[Emilie S]

Hi

Yes she is still there in fact, I guess she is coming back next Saturday. It seems it’s ok there for now ! I’ve been to Athena when I was young (I think less than 10yo) but I really enjoyed ! And I wanted to go in greek Island for my Bday but not for this year I think lol

For my past relationship, I didn’t saw the warning around his manipulation side but when I told I felt it wouldn’t last since the beginning it was more because he was speaking about having kids and all, and even if I do want kids, the reason he was giving and he was in rush wasn’t convincing me. Also at this moment he was unemployed and starting his business and I was thinking it wasn’t the right time until he had a stable situation and all and we were already not on the same page on this. And I couldn’t project myself really with him…I don’t really know why I choosed him anyway, we might have meet at a point of my life where I was feeling lonely and I “needed” to be with someone…He was treating me as a princess at first and then…lol He also had good side and I probably choose to see only this at first…For the no longer trapped I guess it’s the addition of different factors, while I was with him, I had to go through a surgery and I had to stay home with nurse visit every day during almost 4 months, and even by that time he was still playing the victim, telling me I was making drama “for nothing” and he was still prioritising himself among my own health. But still we stayed together, but the more and more his “victim” role he was playing was annoying me, I wasn’t feeling much attraction to him anymore, he was like a kid…and he lost his dad so I wasn’t really able to broke up…It was a hard period, he was so mean with his mom, and he was using suicide threats to make us feel guilty and not to assume his responsibilities. I was so upset that I was like, you want to commit suicide, ok let’s go, I’ll help you, go go go…I think I never ever been so upset and screaming that much …So I was thinking ok, that’s too much.. And we ended up going to Spain with my family and he played the victim with my family members and the way he spoke to them …Was really too much…I couldn’t support it anymore, I had a huge argue with him on this in front of my family (which is something I never did earlier or since – I’m pretty secret and I don’t like to deal publicly on my problem). So when we came back from holidays I broke up and I told him to leave my flat…but it took me a year to ended up from my surgery to this holidays…This relationship had a huge impact on my health and ending it up as well.

Otherwise, I’ve met a guy on Saturday evening. I spent a really nice evening, we had a great connexion (in fact we spoke together during 2 weeks I guess, and over the phone). We had a lot of fun, he is a travel lover, he is a real gentleman, he is nice, fun, he has a kid, he is an art director…He invited me for dinner, he was supposed to cook but had a bad day, so we just ordered food. He was nice enough to request his mom’s parking to avoid me to pay, and he drove me back to the parking on his scooter at 3 am under the rain lol. We did a Disney blind test loool (I won !!) so yes we really had a lot of fun, we shared a lot around travel, which country we have been, which one we preferred, which one we wanted to (re)visit and why. We had same opinion on lots of the one we had in common, and lots of the country we wanted to go to were similar. He has a kid, so we spoke a bit about our family (my parents divorced and all), and he shared that he also have a step brother older than him with whom he is not speaking anymore. He opened a lot as he shared his dad passed away when he was a kid and that was the reason why his brother wasn’t speaking to him as he was considering him responsible of it…And he shared that while he became a dad he was afraid as he never had any model but that he liked it and he would like to restart a new life and have other kids and all, so he asked me if I had considered it or not. So we had a bit of deep discussion in between many jokes lol…We eventually kissed…2 or 3 times…Even though he was pretty tactile trying to tickle me all the time, he was very respectful, and affectionate. He didn’t try to go beyond kissing, just holding my hand or caressing it and massaging my head and hair. It was like we knew each other before and that we were old friend making fun of the other all the time. It felt really good. I (for now) see in him what I was missing with my ex around the openness and the travelling part lol Also it felt so natural and I was really feeling myself not playing any role…
We spoke a bit yesterday and just few messages today. While I left he told me about meeting again without giving a date so I proposed him this Thursday yesterday but he is not sure about his kid’s planning so he will let me know but that it would be with pleasure…
Let’s see…

