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It sounds like you guys are figuring out a flow again, in this new design of connection. I’m curious…do you still have feelings for him? Meaning, are you still sexually/romantically attracted to him? It sounds like you are, but then at the same time, you are not really attached to experiencing him that way. It sounds like you are good just having fun with him. But I’m wondering what kinds of thoughts you are having in your mind about him as you go through your day. Do you think about him everyday? Do you go through memories when you were together? Do you imagine being with him again romantically?
Happy 2022! I can’t believe it’s here already.
Heidi
Hi Elizabeth,
Thank you for sharing so much of your struggles. You have been through a lot and you feel alone, scared and not safe, even with yourself. There is a lot of trauma energy still running in your system, hence why you attract abusive men. Healing the trauma will completely change how you relate to men. I know you tried a therapist before and it didn’t work. Maybe try a different one? You need to do some deeper work with someone who has experience dealing with the kind of trauma you grew up with. Personally, I would not stop looking until I found someone that could help me. You are carrying a thousand pounds on your back which makes you NOT available for anyone. It’s time to let all of that go. It takes time and it takes a BIG commitment to stay on the healing path, but if you want that big happy family you imagine, then that is the only path to take.
Let’s keep this conversation going though. There is a lot more to share and uncover. Can you set up your own thread though? It’s easier for us coaches to make sure we are responding to everyone when they have their own threads. Let me know if you have any trouble doing that.
Heidi
I’m constantly proving myself to someone and to be fair, I’m sick and tired of it Kadra! This is amazing! You are supposed to be sick and tired of it… which means you are truly ready to shift how you treat yourself and how you live in this world. It’s time for YOU to 100% be present with yourself and be authentic. This way, people can really get to know who you are! This is so great! I emailed you the info. for the coach, so she will be able to take you much deeper into that part of yourself that doesn’t feel safe to be who you really are. There is NOTHING to be embarrassed about. Remember that you have these patterns because you have always been trying to do your very best and you TAUGHT this is how you do it. So how you are living in your life is pretty normal, considering the programming you grew up with.
Now it’s time to learn how to set some new goals. You want your goals to come from your heart, not your ego. So when you decide you want to do something, does it have passion behind it? Does it make you feel open energetically when you think about it? Does it only involve you – where you are the only person that matters? These are things to deeply ask yourself. The ego can be quite tricky and takes the driver’s seat VERY easily. So no it’s time to get to know your heart and your desires / goals / vision for your life that is connected to your best self. Does this make sense?
Heidi
Hi Cherisse!
Welcome! You are asking some great questions, so we are glad you are here. There is a lot to discuss, so stay with us as we unpack more of what you are feeling/doing.
First, I want to say that you need to be the pack leader of your dogs, not the other way around. Not dating because of your dogs, is letting them run your life and that is not healthy, for you or the dogs. I am an AVID dog lover, I take care of dogs all the time and have done a TON of research about how to be the very best dog guardian I can possibly be. My pup is the love of my life and he is at the top of my priority list…BEHIND ME. I completely understand your thought process of making them priority – and they should be – but not over your love life. I wonder if subconsciously you used them as an excuse to not date? Just something to think about. Your dogs barking at strangers could mean they feel insecure, they feel defensive, they feel nervous or they feel threatened or the need the protect you. First, it’s about understanding what EXACTLY their barking means and what they are communicating. Then it’s about you being the pack leader and creating a space for them to relax because they know YOU have everything covered. Their barking is letting you know that they don’t feel that you are leader, so they need to be. Here is a video that may help a bit: https://youtu.be/1ln5lpH5Nf0
I feel that if I can do these, then I should be fine alone. I think it’s all about how you feel, and while romance might be nice, it could cause a headache and heartache, too. Anyway, I thought I would try online dating in March just for a month, and if I didn’t find someone, then I’d just forget about it. You are on the right track of wanting to discover your happiness, just with yourself. That is probably one of the most important things you can do for yourself. You want to learn how you can feel completely fulfilled as a single person.
Yes…romance is nice and yes, there IS heartache and headache guaranteed. AND there is heartache and headache guaranteed as a single person too. It’s not like you are giving up one for the other. There is pain and hurt regardless, because it’s just part of the human experience. So single or part of a couple, you will experience all the different flavors that life has to offer you…just in different ways.Your mindset of only dating in March and if you don’t find someone, then giving up…is quite a limited and small perspective. What if you dated just to get to know yourself? What if you dated so you could develop certain skillsets that you need to improve upon? What if you dated NOT to meet a love interest, but to instead fall in love with yourself?
