Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Matt is confused, that’s all. Of course, he still has feelings and an attraction towards you, but he also has that picture of you sleeping with his brother in his head…and that picture is stronger in his mind.
Again, remember that this guy is not willing to forgive and he is USING this picture in his mind as a wall to intimacy with you. He literally is choosing his bitterness and anger over you.
Trying to just be friends is silly. As long as there are feelings on either end, there is no REAL friendship. All you are doing is trying to change his mind and all he is doing is trying not to change his mind.
Personally, I would let it go. I don’t care who the guy is, if he wants to choose his fear, anger, bitterness, resentment etc. over ME, over love, over connection, over happiness…have at it! He can marry that instead.
I would personally be pissed and lose all respect for a guy that would make that kind of choice. I get it, believe me. It’s a very hard choice when the story is so damn strong. I also am interested in a man who will face his life and not run from it. I want a man who is a warrior and will protect “us” from harm. I want a man who doesn’t hold onto a victim mentality, but instead chooses a more empowering way of living. He is giving all of his power away to his brother. He is literally CHOOSING suffering instead of forgiveness. It’s a battle that is not meant to be fought by you…for him. You are wanting him to fight for you, when he isn’t even willing to fight for himself. What kind of relationship do you really think you will have with him long term?
I want to encourage you to stop trying to figure out what he is doing and why he is behaving the way he is. That’s just a guessing game that gets you nowhere. Look at the FACTS. The “why” behind what he does, doesn’t matter. It matters what he IS doing. What he is showing you is that he just wants to be friends. His actions and words are lining up with that. So I’m glad you are stepping back and you will get to see what HE does to initiate. Let him take the lead. Let him miss you. Let him feel the FULL consequences of his choice to choose his anger over you. He needs to FEEL the loss of you to truly understand what he is choosing instead. Thoughts?
Heidi
Hi Jennifer!
Great question! I think it just depends on what you are looking for. Age doesn’t matter if you are looking to just have some fun. If you are wanting something more serious, you’ll be running into a big barrier with the age difference. It sounds like he is just wanting to have some fun. It’s a common mentality for a guy his age. Plus, you are an older woman, which many young guys fantasize about.
So what do YOU want? Have you ever had any one-night stands or just playful, sexual experiences with no strings attached?
Heidi
I remember back in high school discovering why I wasn’t invited to parties very much, despite knowing everyone and being part of the “popular” crowd. One girl told me once that I was too much of a “goody goody” and I thought I was better than everyone. My presence at a party immediately activated guilt/shame in some of the other kids there. I was soooooo shocked!!!! I had no idea that was the vibe I was giving off or that some people felt insecure around me. It was because I didn’t drink, I was Christian, I did what I was supposed to do, I NEVER got in trouble and I was always the person everyone came to for advice and I always had answers for them. So I set myself up to be THAT girl and not the party girl. What that taught me is that people are going to create a story about you ALWAYS and most of the time, there will be a lot of holes in it. The stories people create are also reflective of their own low or high self-esteem. It truly is fascinating, isn’t it?? Relationships are quite the game. I’m curious to see if/how things shift as you start to by acting like you belong.
I love that you are still receiving compliments from people at your work. That is something that has been gravely missing in some of your past jobs. It’s so nourishing to be noticed and appreciated for all the hard work!!!
Good job working with your emotions about Hugo. I know it’s far from easy truly dealing with our reactions to someone we don’t particularly like. Hugo is giving you good practice!!!
I’m so glad to hear that your pup likes him and he likes her (her – right?). That’s a very important relationship as well.
I love how connected you are to your patterns and feelings. Most people would have listened to those feelings of “uncertainty” and tried to do something about it. Feelings ARE NOT facts and that is how you are treating them! YOU are controlling and shifting those feelings, as needed and that’s so beautiful! That is a skill that I spend hours and hours trying to encourage people to learn how to do. Well done! All those scary and uncomfortable emotions will be with us forever, so it’s a lifelong skill we ALL need to continue to develop. He is very lucky to have you! I know I’ve said that before, but up to now, it seems like this guy knows that as well and that makes me beyond happy!!!
How long has this been going on now? A little over a month maybe?
