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people like Jordan Peterson – beat it to a pulp and see if it still stands…! Haha! I remember you saying this before and it made me laugh then and still does. I love this!
It’s interesting to me that you seem to think a protective energy is a wounded energy. I actually do not think this as a whole. It’s a case by case basis. Protective energy is both powerful / needed and it also can be harmful or wounded or victimizing. It just depends on where the energy is coming from. That’s how I view everything I suppose. It’s not about the action/behavior/words…it’s all about the energy sourcing those things that will connect you to the truth/intent of that person. It’s no different than money. Money can destroy or heal, depending on the person using it and their intent.
I believe that when things are beaten down to their core, we WILL find a foundation that is true for everyone, because it is as real as the sunrise and the sunset. Interesting! How come? Where is there ANY evidence of such a thing existing for humanity that would make you believe this? If anything, I have found quite the opposite. The deeper I explore, the more variations to perspectives and “truths” show up. The more I learn, the more I realize I know nothing. I have not yet come across a single thing, on the face of this planet, that 100% of people can agree upon.
But, i think, with you, the issue is the fact that you can’t hear my voice. I can understand the ‘flavor of hate’. It’s the words i’m using. How else can i state that she was emotionally not strong enough to support me? You say it just like that actually. There is a difference between saying “she was not emotionally strong enough to support me” vs. “my mother is weak.” Do you feel the difference in these 2 sentences? Maybe to you, you feel exactly the same, no matter which sentence you say. As an observer (over technology of course, which is so limited) those 2 sentences read very differently. so I’m poking holes and being reflective…that’s all.
I wonder if there are some wounds that are SO EXTREMELY deep that you cannot pull them out without killing the person? Like severely addicted people who cannot be detoxed without killing them? What an interesting question! I’ve never thought about this before. I do know for a fact, there are some specific types of wounds/programs that can kill a person if you remove the programming too quickly. There definitely are certain types of programs that require a very delicate / skilled healer to help undo it. But in general, I personally believe (just because it makes me feel better to believe this than not to believe this) that if it’s possible to wound a soul so deeply, there is also the possibility to heal that deeply. I guess I cannot imagine a creator that would create a problem that wasn’t solvable/fixable/healable.
Only because men aren’t allowed to defend themselves anymore. Have you noticed that when a woman cries out, other women gather around her, and support her and scream with her? When a wounded man cries out, nobody comes to his defense, especially if his fight is with a woman. Men are in a lose-lose situation more often than not. Yes, I absolutely see this happening. But we could go to the other perspective here as well that exists everywhere…men created this. Men have abused/used/raped/manipulated women for decades. Men are running this country and have suppressed women over and over and over again, through various forms of power. So if this perspective exists, would you not say that it’s pretty reasonable for women to stand up together? There are a gazillion lose-lose situations women have had to face against men as well, both privately and publicly. My point being, BOTH collective perspectives come from hundreds and hundreds of experiences and both perspectives have truth and lies in them. One is not more right than the other. Both perspectives are full of pain and hurt and both perspectives need to be healed. Just looking at history in general, certain parts of Europe, during the middle ages, were run by the matriarchy and they did some damage as well as good too. So historically, it generally looks like men and women have taken turns messing things up and fixing things…all according to their perspectives. I wonder if we will ever be lead by both men and women.
All the people in this forum are women voicing their pain about men, right? IS there one for men to voice their pain about women? If there IS one, will men use it? None of the men that i know would! Men are like dogs – they’ll go hide someplace and lick their wounds and hope they heal. But it’s also not socially acceptable for men to spill their guts Oh my goodness yes there is! I used to work with only men. I have such a heart for them trying to figure us ladies out. They get so confused! LOL. There are PLENTY of men who spill their guts and who react EXACTLY as women do. I grew up with men as well and was always “one of the guys.” I was constantly surrounded by guys and believe me…they are just as gossipy, whiney, confused and manipulative as women are.
I’m sure there’s a few more. But, i tend to speak in support of whoever isn’t being listened to. At this time, it’s going to mostly be white folks, men, and maybe any rich person who is being vilified for no reason. i look for the good in those who are being beaten up. And i speak up for that good. OMG! I cracked up at this part….so true! I see those same exact patterns and I’m sure over a few cups of coffee, between the 2 of us, we could come up with a mile-long list of these and no doubt have some good laughs about all of it!
SO, what i see is — Patriarchy and Matriarchy COEXIST. Patriarchy can only succeed with Matriarchy by it’s side. The way they complement each other is in their functions – the Patriarchy sets the standards for performance and the Matriarchy sets the standards for behavior. This is why they need each other. In the arena of work – performance is extremely important – because the lives of people could depend on it. So precision and skill is necessary. In the area of relationships, behavior is extremely important and the way you treat people determines your social belonging. Beautifully said! I believe that whether in a male or female or whatever form you claim to be, if you lead with the heart and support your love/passion/kindness for others with high standards, productivity, precision etc. then the system would be unstoppable! In my circles, it’s always supported and claimed to “…..ask for the highest good of all.”
Heidi
people like Jordan Peterson – beat it to a pulp and see if it still stands…! Haha! I remember you saying this before and it made me laugh then and still does. I love this!
