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Hi Morgan,
Be as cheesy as you like. I understand your gut feeling very well. I’m going to say something that may be really hard to hear. Just because you have that feeling, doesn’t mean that is how things will turn out. Life will happen however it happens, regardless of your gut feelings. MANY things in your life will not turn out the way that it’s supposed to, regardless of how much effort you put in, how much you care, how much you love, how hard you work for it. I remember when I was around your age, someone told me this: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” Now being in my mid 40s, I get it more now than ever. Not a single thing in my life turned out how I thought it would, except that somehow I am still here. God had a very different idea for my life and along the way, I had to learn to let go of what I thought I wanted and trust that something else was going to show up to serve me in a much better way….and that’s exactly what has always happened for me. The better I got at just going with the flow, finding peace and acceptance with what is vs. trying to control everything and most of all, staying open to the possibilities, things showed up for me to help me become a more effective person in this world. Had I stayed on the path that I KNEW was meant for me, thing wouldn’t have been bad or anything and I think I would have been happy, BUT I sure wouldn’t trade it for my path now. “Let go and let God” right?
Your fears are to be expected and very normal. You are afraid of losing the love that you have with him. You are afraid of losing your best friend. You are afraid of not getting to feel the you that exists when you are around him. We all feel those fears when are faced with the possibility of losing someone we love deeply. Whenever I coach people through fears, the most important aspect is to FACE those fears. You don’t face them by trying to control the situation, you face them by getting to know them more and working with the truth behind those fears. Fears are lies…bottom line. False Evidence Appearing Real. So let’s talk more about your fears. What do you think will happen if he fully walks away and you guys head in different directions? I know you believe you are meant to be together (and that very may well happen. Maybe it won’t happen for another 10 to 20 years, who knows. Anything is possible) so what will happen if your dream doesn’t come to fruition?
Let’s deal with what happens if he approaches you again. First, it’s important for you to get VERY CLEAR about your boundaries and what you want. It sounds like he keeps coming back to try to test how he is feeling. He is very split and both parts of him are having a serious battle right now, so you are best to stay out of the way of that battle and let him figure out who is going to win…his guilt or his forgiveness. Only time will tell. It’s important to understand that his discomfort is VERY important in the growing / healing process. We all are VERY motivated by pain…it’s why you are even here on this forum. You are hurting and that caused you to look for answers and now you are here. His pain and discomfort needs to grow and get bigger. The bigger it gets, the more he will seek answers…which hopefully will lead him towards talking to someone. So you taking yourself out of the picture would be leaving him alone to face what only he can fix. So you can say to him something of the effect, “You know…we have always talked about putting God first in our relationship. I realized, in the loss of you, I have been holding on sooooo tight and not wanting to let you go and let go of “us” which means I am not trusting you and your process, I am not trusting God and the path He has for me and I am not trusting that I will be okay if things don’t go the way I want them to with you. I truly believe, with all every cell in my body, we are meant to go through this life together. But I also believe that with God at the center of my life, everything will be okay, no matter how it turns out. So I’m going to let go of trying to control “us” and trying to help you so we can go back to how things were. I am going to choose to trust you, that you will figure this out however you need to. You are a smart guy, you have an incredible heart, you have God as your teammate. You will find a way to forgive yourself and reconnect back to God who loves you, unconditionally. However long it takes for you to get there, it doesn’t matter. It’s about the journey anyways, not the destination. There is a lot for you to learn and experience in the journey and I am going to stop trying to rush it, worry about it or fix it. That means that I am going to take a step back and not be an option for you anymore while you figure this out. I’m not going anywhere, but I am also not available for you right now. Whenever you get to the other side of the battle you are having inside of yourself, I will be here waiting with open arms, ready to rejoin with you, if that is what feels good for you. I am going to take my own journey of facing my fears of losing you, strengthening my faith in God and learning to trust Him even more. I am going to hand Him my broken heart, my fears, my insecurities so I can heal. That is my journey and focus now. So the way I am going to look at all of this, is that I’m thankful for your challenges. It’s causing both of us to grow in a ways that are really uncomfortable, but also very important if we are going to strengthen our relationship with God…which is the most important thing above all. So you have your journey, I will have mine and we will be better people on the other side of this season…I choose to trust that.”
How does saying something like that feel for you?