Heidi
It sounds like you have co-dependent tendencies but that you have brought that more into balance…which is spectacular!!! That’s the goal. You will always have those tendencies, especially when life gets more stressful. The skill is to keep it in balance as much as possible. I have no doubt that you are helping to heal his heart though. You’re thoughtful, connective and you like him…just as he is. It sounds like he is doing the same for you. It’s so scary isn’t it??? It’s like it’s too good to be true and waiting for something to go wrong…because it always has. I don’t know how much of that “story” is in your subconscious or conscious, but it is a very common story for the majority of people, when it comes to love. We have such poor role models and most of the time, extremely limited parents, who although loved us the best they could, were extremely dysfunctional. I love that you are still open, no matter what you have been through. I have a lot of respect for you!!!
Just curious…how does he like your pup? Do they get along well?
Heidi
Oh no! How scary that your mom was in an accident! I’m so glad to hear she is okay though. It’s so darn scary isn’t it??? It sounds like Tim was super supportive and wonderful….per usual.
Maybe it’s time for a conversation again. I‘m starting to get more feelings for him and wanting a relationship with him and being closer to him. The fact is, he needs to take responsibility for pulling you in closer to him…because he has done just that. That means there are going to be increased feelings and it’s time he faces that.
What if you said something like exactly what you have just said…”Tim…we have been spending a lot more time together, cuddling, more sex etc. We started as just friends with benefits and I agreed to that. I did have feelings for you from the beginning but I also felt comfortable just letting it be what it was. I have to admit that I’m starting to feel more deeply for you to where the whole friends with benefits thing is getting uncomfortable for me. The idea of you being with another woman, going out on dates or whatever…it would break my heart. So I’m recognizing that my heart has gone beyond the FWB zone and I need to honor that. I’m not saying I need to have a committed relationship with you right now. It just feels like we need to talk and get onto the same page, because I have no idea what you are feeling towards me. All I know is that I am being really vulnerable and bonding with you both as a friend and a lover and I have limits.” How do you feel about this approach??
Heidi
Wow! A lot has happened! And I’m so sorry that it’s not going in the direction you were really wanting. Lets’ talk about the next steps:
Should I try hanging out with him a few more times and then see if he is open to working things out with me. Or should I ask him now what he is feeling? I already know that I can’t just be friends with him, like the only reason I am doing this is in hopes that it will lead us to getting back together. But if it doesn’t lead to that then I am just going to get heartbroken again. If I say anything to him now though, I’m risking him rejecting me and then I won’t even get the opportunity to see him again even just as friends. I don’t know what the next steps are or should be. I would say that it’s time to step back and give him space again. HE needs to be the next one to initiate. You need to show him that you have a life, that you are okay without him and if he wants to be friends with you, then he is going to have to make some effort. He was so hesitant to begin with and I guarantee now, he is waiting to see if you are going to give him space or if you are going to ask to get together again. If you give him space and wait for him, you will build trust with him. If you ask for drinks again or a get together, he is going to feel like you are trying to get back into his life. I know this is what you want so badly. Remember though, how he is treating you now about his trigger, is how he handles his stress. He shuts down, doesn’t want to talk about it and disconnects from you. Can you imagine dealing with that for 20 years??? Every time he is hurt by you and it’s a big enough hurt (and it’s guaranteed to happen) he will put a wall up. Do you REALLY want to spend your time trying to break that damn thing down EVERY. SINGLE. TIME???? You will have to face this wall of his over and over and over and over again. Here is an article from the Gottman Institute that talks about what they call “stonewalling.” https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-stonewalling/ I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!
Heidi
He DID share a few relevant things, if they would help me out of a place i was stuck in, BUT, i could never be the person he could come to for advice or comfort when HE was in a weak place. I was too weak to support him Why couldn’t you support him? I know you will fill me in on your next post. I’m wondering what your definition is to be strong and weak. It sounds like being emotional and vulnerable is weak and not vulnerable or emotional is strong. Is this correct?
SO – there’s a HUGE gaping hole there in research, that has simply let women off the hook based on some stupid assumption that FAVORS women. For some reason, I misunderstood your experiences with women. I had it in my mind that they were dominant in a controlling way, but it didn’t register that you were also abused by them. This makes so much more sense as to why you feel towards them the way you do. There is a huge hole in this body of work because it’s much less prominent compared to men and because it’s a topic that most people are not willing to step into. Women being sexually abusive is not something most people can handle. It’s more prevalent than people realize. A woman may not be able to rape in the same way a man can, but she absolutely can cause damage in insurmountable ways…in ways that a man cannot. I understand your feelings more deeply now. I hope you are able to heal all of this someday. It’s awful to carry these kinds of feelings around like a backpack. This kind of stuff is so darn sticky!
