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My fears come from past. My ex was convincing me almost 3 years that i need to gain. And whatever i did for him – was not enough. Was never enough. Now i feel like i am not enough. For anyone
So ACTIONS do you need from him to know he feels he is all in with you? Yes. You are right. Words i have now. And it’s not enough. Like i also have actions cause he came just to see me, did a huge trip not once and had to stay in quarantine after that.. but I still feel like it’s not enough. I need more affection. More care. Conversations about our future. ..yes, still looks like i enumerated more words than actions are missing. Ah, and I want him to delete hit tinder. But i want it to come from him. Not to sit on his head with it.
And about the other part of your text… it just made me cry. You are so right and this is so right. I treat this way relationships with all my friends. I love them. I care about them and I know they care even if they don’t text me every minute. And don’t call every day. And if one day something shift in our friendship- it happens and it’s ok and life doesn’t stop. But.. why I can’t just move it on relationships? Why I can’t see a relationship with a man as i see my frienships?
Would you call him your boyfriend? Would he introduce you to his friends/family as his girlfriend? Yes. Of course he is my
Boyfriend. I did introduced him as my boyfriend to my brother and my friends. He did introduce me as his girlfriend to his friends. And about his family- they live far so I don’t really know if and what did he tell them about me.About the “maybe” jeans – it’s accurate. But it’s just as a response to his behavior. If I’d feel he is 100% invested I think my answer would change. I am afraid to open for someone who is not sure about me and about his feelings regarding me.
What do you want from him EXACTLY in order for you to feel safe with him emotionally? To be closer. To feel closer. He is not so open when we talk. I want to hear that i am the one and that one for him. Then i will feel safe emotionally.ARe you willing to let go of your need for more attention and just let him be who he truly is? If let’s say I know for sure that he feels he wants me in his life and he is truly interested in me – then yes. I can accept him like this.
What disturb me the most in this situation is my anxiety. Of course i don’t show it to him but.. i have a feeling like in any moment he can change his mind and say thats it, and that he doesnt want me anymore. It s crossing my mins anytime i have to wait more for a message from him.
I don’t think you guys have agreed to be in a committed relationship, yes? He is calling me “his” and saying he doesn’t go with other girls. He also said i shouldn’t have any sex with someone else. I don’t really know how do usually people agree on being in a committed relationship. And how should i interpretate the relationship i have with him.
I encourage you to focus on what you need and let the app go. Thank you SO MUCH for this specifically!
You are not even fully invested in this guy
What kind of behavior of mine would mean i am fully invested in him?What about the attention issue- i already talked with him about it. He said that he likes a lot that i am saying what do i feel. And he started to give me more attention. But it didn’t last too long.
I want to talk with him about it. To understand why does he still need to use tinder app,where is writted that he is looking for a long term committed relationship. Do i even mean anything to him? How we will get to know each other better if he is looking for someone else?
But how to bring it up, so it will be constructive and not annoying? I don’t want to give him the feeling like i am chasing himIn general I don’t feel like he takes care of me. In some gestures he does. But.. it’s not exactly the way I need it
… of course i just couldn’t do it. I am so focused on careing about how to make him feel comfortable, that I forget thinking about what do I feel. Yesterday he was looking for something in his phone and I noticed that he has on the main screen, down, in the line with messages, browser and calls – the tinder app. Of course I didn’t ask him why. It’s obvious that he keeps it there cause he is using it often. No one put there the app he doesn’t use.
He came here for few days to spend the Valentine’s day with me.
I am not sure if the way he behaves with me is something that makes me happy and comfortable. It sounds easy but I don’t know how to understand my feelings. How to understand if he’s the right guy. If he is for me. What questions should i ask myself to learn more about what do I feel about him? Definitely he doesn’t give me enough attention when i am not around. This i can understand : that it’s not enough for me. But maybe we just need more time to get closer and to get to know each other?
Thank you very muchHello, Heidi! I was thinking a lot about what you girls said here. It’s something new for me. I was reading a lot of books and learning always and improving being very comfortable in a relationship. But i think you are so right. I shouldn’t protect him from who i am. But it’s easier to say (for me) then to do.
He is here, he came to soend Valentines day together and I am going to tell him today that i want to slow thing down.Thank you for everything and happy Valentines Day!
it’s time to face the hurt you carry from your past. Is that something you are willing to do? Yes, sure! I want!
And regarding sex, if i slow down or stop it – he will not feel it as a rejection?
We don’t have too much sex as we don’t meet oftenly (he lives far). But in persists in our conversations all the time. There is no day he doesn’t bring it up. Actually i feel strong sexual attraction to him, as well. And this is not disturbing me as a fact. What disturbs me is that i feel from him more sexual desire than a desire to have my love. He also shows affection but it’s not ballanced with sex talks. I don’t really feel to exclude it at all. I just want ballance. To be sure about his feelings to me, not to my bodyTo let him or any other guy spend time to know me before sex. Well that’s a good idea but what now, after in already happen.
Before him i was focused on work and my child. It was taking 100% of my time. Once in few months i was going to meet some friend.
Thoughts in my head? Well that’s a good question. I was reading things to improve my personality, developing my skills and taking care of my child.Thank you
Do you think it is interesting that you were pushing your sexuality and now he is thinking too much about that? Of course not. It was a mistake, and a stupid think to do. And we are compatible 100% in bed, so he can hardly think about anithing else. I understand that these are consequences if my actiona. And i do not now if i can do anything about it.
the two of you are still in the getting to know you phase-would you agree? How long ago did the two of you start to communicate? How much time have you spent together? I get the sense that you need to slow down this process and go back to just getting to know each other.
Yes, i agree what we are on getting to know each other phase. We started communicate 2 months ago. After one month he did a long trip to come to meet me. He spent here 3 or 4 days. Now we are chating, having calls, and he is planning anither trip to come here.
I agree with you, regarging the last sentence. How could i do it? And how could i STOP overthinking. It is really disturbing me. thanks a lotMy ex was always laughing on whay i feel. If i explained him that some his actions hurted me he was insulting me. He was inposing me the idea that i am not enough whatever i would do. I lived this way 2 years and a half.
Now in my new relationship i am flirty and easy. Almost any time we speak on phone i say if i feel good “it makes me feel good when you..” or even use word “happy”, and if it is something wrong about what he did i also sau it in a easy way. I am aware that most of the feelings its because of me not him, thats why i dont tell him everything, putting all the responsibility for my feelings of him. I am nice and cool. Easy and pleasant to be around. But inside of me is a storm. And i absolutely don’t like it
I don’t think it’s a good thing to share with him everything i feel regarding us and him. I am telling buy in doses. I pay attento hos reaction and how he behaves after what i am telling him
I have mixed feelings so i can not understand what do i feel regarding him and this relationship.
When he is giving me attention i feel in live and happy like i want a lot to be with him.
When he is not calling, texting or replying if i text him, like almost all the day – i feel frustrated, upset, gelous, disapointed , angry and i feel like this all is a mistake.