Heidi
Hi Melissa,
I understand all of your insecurities. They are actually quite valid. All your concerns are real possibilities.
Here is the thing though…the real truth about ANY relationship is that there are no guarantees. Love is a risk and there is just no way around that. So this relationship you have chosen, has a higher risk factor because of the age difference. Can you just be okay with that? Can you be okay just being present with him? He is here right now. If you are really wanting to settle down and grow roots, he might not be the best option for that and at some point, you guys will need to talk about that. But for now, you ARE on the same page and things are working. If it were fear about the age difference, it would be fear about something else if you were in a relationship with someone your own age. All relationships have areas that could cause it to break.
So…what are you doing to deal with your fears about losing him? What kinds of things are you saying to yourself when you think about him leaving to go experience his life?
Heidi
Hi Karisa,
We all get hurt in our relationships. I’m sure he has hurt you as well, so the first place to start is to work “behind the veil” so to speak. Instead of seeing things at face value, learning how to see beyond that and the core issues, is what can really make him feel understood. One of the most powerful ways to do that, is to now yourself. All my past boyfriends have all said to me, “I have never been known so well by anyone, compared to you.” The way I did that, was to know myself…we are all fundamentally the same. Because I have really connected to my hurt, my fears, my limitations, my low self esteem…I could instantly recognize it in my partner. From that space, I could support them in ways that they didn’t even ask for and many times, didn’t even know they needed. For example, I might make them their favorite comfort food meal, or offer a foot rub, or send them a YouTube video to make them laugh….but I times it when I knew they were having more of a struggle. Sometimes, I might share a frustration I was dealing with at work, that had a similar flavor to their challenge and it would open the door to them sharing more of their struggles with me…misery loves company, right?
“Small things often” is also a really good way to nourish the relationship. What kinds of things can you do to support him throughout his day…just to make his life a tad bit easier? How about compliments? Do you compliment him very much? Do you think he feels like you need him? Meaning…do you think he feels valuable in YOUR life?
As far as dealing with his ex, there is nothing you can do to help him resolve whatever is happening between them. That is HIS emotional baggage that he needs to face on his own. Maybe what you can do is get more curious about it and get him talking about it more and that may bring you deeper understanding about what he is REALLY dealing with. For example, you could say, “I was talking with my girlfriend he other day and she was telling me how sometimes her ex can still trigger her and she doesn’t understand why. It got me thinking about all the people in my own life that could still do that to me. I know your ex can do that for you. What do you think it is that makes that still happen, even though there is closure?” Do you get the idea?
Is all of this making sense? Is it helpful?
Heidi
Hi Morgan,
I understand your need for getting things fixed as soon as possible. Being that very soon, things are going to change, of course you want everything to be peaceful and going smoothly by then. The truth is, there really is no urgency. You are building up quite the story in your mind about what could happen if things don’t get fixed before he moves an hour away. Truth is, you really don’t know what will happen.
Let’s look at the bottom line, core issue you are battling with right now…you are feeling powerless. You can’t fix him and you can’t fix your relationship. There is NOTHING you can do right now to help him forgive himself, to help him feel good about how he is feeling sexually with you, to help him out of his confusion. You are watching him really struggle and you can’t fix it…you are powerless. So you are trying to grasp at everything possible for ways to solve this so your relationship can go back to the way it was and you guys can keep growing together. It’s was we all do when we feel powerless. We reach out to anything and everything to try to solve the situation, to create resolution somehow. Powerlessness puts people in limbo. There is no solid ground to stand on when we feel powerless. I would have to say it is one of the most challenging feelings on the face of the earth. This is such a good opportunity for you to become friends with it! It won’t be the last time you have to feel this, so now is a perfect time for you to really find your center, in a situation where you have no control over. Can you get comfortable sitting in the unknown for awhile? Can you find your peace, even if things don’t get worked out in your timing? Can you be okay not having him in your life the way you want, for right now? Can you find your value and find solid ground when you are not able to help or offer solutions?? I know you are not used to this, but that means it’s REALLY good for you…because this is just a part of life. Learning to be in relationship with powerlessness in a healthy way vs. continuing to grasp for solutions to avoid it, will bring you that much closer to finding peace and ease with some of the hardest situations you will have to face in your life. So how about putting your focus onto yourself, instead of him. Let him go struggle and figure it out and you turn your energy to finding out what you need and how you can meet those needs, without him. It is the one place you DO have power.
