[Coach Spyce]

Hi Nuzhat,

This is Spyce, I am one of the new coaches on the forum. Nice to meet you! Thanks so much for sharing your story! It sounds like you are a strong and accomplished woman, who is very family oriented and passionate. It’s wonderful that you had a friendship with someone that blossomed into a love relationship, but it also sounds like things have had some level of intensity for awhile. Perhaps you are both intense people?

I would like to bring something up here, and that’s the fact that he is widowed, which is a heavy thing in and of itself. It also sounds like amidst his grief, there’s some guilt there as well. And that guilt might be intensified by the feelings that he has for you, especially since he’s known you from before he was married, and may have had feelings for you for a long time as well. So these feelings could be triggering new grief, new guilt. And grief is not linear, and healing can take a long time. So potentially he could be having feelings about his wife that he’s not sharing.

It’s also difficult for someone to not be triggered when they are in a state of stress, which he sounds like he is. So him feeling that you’re not there for him, or that you don’t care, sounds like a trauma response, as I think eas mentioned above. Does he have anyone to talk to?

The best thing that I can think of for you to do right now is to try to see how he’s doing. Make it all about him, not you and your need for connection. Tell him that you’re concerned for him, ask if there’s anything that he’s going through, see if you can get him to open up. It might be difficult because he may feel like you’re the one who should be leaning on him, but it’s important for him to know that you see that he’s not ok, and that you want to help.

Let us know how it goes!
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hey lady,

So what I’m starting to see here with more clarity, is that like it or not, he has actually been very clear with you, time and again. And I’m starting to feel like waiting around for him to “recognize” that he’s in a relationship with you already and just finally “own up” to what’s happening ins unfortunately very likely not going to happen.

It seems like he really does care about you, and as you mentioned, he’s a stand up kind of guy who is going to do everything in his power to be kind to you and considerate of your feelings, but whether it’s from fear, his own inadequacies or what-have-you, the more I’m learning, the more I feel like he’s just not going to change his mind.

And to be fair, you’re worth more than to be pining after someone and hoping that they are going to change their mind. You deserve better than that, AND I truly believe that you can have it. I absolutely 100% believe that there is a man out there who has the qualities that you’d want in someone, the qualities that this friend of yours has, and more! Someone who has and/or is doing the work on himself to be open to intimacy and all that it offers. Someone who desires a deep committed connection. And someone who is going to appreciate the treasure that is you, and want to claim it. Claim you, choose you, and give you all the love and support that you are worthy of.

You obviously want more than what he can give you, so if that’s the case, why be satisfied with what he can give? Why only allow yourself a portion of what you want, as opposed to all of it? I know you may not agree with me that there’s someone out there that can truly love you, and I want to know why that is?

You are right, lockdown is going to end eventually, and he likely will want to go out and meet more people. And you have to be ready for that too. You have to start acknowledging that what he’s giving you is not enough, and that you deserve more.

And once you are able to really get into that space of knowing that you deserve more, you will be able to figure out what kind of boundaries you need to set in order to get those things. But for now, we need to start seeing where this relationship is not serving you, and, as we’ve all said, come back to your deepest parts. Love those places, and start thinking of a future where you have all of the things that you truly want, with someone who is capable of giving that to you.

I know this can happen, and I truly believe in this vision of your future!
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi there,

This is Spyce, I am the other coach on the forum. Thanks for sharing your story! I agree with what Heidi said above that it does sound like a very difficult situation to be in. It’s very hard when you are dear friends with someone and so close and then they are willing to walk away from all of it.

Unfortunately it sounds like he is not willing to look deeply at himself or his fears. That’s typical, many people aren’t, and specifically men who are taught that being open about their emotions is a detriment and weak. It also sounds like he has the support of his friends to not be open or look at himself. He is carrying a lot of shame and guilt, and it’s not fair for you to bear the brunt of all that.

You went through a very traumatic experience with being pregnant and having an abortion. You deserve to have the support you need during a difficult time like that, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you going to trusted friends and family for that support. Yes, they are his friends and family as well, but you’ve been close with him for a long time, and those people are close to you as well. You being forced to hide your emotions because of his inability to be open is not only unfair, it is cruel and immature.