It’s interesting to me that you seem to think a protective energy is a wounded energy. I actually do not think this as a whole. It’s a case by case basis. Protective energy is both powerful / needed and it also can be harmful or wounded or victimizing. It just depends on where the energy is coming from. That’s how I view everything I suppose. It’s not about the action/behavior/words…it’s all about the energy sourcing those things that will connect you to the truth/intent of that person. It’s no different than money. Money can destroy or heal, depending on the person using it and their intent.
I believe that when things are beaten down to their core, we WILL find a foundation that is true for everyone, because it is as real as the sunrise and the sunset. Interesting! How come? Where is there ANY evidence of such a thing existing for humanity that would make you believe this? If anything, I have found quite the opposite. The deeper I explore, the more variations to perspectives and “truths” show up. The more I learn, the more I realize I know nothing. I have not yet come across a single thing, on the face of this planet, that 100% of people can agree upon.
But, i think, with you, the issue is the fact that you can’t hear my voice. I can understand the ‘flavor of hate’. It’s the words i’m using. How else can i state that she was emotionally not strong enough to support me? You say it just like that actually. There is a difference between saying “she was not emotionally strong enough to support me” vs. “my mother is weak.” Do you feel the difference in these 2 sentences? Maybe to you, you feel exactly the same, no matter which sentence you say. As an observer (over technology of course, which is so limited) those 2 sentences read very differently. so I’m poking holes and being reflective…that’s all.
I wonder if there are some wounds that are SO EXTREMELY deep that you cannot pull them out without killing the person? Like severely addicted people who cannot be detoxed without killing them? What an interesting question! I’ve never thought about this before. I do know for a fact, there are some specific types of wounds/programs that can kill a person if you remove the programming too quickly. There definitely are certain types of programs that require a very delicate / skilled healer to help undo it. But in general, I personally believe (just because it makes me feel better to believe this than not to believe this) that if it’s possible to wound a soul so deeply, there is also the possibility to heal that deeply. I guess I cannot imagine a creator that would create a problem that wasn’t solvable/fixable/healable.
Only because men aren’t allowed to defend themselves anymore. Have you noticed that when a woman cries out, other women gather around her, and support her and scream with her? When a wounded man cries out, nobody comes to his defense, especially if his fight is with a woman. Men are in a lose-lose situation more often than not. Yes, I absolutely see this happening. But we could go to the other perspective here as well that exists everywhere…men created this. Men have abused/used/raped/manipulated women for decades. Men are running this country and have suppressed women over and over and over again, through various forms of power. So if this perspective exists, would you not say that it’s pretty reasonable for women to stand up together? There are a gazillion lose-lose situations women have had to face against men as well, both privately and publicly. My point being, BOTH collective perspectives come from hundreds and hundreds of experiences and both perspectives have truth and lies in them. One is not more right than the other. Both perspectives are full of pain and hurt and both perspectives need to be healed. Just looking at history in general, certain parts of Europe, during the middle ages, were run by the matriarchy and they did some damage as well as good too. So historically, it generally looks like men and women have taken turns messing things up and fixing things…all according to their perspectives. I wonder if we will ever be lead by both men and women.
All the people in this forum are women voicing their pain about men, right? IS there one for men to voice their pain about women? If there IS one, will men use it? None of the men that i know would! Men are like dogs – they’ll go hide someplace and lick their wounds and hope they heal. But it’s also not socially acceptable for men to spill their guts Oh my goodness yes there is! I used to work with only men. I have such a heart for them trying to figure us ladies out. They get so confused! LOL. There are PLENTY of men who spill their guts and who react EXACTLY as women do. I grew up with men as well and was always “one of the guys.” I was constantly surrounded by guys and believe me…they are just as gossipy, whiney, confused and manipulative as women are.
I’m sure there’s a few more. But, i tend to speak in support of whoever isn’t being listened to. At this time, it’s going to mostly be white folks, men, and maybe any rich person who is being vilified for no reason. i look for the good in those who are being beaten up. And i speak up for that good. OMG! I cracked up at this part….so true! I see those same exact patterns and I’m sure over a few cups of coffee, between the 2 of us, we could come up with a mile-long list of these and no doubt have some good laughs about all of it!
SO, what i see is — Patriarchy and Matriarchy COEXIST. Patriarchy can only succeed with Matriarchy by it’s side. The way they complement each other is in their functions – the Patriarchy sets the standards for performance and the Matriarchy sets the standards for behavior. This is why they need each other. In the arena of work – performance is extremely important – because the lives of people could depend on it. So precision and skill is necessary. In the area of relationships, behavior is extremely important and the way you treat people determines your social belonging. Beautifully said! I believe that whether in a male or female or whatever form you claim to be, if you lead with the heart and support your love/passion/kindness for others with high standards, productivity, precision etc. then the system would be unstoppable! In my circles, it’s always supported and claimed to “…..ask for the highest good of all.”