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi,

Yes it has definitely change, I don’t know if it will come back to “normal” at some point or not…
It’s still possible to travel my aunt did this Saturday, she travelled to Greece, but they had to be tested at the airport before taking the flight, they just don’t know if the rules there will change during their holidays or not …
And we don’t know how it will be during Christmas time, not sure my mom would be able to come in Paris or not from England without being quarantined because it’s still on there for people travelling from France and France applied reciprocity for people travelling from England so far…

I worked at my flat over the weekend but I have not being able to finish, it was pretty hard to do the last thing, … I sent him out a message telling him I was a bit struggling lol so he made fun of me of course and asked if It was a call for help but his message came in last night so a bit late for help lol. I’ll manage to finish it but I don’t know when now, because not sure I’ll be able to do it next Saturday after 2 wedding days…and Sunday I have a lunch for my sister’s birthday so I don’t think I’ll go after…Let see

For the past relationship it was like if they were cutting me from seeing people like my friends and family. It was always with them, his mom was pretty intrusive. He was speaking about committing suicide if I was trying to break up with him, lots of emotional pressure and so on…He was always playing the victim and I was always the mean girl…We ended up living together pretty fast and then it was like I was blocked with him, couldn’t “escape” from this. But at some point it did affected my health. While I broke up with him, his mom was keeping on sending me messages to try to make me change my mind and all…So pretty hard to exit this relationship. But it was the best thing I did lol
It took a lot of time to recover from all this because it really affected my self confidence and self esteem…

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Haha I’m glad you understood what I was saying ! Yes no string attached with him. Being friend with him and moving on both on our side is a good thing I think.

For the guy I stayed with during 4 years…I think if I am honest that I knew it almost since the beginning of our relationship…I tried multiple time to break up but he was manipulating me and even his mom was manipulating me…Also we were living together and it was pretty complicated…We ended up going only to Spain once with my family and it ended up definitely our relationship … lol

But yes I do love to travel a lot, and discover new culture…But right now it’s not a good time to travel 🙁 I’m sad about this btw…Because I wanted to travel for my bday as I didn’t really took holidays during the summer and I wouldn’t be able to do it due to the current situation in France…Lots of countries are closing their boarder or putting people travelling from France into quarantine…
Hopefully it will be for next year 🙂

Emilie

[Emilie S]

It’s just that since we broke up our messages were a bit “cold” and that I was seeing a …I don’t know how to translate it but it sounds more friendly than cold. Not like “old time” but better. I told you once that when I asked how were his holidays and if he would help me for the flat he didn’t took the time to ask how I was in return. so just noticing the improvement in our communication. But it doesn’t mean more than communication improvement lol It’s just “lighter” (I really don’t know how to translate it in English), like if before there was a kind of pressure and that now we can just be back to natural communication.

For the English part it doesn’t mean much, except that we had to watch movie in French and I usually don’t like French people voice with American actor lol but it’s not a big deal 🙂
For the travel part, in a way it’s like a lack of openness to the world. But I know it’s not his case, (my ex boyfriend I was with during 4 years were like that). For him as I mentioned it’s more a lack of opportunity to travel, first because his parents weren’t that rich and with 3 kids it’s not that easy to travel and for him I know the girl he stayed with during 10 years wasn’t into it. and Both were not speaking English which is a bit of a problem when you want to travel.
But I think when I was mentioning these 2 things, it was more because it was reminding me my ex, but they had a totally different approach to this and behaviour. That’s why I said it’s not a big deal in his case.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Haha i don’t know which part is the great answer but i guess it’s related to the fact that i Don’t know if he is the right one or not ? I have to be honest what make me felt he wasn’t while breaking up were some small details and i am not sure it’s rrally relevant and that it wasn’t a way for me to accept and more my ego persuading me he wasn’t the right one because of some reason (i am saying that because one of the reason was he doesn’t speak english which isn’t really dramatic if we are honest lol or because he didn’t travelled much but he does like it so it was more la k of opportunity and so on…). But still i need to understand where i am exactly on this.