He says that you’re never getting back together because of your actions, but I would advise you to never get back together with him because of his. The way he treated you during this very difficult time is pretty awful, and I know it may not feel like it right now, but I’m here to tell you that you dodged a bullet! Life comes with all kinds of difficulties, and you want to be with someone who will care about how you’re affected when things come at you sideways. He doesn’t sound ready or willing to be in a healthy and loving relationship, and who knows if he ever will be.

It sounds like the best thing that you can do is separate yourself from this toxic relationship. It’s great that you’re going to therapy, taking your medication, and doing things for yourself. I would start focusing on the pros of having him out of your life.
Can you make a list and share it with us? I think that would be cathartic!

Keep us posted!
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Upsana,

This is Spyce, I am one of the new coaches here on the forum. Nice to meet you! Heidi is out for a bit so you may not hear from her for a bit, but I can also help and am happy to do so.

It sounds to me, and also like what Heidi said in an earlier response, is that he is totally overwhelmed with his life and everything in it. Adding in a long distance relationship on top of that is quite a lot. An in person relationship requires much communication but there is the time spent in person that is easier to manage as it’s not something that you have to think about and plan as much. When you’re in different countries and timezones, you have to make a real concerted effort to connect with the other person. And if you are barely hanging on in your own life, making such an effort can feel insurmountable. So it doesn’t sound unreasonable that he is saying that he can’t handle having a relationship right now. If I were you, I would take what he’s saying at face value and believe him.

In terms of him still being on the dating sites, many people log on when they are stressed as a distraction, not when they are actually available for a relationship. And that’s the thing. he may be interested, but he’s not available. He told you that, so you have to believe him.

At this point, I’d recommend focusing your attention elsewhere. I don’t think trying to revive it is a healthy choice, especially when he explicitly has said that he’s not available for what you’re looking for, and he lives in a different country.

I understand if this isn’t what you want to hear, but I do believe that the sooner you move on from this situation, the sooner you will be able to be open to someone new who can be available.

How does that sound to you?
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Madeline,

Well it sounds like he was really hurt by things that you said when drinking, and now feels like he can’t trust you. It’s good to hear that you’re going to therapy and that is sure to help the communication between the two of you.
Obviously the sobriety will help, but it also sounds like there are some underlying issues from before this break, that actually caused the break.

It’s obvious that he cares about you and it sounds like he wants to work through things with you so you can stay together and have a happy and healthy relationship. So that’s really great!
Being vulnerable with him and showing him that you’re scared too may help. Being open and honest as you can is a good tactic.

Have you tried asking him more about how he feels? What is he scared of? What can you do to help alleviate those fears?
Sounds like you’re really trying with your sobriety and making steps.

In terms of staying here with us, we certainly hope that you choose to! Everyone’s story is different, and we are here as relationship coaches to help strong women like you in any aspect of their relationship lives, whether they are in one, striving for one, getting out of one, etc.
So to me, I think you’re in the perfect place!

Please keep us posted on how things are going!
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Karen,

This is Coach Spyce, welcome to the forum! I’m glad that you’re here with us. I’m sorry to hear that things weren’t foing well with your new boyfriend! How are things going now? Any new changes?

To me it sounds like you really hurt him. His pride, his ego, his feelings, whatever. He was hurt. He felt rejected by you when you wouldn’t talk with him, so he decided that he was going to pay you back.
Some people’s love language really is Acts of Service. If you don’t want to accept their help in your time of need, they can feel very very rejected. And for you, maybe you’re the kind of person that doesn’t want to burden someone when you’re not feeling well, or feel ashamed to be down, or just need their space.
So it sounds like you may not be compatible in that way.

And maybe you’re over it at this point, but if you like him, I’d message him and see how he’s doing. After all, men have feelings too, and it sounds like he was going through something tough. A little bit of kindness and compassion can go a long way.

Or if you’re done, then go on with your bad self!
Let me know how it’s going 🙂

Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Huyen,

This is Spyce, I’m a new coach on the forum! Looks like you’ve been having some great conversations with Heidi these last few months. Heidi is going to be out this week, but I’ll be here to help out. I’m looking forward to learning more about you and life, and helping however I can.
I can see that there’s a lot for me to catch up on and it might take me a bit to get up to speed, but I just wanted to connect with you and say hello!

