[Emilie S]

Hi Kanya
Thanks much 🙂
Will let you know for sure !
Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi
Thanks much for tour message. It really helps to keep the good vibes and move on my way to full happy’ess and a great relationship 😁😁
It’s really nice to have you (the team) to get good support and advice even if i do have my friends who also support me in my path but i feel sometime they are not totally objectives.
Thanks once again 🙂
Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi James
Thanks much for droping by on my topic and sending this message. It’s encouraging and will keep me in the right direction 🙂

[Emilie S]

Thanks Heidi for this warm message 🙂

I really feel now that i just want to be with someone valuable and not listen to my “primal instinct” of being with someone “no matter what”. Even if i know it wouldn’t be that easy not to listen to my instinct sometime 🙂
Especially when i’m seeing my friends having kids, which remind me that I really want kids but i know i don’t want with someone who isn’t compliant with my criteria.

Will let you know how things will go in coming days/weeks.

🙂

[Emilie S]

Hi Kanya,

Thanks for your reply. Yes i told he may pursue me because he did it in the past and that time i came back to him so he might try again. I told him yesterday that i wasn’t finding what i was looking for with him and i gave him the reason why and some exemples but i don’t think he is paying attention as his goal is just to chase me (from what i read in his answer which were still selfish answer).

For B. yes that’s what i am thinking aswell…I think when i said i could go back with my ex, it’s because in my stupid thought as i knew it wasn’t a good relationship i could have use B as a hero who could save me from this (which is not a good idea in fact lol). But i needed to write it down to see how stupid it was 🙂

As i said, right now, i am not feeling like talking even like a friend with him, just focusing on me and my well being. I might send him a message during the week after my trip to Sevilla which gonna be after 3 weeks without news in that case, just to see if he has started his recovery with the doctor and how it’s going. Then i’ll go to ski for a week so i’ll be busy again 🙂

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi
Thanks for your answer.
I don’t really let the power to the guy that much in fact…one of my friend told me i am more like a « control freak » 😅😅
I broke up with my ex because he wasn’t « compliant » with my list on one criteria regarding the fact that i found him selfish. He was going through some issue with his business. His own company just closed (that’s what he told me today ) after i ignored him for more than a month…he wished me happy new year yesterday so i just replied and wished him also his birthday. He asked for news and why i didn’t answered his previous messages and calls and i just shared my thought with him again…he replied that he closed his company and that he pull me away because he care about me…but i don’t trust him anymore. There are just words and he doesn’t do anything that shows this. so i won’t go back to him in fact…trust and not being selfish are some of my criteria…
In fact right now i am ok because i am busy, things are going well at Work and i am in a good phase. But i could have felt for him again if i was really feeling low which is stupid 🙂
But one of my objectives in 2019 is to stop doing stupid things like that 😁
And for B i’ll just let things go. For now i am not in a mood to talk to him because even if i understand his point and the way he feels about his surgery and all i am a bit frustrated and confused so nothing positive could come out of it (from my side).
I am enjoying my activities and friends time and i feel good like that right now 🙂

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your answer, no i didn’t read that course yet…But i’m gonna do it as soon as i get time (afterwork).

I wouldn’T be surprised if he just doesn’t have the capacity to offer you anything romantic right now << That’s exactly what i think in fact…And i also think that the fact that he will be having a new surgery most probably in march mean he won’t make any step until his final recovery which could be around 6 months after that or more…Depends of his kine and muscle recovery and all…But one of my friend just said that i can’t stop my romantic life just waiting for him…

I am ok with the principle to be only his friend and just take some news some time and see how he feels…But i just don’t want to end up in the “friendzone” as he seems not to even want to be flirty anymore right now…But seems i don’t have much choice…The thing is that i am feeling that i could be just waiting for “nothing”…and even if i am thinking i don’t want to do the same mistake everytime, i am feeling like it’s just like i do a “pause” on my romantic life 🙁

My ex just came back to me, the one i was with in a complicated relationship while i met B…And i know i could be stupid enough to go back with him if he chases me too much just because i don’t want to wait for B for nothing…Which is totally stupid when i say it like that…

As i said i am a bit lost…I’m happy to be so busy just to stop thinking about all this…

Emilie

[Emilie S]

One more thing…if i am honest with myself i have the feeling he won’t make any move before his next surgery and i even think his recovery…i think that he doesn’t want to be a « burden » or atleast the way he sees himself right now as « not being a man »…i guess that’s why he said « he will assume the fact he is single ».
Don’t know…just a thought…i can understand this as i have been like that when i had my own back surgery and that i had to stay home during 4 months until full recovery…

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your reply and kind words 🙂

I am not the kind of person who is always staying home, i like to keep being busy 🙂
Of course i like to be home sometime and take rest but most of the time i am meeting friends or family and going out so of course i can be focused on something else than him…If i am going in silent mode i’ll be more able to do it as i won’t “expect” him to contact me after i sent some messages…By the way still no answer to your “sexy smile” message…But the “weird” thing is that he liked my new facebook profile picture…Don’t really understand him lol

Is there a reason for the “3 weeks” ? or you could have say a month aswell?