Heidi
That’s also why i feel like my POV is being devalued when you say it’s just mine. YES, it is ABSOLUTELY mine! But not because i haven’t given due consideration to how everybody else sees the flowers in the vase. I can see why you would feel that I am devaluing your POV by saying that. Let’s clear that up! So now, when i am finally able to respect myself enough to stand by what i see, This is your truth – as it should be! You are absolutely spot on in that you are someone who explores your life and points of view. You don’t take things at face value, you listen to other possibilities and you do travel around the vase to see what else is going on. You are definitely awake enough to know there are even other sides to the vase…which that in and of itself, makes you an above average person. It takes great strength to travel around the vase! I have a lot of respect for you because you are a seeker of your truth. In my mind, your POV is worth listening to and is valuable because it’s valuable to you! I know that whatever beliefs you have, are worth listening to and do have value because of the kind of person you are. I, like you, am a seeker. I guess I hold my own beliefs very lightly, just like I hold everyone else’s. I absolutely do have some very solid beliefs that I live by and are part of the fabric of my being. At the same exact time, I also KNOW that whatever it is that I believe, regardless of how many times I have traveled around the vase and observed and listened and asked questions etc. – it still is just my POV therefore it’s true only for me. My POV is definitely more expanded than most people, therefore has a lot of flexibility, a lot of reasoning and education, a lot of research behind it – therefore it’s a more educated POV. That’s how I view yours as well. It’s more educated than most, therefore I will poke holes in your beliefs because I know you can take it and I know you are interested. You will reject or accept the holes I attempt to poke in it and move on….which is exactly what an internally strong person should do. So hopefully this explains my perspective a bit better. I hope it helps you feel like I am not devaluing you. I am speaking a truth that you already know of, that everyone’s POV is always limited in one way or another, but in my mind, it doesn’t make our POV any less valuable. Does this make sense?
I’ve been learning that we create our own realities. is this only applicable to me? This is such a loaded topic! LOL. We could probably talk for hours and hours about this philosophy. My only point in making that statement was that it was a collective perspective and a common experience for women. You said a few posts back “Also, from what i have seen, MEN live more from their hearts than women do. That is why they are generally more straightforward in the way the speak and the way they live their lives. They cannot tolerate discomfort, because they are true to themselves and their values. They know their boundaries, because their very gut reactions are connected to their hearts.” You were getting into your “protective” energy towards men, so I was just showing another, very common, perspective. That’s all.
I LOVE your analogy of you being a vessel and water flowing through you! That is such a great picture and communicates really well what you are trying to portray! I’m so glad that you are having these experiences of healing as you feel the water flow through you. You are noticing how things that were emotionally charged, are no longer there anymore. Isn’t that fantastic??? It’s the best feeling in the entire world! You sure work hard for it too Vino. You are always doing such great work with yourself and you are so diligent about it – and you are getting to feel what healing can do.
What you said here, truly surprised me. WHY should there be a hatred in the wounded places? I just say that because it’s pretty normal and common. Maybe you are the exception – as there always is that possibility. As someone who works with people’s wounds very deeply, myself included, there is always a flavor of hate – and most of the time, it’s NOT conscious. I can usually tell it lives very deep inside, because I can feel its presence through how someone talks, the tone of someone and some of it I can’t explain because it’s my intuition picking up on signals I am not consciously aware of. I’m always willing to be wrong though. For example, when you say things like this (and you often do): Not distrust because she is a bad person, but distrust because she is a WEAK person. Calling her WEAK has a wounded flavor to it and how you say it (as well as how you have mentioned this word in the past), there is a flavor of hatred here – not FULL hatred, but just a flavor – from my perspective of course. I could be wrong too. I will say that it’s incredibly hard to really get a sense about things through technology and only writing.
I agree that energies are neutral. And if they got labelled as male and female somewhere along the way, then it was wrong. And there’s no need to continue doing so because it perpetuates the stereotype that men aren’t naturally caring and loving and nurturing, that men don’t live from their hearts, that masculinity is toxic and all these lies and ugliness being attached to anything masculine. it perpetuates the lie that a feminine energy is somehow better and more authentic and from the heart rather than the mind. I totally Hate, Hate, HATE how masculinity is vilified. This perspective has truth in it. This absolutely happens and I won’t argue that at all. It’s also a very wounded perspective. The fact that you feel you have to defend men in the first place, comes from wounded energy. The fact that you are defending only one side, comes from wounded energy. This perspective is true for ALL HUMANS. There are very ugly perspectives for men AND women, but you only make it true for men.
