[Ecaterina G]

• What would you say are the common traits of all the men you have attracted into your life romantically?

– insecurities hided by rudeness to others
– narcissistic, selfish
– all of them hurt me again and again and when I finally find power and courage to leave – and then were looking for me and putting effort to get me back (well, except this last one who i broke contact few days ago).
– all of them have bad opinion about women in general
– first is what he needs/wants. If he was neglecting me or treated me mot properly and i speak it up – i am the one to be sorry
– hot and cold games. When i give attention and affection- he doesn’t care or even ignore me. When i am cold or dissapear – he do everything to get my attention. It happened with all my boyfriends, maybe just all men are like this
– not willing to give unconditionally even if it’s like my birthday or something like that

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Ecaterina G.

[Ecaterina G]

Dear Heidi, thank you for your message.

I am not crying since my birthday, when he insulted me. of course. I don’t want him anymore and if he would find a way to contact me, believe me I wouldn’t even speak. I have no feelings for him. And his words didn’t make me feel bad about myself. I like myself skinny, i like all the party of my body and I wouldn’t even consider to put silicon to please him or a man like him. I think I look good and I wouldn’t like to have near by me a man who thinks that the way i look is my minus. This is very humiliating

What hurts me now? There is a pain but it’s like a passive pain. I don’t know what exactly hurts me. Maybe rejection. Maybe disappointment. Maybe expectations i had. I don’t know.

•Your mom said you always choose men that aren’t good. Is this true?
Yes. But in the beginning all of them looks good to me and all my family and friends say he is perfect and great.

•Are they always emotionally unavailable in some way?
No. I usually feel loved in a relationship

•Do they tend to be critical?
Yes. In different ways but all of them find what to criticize in me, more or less

•Do they play games?
Yes

•ARe they afraid of commitment?
They say no but in their actions i see it, yes. Even if we live together and he say to his friends i am his wife- he was not ready to marry me even after 2 years. I speak about My ex, father of my kid.

•What about your father. What is your relationship like with your father?
– my father died 2 years ago. I still can’t let it go. It was too hard for me. He was truly And unconditionally loving me. His death broke my heart. I still regret things i did wrong. I regret things i said wrong etc.

[Ecaterina G]

Hello.. I actually wanted to ask if you can help me with letting it go. The pain to let go. What he said on my birthday maded hard to breathe. It helped me to let him go and to stop wanting him in my life. I cried one more day and that’s it. But the fact is what he said hurt me. I am just very disappointed. I was crying for one month for a man who had no problem to offend me this way
Thank you 🙏🏼

[Ecaterina G]

My ex is a rich man who helps me with nothing except emotional support in his messages 🤣
I have one child. Which i love enormous. I alone support finnancially him and myself, and my mom as well.

So you think i suffer because of my past, not because of me being confused from his changing of affirmations and rude, painful words?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Ecaterina G.

[Ecaterina G]

How can I want back a man who had hurt me this way? He’ve been rude and disrespectfull while break up. I sent you today a big part of the conversation, hope you red it. It’s not something a man should say to a woman.
He was rude and disrespectfull during break up and hippocrite during the relationship. I have doubts he even is honest with himself.
Yes it’s my mom.. for her i never do good enough. I am criticized all the time. Even now she noticed that i suffer and what he said was: “you are allways finding men that aren’t good and then you suffer. You are like a zombie stop it you have a child and responsibilities”

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Ecaterina G.

[Ecaterina G]

I felt devastated and cried one day non stop, couldnt sleep and eat but what is interesting. While i was with him, he was the firts man making me feel not pretty. He gave me complements but i still looked to myself not pretty.
Now, after that talk on my bf, i looked in the mirror and i seen again, a very beautiful woman.

One more thing is that he felt frustrated when one common friend of him and my ex told him that my ex is a millionaire and has a ferrari. He asked me about it and said not once that he is afraid that i will go back to my ex.

Regarding my breast its ridiculos. First time we met i did have big breast cause i was breastfeeding. I told him to not look at it cause after breastfeeding it will get smaller which is normal and he said he knows and he is ok with it. Second time we meet was after i stopped breastfeedign so after he left immediately he pulled away. Now at my birthday he say sex is only good thing about me.

So am i crying after a man who measure men in money and women in breast?🙄

Of course i cut all contact and blocked him everywhere/..

[Ecaterina G]

Hi, Heidy. Thank you for checking. I had covid with complications. I got pneumonia and it took me almost 3 weeks to start recovering.

So, regarging that guy. I sent him then that good bye message saying that i need a man who will choose me and appreciate me and i am not negotiating my value with anyone. I wished him to be happy and said it s not his fault, it s both.

He replied that it s only him, that i am perfect. After few weeks he sent me a message to say that i am high value woman, top from all people he met and i am smart and strong and beautiful and young and will find someone better.

Okay. For one month i was crying in bathroom on the floor. One month i felt i lost someone great and special who thinks i am
Perfect and i lost him because of my own issues and my emotional baggage. I felt it s 20% him and minimum 80% me the reason. Every night i seen one dream: in the beggining of deeam we are happy. In the end he say he wants to break up with me.
In different circumstances. I woked up shocked and in tears. It s like He broke up with me 30 times. All this time he was liking everything i post on instagram and commenting some posts with ❤️, which of course just made me feel worse
After 1 month pain started to discreese and i started to cry more rare.