It sounds like you have some feelings about how he is handling everything. Why not set up some boundaries that will make you feel comfortable within yourself, while he is being messy. What do you need from him? What do you want for yourself? What will make you feel comfortable and more peaceful as he tries and figures things out for himself? Remember, this is not about HIM..this is about YOU accepting that he is messy right now, so how you can design the relationship so you are comfortable?
Heidi
Hi Dana,
I totally get it. I have yelled many times “WHY MEEEE????” Life is a rollercoaster ride and right now you are Climbing a really difficult hill.
First, let’s work on what you are saying to yourself. You don’t know that I has anything to do with you. I’m wondering if something happened in another area of his life. Maybe he got news that a friend died, maybe he got a medical diagnosis that is life ending, maybe he found out that his mom isn’t really his mom. I know those seem like far fetched reasons and hopefully they are. My guess is, his disconnect has nothing to do with you, but instead something else that he is REALLY having a hard time with and he is angry or so upset, so he lashes out at the target he cares about most…you. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but it’s actually a common thing. People get hurt and then turn around and lash out and hurt the ones they love most. It’s not fair and it is extremely painful. This is my best guess….something happened and he is just isn’t ready to talk about it yet.
I would suggest sending him a text saying something like, “Hey…whatever is happening for you right, must be really difficult. I will honor your need to be alone right now and not connect with me. It sucks, but I trust that you will figure out whatever you need to. When you are ready to connect to again, I’m here. I will leave you be and wait for you to reach out. Hope you are okay.”
How does saying something like that feel for you?
Heidi
Hi Morgan,
I too want to commend you on your understanding and efforts to repair this love with your guy. You guys have quite the loooong journey and history and it’s really beautiful!
I want to encourage you to let this go, in the sense of needing him to fix things the way you think he needs to fix them. It’s very normal to want the other person to do or be a certain way so things can go back to normal. The beauty about love and temptation, is it inspires growth and change. What he is facing in himself right now, is VERY IMPORTANT. It’s more important than your relationship. He is going through a crisis of identity and his relationship with God. He has to figure this out on his own. Everybody does. Our spiritual beliefs, our integrity and the choices we make in relation to those things are part of learning who the heck we are. At your age and through most of your 20’s, it’s a VERY developmental time. It’s the decade in your life where you are figuring out who you are separate than your parents and all your surrounding role models / teachers. It’s a decade where a TON of mistakes are being made, paradigms shift and life become much more experimental. It’s the decade where you try new things, new jobs, learn how to manage money and have your own place, learn how to make decisions all on your own and face the full consequences without your parents coming to the rescue (although they still do sometimes).
The very best way you can support him through this and other situations in the future (this will not be the last time), is to just support. He is SUPPOSED to waffle. He needs to find who the heck he is with these sexual tempatations (that are very normal – but he needs to learn that himself) and he needs to, most of all, learn how to forgive himself when he doesn’t like who he is. That is a life long skill and that is not something YOU can teach him. He will reach out to someone whenever he is ready. Here is an analogy. There is a part of himself that feels chaotic…like a tornado. Just let him be his tornado. The process of turning that tornado into peace and unity with his surroundings, is the process of growth. Don’t be so scared of that. We ALL go through that in our lives, many times. Embrace it! Accept it and look at it as a very beautiful thing!!! He is growing!!! Even if it means separating from you for a bit, that’s okay! You can be the ground. YOU stay stable and be calm and grounded and centered and connected to yourself and just let him be messy, instead of trying to get him to fix it faster so you guys can be together again. This is just one of MANY challenges you will face in relationship with him or whomever you are with. Learning to find your truth and stay grounded is a SKILL. Now is the time to practice.
So you start with accepting that he is messy and confused right now. So what. It’s normal and it won’t be the last time. Look at this time as wonderful and challenging growing phase for him as he figures out who the heck he is and you learn how to support someone you love who is in chaos. Trust his process and stop trying to control it, so you can feel better. Take care of yourself and find comfort for yourself, your truth and what kind of partner you want to be.
Does this make sense?