Heidi
Hi Eva! So glad you are still here! I wasn’t sure where you went to. You are asking some incredibly great questions. You are asking the most important, deep, core questions but the answers are far from simple. I mean, the answers are simple, but not before you go through MANY layers of complexity. So I will do my best to start to give you another layer to help you understand a little more. Keep asking your questions!!! This is a super long conversation that I am HAPPY to have with you!!!
But the fact is that im in the journey of trying to give value to my time /sexuality/heart/body and peace so im not really good at knowing at first sight if the boy i have in front of me values these aspects. how do you figure it out? The simple answer: when you know yourself, you know the person sitting in front of you. We are all basically the same. Our details are different and unique of course, but we all react in similar ways. So as you know yourself more deeply, you will instantly be able to recognize certain words, energies, thoughts, behaviors that someone is having and what it could possibly mean. This is what I mean by the answer is simple, but you have to go through many layers of complexity before you get to the simplicity.
and how can i become good at it too?is it some of these qualities knowable just from how they present themselves before even talk to them?. Again, know yourself. Know and understand your thoughts, your patterns, your beliefs, the programs that are active in you, the judgments you have etc. Where do they all come from? What’s the core of all of it? This is a life long journey. Dating for me was my platform to know myself. I dated everyone! The hot guys, the ugly guys, the fat guys, the non athlete, the computer geek, the popular football star…you name it, I dated them…even women. Why? Because I KNEW that every kind of person I went on a date with, would bring out a different part of me. I wanted to feel my judgments, my limiting patterns, my insecurities, what I was really great at, what I was not so good at..and I learned about myself. The more I learned about myself, the more I was able to see bits and pieces of myself in other people. Our subconscious, deep beliefs and programs leak out all over the place in our behaviors, thoughts, choices etc. So once I understood my own subconscious language, I could understand someone else’s. Just like any language, once you learn how to speak it, you can have a conversation.
but in this position i cant ask him about more deep things like i dont know ..his family ,his past , his past relationships (do i have to ask??) There are 2 ways to get to know someone…by watching and observing when you hang out and by asking questions. How you get to know someone will depend a lot on your own comfort level and your personality type. I personally am pretty blunt and feel 100% comfortable asking any question. If someone feels uncomfortable, so what. They can decline to answer. Either way, whether they answer or don’t answer, I will learn something about them. But that’s me. I do read the situation as well. Sometimes it’s just better to hold off asking certain questions. That’s where I use my intuition. Regardless, it doesn’t matter in the end. You just have to be you and if the person in front of you cannot get past any “mistakes” you make, then wouldn’t you say it’s best they move on?
because ..lots of people goes to concerts but how can i know what type of specific person he is when he hoes to concerts,like the calm one ore the type who pushes to go forward in a row? Or how can i know if he is bossy or introvert?I know its normal to not to know this specific things about a person but i have the feel that i’m not used to catch some little signals that says it loudly what type of person im talking with. Do you have some advices?…for example how to know if he’s testing you or if it is his everyday personality like this ?or.. how can i guess what type of girl he’s searching for?to not waste mine and his time. This takes time and there are also certain types of questions you can ask to get a sense about someone. For example, I like to ask “What are you like when you get angry / mad?” This will give me an idea about their personality and how they cope with stress. Imagine that your heart is a business that you run and you are looking to hire some employees to help keep it healthy and vibrant and working well. What questions / observations would you ask someone on an interview? Because that is essentially what is happening on a date…you are being interviewed and you are also interviewing.
What is feminine energy? and from your personal point of view? The simple answer is heart energy. Anything that is sourced from the heart is feminine. Love, passion, creativity, laughter, joy etc. Anything sourced from the mind is masculine. It’s soooo layered and dynamic beyond that. If you imagine that the feminine energy is like a rushing river – it runs soft, it runs powerfully in different spots, it’s multidirectional and extremely dynamic. The land on the sides of the river is the masculine energy – the walls that guide the river. The masculine is meant to serve / support the feminine.