What I’m getting is that you are coming out of your shell and doing new things since separating from your husband. You are learning more about yourself, your triggers, how you work, and how better to communicate your needs and desires. That’s huge and super important!

I look forward to learning more 🙂

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Nakysha,

This is Spyce, I am a new coach on the forum. So…I’m going to go against the grain and actually give you a different route to try and that is the one of bold honesty and confident transparency.

Ok, he’s not treating you how you want to be treated. That’s fair, and you absolutely deserve to be treated how you want to be treated. However, have you told him how you want to be treated? Some people would say that he should know, but people are different and not everyone has the same needs or desires.
Some people actually think that they could be bothering you. They might think that you’re too busy, and that by messaging you too much it will make them seem needy, and push you away.
So once again, have you told him how you want to be treated?

Also, has it been made clear what kind of relationship you or he are looking for? Have you had that talk? You can have amazing chemistry with someone, really hot sex, great conversation, and you may actually really like each other, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is available for a relationship. So it’s really important to clarify what someone is realistically available for before assuming that they will be giving you what you expect after you’ve had sex with someone, when you don’t know what that is.

Clear communication is what’s really important in the beginning stages of relationship, or else it’s too easy just to assume that someone is interested or isn’t, when in reality you don’t know much of anything of what the other person wants. you’re just guessing and playing tired waiting games trying to find out.

Stop that sh*t.

Get him on the phone as text muddles everything up. Ask him what he’s available for, what he’s looking for. Tell him the truth. That you enjoyed your time together, you’d like to get to know him but…THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED in order to do so.
Either he steps up to the plate and responds well, or he doesn’t and you move on. But trying not to spend your days waiting for his text and getting no clarity just sounds way more anxiety producing to me!
You ound like you’re not a shy woman, and you know how to ask for what you want. I’d think that the kind of man you’d attract would appreciate and respect a woman who would speak her mind, and would make her even that much attractive to him.
And if he is a jerk about it, then you have your answer. The dude is a douche and you can move on. Sounds like a win-win to me!

I’m very curious to know how this line of thinking around this sounds to you, so let me know your thoughts. I am open to hearing anything you have to say, and am not easily offended so please share freely!

Mwah!
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi there,

I hope that you’ve been well these last few days! It sounds like you’ve done a lot of soul searching and much personal development to really understand your motivations, triggers, and how your past is affecting your present. Your self awareness is on point!

It sounds like you’ve had quite a few of these deeper conversations with him via text and I’m wondering what might happen if you talked with him more in person where he’s not able to just blow it off or not answer. Have you tried talking with him face to face with some of these more difficult subjects? I know that can feel hard in and of itself, but it creates a scenario where you will both have to face the hard facts about things, and hopefully come up with some realistic solutions.

But something else that I wonder is this…you have indicated a few times that the nature of your relationship with him actually works for you. Sounds like you don’t like being with someone who is too needy, like the college boyfriend who didn’t want to let you out of his sight and ultimately drove you away. Then there was the mama’s boy, who couldn’t do a thing for himself even, much less for you. This relationship didn’t serve you well either. (I’m sorry to hear that this relationship made you feel so badly about yourself, instead of recognizing how amazing you were to be on top of making the relationship happen, and what an ass he was for not appreciating you. Ultimately though it sounds like he was way too immature to ever give you what you need.)

In the relationship that you’re in now, it sounds like he does actually give you what you need almost all of the time, as well as what you want a lot of the time. Maybe it’s just how you’re portraying it, but I don’t get the sense that he lays down the law and you follow. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like the two of you make up the boundaries in your relationship together. For the most part, it sounds like you are relatively secure in your connection with him, as well as your knowledge of who he is and how that affects you.

He doesn’t give you the security in words, but he does in action. They do say that actions speak louder than words, and his actions sound pretty darn committed to you.
The difficult part is that we are in uncharted waters, we are in the middle of a pandemic. If it was in normal times, I would be telling you to enjoy your connection with him, but advising you on how to be open to new experiences. Now, not so much.
While we are in covid times, perhaps enjoying what you have and using this time just as you’re doing is best.