For the showing feelings toward him part. The fact that he wasn’t counscious about it doesn’t mean it didn’t affected our relationship lol but nevermind can’t change the past 🙂

And i finally sent him out this message on friday so we are more or less discussing every day since. It’s more like we exchange messages each day but no deep discussion. Just wishing good day or evening asking how we are and kiss almost once a day.
We didn’t choose the date for thanking dinner though lol but i need to finish the flat stuff first (and celebrate my sisters birthday and wedding time lol) and i know he is still busy with his house even though he finally moved in apparently.

Thanks for your kind words about my journey and evolution. It feels good to read and confirm it. ☺️☺️

Have a good day

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

No I don’t want to force anything. I don’t see the point, I can’t force him to have feelings for me first thing first lol and also I know that when we broke up I was also thinking he might not be the right one for some few reasons…So until I figure really things out…no point lol

I don’t remember that he mentioned anything like that. I was the one thinking that I wasn’t really showing I was feeling very much towards him. But I don’t think he thought the same, as per what he was saying while we were breaking up. But yes I can still send a message like you suggest, just to inform him 🙂 it’s doesn’t cost anything lol

Thanks 🙂

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Haha for public bathroom, it depends with who you are…If family members you say toilet if more formal I guess equivalent of restroom lol. And yes when toilet are separated from the shower the 2 rooms are close to each other most of the time. It was the case in flat they were right next to each other. In my mom’s house we have one toilet room on the ground floor with a bathroom think but on the 1st floor there is not bathroom think in the toilet room so the bathroom is right next to it for this purpose. To be honest it’s more convenient to have it in a separate room when you are not living alone and that you have some guest (or not). If someone is using the bathroom you can still use the toilet 😉 lol

And yes we are definitely comfortable with each other…To come back to the restroom subject for exemple with him, we were just saying I need to pee or for him even I need to poo…So definitely comfortable lool
And thanks for noticing I grew…I guess I saw it myself. Once again I wouldn’t be honest if I wasn’t saying I am still thinking of him and our relationship. I even restart to have fantasy about him lol but fantasy can remain fantasy that’s ok 🙂 We didn’t set up anything, in fact we didn’t spoke since 10 days or so, I didn’t had time to go to my flat this weekend because I needed to work as I have a report to send by today and it was pretty time consuming. So I guess until I finish the work at least with his tool, I won’t propose to set up the thank you dinner. Especially this weekend I have a bachelor party on Saturday, so might not be in a really good mood for work on Sunday lol and next week my sister is turning 20 so we are having a party on Friday night, but I think I’ll try to finish things up over the weekend. So maybe the next weekend but not sure either because I have a wedding on the 24/25 and it’s my other sister’s birthday on 27…Busy month lol
Not too sure going during week days would be ok both for me and him so let see 🙂
I’m not in a rush lol I can thank him anytime…

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hahaha yes I think that’s what we call bathroom…but not exactly because my toilet are separated from the bathroom itself (I call bathroom the room where you have your bath lol). But in French yes we say I need to go to the toilet or we even say “I need to go to the little corner” (that’s the literal translation so I don’t think you use this in English). Might be more like “going to the loo” for you. We say I need to go to the bathroom when we are dating guys and want to be more vague on what we do lol. It’s once again part of history, before the loo were in the bathroom, now we are more used to have separate one, except in small apartment or old buildings and house.

It is a good friendship, but once again I think it’s like that since the beginning and that’s also maybe why we ended up like this, “too friend” not enough “lover”…Who knows…For is unavailability I don’t know, even if I asked him he told me know, but it might be deeper and he wasn’t able to see it really. I wouldn’t be honest if I was not saying that thinking how great we are together isn’t sometime reminding me that it’s a bit sad that it ended up like that. But yes for now, even if I have this type of thought, I don’t feel like it should be anywhere else, because I am not ready for anything. As you mention, this project is consuming my energy and focus, and I’m not feeling like I could invest myself in anything right now. So yes I am just enjoying what we have right now, it feels good to have this kind of friendship. Of course we don’t know what the future will be…But I guess right now, at some point I would be happy to start again. But that might just be, because of this great time we had together and connection we have. And at the same time, I don’t want this to be messed up by this kind of thought or a “restart” too fast…I am also happy that I was able to avoid listening to my ego and cut our link, because he was really of a great help for the flat and I wouldn’t have been able to manage it by myself.