Their inability to multitask is because they are living WHOLEHEARTEDLY and they focus on the one task at hand. Their ability to compartmentalize is natural, and it’s also from the heart! It allows them to not drag the problems of one area into another, so they are able to give their best to whichever area they are focusing on at the moment. This is a heart action, not a mind action. This too is also true for BOTH men and women. I know you feel a natural, inherent distrust towards women and I know you do not feel hatred towards them. It doesn’t mean that it isn’t there. We are so deep Vino, most people have no clue. Although I have traveled deeper into myself than most even know exists, I also know there are places in me I still have yet to discover. I know I am limitless in my depth, therefore I will never reach an “end.” I know I still carry hatred in me. Not because I actually feel it, but because it leaks out in certain behaviors and programs that are still running in me. I still will come back to this though…I could be entirely wrong about how you feel deep inside and I should be better about how I communicate what I am saying. I speak sometimes as if I am an authority on woundedness, and although I have many years being in relationship with mine and other’s woundedness, it doesn’t mean you fall into the same patterns. Regardless, when and if you ever connect to those depths within you, whatever will be revealed in that time, is all you need to be aware of anyways. Our systems are brilliant like that. We learn EXACTLY what we need to learn about ourselves in each moment that we are ready to embrace it.Heidi
Cherisse, you don’t have to figure things out alone. I’m guessing you are used to doing everything alone. Maybe allow us in a little more? We are more than happy to go on a journey of self-discovery WITH you. We are guides to helping you know yourself and also helping with certain skills and perspectives. So maybe just come on here and write what you are confused about. It doesn’t have to even make sense. Spyce and I are very good at helping people get more clear about what’s happening. We are objective and have a lot of knowledge and heart wisdom to share.
So….what are you confused about?
Heidi
well done Emilie! I love that you used your voice and spoke up about it. I can be that same way where I don’t say anything. It’s called being the “martyr” and though at times it’s helpful and necessary, it’s not a healthy way to live. I did a lot of work with my voice/throat chakra these past 5 months and I’m consciously choosing to speak up sooooo much more – even about small things like what you did. One area I have no been so good at is asking people to pick up their dog poop! LOL. I am at the dog park so frequently and see people miss their dog pooping and sometimes purposefully not pick it up. I tend to be the martyr and go pick it up for them. Last year, I was trying to use my voice more and asked a woman to pick up her dog’s poop as he was pooping right near the entrance and she was watching it. She was on the phone talking and went from 0-100. She started yelling at me that “it was water!!!!” (her dog had some diahrrea, but there was still plenty to pick up) and that it was none of my business. I eventually ended up picking it up anyway and walked away feeling soooooo gross by her nasty energy sliming me. It was worth it to get yelled at, so I clammed back up. Time to open up again. I did a lot of healing work a few months ago and KNEW I was going to have the opportunity again…and a few weeks back, I did. I let a woman know her dog was pooping (he was walking behind her and she didn’t see it) and she was the SWEETEST woman in the whole world. She was so sorry and thanked me over and over for not judging her and being mean about it. LOL. I thanked her for caring and told her about my last experience a year ago and appreciated her for helping me heal.
There was something I came across that helped me a lot in using my voice…maybe it will help you. When I use my voice, I have to know what I am in service to. I used to focus on the person, but now I focus on the energy I want to support. When I ask someone to pick up the dog poop, I am in service to the earth staying clean and healthy. I am in service to the energy of kindness. For me, when I put my attention on being in service to an energy vs. “holding someone accountable” it feels, for me, like a much higher frequency that opens me up. When you said something to him about the 15th, you were in service to the energy of integrity. Just something to think about.
Heidi
It sounds like you guys are figuring out a flow again, in this new design of connection. I’m curious…do you still have feelings for him? Meaning, are you still sexually/romantically attracted to him? It sounds like you are, but then at the same time, you are not really attached to experiencing him that way. It sounds like you are good just having fun with him. But I’m wondering what kinds of thoughts you are having in your mind about him as you go through your day. Do you think about him everyday? Do you go through memories when you were together? Do you imagine being with him again romantically?
Happy 2022! I can’t believe it’s here already.
Heidi
Hi Elizabeth,
Thank you for sharing so much of your struggles. You have been through a lot and you feel alone, scared and not safe, even with yourself. There is a lot of trauma energy still running in your system, hence why you attract abusive men. Healing the trauma will completely change how you relate to men. I know you tried a therapist before and it didn’t work. Maybe try a different one? You need to do some deeper work with someone who has experience dealing with the kind of trauma you grew up with. Personally, I would not stop looking until I found someone that could help me. You are carrying a thousand pounds on your back which makes you NOT available for anyone. It’s time to let all of that go. It takes time and it takes a BIG commitment to stay on the healing path, but if you want that big happy family you imagine, then that is the only path to take.
Let’s keep this conversation going though. There is a lot more to share and uncover. Can you set up your own thread though? It’s easier for us coaches to make sure we are responding to everyone when they have their own threads. Let me know if you have any trouble doing that.
Heidi
I’m constantly proving myself to someone and to be fair, I’m sick and tired of it Kadra! This is amazing! You are supposed to be sick and tired of it… which means you are truly ready to shift how you treat yourself and how you live in this world. It’s time for YOU to 100% be present with yourself and be authentic. This way, people can really get to know who you are! This is so great! I emailed you the info. for the coach, so she will be able to take you much deeper into that part of yourself that doesn’t feel safe to be who you really are. There is NOTHING to be embarrassed about. Remember that you have these patterns because you have always been trying to do your very best and you TAUGHT this is how you do it. So how you are living in your life is pretty normal, considering the programming you grew up with.
Now it’s time to learn how to set some new goals. You want your goals to come from your heart, not your ego. So when you decide you want to do something, does it have passion behind it? Does it make you feel open energetically when you think about it? Does it only involve you – where you are the only person that matters? These are things to deeply ask yourself. The ego can be quite tricky and takes the driver’s seat VERY easily. So no it’s time to get to know your heart and your desires / goals / vision for your life that is connected to your best self. Does this make sense?