That being said, recognizing that you have an issue with boundaries is key. Realizing that you do things in order to make people like you is valuable information. Noticing exactly where you do that in your relationship with him is the answer that we are looking for, so we can see if there’s a boundary in there that we can utilize to make you feel more cared for and comfortable in this situation.

What are your thoughts?
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Bingo! Boundaries have everything to do with self esteem and confidence. It’s difficult to set a boundary when you want someone to like you because what if the boundary that you set makes them NOT like you, or makes them reject you in some way. So better to just not set any boundary and go with the flow. That way you won’t upset anyone and everyone will keep on liking you.

But that also means that anyone can do anything to you and you’re not going to stand up for yourself. And then people see you as someone that they can treat any which way and you’re not going to do anything about it.
I’m sorry to say, but that is happening in your relationship.

He knows that you’re never going to walk away, so he will do whatever he wants in terms of how he treats the relationship. But I understand that you don’t want to set a boundary of “I need this or else”. It can be a challenge sometimes to set a boundary that doesn’t come off as an ultimatum. And sometimes, a boundary is an ultimatum. But really, it’s just you standing up for something that’s unacceptable to you.

So is there anything that’s unacceptable to you? It doesn’t sound like there is, which is why you might be having such a hard time getting a boundary with him. The only thing unacceptable to you is if he’s with another woman, correct? But is there anything else, or do you feel like no matter what he does, you’re ok?

I do think your situation is perplexing, and I can feel your confusion as well. Because for all intents and purposes, you’re describing a wonderful and loving partnership to me. He’s attentive, caring, supportive, you have great chemistry and meaningful conversations.
Is really the only issue that we won’t acknowledge the relationship as a partnership when it’s so obvious to everyone else that it is?

What about your friends and family? What do they see him as? If he’s not your partner, then don’t people wonder who this guy is that you are in daily contact with?

I guess I’m just wondering who he thinks he’s fooling? Because the only one I’m seeing is himself. Have you ever had a conversation with him about the reality that you are in a relationship, whether he wants to call it that or not? Or are you afraid that if you point that out to him, he will pull away? Sounds like he’s done that before, ie the “wobble”. It sounds like a very precarious position to be in, and I get why your anxiety is in full swing.

Let’s go back to what we were talking about with being a people pleaser and having boundaries. It really all goes back farther usually than where we are now, right? So I’d be curious to know more about your history. What your first relationships were like? Your family dynamic, etc. I’m sure you’re highly aware of the fact that all of this plays so much into how we live our lives now.

So please do tell me more about your life before him. Have you been able to set boundaries ever in your relationships? Where did you learn the behaviours that you’ve learned?

Talk soon!
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Rhonda,

Yes! I am spicy for sure, haha! Funny story, my ex partner had a girlfriend before me named Cinnamon. I used to tease him that when we broke up he’d find everything nice. And he did! He’s now happily married and we are both better for it.

Thank you for sharing your story! Sounds like it hasn’t been easy and that you’ve had to find for yourself and provide for your children on your own through most of it. Kudos to you for making it through the rough years, and still going strong with a positive attitude! That’s not an easy thing to pull off, and you’re doing it, so I hope that you’re proud of yourself!

Traveling can be fun, I’ve done a lot of it myself, AND it can also be extremely exhausting. While there can be fun to be had on the road if you’re interested in more casual encounters, finding a lasting and stable relationship when you’re often in a different location can certainly be tough. It also sound like your job doesn’t give you much downtime so I’m sure that doesn’t help!

But I’m not surprised that you have had quite a few offers. You sound like a fascinating person who has lived a unique life, has the battle scars to prove it, but still wakes up with a smile on her face everyday. That’s a very attractive quality!
It also sounds like you’ve got a healthy set of adventurous hobbies and interests that would entice many men to want to jump on your bandwagon and join you for the ride.

I know online dating can be tough, and it sounds like it’s not your jam, which is totally ok! I do want to give just a little plug for online dating though as I feel like it can have its perks. I like to think of it as a way to pre-qualify people. When you meet someone in person you are typically going on physical attraction more than anything, and we all know that the physical isn’t always a good barometer of what someone is like inside. It also doesn’t speak at all to someone’s interests, how they operate in the world, what they are available for in relationships, etc. Now certainly someone can lie on their dating profiles, but there is a lot to be to discovered if you know how to really read in between the lines of a profile. And even just reading a bit about them can be much more informative than a glance in a bar.
Anyway, if you ever WANT to talk more about online dating, I’m your girl!