Why would any woman want to give up this honor? Anyway – this is how i view the roles of men and women within the church. It has nothing to do with the abilities of men and women. It sounds like you don’t really feel that a woman could be a good “leader” of a church because it’s not her “role.” Women can’t be priests because men decided that it was what God said. These same men taught that Mary Magdelene was a prostitute for centuries (because a woman to be so influential and powerful in that time was not acceptable) and then when it was finally proven that she wasn’t, the Catholic church STILL kept teaching it for another 500 years. Finally, the Catholic Church publicly admitted that Mary Magdelene was not a prostitute. I can’t remember how long ago that was, but I remember I was taught that she was a prostitute in growing up in my church. It’s so sad! She was one of the most important people in Jesus’s life and she got reduced to being a prostitute because men were threatened by her in that time period. Every single religion that exists, has a dark history and a light history. I don’t “blame” anyone and nor do I judge it. I just see how it influences everything I have been taught and work on releasing the old paradigms and beliefs that are out of balance.
Something interesting happened this morning – i got a gift. I was telling God how unsettling ‘growth’ feels – because it throws me off balance when i let go of old patterns and there’s this moment when i’ve got no grip on anything – since i’ve let go of the old but haven’t yet gripped the new – and it’s terrifying to be in this place like i’m suspended in the air, free-falling. This is so true! We don’t want to let go of ANYTHING – as it creates an empty space – before we know it can be filled. Our psyche DOES NOT like holes, voids or anything of that nature. That is why when healing takes place, it’s about removing/releasing the lies and then replacing it with the truth. Anyways, what an interesting experience you had! It made me think of Peter Levine. Him and 1 other guy (I can’t remember his name) became the pioneers of healing through movement. They came up with a system of how to heal through very specific movement practices they discovered from studying how trauma was held in the body. I only know the basics and is one of many modalities I’m interested in diving deeper into, but you should check him out! You might really resonate with that methodology. Either way, that moment sounds really beautiful and powerful for you and I love how you just explored it. Most people don’t have that kind of patience.
Looking forward to your next post!
Heidi
Here is a movie that might be helpful for you in understanding how thoughts affect reality. This movie was released probably 2 decades ago maybe, and it really opened many peoples’ eyes to the world of quantum physics. This movie is a REALLY good foundation in understanding how we function. Dr. Joe Dispenza is in there (I referred to his book in the previous post). Check it out: https://youtu.be/DNHo2XAZ2NE It’s a bit cheesy, but I thought the concepts were explored really well and they use a very good storyline that we ALL can relate to.
I’m glad you connected to the “hole” that is in your life and that you visualized it in a way that made a lot of sense to you! There ARE a lot of “what ifs” aren’t there! It would be very easy to get stuck down the rabbit hole of “what ifs” so I’m glad you decided to just give it to God. It’s much more peaceful that way! So were you able to discover what was in that hole? What makes it a hole? Why is it that you think a man would fill it? What would a man be giving you to fill that hole, that you are not doing yourself?
I disagree with your thoughts on patriarchy. That’s not what suppressed my emotions I didn’t mean to say that the patriarchy suppressed your emotions. I personally believe we all are influenced by collective/worldly beliefs AND we are influenced by our personal beliefs. You were sexually abused by men, so that is going to influence your personal beliefs. You also come from a culture where women are “less than” and do not have the same freedoms as men, yes? Even though you may not personally believe in that way of life, your DNA carries those beliefs from your bloodline/culture. This has been extensively studied by science. What science is discovering about what our DNA carries, is so fascinating. I won’t go down the rabbit hole but just wanted to expose you to the idea of it.
I think patriarchy restricted the external life of women, but not their internal. Women have always been free to exercise their emotional strengths. Tell me more about your perception on this. I see a history of women not being able to work, vote, express their opinions, read books, being restricted from the church, still not able to become priests, burned at the stake for “witchcraft”, don’t have equal pay in all jobs, and still to this day in other cultures, they are not allowed to even drive or be educated. We have evolved a lot over the decades and are more equal today than we have ever been, but I do not see that we have “always” been able to exercise our emotional strengths. I’m guessing we might be talking about 2 different things.
