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I feel like i am inlove, but i start to doubt my feelings. It looks more like i am emotionnally attached to his pattern of unconsistent affection and attention. I had it before. It feels now same. But maybe his behavior is normal.
one day he is talking to me nice, text me first, calls me, wish me good morning and good night – and the other day doesnt text me anything, and if i text him 1 easy mesage after a half of day – he hardly reply, while he is online. I am imposing myself the idea that his behavior os normal and i am just overthinking it but… You know, i am also a busy person. I have a small child and a job. So i know that there is impossible to find few seconds to send a short text message or to read one message i sent.
I don’t know what should i do.
I feel happy.
I feel Like it’s exactly what i was missing. Also he is now calling me every day.
But I am worried that it could be not a change of his behavior, but a temporary reaction to my complainAlso, he is planning a trip , according to what he said. He told me that he wants to come to see me again. Even that it’s a really big distance.
What still persist- that almost in every conversation we get to the point that we are discussing sex, is it okay or.. how should i behave if he brings if up too often ? Idk but it seems to be something that comes natural, and i like it most of times. In other times- I feel it’s too much and too often.
Anyway, my anxiety left. Now I don’t feel that dependent. I am analyzing the situation and figuring out if this relationship is good for me. And if his words aligns with his actions.
Thank you very much!Good morning!
Tonight we had the conversation and i brought it up. It came naturally. He asked me to send something sexy, and after few more messages he noticed that i ignored his request and asked why i didnt do this so i told him the reason. I was light and flirty. I said that i am more willing to do sexy things and specificaly things he asks, when my partner is more connected to me emotionally. I said i feel like something shifted between us and that i enjoyed beforeto get his morning texts and random calls.
He said that he like it, that i say what i feel. And that it brings him closer to me.
It didn’t look like he was doing it intentionally. He just said lately he has more busy days at work.
And today morning i woke up with a sweet good morning text)) and then with an easy, morning conversation
“I feel like something has really shifted between us. We are not connecting as much as we used to. I’d like to have an easy chat about it and see where we are both at and decide if we are heading in the same direction or not. Can we talk later tonight?”
THoughts on that?
Idk, since this is how he feels he wants to communicate with me, and he already told me that he feels strong sexual attraction but our relationship are not yet so developed as our sexual relationship – i think i will just force it if i will ask him more explanations in his behavior or on how he feels. I also don’t want to make him feel like he should act and talk with me in a certain way in order not to hurt me. I want him to behave how he actually feels, not fake anything he doesnt feel. As he is aware that our relationship is not so developed as our sexual relationship, as he said, so if he would want to develop it more – he would do more things for this. More things to get to know me, without
Me to tell him that i feel less conection than before. I think i will look to him too needy if i send him a text like this. Don’t you think so?
Thank you!If you want to try and fit him, then you need to change what you need. Is that something you feel you can do?
Dear Heidi. I understand that your question is not if i “can”, but if i think I should. The answer is no. I did it twice for men: trying to fit them forgot about myself, and it was never enough. So i believe that it can never work if a woman is trying to force a relationship in expense of herself. So, I think i deserve to be loved and needed for who i am.About selfesteem- how could i change it in myself? Because I don’t do it conscious and rationally. I choose what I think is best and then i find out that this “best” is actually hurting me.
getting it into your heart means facing, feeling, exploring the emotional blocks that are in the way. Is this something you are willing to explore? yes! Sure! More than everything else. What should i start with?
Regarding this guy, he sent me a message today in short time after i wrote in the noon in this forum. I didn’t open his message for 2 hours. Then I replied like always, nice and light. Not cold but also not too enthusiastic. He should enjoy talking with me. I am light and open minded, with sense of humor and knowing what and when to say. I have deep respect for people and don’t like to make them feel bad or hurt them or to push so if anyone doesn’t enjoy to communicate with me it’s just because he or she doesn’t like me as a person and i am okay with it.
Let me please share with you the difference I noticed in his behavior. Before we met, he wasn’t more responsive but it didn’t bother me because he was sending me morning texts, he was calling me everyday almost. And while we had conversations he was romantic in the way i need it.
After- he stopped calling. If before from conversations i felt like he is craving for my love, now our conversations shows that he is craving for my body. Yes, he is still saying sometimes something romantic but I feel like he say it just because he has to, not that he feels like this. It’s like he is obsessed with sex with me. At some points it is becoming .. annoying.
You keep trying to force something that isn’t working for you.
From what i wrote here, you can say that the relationship with him isn’t working for me? Or maybe he behaves right and nice and I’m just overthinking it and that gives me anxiety, not his behavior.
Because this is what I’m actually trying to figure out.I do like and love myself.
And of course i want for myself what is best, only.