But I ALSO am a fan of in person meet and greets. After all, before the age of online dating that’s all we had, and many of us did quite well. And there is so much in person that you can tell in just a few minutes that it can take months in the digital world. I’m not sure how I feel about dating services, as I’ve heard too many horror stories from fellow coaches who have worked for them. But, I definitely love your idea of meetups! That’s exactly where people go to meet people, and of course, every stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.
And every friend (well maybe not every, lol!) is a potential love interest!

I’m not worried about you at all! But I am excited to hear about your adventures, and happy to give support whenever needed.

Great to meet you!

[Coach Spyce]

Aw Samantha!

I’m so happy to hear that my words are helping you to feel that confidence that I can tell that you have inside of you, and it’s not even that deeply buried! It’s very clear that you are articulate, intelligent, and a true catch. I’m sorry that you have had a difficult time finding someone who really reminds you of that not only in their actions but in their words, but the good news is that I don’t think it has to be that way. And the even better news is that YOU are the one in control of your own destiny and relationship choices.

And so throughout all of this, that’s what I really want to keep reminding you of. You have so much power that you have to start using, and stop giving away. I know that you are terrified of losing him, and I understand that. But what if there is someone who could give you everything that he gives you and on top of that is able to make it a two way street?

Because that’s the thing. In order for a relationship to work for the long haul, the feelings AND the commitment have to be reciprocal.
It’s great that he feels love and care for you, and expresses that in his way, but his steadfast resistance to going deeper with you smacks of disrespect and more pointedly, the lack within himself to address these blocks.

So, are you going to keep waiting around for him to find himself and hope that the truth leads him back to you? Or are you going to make steps on your own to live your life and become so damn attractive and put together that more men will take notice and want you?

It’s fine if what you truly want is to do the latter so you can impress him with your self assuredness and fabulous life that you create for yourself. While I don’t think it’s a great idea to wait around for him endlessly and I do strongly believe that the changes he needs to make in order to be open to your love are within himself, as long as you’re making the changes, that’s the first step.

So as mentioned, one of these steps is coming up with a boundary that will help you to feel better in the situation. Thanks for telling me more about the validity of your fears with him and how things have been in the past. It sounds like your communication around other partners is solid a this point and something that you feel ok with.
So the question is, where is your real pain?

Setting healthy boundaries has become a buzz term that everyone goes on about, and I have taught numerous courses and done many podcasts and interviews around this very topic. And the most important thing when setting a boundary is to get very clear on where it’s coming from. You don’t want a boundary to be a shield that’s only based on fear or trauma. You want a boundary to be a filter, that truly helps you get to the next level of where you want to be.

So is there anything that you can identify that you feel like is getting in the way of you moving forward in your life that has to do with him? Besides the obvious, I suppose!
But someplace in your life where you’re not giving to yourself in a certain way because you either are giving to him, or afraid of his response? Let’s start there.

Think on it, and get back to me!
You got this, and I’m excited to see how much you’re working on in your life.
Once again, I am truly humbled and inspired by all of the amazing work you’re doing.

xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Rhonda,

This is Spyce! I am the newest coach around here and I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself. I see that you’re a vibrant part of this community and I look forward to learning more about you!

Sounds like you’re navigating the world of dating and meeting men a bit later in life. How is that going for you? I’d love to learn more about what’s alive for you right now, how you’re struggling, and where you could use support.

You asked above why Daniel would even begin a conversation with you if he wasn’t interested, and sometimes people are friendly, looking to make business connections, or any number of reasons beyond the flirty ones.
But also as Heidi mentioned above, sometimes you have to let things simmer a bit. Even though there’s something to be said for being assertive and knowing what you want, it is true that going overboard when you don’t know someone could scare them off.