Heidi
Hi Karissa,
Thank you for sharing more of your thoughts. I want to re-iterate what Kenya was trying to get at. Reality is and what he is being honest about offering you is this: You are not his priority. He has a busy life and he has other things he need to focus on right now. He is communicating to you, both through words and actions, that he really doesn’t have the capacity to deal with being truly intimidate with you…or any woman for that matter. You also are sensing he still has some things to get over with his ex. You are saying he needs more boundaries. It doesn’t sound like he “lets go” very easily. It sounds like he has a tendency to hold onto things. That is a VERY difficult trait to deal with in a relationship. Everything he holds onto becomes a wall or becomes a bond…in an unhealthy way.
Are you sure you want to get tangled up with a guy like this? I understand a lot of things were really great with him, or you wouldn’t be fighting for him in the first place. But imagine that NOTHING changes. You may wiggle your way back in, but you will still be 3rd on the list, you will still be dealing with a man who shuts down and disconnects from you when he is struggling, you will still be dealing with a man who has some unresolved issues with his ex. These things WILL NOT change, so as great as things can be together, these are the things that are struggles for you that are part of the relationship as well. So if you want to get back in, it really is about accepting him for ALL that he is. This is all acceptable for you?? He is someone you want to go through life with, exactly as he is?
Heidi
Hi Carol,
It sounds like you guys had a wonderful talk and are heading in a direction with the relationship that works for both of you at this point.
Now it’s time to see if it plays out the way you both have agreed to. It is REALLY good practice to have the strength to be honest with each other. One thing I like to do is admit I am struggling with something, but ALSO present a plan about how I am working on it and getting through the struggle. Many times, the guy will want to jump right in and want to help without me even asking him….mainly because I am not making him responsible for how I feel, but I am taking responsibility myself…and because the pressure is off, it inspires them to help. It’s just another way to be authentic and hones with how you are feeling.In regards to whatever is happening with his ex’s, it sounds like he is not very good at setting boundaries. Guys are not the best at setting boundaries for fear of hurting a woman, so they will ghost instead typically. Her going “crazy” is partly because of him as well. He isn’t helping the situation by not setting some clear and solid boundaries. It’s important to observe him as he goes through this. He is telling you the kind of man he is and how he handles stress and uncomfortable situations. And no one knows, except for him and the other girl, what happened between them recently. It’s a bit fishy, but reality is, you don’t have any information to be able to come to any kind of conclusions. What I do suggest though, is to keep watching. How he is treating her and handling this situation, is part of character.
I know you don’t want him to clam up again, but I’m hoping it’s not at the expense of you being your natural and authentic self. You have to be yourself!!! It’s the only way he really knows you and you both figure out if it’s really the best fit between you guys. Have the strength to say and be yourself fully and completely. IF the relationship cannot sustain that, then that is information you need to know.
Thoughts?
Heidi
Hi Melissa,
Sooooo good to hear from you!!! I’m so happy to hear you made it through and doing okay!!!
it sounds like he has been really connective and wonderful with you through this process….even at a distance. Your thoughts of “I wish he had chosen to stay” are normal. I’m glad you are not saying anything to him though. I think this is one of those situations where you BOTH originally thought it was okay for him to go and this surgery wasn’t that big of a deal. Now that you have gone through it, you learned it was a bigger deal than you thought. So now you know and now he knows. If you say anything at all, this is what you can say…”You know…I know that I told you to go on your trip and this surgery wasn’t that big of a deal. But I learned a lot about myself through this process. I was more scared than I realized. I had so many emotions coming up about this surgery that I didn’t know were there. You are such an important part of being my rock and comfort and I ended up really wishing you were there. It okay that you weren’t because I was surrounded by a lot of love and support, but I just want you to know….I missed you terribly. So for next time…hopefully there won’t be a next time, but just in case I have to go through surgery again for ANYTHING…I would love for you to be there. I feel like I can get through anything when I know you are with me.” How does saying something to that effect, feel for you?
Thank you for sharing about your insecurities and what happened bout a month ago. You are spot on, in that you are the one who is meant to deal with your insecurities. We all are responsible for our “barnacles” (the not so pretty parts of ourselves). Tell us more about them. What insecurities do you have that you have needed reassurance from him about? Do you know where those insecurities come from? Since you are now ready to face those insecurities, do you have a plan about how to go about doing that?
Heidi
Hi Dana,
Oh no! I am sooo sorry to hear this. My heart is breaking for you.
First, despite the change in pattern, remind yourself that it’s only been a day. I know you guys have a way an frequency that you communicate with other and I know that when he went MIA, that activated some fear in you.