Haha for my grandma I guess that’s it, she knows I am the only one who is able or allowing myself to counter her lol, she learns that sometime she should stop or we would “fight”. I’m doing it for me but also when she becomes a pain for my mom (who is definitely never gonna say anything to her lol). But I am more trying to educate her than fighting…and showing her how her behaviour might affect us even if it’s not the intention she has. She didn’t had an easy life, her dad was an alcoholic and her mom a poor lady, so my grandma had to work pretty hard to get where she is now, and she is proud (she can), but sometime she forgot that her own feelings aren’t ours. Hard work lol
I am definitely stubborn, I inherited it from my both family side loool but that’s a strength for me, also I am able to see when I’m wrong and able to evolve…

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Thanks Kanya 🙂

Yeah I guess it has always been like this between the 2 of us since we met. We have always been fun pleasant and understandable with each other. Even during our ski vacation and the weather wasn’t good and all, we always managed to remain positive, find activities or do nothing but still have fun lol Even while breaking up in fact there was still benevolence between us…Although nothing was coming between us during the long day, but I was feeling is stress at some point or nervosity at the end when we were really tired, he made some mistake and was upset after himself so I was just there to calm him down and all. We were pretty complementary in this work together in fact, even if he did most of the job, he was the expert and I was the assistant lol but still when sometime he was struggling I was there to help and use my brain lol
I guess this relation is really unique, even for me. I guess that’s also why my friend are thinking it should start again, but once again not feeling like it right now. I prefer just to enjoy what it is.

I don’t really know, depends if I find the strength over this weekend to finish everything and empty the last thing I have in my basement…The weekend after I have a bachelor party…But I would likely say early October even if I first wanted to rent it starting September, I need to admit that I was a bit optimistic lol. But until I achieve this project, I’m fine with it 🙂

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Yeah it was really nice thanksfully because it was really an exhausting day…i came back home and wasn´t feeling like doing anything lol i was sooooo tired and my muscle were so much in pain 🤣🤣 no need to do gym while you are w’doing such kind of activities ! I don’t really thibk it will lead anywhere. At least for now i am not feeling like that. I need the time ans the space to finish the flat, rest, focus on myself and swipping my mind of everything negative and that’s good. I just feel really thankful for his help and i just want to pay the restaurant for this, without anything in my mind.

Hahaha while i am saying painting the toilet i was speaking about the wall lool i had a humidity problem there so had tk refresh it totally but the paper absorb the painting so i had to do another layer. Same in my bedroom i think i did 5 layers of painting 😅😅

Yeah grandma will always have an opinion but she knows i am stubborn and that she can say what she wants now i am not gonna do it her way. She has her belief i have mine. 🤷‍♀️

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Yeeeeaaaah the floor is done, but I have a lot of stuff to finish…I hope I won’t mess it up lol after all the great job he did…He asked if I understood what to do and how, I said yes but I am not too sure anymore loool
And it’s indeed really looking great 🙂 My dad told me “it’s looking so good, aren’t you sad not te be able to enjoy it now ?” lol I told him I was ok to rent it and earn money lool