However if we are being real here, I’m more of the mind that you need to be your true self, and the man that you want is someone who is going to be attracted to that and respond in kind.
If Daniel was turned off because you complimented him then that’s on him. It saves you time of having to play games with someone who isn’t ready or available for a relationship!
And don’t worry, Daniels are a dime a dozen 😉

Look forward to hearing more!
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Samantha,

WOW lady, I am BEYOND impressed! That is an impressive list of goals that you are taking on, and not an easy task. You are working deeply on bettering almost every aspect of your being and that’s so brave and incredibly strong.
I am not only getting excited for you, I find it inspiring as well! And I can tell even from just these few conversations that you are going to serve your clients in a deep and profound way. You are amazingly strong, and this list of goals and accomplishments is a testament to that.
So proud and excited for you!

I relate to how difficult it would be to see him with someone else, but being that you know how he is about relationships, is that really a threat to you right now? Or has it been? I’m sorry but I can’t remember if you’ve mentioned that, but has he actually dated anyone in the years that you’ve known him?
Of course it’s no fun to be cheated on. No one wants it. But like any other rejection, you have to remember that it’s a failing of the other person, not yours when something like that happens. In this case, since you’re not technically in a monogamous relationship I can see how it would feel scary and produce anxiety. It sounds like anxiety is something that you struggle with in general, so looking at ways to reduce that seems important.

Just because you are “friends with benefits” and you’re “Not in a relationship” doesn’t mean that it’s an emotional free for all. People still have feelings that they are entitled to, and you still have to be a good person. It sounds like he wants to always err on the side of being a good person, so framing it in this way may make sense to him.
For all his emotional shortcomings, it does sound like he talks with you on a real level and is willing to work through things with you at least as good as any real friend would, so maybe this is an area where you can practice having some boundaries around.

That being said, I’d recommend talking with him and telling him about your anxiety. Letting him know that you’d like to have some boundaries around your connection. So if he’s going to sleep with, and/or date someone else, he needs to tell you, or don’t tell you, or whatever else is going to feel best for you. What’s important is that some of your needs for care around your anxiety are met in the relationship. And it’s not like you’re just going with whatever because you’re afraid he’s just going to leave. Some guys, I’d say yes. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think leaving is his MO.At least not from you expressing your feelings. Maybe if you’re trying to get him to express his feelings he might flee, but not from you expressing yours.

So that would be just one more thing to add to your clear and focused goal list. Set an emotional boundary for yourself. Just start with one. If the one around the idea of him being with someone else doesn’t resonate, find something that does. I’m sure that there’s something that doesn’t feel emotionally safe to you that you could tell him about and let him know how you need things to be in that realm.

If you’re not sure what that boundary might be, let me know and we can figure it out! But here’s what I do know: You deserve to be loved, cherished, adored, respected, and chosen. End of story!

Sending love and strength!
xoxo
Spyce

[Coach Spyce]

Hi Madeline,

Nice to meet you! Thanks so much for sharing your story, and big congrats on your sobriety! That is huge and really commendable during these times. Many people are turning to unhealthy choices, so it’s wonderful that you are making healthy ones!

You don’t have to tell us if you are or not, but if you don’t have a sober community, I would suggest joining one. Meetings still happen over zoom, and there is always support available in that realm.
I think that would be helpful in the relationship with your partner as well. Having others who are supportive with your journey and can relate, could be very helpful.

Something else to keep in mind is that if he had to deal with you in a drunken state (I don’t know how you are as a drunk…rambling, weepy, mean, aggressive, etc) there might be things that he’s still really upset about that you may not remember that well. And if he’s not the type to volunteer information, I bet he’s harboring a LOT of feelings. Also, is it personally triggering for him? Is he an ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholics)? He might be going through some of his own trauma.

So I agree with Heidi. You have to talk to him. You have to just keep on making small talk or light conversation. Talk about the things you like to talk with him about. I’m sure if you have been together for 2.5 years, you have things you enjoy together, or ways that you connect. And like Heidi said, pepper in those deep meaningful thoughts that you really want him to know.

And, if you’re feeling up to it, ask him to be very honest with you. And ask him if there are things that happened that he still would like you to apologize for. Or if there are things that you may not know affected him the way that they did.

Recognize that your recovery journey doesn’t only affect you. Even if he’s not actively showing it, it’s likely influencing him in a big way.

And then I guess my other question is…why are you on a break?

Looking forward to hearing more!
C Spyce

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