Where does this strong sense of hjs intentions comes from? and,
what type of questions do you ask and in what specific scenarios? Do you ask him this questions to embarass him or to let him know that you understood his intent or more logically, to confirm yourself what your intuition already knows(his real intent)?. Again, I am very blunt and just ask what I want to know. BUT…I feel comfortable being that because I am solid in myself. I am not worried about what he will think about me. I am more concerned about whether he will fit into MY life…not the other way around..i dont know maybe the fact that this person has accepted something that before we hated about ourselves? and why would this think be relevant to us, why we search for approval from specific people or from all people??
Why would change feel good?i’ve always changed something about myself but before feeling good about the change i always felt for weeks stressed and anxious during the process of changing Here is the basic way to view change. If you are changing from a place of insecurity or ego – in order to be accepted or to get a certain result – the change you are trying to make will be temporary and will make you more miserable. If you change because it’s for YOU and because you are inspired and desire that change FOR YOURSELF – then you will yield the best results. So changing for someone you deeply love is NOT okay unless you WANT that change in your heart. Healthy, sustainable change needs to come from and be inspired from your heart energy. Does this make sense?Heidi
I am very sensitive to the energies that swirl about me in the average world I understand what you are saying about the general population. I would say that I see the general population’s opinions of men and women are very different than how you see it. From my viewpoint, men are still quite ahead of the game. From my viewpoint, women are still having to fight to be heard and respected and this country is still run by the patriarchy…therefore men are still highly valued and respected. The majority of women on this forum are in so much pain from all the men ghosting them, playing games, cheating etc. I could give you a mile long list of why I have my perspective and I know you could give me just as long of a list as to why you have your perspective. It’s all about the lens we see life through, isn’t it?
Also when you say that something is relative to my experience, do you not think it devalues my ability to see and recognize patterns? I don’t see it as devaluing. It’s more about understanding that your perspective is relative to your experience and therefore doesn’t make it anymore “right” or “wrong” than the next person. Imagine looking at a beautiful ceramic vase full of flowers. Depending on which side of the flowers you are looking at, you will see something different. That’s like life. Every single person has a different view of the flowers and therefore always has only a PIECE of the truth. So doesn’t that make every person’s perspective valuable? Of course you can see and recognize patterns and you are incredibly good at it…but they are still patterns that you can see from your perspective, therefore it doesn’t make those patterns true or not true for everyone…it makes it true for only you because you are the only one viewing it in your very unique way – and that is what makes it valuable TO YOU. Does this make sense?
For example: Men express their love in silence and their anger in loudness. But Women express their anger in silence and their love just bubbles out all over the place very visibly. Of course, there’s differences based on personality, but, what do you think? In a generalized way, have you noticed that as well? I think it’s because men aren’t as practiced in expressing their tender side. I get what you are getting at. There definietly are some very strong, collective programs about how men and women are “allowed” to express how they feel. A lot has changed in my lifetime though. I feel like the collective is slowly breaking those gendered programs in many different ways. From my personal experience (in more recent times) both men and women express in their own ways according to what their personality is, so I feel like both men and women are more comfortable to just be who they are vs. aligning with the social programming.
I was thinking about women in places like India where men are given so much power and value in society than women. And yet, when you let them loose in a free society, it is women who hold on to the cultural ways more than the men do. So i was trying to figure that out. This is such an interesting phenomenom isn’t it? My thoughts go to the REALLY big picture. I’m not sure I can quite explain it, but I’ll try. Essentially, whenever there is a collective group adhering to certain ways of living, you have to have an energetice/collective agreement to how that collective is going to function. So if the men are in power, then women have to also agree to let them be in power and be subservient. The men could not be in power without the women agreeing to be subservient. I’m not saying this is a conscious choice by every single man and women. It’s more about a subconscious agreement by the collective. When you start to see systems breaking, that’s a sign of the collective / subconscious energies shifting. So when women are truly and finally ready to be considered equal to men in a particular culture, they will find a way to make it happen. It may take 50 or 100 years, who knows. But you can tell when a collective agreement is changing because there are people who start to fight against the “system” and then they will inspire more and more people to keep fighting against the “system” and then eventually, over time, the subconscious agreements will break and new agreements will form. So when you find women, for example, still upholding cultural agreements, it’s because they aren’t quite ready to break free from the agreement (on a subconscious level). It’s no different than when you find a person who grew up with alcoholic parents falling in love with alcholics. It’s familiar, it’s predictable, it’s what they are used to and anything less than that choas is actually quite uncomfortable. I could talk about this topic for hours because there are physiological reason, emotional reasons, spiritual reasons and mental reason why people CHOOSE to stay in chaos.