Yes it was a pretty long day, I wasn’t thinking we would spend that much time but he didn’t had plan in the evening to he stayed until we finished. While we were supposed to leave I wasn’t able to close the door because we had forgot to make a small hole in the floor to allow the door to lock…So he even came back and made it for me. So nice of him. We were really exhausted at the end of the day…And as I was missing some tools he offered to lend them to me but precised it was a lend and that I had to give him back lool
We had flirt but no spank or no sexual allusion but still teasing and making fun of each other. We were “touching” each other while working but just for working purpose I guess ? (I don’t really know if it was intentional or not lol). I was feeling good around him, really comfortable, and I think same for him. To be honest I was pretty admirative of how professional he was and how great he did. When we left I more or less hugged him to thank him as he was really really of a great help and I told him I wanted to invite him to a restaurant to thank him. He agreed pretty fast on it which surprised me a little to be honest lol but he told me not for next weekend as he has to work on his house, he is working on the outside now lol
The next day he sent me out some pics of his house he was showed me he was doing what I still need to do in my flat (finishes on the plinths). I told him I was painting my toilet again and he made fun of me once more because it was “missing a bit of painting” lol. So we spoke a little over messages and that’s it for now. I might just ask him again to tell me how to proceed with the finishes to ensure I’m doing it properly and once I’ll finished I’ll give him his tools back else by just dropping it at his place else at the restaurant directly let see.

And for my grandma yeah I am breaking the circle, I did it a lot since long time but there is so much to proceed lol she is aware that I broke up and all, and she is surprised he is helping me and all. As always she is having an opinion lool

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Kanya

Thanks for your message 🙂

To answer your question about my grandma, it is indeed influencing me or atleast my uncounscious…Don’t get me wring when i am saying qhe is toxic because she definitely not thinking bad in her action but it’s juste that she is a control freak first…and she has her own vision of happiness which is indeed not the same as everyone lol
When i was a kid she was always telling me how brilliant my mom was so comparing me…and my dad too. But she is always having an opinion on everything. When my parent got divorced i gain in weight so she was always telling me that it was sad, that when my aunt was a kid she was fatty aswell and so sad and all… but SHE has never been fatty. Also always showing how good she is in every thing…so always in the comparison stuff. Which i know had a really big impact on everyone in the family (my sister suffered of anorexia at some point) …my mom is also facing Weight issue…so you can see there is a pattern here lol
My mom never stood in front of my grandma but i did many times. So i have always struggle in this « i don’t want to hurt my mom because i am fighting with my grandma and i can’t stand this attitude anymore ».
(It’s just some exemple that i gave but i have plenty of them). For the rejection part itself it’s part of a whole as i said my parents got divorced but in fact almost everyone in my family did…starting feom my grand grand parents both side of my family, my grand parent on my mom side, my parents, my aunt on my dad’s side…so i don’t really jave great exemple whiwh as also shape my mind i guess about relationship…but once again i am working on changing all this thought into more positive things in order to manage better my affective life starting with myself.

I don’t know which guys you are referring to ? Guys from my past you mean ? I don’t really pay attention to them. One of them was a sexfriend, another one i never and the last one i know since 10 years, we met last time 3 years ago but i am not attracted. He used to date one of my colleague 10 years ago when we met. And we found ourself on tinder after 7 years or so. We spoke and all but 2 or 3 times he blocked me while we were supposed to meet and was then coming back…so he lost my trust, we finally had a coffee, we discussed but that was it for me. No trust nothing possible and i still feel the same about him.

Otherwise we finished the floor yesterday 🙂 it’s so beautiful and he did such an amazing job…we worked from 8 am until 10pm…I am so happy !!! but i am also pretty tired !! So i am heading to bed now lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Haha yes “interesting” that’s the point 😉

For the guy I mentioned it’s because he is thinking that things are evolved between us, less pressure, more “sign” as for the spanked or the sexual allusion, and also the fact that we are really having an activity together and the fact that he is making himself more available for me than ever…He is also thinking that I have evolved and that I am more myself with him now that would change his perspective…
For the girl I mentioned it’s almost the same reason and because she is truly believing that coming from friends to lover would be easier and that he is showing interest.