Heidi
Hi Cherisse!
Welcome! You are asking some great questions, so we are glad you are here. There is a lot to discuss, so stay with us as we unpack more of what you are feeling/doing.
First, I want to say that you need to be the pack leader of your dogs, not the other way around. Not dating because of your dogs, is letting them run your life and that is not healthy, for you or the dogs. I am an AVID dog lover, I take care of dogs all the time and have done a TON of research about how to be the very best dog guardian I can possibly be. My pup is the love of my life and he is at the top of my priority list…BEHIND ME. I completely understand your thought process of making them priority – and they should be – but not over your love life. I wonder if subconsciously you used them as an excuse to not date? Just something to think about. Your dogs barking at strangers could mean they feel insecure, they feel defensive, they feel nervous or they feel threatened or the need the protect you. First, it’s about understanding what EXACTLY their barking means and what they are communicating. Then it’s about you being the pack leader and creating a space for them to relax because they know YOU have everything covered. Their barking is letting you know that they don’t feel that you are leader, so they need to be. Here is a video that may help a bit: https://youtu.be/1ln5lpH5Nf0
I feel that if I can do these, then I should be fine alone. I think it’s all about how you feel, and while romance might be nice, it could cause a headache and heartache, too. Anyway, I thought I would try online dating in March just for a month, and if I didn’t find someone, then I’d just forget about it. You are on the right track of wanting to discover your happiness, just with yourself. That is probably one of the most important things you can do for yourself. You want to learn how you can feel completely fulfilled as a single person.
Yes…romance is nice and yes, there IS heartache and headache guaranteed. AND there is heartache and headache guaranteed as a single person too. It’s not like you are giving up one for the other. There is pain and hurt regardless, because it’s just part of the human experience. So single or part of a couple, you will experience all the different flavors that life has to offer you…just in different ways.Your mindset of only dating in March and if you don’t find someone, then giving up…is quite a limited and small perspective. What if you dated just to get to know yourself? What if you dated so you could develop certain skillsets that you need to improve upon? What if you dated NOT to meet a love interest, but to instead fall in love with yourself?
Heidi
Hi Eva! So glad you are still here! I wasn’t sure where you went to. You are asking some incredibly great questions. You are asking the most important, deep, core questions but the answers are far from simple. I mean, the answers are simple, but not before you go through MANY layers of complexity. So I will do my best to start to give you another layer to help you understand a little more. Keep asking your questions!!! This is a super long conversation that I am HAPPY to have with you!!!
But the fact is that im in the journey of trying to give value to my time /sexuality/heart/body and peace so im not really good at knowing at first sight if the boy i have in front of me values these aspects. how do you figure it out? The simple answer: when you know yourself, you know the person sitting in front of you. We are all basically the same. Our details are different and unique of course, but we all react in similar ways. So as you know yourself more deeply, you will instantly be able to recognize certain words, energies, thoughts, behaviors that someone is having and what it could possibly mean. This is what I mean by the answer is simple, but you have to go through many layers of complexity before you get to the simplicity.
and how can i become good at it too?is it some of these qualities knowable just from how they present themselves before even talk to them?. Again, know yourself. Know and understand your thoughts, your patterns, your beliefs, the programs that are active in you, the judgments you have etc. Where do they all come from? What’s the core of all of it? This is a life long journey. Dating for me was my platform to know myself. I dated everyone! The hot guys, the ugly guys, the fat guys, the non athlete, the computer geek, the popular football star…you name it, I dated them…even women. Why? Because I KNEW that every kind of person I went on a date with, would bring out a different part of me. I wanted to feel my judgments, my limiting patterns, my insecurities, what I was really great at, what I was not so good at..and I learned about myself. The more I learned about myself, the more I was able to see bits and pieces of myself in other people. Our subconscious, deep beliefs and programs leak out all over the place in our behaviors, thoughts, choices etc. So once I understood my own subconscious language, I could understand someone else’s. Just like any language, once you learn how to speak it, you can have a conversation.
but in this position i cant ask him about more deep things like i dont know ..his family ,his past , his past relationships (do i have to ask??) There are 2 ways to get to know someone…by watching and observing when you hang out and by asking questions. How you get to know someone will depend a lot on your own comfort level and your personality type. I personally am pretty blunt and feel 100% comfortable asking any question. If someone feels uncomfortable, so what. They can decline to answer. Either way, whether they answer or don’t answer, I will learn something about them. But that’s me. I do read the situation as well. Sometimes it’s just better to hold off asking certain questions. That’s where I use my intuition. Regardless, it doesn’t matter in the end. You just have to be you and if the person in front of you cannot get past any “mistakes” you make, then wouldn’t you say it’s best they move on?
because ..lots of people goes to concerts but how can i know what type of specific person he is when he hoes to concerts,like the calm one ore the type who pushes to go forward in a row? Or how can i know if he is bossy or introvert?I know its normal to not to know this specific things about a person but i have the feel that i’m not used to catch some little signals that says it loudly what type of person im talking with. Do you have some advices?…for example how to know if he’s testing you or if it is his everyday personality like this ?or.. how can i guess what type of girl he’s searching for?to not waste mine and his time. This takes time and there are also certain types of questions you can ask to get a sense about someone. For example, I like to ask “What are you like when you get angry / mad?” This will give me an idea about their personality and how they cope with stress. Imagine that your heart is a business that you run and you are looking to hire some employees to help keep it healthy and vibrant and working well. What questions / observations would you ask someone on an interview? Because that is essentially what is happening on a date…you are being interviewed and you are also interviewing.