But as i said above, i don’t HATE women. I just don’t trust them as much as i trust men. I’m glad I did not trigger you. I’m curious though…were you able to receive what I said? That as you are pointing the finger at people who judge men for being something that you consider they don’t deserve to be judged for, you are at the same time being that very same person judging women. You say you don’t hate women, but I’m wondering…if you were to really dive deep into that space, my guess is, a hatred would rise up in you. How could it not with what you have been through…with both men and women. There are untouched places in you that you haven’t visited yet and there are feelings held in those spaces that leak out from time to time. There is a part of you that is absolutely open to women AND there is a part of you that carries the hurt and trauma about them. So you are “split” which is very normal when trauma lives in you.
Happy New Year Vino. Thank you for your appreciation and valuing our conversation. I fully receive what you said – it went all the way into my heart. It’s such a sacred conversation to me and I am honored to get to have it with you!
Heidi
And there’s no need to continue doing so because it perpetuates the stereotype that men aren’t naturally caring and loving and nurturing, that men don’t live from their hearts, that masculinity is toxic and all these lies and ugliness being attached to anything masculine. it perpetuates the lie that feminine energy is somehow better and more authentic and from the heart rather than the mind. I totally Hate, Hate, HATE how masculinity is vilified. I understand this is your experience and perspective. Know that is not at all my experience or how people view the masculine/feminine in my circles. Both energies and genders are highly respected and honored as they should be. That’s how I choose to hear and speak about both energies and genders and I hope you will receive my intent that way.
Also, from what i have seen, MEN live more from their hearts than women do. I would venture to say that this is just relative to the kind of people you meet. Since you inherently have a strong dislike towards women, your perspective is going to support what you need to believe about women and men in your life.
The mind is weak. it bleeds all over the place and into everything. I’m sad this is your perspective as it’s part of all of us and was made just perfectly. I view the mind as incredibly powerful and innovative and amazing!
It also tries to control everything and everyone around it. And women are generally much better at controlling situations and relationships by their ability to be manipulative. They can manipulate emotions. They know how to toy with you feelings and pull your strings just right to make you do what THEY want you to do. Their loving, caring and nurturing is natural to them, so they use it to control – by altering the quality of caring/ and loving and nurturing they provide, in order to get what they want. This is a mind thing, it’s not a heart thing. A heart cannot live with lies. I would call this the ego, not the mind. The ego in each of us, is incredibly strong. Yes, I know women can be like this. So can men. Again…I think I would say that everything you are describing is true for both genders, as it depends on the person.
I’m afraid i’ll continue to defend men for as long as people have this automatic, negative response to anything that is male and an excessively positive response to anything that is female.. I realize I am taking a chance at triggering you here and maybe creating a defensive response by saying this. Hopefully, you will receive it in a way of just being open and that I am NOT judging at all. You hate others’ limited perspectives of men and the villainizing of men, yet you do that very same thing towards women. So really, you are doing and being and living with a mindset that you are so “hateful” of in others. Wouldn’t you say it makes you the same kind of person that you “hate?” Just something to consider and think about.
I have a problem with that idea. It eliminates the uniqueness of an individual life and neutralizes their full worth in the here and now. This is an interesting perspective. How come you feel that if you had many lives, it would somehow diminish the worth of this life? Why can’t this life be fully and completely important, valuable and powerful, even if you had other lives?
what if i could make friends with my enemy self? What if you didn’t view this self sabotaging part as an enemy? In reality, any part of us that is sabotaging our happiness, success or whatever, is actually a part of us that is trying to protect us. It’s a part of us that holds the programs, beliefs and paradigms that are unhealed and full of lies. The lies are there in the first place because of traumas, hurts, social/cultural programming etc. So really, it’s not an enemy part of ourselves, it’s a part trying to help us and protect us, right?
That is not at all arrogance! it is simply acknowledging the truth, and being recognized, even by your own self, fills you up with a warm glow well said!!! Brilliant!
I thought it would be automatic to be concerned about politics, about the economy, about the future, and all kinds of things that were terribly insignificant to me as a child. Gosh, i still haven’t developed the ability to take all that seriously! I hope you never do!