The unfiltered spilling of your emotions all over the place is TRULY disgusting and weak, and immature. There’s a reason we respect someone who is in control of their faculties. I would agree that someone who is “emotional” COULD be considered immature. I think it depends on the situation. For example, a recent story in the news was about a father who was escorted out of a school meeting. The “board” was saying that there was no report of his daughter being sexually assaulted at school. They were denying everything. He “lost it” and became “disgustingly emotional” as you would say, in defense of his daughter and the lies they were telling the public. Would you consider that inappropriate or too emotional? Using the words “disgusting and weak” might be an interesting rabbit hole for you to explore. Those are some pretty intense, judgmental words about strong emotions being expressed. I want to invite you to think more fluid about it. It’s not as black and white as you are stating. Even if someone is out of control and inappropriate emotionally, I mostly just feel sad for them because of what they are having to go through and the how they are experiencing that moment. Immature or not, they are in pain. I would also like to add that if you go to the opposite extreme of someone who doesn’t show emotion, that is just as immature and childish. It’s another form of a coping mechanism that can be incredibly damaging. People who hold their emotions in are incredibly dangerous, because it builds up over time. They eventually will snap and break and who knows what they will do. People who hold in their emotions are usually passive-aggressive. So either extreme absolutely causes harm. Both extremes are different expressions of unresolved wounds. Thoughts on this?
A person who cannot control themselves feels like a threat – regardless of what emotion it is that they cannot control – anger, sadness, even happiness! I have never been able to trust an emotional person, male or female. I would consider that anyone who doesn’t deal with their emotions, whether they hold them in or express them outwardly, are a threat. This is where the Enneagram is helpful. Different personalities express themselves in various ways, so some of it is not an actual weakness…it’s just how God made them.
Heidi
This is my animal book: https://www.amazon.com/Animal-Speak-Spiritual-Magical-Powers-Creatures/dp/0875420281
I wonder if the deer that you keep feeling is one of your guides/guardians/angels or whatever name you want to give it. We all have helpers from the other side and I bet you have met one of them. If you ever encounter her again, you should ask her if she has any messages for you. She is showing herself to you for a reason. Maybe ask her why? Just a thought.
And yet, he was the one who was always providing, for her! isnt’ that odd? But, i think it’s true. She was his strength from the inside, he was her protective outside. Here is another way to look at it, generally speaking of course. I probably have explained this to you before, so I apologize if I’m repeating myself. For men, the core of how they know themselves is through their ability to PRODUCE. Men have to create/do something in their life, otherwise, they are a disaster. I have seen this soooo many times…when a guy doesn’t have his job in order and HOW he is going to produce in this world, he is HORRIBLE in relationships. They get depressed, they withdrawal, they get anxiety and all their confidence starts to melt away. Even if you leave a guy at home as the “stay at home dad” he will naturally be drawn to find projects to do and complete around the house…because taking care of the kids is not enough for him. Women, on the other hand…the core of who we are is sourced by CONNECTION. That’s why women are typically the “relationship caretakers.” Connection is sooooo important to us and when our relationships are not going well, we have a tendency to lose ourselves. So men need to PRODUCE and women need to CONNECT. That’s the pattern you are noticing. Of course, it all varies according to the nature and nurture environment of a person, but this is a pretty strong and inherent drive that exists in male energy and female energy.
They’re just – just so — so in need of being protected!!! So when i read about this man, a powerful man that everyone looked up to and leaned on, because he WAS strong and reliable and all that — his heart needed the support and presence of that one friend! I’m not sure this is completely true. For someone to kill themselves like that because he lost his friend…is unlikely. People who are solid and stable on the inside, would not make that choice. He was most likely broken on the inside for a long time. My guess is, he probably had thought about killing himself many times and his friend being shot happened to tip him over the edge. Men don’t need to be protected. Men need support and encouragement…but I guess I’d say that about people in general. To say men need “protection” is implying that men are not able to do that for themselves and that just is not true. We ALL need to learn how to source ourselves from the inside and when we don’t, that’s when chaos and challenge and drama gift our lives…to show us where we need to pay more attention in loving and sourcing ourselves. He killed himself because he didn’t know how to care for himself in his hurt…and he was carrying A LOT of that around and he wasn’t dealing with any of it. He didn’t kill himself because his friend died, he killed himself because he wanted to escape all the pain he was carrying around including the loss of his friend. That’s usually why someone ends their life….hopelessness. They don’t see or know or believe there is another way out of the pain. It’s sad, but I understand it too.