How about more details, so we can better guide you. What did you say during all those texts and “freak out?” I know you have a million thoughts going through your mind about “why” he went MIA. What are they? I know it’s been some time since we responded, so has he responded to you yet or is he still MIA?
I’m glad you backed off and gave this some space. The very first thing you need to do is to start taking care of your emotions and your hurt heart. That way, when you guys do talk again, it can be a good conversation vs. an emotional vomiting match.
Whatever has happened, remember that you are strong enough to get through this. Remember that this is all about learning about yourself, your triggers, your fears, your truth….so you can work with all of it and become a better partner. This is a very hard situation AND it’s a teaching moment. You can get through this, one day at a time.
Looking forward to more details!
Heidi
p.s. I’m really so very proud of you about your decision about Cass. Your decision to find a better home for him took an incredible amount of courage and love both for you and for him. Well done!
Hey there!
It sounds like there are many, many layers of upset that are happening in your situation.
I think one of the best places to start in order to start the journey of repairing your relationship is the gain more understanding about his experience.
There are a few things I am wondering. First, it’s a common thing for men to feel “talked at” by women. So you may be talking more than him in an argument, but my guess is, you are trying to be heard by him and you end up dominating the conversation. It’s important to learn a different approach. Can you tell us more about what happens when you guys argue? Does he EVER express how he feels? Do you ask him questions? Do you yell? How do you communicate what your feeling? Meaning….do you blame him and expect him to change and fix it or do you share how you feel and then try to work WITH him towards resolution?
It sounds like money is a big issue as well. What do you understand about him and how he feels about this? Have you guys tried to find a resolution for this? What EXACTLY is he needing to change in order to feel more comfortable about your finances?
Lastly, when you asked him for his password to his phone, essentially that put you in the “mother” role and him into the “child” role. It’s basically saying you don’t trust him and you want full access to all his personal information so you can see it all….and somehow that is going to make you feel better that he isn’t cheating. It’s a very unhealthy way to go about resolving this type of situation. It’s demeaning to him and puts you in a “power over” him type of situation and that is not healthy for either of you.
It sounds like there has been a build up of feelings between both of you and no resolution, which builds walls in the relationship. What if you ask to meet him. Apologize for asking for his password to his phone and you want to talk. You can say something like, “Hey. First, I want to apologize for asking for your password. It wasn’t the right approach to deal with how I was feeling. Would you be willing to talk? I feel like maybe there are a lot of things that need to be said on both sides. Mostly, I want to hear what you are thinking. I know there are ways I can be a better partner with you, including being a better listener. Maybe that’s just where we can start. Are you willing?”
How does something like this feel for you?
Heidi
Hi Melissa,
I am sooooo happy to hear he is connecting with you in such a special way. You both were able to cry a bit and bond through this scary time. It sounds like you have a ton of support and as you come through the other side, he will be there to take really good care of you.
I would love to talk more about your tendency to hold your emotions in and harbor them and then let them all out at once. Would you mind sharing more details? We have a lot of ideas we can offer you that can help you deal with your emotions and confrontations differently.
Tell us more about that and why you think you do that.Really looking forward to hearing back from you…so we know you came out the other side and are okay.
Heidi
Oh Rhonda,
Wow! You have a lot you are getting ready to face. Of course a lot of feelings are going to come up. It’s really good for you to know how much anger and resentment you are still carrying around. This is a good opportunity for you to process all of it.
I know you are doing something very hard. There is nothing easy about being around family that you don’t trust, enjoy or feel safe with. And your mom is dying on top of that AND you’ve had to lose some money and a fun trip you had planned. It’s a lot.
Thanks for coming here and venting!!! Good job!!!
I want to invite you to think a little differently about “honor your father and mother.” I know verses can have several different interpretations, so I would like to share with you another perspective about that verse. What if honoring your father and mother means that you forgive them and accept them. What if it doesn’t mean you HAVE to be there at your mother’s death? What if forgiveness and acceptance is enough? I recently learned my father has pretty bad dementia and is also at the end phase of his life. I spent a few days processing all the emotions that came up with it, I sent him a lot of good vibes (like I always do) and I let it all go. I will not be seeing him, as he is not a safe person for me. To me, I feel like I very much honored my father by choosing not to hold onto any hate, resentment or anger. I chose forgiveness and to send him love as he transitions. Going to see him would not be good for either of us and I feel that would be more dishonoring than anything. The verse doesn’t say honor your father and mother at the expense of yourself. I know you’ve made your decision to go and I’m not trying to talk you out of that. I am just wanting to give you another perspective about what that verse means to maybe guide you towards freeing yourself from the obligation you have created.