Heidi
So, to me, it seemed really narrow minded to limit your gifts to just women. I think 2 things are probably happening here. 100% of the coaching programs I have come across (and there are MANY) they all say the same thing. Create your Avatar. It’s taught to pick a gender, pick an age, pick a type of person if you want to be successful. So my guess is, it’s not necessarily narrow-minded to just want to work with women – it’s probably how they were coached and what they learned. My other guess is, it’s what is in their heart. People are called to work with certain groups of people…whether homeless, billionaires, abuse victims etc. They probably have it in their heart to really work with the specific aspects that women struggle with.
i didn’t at all like what you said here! It bothers me when people think that caring, nurturing, loving energy is ‘female’. The male version of caring and nurturing and loving is SO SUPER Powerful! and infinitely beautiful in it’s own way. You are such a defender of men! It’s beautiful! Let’s clear this up though, because it’s not actually what I said. Again, you are getting caught up in the male/female GENDER and making that the same thing as male/female energy. They are completely 2 different things. Caring, nurturing, loving IS the divine feminine energy, whether in a male or female body…it is NOT gender specific. We all have both energies constantly running in us, right? So when a man is loving and nurturing he is, in that moment, allowing his divine feminine energy to lead him – while still being male in gender. The men you have seen in their feminine energies and not attractive to you, well who knows why they were not attractive to you, but maybe they were out of balance in their expression and it rubbed you the wrong way? The band leaders that fought for their band mates to have some fun and they fired their manager – that was the divine feminine energy leading them – they lead with their heart. Either way, energy is not gendered. It’s neutral. Somehow, years ago, energy got tagged as being male energy (producing, doing, fixing, mind etc.) and female energy (nurturing, loving, soft, creative, heart) but all of those energies are things we all feel. It’s so silly these energies got tagged as male/female but I think humans like to put everything in boxes in order to understand and control life as much as possible. So it is what it is, right? Does this make more sense? Do you understand there is no need to defend men here?
I imagine you probably don’t, as it’s not part of the Catholic belief system, but I thought I’d ask anyways…do you believe in the possibility of past lives/reincarnation?
The land is different. What do you suppose makes the land what it is? What is the energy in the land? If you imagine that the earth is a “body” then every country, body of water, part of this body acts like an organ, a limb, a system. So each part of the body has a different purpose and a different feeling, just like our bodies. It’s all connected and flows together and works together, but each part feels different. Then you add on top of that, culture. People living on that part of the earth’s “body” will impact how the land feels. There are certain frequencies that live there. So whatever frequency lives within you, resonates with the U.S. I know it sounds so simple and it is, but I’m sure there are many more layers to it. I’m so glad you get to feel “home.” I know some people go their whole lives not having a clue what that feels like.
Heidi
Sounds like you had a great holiday!!! It was everything you were expecting and it flowed pretty well…except for the flat tire of course….lame!!!
Your conversation with him is so funny! I didn’t get ” “The one on the subject” but it made sense when you said it was “penis.” I was cracking up with your whole conversation. So fun! Silly, serious, light, connective. It’s just so interesting. Most guys would be jumping on you in a hot second with a connection like that. Isn’t crazy how much trauma and our past can get in the way???
I’m glad you don’t have a connection with needing to get married. These days, people are just doing things differently – even marriage. I just listened to a podcast with a woman who is a Therapist, Sexologist etc. and she recently released her book “Open Monogamy.” She talked about how the traditional form of marriage just isn’t working anymore so many couples are doing it differently. Open monogamy basically means you have your primary person you are 100% committed to and then “extra” stuff if you want. That stuff can be anything from porn, to sex parties, to partners, to whatever. It just depends on the couple and what they feel comfortable with. Her job is to help couples figure that out and to make sure their intentions are coming from a healthy place. Anyways, I was amazed that I was listening to something like this podcast. I mean I loved it, but even 10 years ago, this would not have been a topic discussed mainstream. So many things are evolving and changing these days.