On my side, I don’t really know, of course I noticed this “changes” on his behaviour toward me but I don’t really have a real advice…Also I am thinking they are both biased by my version of the story…(even if it’s factual)
For now, I just want to be truly myself now and not hiding some part of me I did hide unconsciously while we were dating, like my sensuality, and the teasing part of myself, I’m having fantasy again which as kind of disappear since sometime…So I guess I am founding back my felinity, and I might be more into seduction again because that’s who I am and I wasn’t all this or partially this while dating him because of fear. So for now I just want to keep it like that, rise again and connect again with my “entire me”. For now, I am more focused on finishing my floor than anything else lol.
But they just told me that if at one point I was feeling like kissing him I should do it without thinking about the consequences because I have nothing to loose…(They even say worst lol like “just fuck him” which is a bit too much lool)

For rejection, I am mainly doing meditation toward self esteem and reading and watching videos about it and how to swipe my mindset. I felt some evolution since I started, also I was more able to understand where this rejection feeling was coming from. I always thought it was because of my parents divorced, but while reading and listening to videos on this topic I found out it wasn’t the only time I had this feeling. Because for my parents I did confront them and talk to them about it to change what my younger me felt and kept in mind, but for the grandma part for exemple I knew it but never really took the time to work on changing my uncounscious on this. The same girl I spoke about earlier in this message also told me that when we met (in India) she felt that I had a lot of anger inside me and she told me she is seeing my evolution and seeing that I am much more peaceful than before, that I am shining more, that I am more open and all. So even speaking with her is helping me. So getting feedbacks also help me 🙂 But meditation is the best to reconnect myself and reset my mindset in the right direction.

For the “fat” things, I experienced it while I was living in India, that’s exactly the standard there !!!!! It’s like the question of tanning. In Asia they want to be white, they are selling cream to have a whiter skin and that’s a sign of being rich (of course people who are tanned are people working outside), and that’s the difference with European or even American culture where being tanned is a sign of being rich because it means you have time to get tanned or to travel lool

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi

Thanks for your message.

Yes it seems we are still connected and complice and feeling good like this. Less pressure is allowing us to just be our true self maybe. I noticed it on my side at least. Some of my friends both girls and guys (yes everyone is asking how it goes and how it felt to see him again lol) told me that it was good. Some of them told me that he was still « into me » and that i should just go for it if that’s what i wanted to and guve it a try without thinking about the consequences and not beeing stuck in fear and just release the « devil » in me lol (not the deamon) but to be true and honnest with myself…

I took some time for me in the last few days to reconnect with affection self estim and all. It’s definitely clear that rejection had a huge impact on me when i was a kid and still have. But i am working on it to change my mindset on this and just see that i am not the reason of the rejection itself but people who dis reject me were not meant to be in my life and all…i also noticed (i was aware about it but i payed even more attention to it) on how my grandma had a pretty toxic influence on my behavior (and everyone around in fact). So it’s a work in progress still on this. I am working on myself to avoid just being a « pleaser » (i already did a lot but maybe too much with anger and not enough with benevolence) and act for myself even more.

And for your comments about how big things are in the US i would say that for home at least you have more space first lool so it’s easier to have big place but it used to be like this before in other country if you look at the history we were leaving in castle and all…and people Ere leaving in abondance with toi much food and everything. I guess that due to the fact that US is « newer » than european country you took kind of the same approach and you might come sooner or later to the same attitude toward « big » things. 🙂
Just a thought lol but i think peiple are measuring success happiness and all with their belonging and quantities…(true everywhere it was the same while k was leaving in india).

Have a great day,

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Kanya

Thanks for your message. I think my flat would be too small for you and your daughter. Spaces are smaller in France than in US 😉 But glad it sounds amazing haha I’ll rent it easily like this hopefully 😉
And yes transition is ok. Maybe we are better friends than couple as we don’t feel anymore “pressure” (unconscious one)…

For the opening I don’t really know…I’m not really following the news (which is maybe a shame lol) but I was so busy and all that I wasn’t feeling like put the tv on once back at home or reading the news. I’m working remotely until the end of this year so not really feeling concerned…But yes it seems we have additional restriction for workplace and in clusters area. I was supposed to go on bachelor party for a friend early September and one of the bride maid is coming from Singapour…but she just go to know that she is not allowed to travel so the bachelor party is postponed and might happen after the wedding…which is supposed to be end of September (already postponed once it was in July at first). It’s again time of uncertainty…Schools are reopening next week…I don’t know how it would work…

And you how is it on your end ?

Emilie

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