What is feminine energy? and from your personal point of view? The simple answer is heart energy. Anything that is sourced from the heart is feminine. Love, passion, creativity, laughter, joy etc. Anything sourced from the mind is masculine. It’s soooo layered and dynamic beyond that. If you imagine that the feminine energy is like a rushing river – it runs soft, it runs powerfully in different spots, it’s multidirectional and extremely dynamic. The land on the sides of the river is the masculine energy – the walls that guide the river. The masculine is meant to serve / support the feminine.
Where does this strong sense of hjs intentions comes from? and,
what type of questions do you ask and in what specific scenarios? Do you ask him this questions to embarass him or to let him know that you understood his intent or more logically, to confirm yourself what your intuition already knows(his real intent)?. Again, I am very blunt and just ask what I want to know. BUT…I feel comfortable being that because I am solid in myself. I am not worried about what he will think about me. I am more concerned about whether he will fit into MY life…not the other way around..i dont know maybe the fact that this person has accepted something that before we hated about ourselves? and why would this think be relevant to us, why we search for approval from specific people or from all people??
Why would change feel good?i’ve always changed something about myself but before feeling good about the change i always felt for weeks stressed and anxious during the process of changing Here is the basic way to view change. If you are changing from a place of insecurity or ego – in order to be accepted or to get a certain result – the change you are trying to make will be temporary and will make you more miserable. If you change because it’s for YOU and because you are inspired and desire that change FOR YOURSELF – then you will yield the best results. So changing for someone you deeply love is NOT okay unless you WANT that change in your heart. Healthy, sustainable change needs to come from and be inspired from your heart energy. Does this make sense?Heidi
I am very sensitive to the energies that swirl about me in the average world I understand what you are saying about the general population. I would say that I see the general population’s opinions of men and women are very different than how you see it. From my viewpoint, men are still quite ahead of the game. From my viewpoint, women are still having to fight to be heard and respected and this country is still run by the patriarchy…therefore men are still highly valued and respected. The majority of women on this forum are in so much pain from all the men ghosting them, playing games, cheating etc. I could give you a mile long list of why I have my perspective and I know you could give me just as long of a list as to why you have your perspective. It’s all about the lens we see life through, isn’t it?
Also when you say that something is relative to my experience, do you not think it devalues my ability to see and recognize patterns? I don’t see it as devaluing. It’s more about understanding that your perspective is relative to your experience and therefore doesn’t make it anymore “right” or “wrong” than the next person. Imagine looking at a beautiful ceramic vase full of flowers. Depending on which side of the flowers you are looking at, you will see something different. That’s like life. Every single person has a different view of the flowers and therefore always has only a PIECE of the truth. So doesn’t that make every person’s perspective valuable? Of course you can see and recognize patterns and you are incredibly good at it…but they are still patterns that you can see from your perspective, therefore it doesn’t make those patterns true or not true for everyone…it makes it true for only you because you are the only one viewing it in your very unique way – and that is what makes it valuable TO YOU. Does this make sense?
For example: Men express their love in silence and their anger in loudness. But Women express their anger in silence and their love just bubbles out all over the place very visibly. Of course, there’s differences based on personality, but, what do you think? In a generalized way, have you noticed that as well? I think it’s because men aren’t as practiced in expressing their tender side. I get what you are getting at. There definietly are some very strong, collective programs about how men and women are “allowed” to express how they feel. A lot has changed in my lifetime though. I feel like the collective is slowly breaking those gendered programs in many different ways. From my personal experience (in more recent times) both men and women express in their own ways according to what their personality is, so I feel like both men and women are more comfortable to just be who they are vs. aligning with the social programming.
I was thinking about women in places like India where men are given so much power and value in society than women. And yet, when you let them loose in a free society, it is women who hold on to the cultural ways more than the men do. So i was trying to figure that out. This is such an interesting phenomenom isn’t it? My thoughts go to the REALLY big picture. I’m not sure I can quite explain it, but I’ll try. Essentially, whenever there is a collective group adhering to certain ways of living, you have to have an energetice/collective agreement to how that collective is going to function. So if the men are in power, then women have to also agree to let them be in power and be subservient. The men could not be in power without the women agreeing to be subservient. I’m not saying this is a conscious choice by every single man and women. It’s more about a subconscious agreement by the collective. When you start to see systems breaking, that’s a sign of the collective / subconscious energies shifting. So when women are truly and finally ready to be considered equal to men in a particular culture, they will find a way to make it happen. It may take 50 or 100 years, who knows. But you can tell when a collective agreement is changing because there are people who start to fight against the “system” and then they will inspire more and more people to keep fighting against the “system” and then eventually, over time, the subconscious agreements will break and new agreements will form. So when you find women, for example, still upholding cultural agreements, it’s because they aren’t quite ready to break free from the agreement (on a subconscious level). It’s no different than when you find a person who grew up with alcoholic parents falling in love with alcholics. It’s familiar, it’s predictable, it’s what they are used to and anything less than that choas is actually quite uncomfortable. I could talk about this topic for hours because there are physiological reason, emotional reasons, spiritual reasons and mental reason why people CHOOSE to stay in chaos.