As far as kids, when I was your age, I felt the same way. Then I really thought about it in a different way and released the idea. I personally believe in past lives. I know I’ve had children soooooo many times, so I figured hey – why not have this life without kids and play with that! And somehow it felt okay to not have children if the guy didn’t show up in time. I’m 100% peaceful about it. My dog pack that I am always taking care of, really nourish my mothering instinct and I always somehow end up with kids in my life through neighbors or friends or work, so it all has really worked out so beautifully! I have zero sadness about not having my own kids. For some reason, I feel like we have talked about this before, so my apologies if I am just repeating myself.
Heidi
Hi Ellena,
Welcome! That is such a powerful statement you have just made – and one that many women feel. You are not alone!
The first thing I want to say is…none of us can be in a healthy, vibrant, nourishing relationship with a man until we have that with ourselves first. How we feel about ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, how we treat ourselves, is directly reflected in the kind of men we attract. Our deep subconscious beliefs and programs about love are reflected in the kind of men we are attracted to. So whatever is happening on the outside, is reflective of what is happening on the inside. Our outside world is a reflection of our subconscious and it is so darn confusing if you are not able to understand the language of the subconscious. It’s estimated that our subconscious is actually the part of us that is making over 80% of the decisions in our lives. Crazy right?
With that being said, your struggle is common and contains a lot of layers in it. Getting to know yourself, your patterns, the core root cause of those patterns and how to heal, is what is going to shift your experiences with men.
We would love to help you navigate some of that if you would like some guidance. More details would be helpful. What’s happening in the relationships? What patterns have you noticed?
Heidi
Wonderful! There are a lot of things we can help you with!
The first place to start is paying attention to how you talk to yourself. Like I said previously, when you are hurting, be kind and compassionate instead of judgmental and mean to yourself.
The next place to start as you go down the rabbit hole is to explore where your thoughts may have come from. Since you tend to be a dominant giver, there would be a part of you that is using that as a coping mechanism. Meaning…when things were stressful growing up, you naturally decided that you could “keep the peace” somehow by trying to make everyone happy – maybe you thought if you were a “good little girl” that you would get to feel loved. Maybe you thought “If I can just make sure everyone is happy, then I can feel peaceful and happy too.” So…tell us about your upbringing. Is there anything you can connect your co-dependent tendencies to? Co-dependency means “meeting the needs of others at the expense of yourself.” There is a time and place for this kind of behavior, but when it’s the dominant way you live in a relationship, then there is unresolved trauma/hurts/wounds that are the driving force behind this kind of behavior.
Also, I feel like you might resonate with Michaela Bohm. She has a great book! https://www.michaelaboehm.com/
You also might like Debbie Ford and her book “Dark Side of the Light Chasers.” https://www.store.debbieford.com/product_info.php?products_id=9Lastly, if you are interested in working with someone, I’m happy to send you the info. for my Coach. She is BRILLIANT and will help you work through these patterns sooooo quickly. Let me know if this interests you and I’ll send you a private email.
Heidi
Wow! That’s so interesting how much you love the U.S. and how you connected to it being a place you would never give up. Tell me more about it! What do you love about this country? What aspects are you not willing to give up?
I love the “song” that you identified with. You said you started to lose it when you heard the other participants shared their progress. Were you losing your song because you comparing to them and how you haven’t quite started yet? That is a beautiful story about that man who learned to just “be” instead of “fix.” He allowed his “female” energy to lead, instead of his “male” energy…which is what most of do when powerlessness gets activated…we try and find control somewhere.
I love that your neighbor complimented your mothering. I know you have struggled with that concept for a looonng time. I would have to agree with your neighbor. There is soooooo much you have done from a very easy natural part of yourself, that has set up your kids for a much more peaceful, easy life. The fact that they were okay with a wooden heart for their pockets says A LOT!!! I’m wondering if you downplay your influence on that because it was easy for you to create that kind of mindset/experience for your kids. It wasn’t hard for you because you were just being yourself as you allowed them to be themselves. For you it was effortless…for most moms, they would wonder how the heck you did it. Most parents spend their lives trying to shape and control their kids into the best versions of themselves. The problem is…it’s their vision and not their kid’s vision. You just allowed your kids to be free. I can hear a gazillion moms going “how did you do it???” Maybe down the road, when you connect with your “mothering” instinct more…you can help other moms.
I also love that women are wanting to help other women!! It’s been happening soooooo much more over the past 5 years…women coming together vs. competing and destroying each other. I have seen it everywhere in different forms where the divine feminine is being healed in women….something that has needed to happen for a very long time. I’m glad to hear about it again!