So they called me a water-buffalo – because, apparently, the water-buffalo doesn’t respond to being poked and prodded by a anything, and it did it’s chores on it’s own terms. lol 🙂 So, they tried to get a reaction out of me. I preferred the company of the relatives from my dad’s side because they didn’t care that i lacked emotional responses. But, last night, i wondered what had happened that had made it unsafe and uncomfortable for my gentle side to come out? I LOVE this analogy of the water buffalo! That is so beautiful!!! I would consider that a great compliment actually. You and I are very similar in this way. I would have definitely been called that in my younger years. I was called “cold” all the time. I could disconnect and not care about people in a hot second. Being sandwiched between 2 very strong brothers, I also had to learn to not react when they were constantly baiting me. Part of this type of reaction is nature…in our personality design and part of our reaction comes from nurture…our environment. If it’s unsafe to be gentle, soft, emotional and connective, we instead create walls to survive. It’s part of the general programming towards women as well. If a woman is emotional at all she typically is called “crazy” or “unstable” or “dramatic” even by other women. The female side of ourselves has really been battered, beaten, tested and challenged with a patriarchal leadership for the past century. It’s become way out of balance and I’m seeing it finally start to shift. It’s going to take a while for things to come more into balance. Somewhere along the way, you learned it was safe to shut down your female energy. It helped you survive your environment and it worked! And then those coping mechanisms that helped us survive our life will always, one day, start to hinder and hurt us. There is ALWAYS a point where our coping mechanisms become damaging to what we want to create in our lives.
It was easiest for me to express myself with my dog that i died some years back. He was my baby and i could touch him with all the tenderness and gentleness i wanted to. It was a struggle with my own kids! i didn’t love on them as much as i wanted to. IN fact, i was so afraid i would touch them the wrong way and wound them for life. idk where that thought came from. i was afraid of looking at them wrong too. now i know the difference, and when they allow me to touch them, i try to pack in as much love and tenderness as i can in my touch, to make up for lost time. JB’s is the only face i’ve ever wanted to touch. Animals are a safe place in a way that humans are not able to create for us. I’m so grateful for their presence! You cared and loved your children enough to do EVERYTHING you could to protect them from you. You were being the very best mom you knew how to be and that’s the truth. That doesn’t mean that your intent to protect them and keep them safe wasn’t harmful for them though. We are all just human and do the best we can and many times our best is not enough. It usually isn’t when fear is the driver behind what we choose to do and be. But Vino, there is NO “making up” to do. That is you still living in fear. When you are trying to “make up” for the lack in the past, you change the energy of the love you are offering. Instead, just be present. Love them now and let the past go. It’s gone. It will naturally and exponentially increase the power of your love when you just stay in the present. Forgive yourself for not being “perfect” or for not “doing it better” or for not “being a better mom.”
I’ve been trying to figure out if i can think myself thin – kind of like the parallel of the ‘think and grow rich’ book — i was like — if you can think and grow rich, why can’t you use the same ideas to think and grow thin? Think and grow pretty? think and grow anything?! i mean, why should there be any limits anywhere? Who has the right to draw limits? Certainly not another human being! IF it’s God who has drawn limits, then there’d be a logical reason why. But if it’s people who are drawing limits, then they have no right to, because we are all equal. Well said! 100% agree. We are NOT limited. There are a gazillion stories out there of people who have defied gravity, defied science, defied every belief we have about what humans can do. If that’s possible, that means there is still soooooo much more we have yet to uncover. We are not limited. It’s been proven many many times that our dominant thoughts influence and create our reality. So yes, you can “think yourself thin.” Dr. Joe Dispenza is probably one of the most public names that is bringing this information out to the general population…although there are a gazillion books like this: https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Placebo-Making-Matter/dp/1401944582
Gregg Braden is another person. Neal Donald Walsh – I wonder if you would like his books. He has a series called “Conversations with God” and I personally found them fascinating. It literally is in the format of talking to God. He ha asks God a question…usually questions we all have…hard questions…and then God replies. From my understanding, these are real conversations he had, so he basically turned his journals into books. God’s answers are fascinating!!!We really could have published a book by now between the 2 of us! LOL
Heidi
Hi Diana,
I just wanted to check in. Any new developments? Any thoughts about what I shared? Let’s talk about all of this!