Because I know how do I treat people and I need around me people who treats me as I deserve. I feel double responsibility because i am a single mother and I have to choose nit just what is good for me, but also for my baby.• To let go of responsibility for how someone i like reacts to me- i want it for sure and i can understand that logically. But to do it I don’t know how exactly. How to change the way i feel about it, I don’t know.
Thank you very much!! 🙏🏼
The feeling of love and obsession for him came to me when when i started to feel rejected. It happened after he left. He came to my country to meet me. We spent time together. He left. Then I noticed the change: like his words aren’t aligning anymore with his actions.
About a week ago he wasn’t replying to me almost all day and i sent him a text message that sounded like this “whenever I had any doubts or something to say – i was comunicating it with you, and not ignoring. I expect the same treatment from you. Ok?” He replied fast “i am still working, babe. Sorry you feel ignored.” And i just felt like an idiot for feeling ignored , when was reason to feel this way. And after this I never complained.
For the last 3 days I’ve been the only one who starts the conversation. He was replying. When we were chatting or having a phone call – he was nice, flirty and cool. He was talking about plans together and was being gentleman.
Yesterday evening he didn’t reply to my message. I really feel ghosted. It was not a serious , but an easy conversation. Still I don’t like the fact that he left my message on “seen”. When actually he could say something.
I am planning in next few days to not contact him first. BUT IF HE DOES, HOW SHOULD I REACT? And if he will not, after few days of silence i want to send him this “Hey, I haven’t heard from you for a number of days, so this relationship is not working for me. I’m going to set you free and set myself free. You’re welcome to respond, but if you don’t, that’s okay, too. I wish you all the best.”
Because I don’t to leave it unfinished. Because I don’t want to feel rejected. Because I don’t want to leave the door open.What makes me feel crazy now is that I don’t understand if he likes me. I don’t understand if he is interested. I don’t understand if I’m really rejected or i am just imagining. I can’t understand if he feels like I’m chasing him. After a day of silence, if i text, he can say “i was thinking about you today” or “i was waiting all day to get a picture of you”, or “i am thinking what to buy you for valentines”.
If you could help me anyhow, I would be very grateful. I feel shame for the situation, for my feelings and even for the fact I’m writing it here. And I feel responsibility for his change of behavior
It’s not the first time I am in relationship with a man that is taking me for granted. I understand that it’s because i am doing something wrong. But I can’t figure out what exactly
Dear Heidi, You seem to be really interested in helping me solve my problem and i thank you endlessly for this.
I understand that the problem is just in my mind and i have no reason to suffer from the situation because nothing horrible actually happens. The drama exists just in my mind. I understand it with my brain but not with my heart.
After divorce I’ve been alone for more then one year- i was rejecting any guy who liked me and didn’t even go to dates. He is first. And i just can’t give myself a right to failure. I should , but I can’t. I can’t just admit the idea that there is a chance that he is not a good choice for me. I just feel obsessed with the desire not even to have him, the desire is that he will chase me. Because of this I can’t enjoy the moment, i can’t even understand my feelings about him. My mind is filled up with this obsession. I noticed that I think It appeared when my mind crossed the idea “i am falling in love with him. Maybe I should run from him to avoid the chance that he will break my heart?”. And paradoxically after though this he became the reason for my mood, my main thought.
He said he wants very much to see me again. He shows interest. He even talks about plans.
But what makes me feel anxious is the fact that few days ago, as i said before, he told me that he feels strong sexual attraction but does not feel love YET. He said it without me to ask him. He added that sometimes it comes in time. I am just trying to decode this phrase. After this I asked if there is anything in me that obviously disturbs him. He said “don’t look for a reason”. I just don’t know if i am overthinking it.
And now that you said it : of course i understand, and of course i want a guy who gives me love freely. Just sometimes i feel like i am obsessed with him and it disturbs me from seeing the real situation and analizing it. I don’t even understand what do i want.Thanks a lot for help and sory for my bad english, it’s not my native language.
Thank you very much, Heidi! The problem is that now he left. We leave in different countries. And now he showes less interest in me then before. He is still writing me when he has time and reply to me messages. But i feel the difference. It’s more than one week since he left – and he never called me, yet. Just text messages. Before – he used to call me with video and we could speak hours in the raw in night. Also midday calls. Now we don’t have it. How could Make him interested in my personality as much as he was before? Now he goes crazy when we discuss anything about sex, but before he was going crazy from the idea if kissing me, of waking up with me. I don’t want to become just a sexual object. He said that he wants to develop our relationship but he doesn’t do almost anything for it. I don’t want to look needy and to chase for his attention. I want to make him chase my attention, like he did before and now it looks to me like i just destroyed everything, and i have no idea how to fix it now that we have no opportunity to spend time together. Just messages and calls.
Where should i tipe? Should i try the 12 words or other techniques from the book?
I am just lost in space. I want him to crave for my love not just for my body. How should i act?