But as i said above, i don’t HATE women. I just don’t trust them as much as i trust men. I’m glad I did not trigger you. I’m curious though…were you able to receive what I said? That as you are pointing the finger at people who judge men for being something that you consider they don’t deserve to be judged for, you are at the same time being that very same person judging women. You say you don’t hate women, but I’m wondering…if you were to really dive deep into that space, my guess is, a hatred would rise up in you. How could it not with what you have been through…with both men and women. There are untouched places in you that you haven’t visited yet and there are feelings held in those spaces that leak out from time to time. There is a part of you that is absolutely open to women AND there is a part of you that carries the hurt and trauma about them. So you are “split” which is very normal when trauma lives in you.
Happy New Year Vino. Thank you for your appreciation and valuing our conversation. I fully receive what you said – it went all the way into my heart. It’s such a sacred conversation to me and I am honored to get to have it with you!
Heidi
And there’s no need to continue doing so because it perpetuates the stereotype that men aren’t naturally caring and loving and nurturing, that men don’t live from their hearts, that masculinity is toxic and all these lies and ugliness being attached to anything masculine. it perpetuates the lie that feminine energy is somehow better and more authentic and from the heart rather than the mind. I totally Hate, Hate, HATE how masculinity is vilified. I understand this is your experience and perspective. Know that is not at all my experience or how people view the masculine/feminine in my circles. Both energies and genders are highly respected and honored as they should be. That’s how I choose to hear and speak about both energies and genders and I hope you will receive my intent that way.
Also, from what i have seen, MEN live more from their hearts than women do. I would venture to say that this is just relative to the kind of people you meet. Since you inherently have a strong dislike towards women, your perspective is going to support what you need to believe about women and men in your life.
The mind is weak. it bleeds all over the place and into everything. I’m sad this is your perspective as it’s part of all of us and was made just perfectly. I view the mind as incredibly powerful and innovative and amazing!
It also tries to control everything and everyone around it. And women are generally much better at controlling situations and relationships by their ability to be manipulative. They can manipulate emotions. They know how to toy with you feelings and pull your strings just right to make you do what THEY want you to do. Their loving, caring and nurturing is natural to them, so they use it to control – by altering the quality of caring/ and loving and nurturing they provide, in order to get what they want. This is a mind thing, it’s not a heart thing. A heart cannot live with lies. I would call this the ego, not the mind. The ego in each of us, is incredibly strong. Yes, I know women can be like this. So can men. Again…I think I would say that everything you are describing is true for both genders, as it depends on the person.
I’m afraid i’ll continue to defend men for as long as people have this automatic, negative response to anything that is male and an excessively positive response to anything that is female.. I realize I am taking a chance at triggering you here and maybe creating a defensive response by saying this. Hopefully, you will receive it in a way of just being open and that I am NOT judging at all. You hate others’ limited perspectives of men and the villainizing of men, yet you do that very same thing towards women. So really, you are doing and being and living with a mindset that you are so “hateful” of in others. Wouldn’t you say it makes you the same kind of person that you “hate?” Just something to consider and think about.
I have a problem with that idea. It eliminates the uniqueness of an individual life and neutralizes their full worth in the here and now. This is an interesting perspective. How come you feel that if you had many lives, it would somehow diminish the worth of this life? Why can’t this life be fully and completely important, valuable and powerful, even if you had other lives?
what if i could make friends with my enemy self? What if you didn’t view this self sabotaging part as an enemy? In reality, any part of us that is sabotaging our happiness, success or whatever, is actually a part of us that is trying to protect us. It’s a part of us that holds the programs, beliefs and paradigms that are unhealed and full of lies. The lies are there in the first place because of traumas, hurts, social/cultural programming etc. So really, it’s not an enemy part of ourselves, it’s a part trying to help us and protect us, right?
That is not at all arrogance! it is simply acknowledging the truth, and being recognized, even by your own self, fills you up with a warm glow well said!!! Brilliant!
I thought it would be automatic to be concerned about politics, about the economy, about the future, and all kinds of things that were terribly insignificant to me as a child. Gosh, i still haven’t developed the ability to take all that seriously! I hope you never do!