Heidi
This is interesting! What do you mean he is “nervous” around you? Like the kind of “I like you” nervous? AND he is being distant at the same time? I don’t know…this sounds kind of strange and I’m not sure it’s a good thing, but I’m guessing I’m not understanding very well.
I’m glad the hero instinct worked! Yay! It’s a great way for a man to feel purposeful in his life. Are you guys actually doing something together on Monday?
Heidi
Hi Jennifer,
It sounds like you are doing everything you can to make this work and he isn’t. It’s awful to really face that truth. If he is a narcissist or has really strong tendencies, then those are the kind of people you “manage” instead of be in love with. If he is a narcissist, then you most likely are co-dependent as those 2 usually go together. Narcissism: meeting the needs of self at the expense of the other Co-dependence: meeting the needs of other at the expense of self. The agreement is the BOTH end up serving him and eventually, the relationship will break if the co-dependent decides to grow out of that pattern which sounds like you might be at that point.
at this point im not even sure that it is even worth fighting for anymore. no matter how much i love him. When it comes to love, it’s SUPER tricky. There are such strong feelings and bonds that happen when you are with someone for so long. There is one question I always ask people though. Is love him ALSO loving you? Is loving him a loving thing to do for yourself as well? The thing is, many times we “love” and bond with people more through our woundedness than our healthiness. It can feel EXACTLY the same. The connection is strong, the feelings of wanting to make their life better is strong, the feelings of wanting to grow with them are strong. Over time though, it becomes evident what side of you REALLY chose the relationship, because all the dysfunction starts to show up. When it comes to a love that is born from your HEALTHY self, it means that when you say you “love” him, it also means you are saying that you love yourself. It means that loving him fills you up, it means that you are part of the “love” equation and that your love flows BOTH to him AND you. With what you are explaining, it sounds like your love is only flowing to him. It sounds like your love towards him, means you have to sacrifice or compromise yourself in the process. This kind of love is the wounded love or trauma bonding kind of love. Does this make sense?
If you want to stay in this pattern, you get to! Your life is your design and no one can tell anyone, when they are done suffering. Only YOU know when you are done fighting for a “love” that you don’t really get to be the recipient of…you just get to be the giver. I know it’s incredibly hard choice, which is why pain is the greatest motivator in these kinds of situations. You may reach a point where it hurts soooo bad that you just decide you are done suffering. It doesn’t sound like you are quite there yet. You are close though. You are starting to see the dysfunction and you are starting to see that he actually is not interested in growth. He is interested in you staying in the same role you agreed to when you married him. Leaving would mean you finally start to love yourself more than you love the role of serving him. He is NOT going to change and he will NOT fight for you. He may appear to fight for you, just to keep you around longer, but if he is really a narcissist, it’s just about “keeping” you and not about actually being relational with you.
Thoughts?
Heidi
It makes sense why she did not want to be a mom. It’s too bad she was too fragile to even admit it. It kind of sounds like she was a narcissist or at least had really strong tendencies.
I get what you are saying about your exes and being friends. I’m “friends” with most of my exes and that just means we catch up once a year or so. Being “friends” with exes is something a bit different. There is a natural, easier, deeper bond of course.
I’m under the impression that she is still trying to take advantage of him and the fact that he is a nice guy. But he sees it, he told me so. Still he is a nice guy lol It sounds like he has co-dependent tendencies possibly. It wouldn’t be unusual for a co-dependent to hook up with a narcissist. It’s actually a perfect match as long as the co-dependent stays in their pattern. Narcissists: meeting the needs of self at the expense of other. Co-dependence: meeting the needs of other at the expense of self. Neither quality is necessarily a “bad” thing, it just become unhealthy and damaging when those qualities become a dominant way of functioning. It’s important to be comfortable being BOTH narcissistic and co-dependent and have a good balance between saying yes/no to your partner and yes/no to yourself.
It sounds like there is still a connection with his ex and they are still behaving in their old patterns. Sometimes being REALLY tired and worn out is good! It can force a “yes” kind of person into a “no” kind of person because they are just tapped out. It sounds like he loves supporting you though and I have no doubt with how connective and aware you are, you are sourcing him and appreciating him all over the place…which is so important for him to experience!
Same thing happens here as we shift into winter. People start to get more tired, go to bed earlier and feel a bit more depressed. It’s always a BIG transition going from fall to winter. It’s a tough one. I know I’m more tired too.
Heidi
