerned in the least. I know I’ve chosen the right man for me and that’s what matters.I’ve written a song for him and a musician friend is helping me put music to it Metallica style. It’s called “Voices.”
An enigma with a hurting heart
Afraid to give, but trying to part
With the history playing in his mind
Of long time pain so well defined.Darkened heart, hard as coal,
Now a start, a tender soul,
Opening up the darkened block,
Carefully peeling the petals back.Watching and waiting, patiently, so
Knowing the worth of his darkened soul.
Understanding how he got that way,
Seeing him wonder, she doesn’t betray.Darkened heart, hard as coal,
Now a start, a tender soul,
Opening up the darkened block,
Carefully peeling the petals back.Poking through the dark, black coals,
She sees a bud, the tip of the rose.
It shows it’s love in the rosy glow
Peeking from the blackened coal.Darkened heart, hard as coal,
Now a start, a tender soul,
Opening up the darkened block,
Carefully peeling the petals back.
(Copywriter 2018)Am hoping he’ll like it or it will touch his heart deep inside.
Heidi,
It just keeps getting better. I’m still moving around very nicely and my guy has stepped up his game and comfort level with me. I knew he was hesitant about my health and he doesn’t do hospitals. He’s been put back together too many times and lost many friends in accidents so I totally get it. He had to do caregiving to a roommate which he hated (but did) and has mentioned that to me several times. So I told him straight up I am an independent woman and don’t need him to take care of me, explained that I’m up and doing quite well, and I only want him to visit me. Man, was that the right thing to say! Three visits in 2 days over the weekend and he met my parents and was his usual friendly self, full of humor and talked to them like he’d known them forever! Even brought me a little treat! We are stronger for being straight up with each other!! I have no complaints whatsoever! And I don’t think he does either. We’re open and honest, no silly games, and going strong.Surgery’s over (Wednesday) and I came home yesterday (Thursday) full of energy and with minimal pain. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!
I’m walking with a walker, but don’t even need it all the time! WOWOWOW!!!That’s a first! I’ve always had tons of pain and immobility in the past. I don’t get it, but I’ll take it!
My guy was teasing me before surgery about coming over to help him mow his 1 1/2 acres on the riding mower Saturday. Not quite up for that, LOL, but I’m doing amazingly well! I was so dreading the immense pain, but I only have a twinge or 2 and that’s it. Am hoping it’ll stay this way!!! Instead of a huge dressing, I have a 14″ band aid and that’s it. How things have changed in just 3 years!
My guy has been very supportive and I’m sure he’ll come visit by the weekend. I’m hoping he’ll be able to come over Saturday night, have dinner with my folks, and enjoy their company. He’s not met my mom and stepdad yet! I’m excited for that!
I got a text this morning,”why did you call me at 1:30 this morning?” I told him it was a butt dial when I grabbed the phone as it fell off my bed :). It dialed when I grabbed it, lol! Imagine my surprise when I saw it was dialing his number at that hour! So he’s off to work and I’m up for a bit before I go lie down and prop up.
He barked at me a little when I invited him last night to join us. He’s exhausted after a full day of construction work (10 hours yesterday). I didn’t think much of it, he wasn’t too icky on the phone. So, sweet guy that he is, he immediately shot me a text apologizing! How did I find such a nice guy?? I have no doubt that we’ll get together either Friday or Saturday night!Maybe both! So I’m up and going and my mom and stepdad are still sound asleep. Go figure!
Heidi,
Yes we did make love and it was beautiful! Thanks for the info. I’ll pass it on to my dr. and hopefully I’ll be able to find and afford the treatment! Off to surgery this morning.I also did research and discovered that there nature of the soft tissue destruction is indeed permanent damage. It’s muscle, tendon, bone and nerve damage.I found an article explaining it and the research done on what I have. I don’t know why it doesn’t regenerate like not should with that kind of damage, but it is indeed permanent and, those of us who have to have the consequent revisions, will continue to have problems maintaining the revisions because of the damage. It’s in an article called “”Analysis: Follow-up for patients with metal-on-metal; hip replacements: are the new MHRA recommendations justified? (published 13 February, 2018) by Guiraj S Matharu, Hemant G. Pandt, and David W. Murray.
Happy reading if you decide to look at it! 🙂
I do appreciate your interest and sharing about muscle regeneration! Absolutely, if you have any ideas for me on strengthening them along with my PT, I’m glad to try anything to make it better!!
Hi Heidi,
Yes, we had a wonderful time this weekend! We each went to the Boogie independently, me Thursday, him Friday, and enjoyed Saturday night together at his house!As for the hip, I just found out last week that there is permanent damage to the soft tissue in my hip. I don’t know yet exactly what it is or the extent of it. I do know it includes nerve damage. I’ve done some minor research and am looking into it. If you know anything about it, please let me know. It stems from the failed metal on metal hip replacement which put outrageous cobalt and chromium ion levels into my blood stream. That has absorbed but there was the damage done. And after 4 surgeries on it with #5 Wednesday, it’s not as strong as it could be. The muscles have been cut so many times I need a zipper! Oh, wait, I have one already, LOL! It’s just stitched shut.