Heidi
So, to me, it seemed really narrow minded to limit your gifts to just women. I think 2 things are probably happening here. 100% of the coaching programs I have come across (and there are MANY) they all say the same thing. Create your Avatar. It’s taught to pick a gender, pick an age, pick a type of person if you want to be successful. So my guess is, it’s not necessarily narrow-minded to just want to work with women – it’s probably how they were coached and what they learned. My other guess is, it’s what is in their heart. People are called to work with certain groups of people…whether homeless, billionaires, abuse victims etc. They probably have it in their heart to really work with the specific aspects that women struggle with.
i didn’t at all like what you said here! It bothers me when people think that caring, nurturing, loving energy is ‘female’. The male version of caring and nurturing and loving is SO SUPER Powerful! and infinitely beautiful in it’s own way. You are such a defender of men! It’s beautiful! Let’s clear this up though, because it’s not actually what I said. Again, you are getting caught up in the male/female GENDER and making that the same thing as male/female energy. They are completely 2 different things. Caring, nurturing, loving IS the divine feminine energy, whether in a male or female body…it is NOT gender specific. We all have both energies constantly running in us, right? So when a man is loving and nurturing he is, in that moment, allowing his divine feminine energy to lead him – while still being male in gender. The men you have seen in their feminine energies and not attractive to you, well who knows why they were not attractive to you, but maybe they were out of balance in their expression and it rubbed you the wrong way? The band leaders that fought for their band mates to have some fun and they fired their manager – that was the divine feminine energy leading them – they lead with their heart. Either way, energy is not gendered. It’s neutral. Somehow, years ago, energy got tagged as being male energy (producing, doing, fixing, mind etc.) and female energy (nurturing, loving, soft, creative, heart) but all of those energies are things we all feel. It’s so silly these energies got tagged as male/female but I think humans like to put everything in boxes in order to understand and control life as much as possible. So it is what it is, right? Does this make more sense? Do you understand there is no need to defend men here?
I imagine you probably don’t, as it’s not part of the Catholic belief system, but I thought I’d ask anyways…do you believe in the possibility of past lives/reincarnation?
The land is different. What do you suppose makes the land what it is? What is the energy in the land? If you imagine that the earth is a “body” then every country, body of water, part of this body acts like an organ, a limb, a system. So each part of the body has a different purpose and a different feeling, just like our bodies. It’s all connected and flows together and works together, but each part feels different. Then you add on top of that, culture. People living on that part of the earth’s “body” will impact how the land feels. There are certain frequencies that live there. So whatever frequency lives within you, resonates with the U.S. I know it sounds so simple and it is, but I’m sure there are many more layers to it. I’m so glad you get to feel “home.” I know some people go their whole lives not having a clue what that feels like.
Heidi
Sounds like you had a great holiday!!! It was everything you were expecting and it flowed pretty well…except for the flat tire of course….lame!!!
Your conversation with him is so funny! I didn’t get ” “The one on the subject” but it made sense when you said it was “penis.” I was cracking up with your whole conversation. So fun! Silly, serious, light, connective. It’s just so interesting. Most guys would be jumping on you in a hot second with a connection like that. Isn’t crazy how much trauma and our past can get in the way???
I’m glad you don’t have a connection with needing to get married. These days, people are just doing things differently – even marriage. I just listened to a podcast with a woman who is a Therapist, Sexologist etc. and she recently released her book “Open Monogamy.” She talked about how the traditional form of marriage just isn’t working anymore so many couples are doing it differently. Open monogamy basically means you have your primary person you are 100% committed to and then “extra” stuff if you want. That stuff can be anything from porn, to sex parties, to partners, to whatever. It just depends on the couple and what they feel comfortable with. Her job is to help couples figure that out and to make sure their intentions are coming from a healthy place. Anyways, I was amazed that I was listening to something like this podcast. I mean I loved it, but even 10 years ago, this would not have been a topic discussed mainstream. So many things are evolving and changing these days.
As far as kids, when I was your age, I felt the same way. Then I really thought about it in a different way and released the idea. I personally believe in past lives. I know I’ve had children soooooo many times, so I figured hey – why not have this life without kids and play with that! And somehow it felt okay to not have children if the guy didn’t show up in time. I’m 100% peaceful about it. My dog pack that I am always taking care of, really nourish my mothering instinct and I always somehow end up with kids in my life through neighbors or friends or work, so it all has really worked out so beautifully! I have zero sadness about not having my own kids. For some reason, I feel like we have talked about this before, so my apologies if I am just repeating myself.
Heidi
Hi Ellena,
Welcome! That is such a powerful statement you have just made – and one that many women feel. You are not alone!
The first thing I want to say is…none of us can be in a healthy, vibrant, nourishing relationship with a man until we have that with ourselves first. How we feel about ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, how we treat ourselves, is directly reflected in the kind of men we attract. Our deep subconscious beliefs and programs about love are reflected in the kind of men we are attracted to. So whatever is happening on the outside, is reflective of what is happening on the inside. Our outside world is a reflection of our subconscious and it is so darn confusing if you are not able to understand the language of the subconscious. It’s estimated that our subconscious is actually the part of us that is making over 80% of the decisions in our lives. Crazy right?
With that being said, your struggle is common and contains a lot of layers in it. Getting to know yourself, your patterns, the core root cause of those patterns and how to heal, is what is going to shift your experiences with men.
We would love to help you navigate some of that if you would like some guidance. More details would be helpful. What’s happening in the relationships? What patterns have you noticed?
Heidi