Remember to use your techniques that you use with your boss. Your mom still has a lot of power over you that you haven’t quite released yet, so it’s gonna take some EXTRA skills and caution as you go be around her and even your sister. Remember to fill yourself with light and let that light expand out to others and imagine that light is a shield and only TRUTH is allowed inside. Everything else just falls away. One thing I do with people I really struggle with is I say, “God, let me see this person through your eyes of truth.”
I’m sending so much goodness to you as you face this challenging time! Feel free to come back and vent all you want!!!!
Heidi
Hi Melissa!
Welcome! We are really glad you are here and sharing your questions with us.
First, I am so so sorry for how you are feeling right now and what you are having to face physically. It’s scary. I hope the procedure works tomorrow and that will be the end of it!!!
As far as your boyfriend goes, first and foremost, you NEVER want to get upset with your guy for not meeting a need of yours that you have never communicated to him.
My guess is, your upset is more about that you are afraid of this surgery, even though it’s “small” and you want him there with you. It’s more about what you are having to face and he is a great target for you to put your upset…it’s focused on him instead of what you are really afraid of….your procedure, your heart and ultimately the possibility of death. I imagine you have had some of those thoughts, yes?
I would not communicate your upset. What I would recommend doing, is get your needs met the very best possible way you can. When he says he wishes he was there, join in that thought. Tell him the same thing in return. Tell him you are scared. Tell him, “If you were here, I imagine that you would give me a foot rub the night before. I imagine you would be so amazing and bring dinner home and snuggle up on the couch with me and watch a good movie…..am I leaving anything out??” Invite him to join you in the game of creating ways he could help you through this situation. Use this as a time to compliment him…”I wish you were here too. Your strength and how you love me and just being around you, makes me feel like I can take on the world.” Does this make sense?? You create ways he CAN be there for you. Take your upset and put it where it REALLY belongs….your are scared and most likely are feeling really powerless….yes??
Thoughts?
Heidi
Hi Emilie,
It sounds like a good practice for you to start trusting your intuition more and more, as you are seeing, you are spot on with initial sense about these guys. My intuition is very strong, but it is a skill to learn when to give it full authority vs. gathering more information before making any kinds of decisions.
So it sounds like your initial reaction has a little anger in it, yes? Calling him an “asshole” and you are worth so much more than he will ever have in his life….
Anger is a secondary emotion. Meaning, anger (on any level) is always sourced by hurt. You cannot be angry without being hurt. Many times, we don’t even feel the hurt and just go straight to anger or sometimes the hurt just builds into anger. Either way, when I read your initial thought about being ghosted, I see your hurt. By thinking, “I am more than you will ever have in your life” also has a lot of hurt / ego in it. Then again, this IS technology. You are the only one who truly knows what is happening on a deeper level for you. Maybe you are hurting more than you realize? I don’t know. Just throwing that out there.
I have been ghosted many times, even on first dates and there is not a single time that it doesn’t hurt to be rejected after an investment of my energy, even on a small level. The hurt doesn’t stay long though, but it definitely bruises the ego. There is a saying that can really apply to online dating…”death by a thousand paper cuts.” I have watched people slowly become more and more numb/immune to the ghosting, the games, the poor communication (I have been tempted to take that path a few times) The longer they stay dating online, they more little tiny papercuts they get. The paper cuts are so small though…nothing significant. But what they don’t realize is their system starts to learn to protect again those papercuts by starting to care less, pulling back and putting small walls up, putting in less effort. It’s such a slow and subtle process, most aren’t even aware what is truly happening to their heart and emotional / energy system. We all need to have enough strength to be okay hurting when someone rejects us, even if there was little investment. If your initial response has any flavor of anger in it, pay attention to that and acknowledge your hurt and honor it. Admit there was a papercut and it hurts and spend time healing it. You don’t want to go numb. You want your heart to stay open and big and receptive. You want to view each guy with a clean slate and with all your papercuts healed.
I LOVED that video Kanya posted. It was so interesting!!!!
Heidi