Then came my birthday. 28 of march. In evening he called me with video. At that point i was willing to to anything just to get back together. He called and said “i called to congratulate you. Oh you lost weight?? That s horrible!!! You lost breast?? What happen?”
We started to talk. He asked how i feel and i just told him. I told him how do i feel for real. He said “maybe in another life we would be together. I thought your pluses will cover your minuses but it did not happen.
– what minuses?
– you are too skinny and have small breast.
– you did not know it before we met? I told you i am 45 kg.
– i knew. But i also found other minuses

Me: – it felt to me unfair cause you said i am perfect and you see only pluses in me so i just couldnt understand..
– no one is perfect. Well maybe you are perfect for someone but not for me… i inderstood i dont want you after second visit.. you think it happen because of breast?🤔

I was crying, Heidy. In my birthday. And he was talking this way to me.

By the way, that s how i look

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=3947120738681028&set=a.576351749091294&type=3

I dont need everyone to like me. But what he did it was feeling to me horrible. Maybe i am over reacting

I feel not okay. I still don t know if it s my faul or just he is this kind of person.

[Ecaterina G]

I know that my good bye letter was right thing. I know i said it right there. I need a man who appreciate me.

I need a man who admires me.

I think he is not capable to give me this.

But i do feel that I wanna just tel him i am not okay. I can’t explain why i need it. Just to let him know it’s not okay what he did.

[Ecaterina G]

My feelings come in waves. Now I hate him for the way he played with my feelings. I understand he is undecisive. I understand he is unsure. But he should tell me this BEFORE. So he just took advantage of me. And then, when I pushed- he decided to finally tell me how he truly feels. Still it’s not an excuse for his hot and cold game. And i want so much to say it to him! To say that he has NO right to aft like this. That she hurt him. But it’s not my fault orr the fault of any other woman. That I didn’t deserve it.

And in few hours I feel i miss him. I feel i want just to hear his voice and to know he is there for me.

When these feelings comes – i read in intrnet some psicholocical explanation of feelings and situations that are similar. Sometimes i cry.

I will not feel it all my life I know. But last time when i felt my heart broken a it was hurting few ears in a row

[Ecaterina G]

Hello.
He said it’s my decision. I decided to say “good bye” because i saw he isn’t willing to fight for me. And I didn’t want to do the “mans job”.

“Is he trying to still connect?” No. The last message between us was from him, saying “believe me, don’t learn anything. You were perfect. It is all me”. After we broke up he put on him WhatsApp photo of him, from my brother’s art exhibition. That day he woke up at 6 and drove 10 hours to be in time at exhibition and to meet my brother. Yesterday he liked my new photo in instagram. I don’t like his, don’t see any point why should i.

Why were you unhappy?
A half of our short relationship I wasn’t happy. He didn’t give me enough attention. He didn’t treat me the way I need. Sometimes he was ignorant. Sometimes didn’t hear me. And He was pushing too much on sex. And.. I became insecure with him. Very anxious. And even stoped seeing myself pretty. First time in life. In other relationships I didn’t feel this way.

Why do you believe it didn’t work?
Actually I think to be honest, because i gave him a lot attention and care. I was colder and seemed that I don’t care (well, I didn’t) before we started a relationship. And when we agreed we’re together- i became more soft and sweet and loving. Maybe if I would look more unreachable, he wouldn’t lose interest.

What is the story you are telling yourself every day?
Everything could be great if I wouldn’t make some mistakes. I understand it’s not exactly true. I understand he has hard baggage from his last marriage. I understand but this is how I feel. My mistake is that he understood i fall in love with him. He understood i feel more than him and pulled away.

Why do you feel you want to keep things going?
Because the way it ended is senseless and unfair. Because I really think we could be happy together.

Why do you want to fight for him?
I just want to stop the pain i am living with now. I am willing to do everything just to stop feeling the way i feel. I think that if we try again and start it over – I will not feel so unhappy as now. Still, i am not willing to chase him or to convince him that he is wrong and he should choose to be with me. I am afraid that he could accept and then just take advantage of me. And It doesn’t make any sense to tell the woman she is perfect and you have feelings and just… just give up on her.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Ecaterina G.

[Ecaterina G]

When we had than all night conversation about “i care but dont love you”. He said “if you block me – i will suffer very much. I won’t block you cause i like you and i like a lot what is between us. It’s your decision”. He just… said and did too many things that just derutate me. All this mixed stuff doesnt let me move on. Im stuck around

[Ecaterina G]

tell yourself the truth. Tell yourself it’s over.

But I don’t really feel like it’s over. What can i do to feel it?

[Ecaterina G]

And i said that it’s not just him. I also did some things wrong but it’s okay. I am a human. At least i am aware of my mistakes and learn from them for the future.

He said: “believe me , don’t learn anything. You were perfect, it’s all me”.

And it brought up a lot of feelings, unclear. It triggered my desire to try again, to do something, to talk to him. It just killed my inner peace, which I didn’t even reach yet, after the break up

[Ecaterina G]

And he did reply to my good bye message. He said that its 100% his fault and that i was perfect.

[Ecaterina G]

Hey there..
the second day i have a feeling that it’s me. That if I would behave differently- it wouldn’t end this way and he would fall in love with me. I feel like i made mistake giving him a lot of attention, and having sex very soon. Like this is why it didn’t work between us. It’s obsessive thought I can’t get rid of and worst of all is that i want to communicate this to him . Help me please with an advice. Thank you very much

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Ecaterina G.

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