Heidi
One loves horseback riding, kayaking, hiking….. just my type of man and says he’s a Christian, but I haven’t the foggiest clue of what to say to catch his interest. Any suggestions? What if you imagined that Ed was the guy saying this to you…what would your response be?
I think that the men you have good relationships with are one where you don’t feel pressure to create or push or be anything other than just yourself…and they like that! So maybe that’s the secret sauce for you…just being yourself, with no agenda. Imagine dating without any need for anything to go further. You are just enjoying the moment and not searching for information, not analyzing everything he does, not overthinking about how should react or what you should say…imagine feeling 100% like yourself – like you feel when you are talking with Ed. I’m curious…how often do you feel that comfortable in yourself when you are getting to know a guy?
Yeah…I gotta say that Emil’s story sounds a bit far fetched. I’m glad you looked it up and did some research. I’m curious what he is going to say next.
I totally get how it can be scary to go to the Netherlands. I think that’s a pretty healthy fear and one I have no doubt you can face. You are resourceful and you love to explore, so that part of you would figure it out pretty quickly. It will take a bit of time, but you will learn how to feel comfortable once you familiarize yourself with everything.
Christmas was wonderful! I drove a few hours into the mountains with 4 dogs in the back of my car. I parked in the HUGE bowl….100s of acres of flatlands surrounded by GIANT snow capped mountains. It was breathtaking. I hung out there for a few hours, journaled, listened to a podcast, walked the dogs…its was AMAZING! Then I came home and hung out with my mom and watched a few Christmas movies. PERFECT day! Then Sunday all the the decorations came down. Haha! I’m ready for the new year. How were your holidays?
Heidi
You are asking some GREAT questions about yourself. It sounds like you are ready to take yourself to a deeper layer.
There is NOTHING pathetic about who you are. You are just normal. We ALL have low self-esteem. We ALL have patterns and behaviors that come from insecurities, hurt, woundedness etc. So it’s not pathetic. It just makes you like the rest of us – which makes all of our silly limitations a normal part of life and relationship. So I want to encourage you, that as you dig deeper, you are kind and compassionate with yourself. Remember that whatever answers you discover to the “why” question, you will find hurt there. Calling yourself pathetic will only ADD to the hurt. Instead…being kind, gentle and caring with yourself can help heal the pain that created the patterns in the first place.
This is foundational to having a STRONG, SOLID relationship with yourself. Self-love, in our most wounded parts, is what will help you in those moments when you are rejected, because YOU will love you and choose you, instead of trying to convince the guy to love you and choose you. Make sense?Spyce and I would love to help you answer your “why” questions, if you want to take a journey with us. We both have done a TON of deep diving, so we are good guides. Let us know if you want our help 🙂
Heidi
I’m not surprised Perri wasn’t quite your flavor. I get how you would feel she is being judgemental. She could easily be described that way. She is a very firey energy and can come across that way. I’m glad you were able to receive some bits of validation though!
But, I’ll leave the male things to the men as much as possible, and i’ll do my own thing. i don’t want to be both. I think people get REALLY confused by the terms male and female energies. When she was referring to goals, she was referring to goals that were driven and created by the masculine energies inside a person. So saying you will leave the male things to men and you don’t want to be both, is not even possible. You are BOTH in everything you do. Men are BOTH as well. If you maybe term the female as the “creator” and the male as the “producer” you may be able to better see how these energies are always at play within you…and whoever is in the driver’s seat, will create certain results. There are many more words to use instead of male or female…so you can replace those words with doer/giver – pushing/allowing – forcing/receiving – motivating/accepting. Male and female is just another adjective to describe the energies and have nothing to do with gender. Make sense?
Isn’t that interesting how you are getting a high open rate??? That just tells you how interesting you are! You have A LOT to share and A LOT to say and you are someone who is good at “seeing” others, beyond what they know about themselves. You have been learning the language of the subconscious that lives within you, which means you will be able to recognize it in others more easily. That makes you very effective in whatever it is you are wanting to create!
I love the story about the band. That is how it’s supposed to be, right? High vibe, passion, connection, support. I LOVE IT! I can see why you connected with them.
This week is very quiet isn’t it? I definitely tone things down during this time of year and ride the wave of energy that is present. I’m glad you are able to do the same! So much more peaceful.
Heidi
