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He contacted me this morning. Sent me a text that he is full of work and will have free weekend so we could talk. I replied with “😊great!👍🏻“. It looks like we’re going to have a conversation. Which I don’t really understand how should i structurize. I want to ask about what does he feel regarding me and us. And to know the truth. I want to prepare my reactions for any truth I will hear from him.
I sent him yesterday evening an easy flirty message. Just asking him for advice in something he is better than me. And.. he didn’t even open it.
I just can’t understand if in this situation we’re now – is it ok for me to contact him again (for another subject, for example), or I should wait for him to contact me.
Imagine if he said ” I want to talk, it’s important.” Wouldn’t you instantly get nervous about the conversation? Does this make sense?
I would most probably get nervous. But I would contact him immediately or as soon as possible. I would want to know asap what happened, what is so important. And I think he told me this not once. And I called him , but once I couldn’t speak in that moment because was too tired in bed near by my kid and was too exhausted to go in another room, was too late, so I just asked him to discuss it in a message.
If anyone who is more or less important to me would say it – I would contact immediately by phone or ask to explain by text.By the other side – he is not always saying and doing things in a right and great way and usually he is not doing effort to “repair it”. And I don’t require and don’t expect it from him. We’re human. Not everything needs to be done my way. So, okay, yesterday I didn’t ask him to speak in a very comfortable way. But tell me please in your opinion is the was so critical that it would be a reason for him to give up on me and on our relationship? If not – so the responsibility of his reaction is not really on me..
Also, in the day he left he told me that i am very comfortable to be around and that he is happy he drove 20 h two ways just to spend few hours with me. “It was a right decision”, he added.
But Since he left i do feel him colder. For few days he is just replying me and not texting me first. I am wondering if we are okay. But I won’t discuss it with him again. I said twice I need more attention and he said i am right but changed but for a couple of days and then again became more distant, from what do I feel.
Also, i am not sure that the problem is that he feels my anxiety. Because around him , when we spend time together or speak on phone- I don’t feel it at all. And don’t show it as well.
In my opinion he wanted to get really close. But when he felt the emotional connection- he started to make steps back because of fear to not get hurt like in his ex relationships. I do feel him now emotionally unavailable. And I do feel sometimes that he is trying to be more available.
Help me please. I don’t want to leave him with this feeling like i want to have a tensioned conversation. It the same time I don’t want to look to him to needy.
I understand I said it in a worst possible way. Can i fix my mistake or I lost him and that’s it? After your message I understood i just pushed him away and it gave me horrible anxiety. All I want if to fix my mistake. I want to get in touch with him asap and give him a feeling of easy and fun.Wouldn’t you instantly get nervous about the conversation? Does this make sense?
So I freaked it up 😓😰 I wanted to do better but i just pushed him Away…“Hey love. Are you free to talk this evening or sometime soon? I miss you.”
Sure it sounds great. But i guess it’s too late to send him thisAre you willing to see a therapist or coach? Yes, i want.
Yesterday i decided to discuss it with him. This is our late eve conversation:
– I have to talk with you. It’s something important. Let me know please if i can call you
– I have almost zero battery
– Ok, so please let me know when you’re available. Thank you 🙃– Now i enter to the room. I still have some work to finish.
– Finish what you have to do and when you are free- if i will not sleep we could talk. Is it okay?And he still didn’t call and didn’t text me back. Maybe my aproach was wrong. Maybe i pushed him away with the way i texted him. I didnt want to say the subject in the message. If he would tell me like this – i would call him to talk.
Maybe he doesn’t feel like he wants to speak with me anymore, or he is just busy. Today i woke up and felt like i want to text him to say that i was waiting and.. or anything. But i don’t know if it’s a right thing to do. I don’t want to give him the feeling that i am chasing him.
Maybe he has doubts regarding me as well and that’s why he didnt call.
Again i am overthinking.I know for sure i want a man who choose me. But i still have this feeling like his behavior is a result of something i did and said.
Baggage? Sure he has. He been married for 10 years with a woman that left him 3 years ago. She left him and their daughter. He was saying me in beggining that he wants a stable commited relationship. Then i understood that he just doesnt trust women.
Thank you very much, Heidi.
To whom should i apply for help to get rid of my pattern?
And regarding tinder app discussion.. it looks to me like this conversation will bring us to the end of “us”. That’s how i feel about it.
Still, what is your advice? Do you think i should bring it up or better not?
Now from what you texted me I understand that actually he is fine but I destroyed our relationship with my anxiety, which he feels even that i am trying to hide. Am i right?