And of course i’ll keep you updated, it’s nice to be guided on this subject, as you said i am learning from my past and i don’t want to do the same “mistake” (not the right word but i don’t know how to translate my exact thought) again 🙂

Em

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Emilie S.

[Emilie S]

Hi Kanya

Thanks for your kind words 🙂
I’ll let him some space without disappearing as i used to do. Îll see if he comes back or not before his next surgery or even after…(don’t know when it will be depends on his current recovery and muscle reconstruction). I will definitely try to trigger his hero instinct but don’t know uet what to say…Depends if he show up until then or not.

I can be busy that’s not an issue, i am working and have also lots to do on this side, i am going back to my pole dance class twice a week starting next tuesday, i am having family time next weekend for my grandpa bday, then i am going travelling To Sevilla for a week with my work and when i come back i will be there only for 2 weeks and then i am leaving for 1 week holidays to go ski with some friends and i have some friends’ party already planned in between…So it’s not like if i was staying on my own just thinking 🙂

Thanks for your words

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks once again for your answer 🙂

And yes it was my thought that we were flirting and going back all the time because obviously we don’t know what the other think…Atleast at first on my side i didn’t even knew what i was feeling…I think it’s also because i’m his cousins’ friend. As i said i didn’t told them about the attraction i am feeling because even me i wasn’t really sure of what it was…don’t know if he feels the same. But i was feeling it a bit awkward, especially because my friends knows everything about me and my previous relationships. I used to “play a lot” with guys and they know it so i could have feel a bit bad of being attracted to their cousin and what they could imagine…I guess i am even afraid of myself on this point, as if at some point it’s just the “chasing” that i like. And same time it came more and more that i want to be with him really…Most probably because we discussed and he shared stuff with me and i get to know him better…

But he knows now that i am attracted because at once he provoked me saying that i “was definitely the one who wanted him” and replied “yes of course” and he was like “oh what a reversal” and i said “not at all” and he said “it’s first time you said it explicitly” and i think since then we are not “flirting much” anymore even if he said something like “it’s nice” but after that he said he was low and all…

And he said himself that i wasn’t that mean to him and pretty nice in fact and he thanks me for being there and letting him share his thought …but still weird situation right now.

I’ll let him few days to see if he replies or not to this “sexy smile message”…but i’m feeling like i should go on silent mode and not speak to him anymore to give him space and time to feel better…and same time i’m feeling like if i cut the “connection” the 2 of us had until now i’ll just loose him…pretty complicated to know exactly what to do right now…

I had a kind of similar issue already once with a guy i know since more than 15 years now, we were talking and flirting a lot, and then i don’t know i felt afraid so totally back off him…and i started a relation with a guy which was definitely not a good person for me. And the 1st guy was there for me always supporting me and all…He wanted to date me but i pushed him away as i was with this other guy…Then we lost contact…And 2 years after we met again but i was still with the same boyfriend, and he finally also was in a relationship we just stayed friend…and then i broke up but he definitely was in a relationship and he is still with the same girl now, and we are still friend, he is always there for me and i am kind of always there for him aswell as really closed friends. The point in this story is that i missed something with him because i freaked out and i don’t want this to happen again…I am always late on seeing what i am really feeling for someone (this kind of story happened to me twice). Since then i have decided to listen more to what i was feeling, so i am trying to but i still have this fear and doing back off…Maybe that’s what you feel when reading our conversation with the cousin.

I’ll give it a try with your advice if he give me a chance to talk to him again and flirt with him again but right now i don’t think it’s the right time…I also feel a bit guilty to have all these thoughts as he is definitely having hard time with his knee…

Just need to stop thinking of him or i’ll go crazy lol

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Emilie S.

[Emilie S]

By the way i tried your line « I’m glad to hear you are feeling better, because that sexy smile of yours is one my favorite features about you and you need to be using it! »
He read it but just didn’t answer anything…feeling like something is broken between us since he said he was low and not into it…
Maybe it was a nice way to say he wasn’t interested…i am lost …

[Emilie S]

Hi again,

Thanks for your answer 🙂
Yes it feels good but weird at the same time to feel like a teenager…I usually don’t feel any “stress” about being flirty and all but right now i am feeling “shy” or afraid of doing something wrong…lol

I’m saying i think he was flirting but when he was not feeling low. Right now i don’t know if we are still flirting or not. It would be easier if i could just copy past all messages but it’s in french 😉

When we started to talk again, so something like 3 weeks ago now and just before his surgery, we were, i think really flirting trying to figure out if we had both this attraction i guess…
It started when he added me on facebook saying like “you appear on my wall and i was thinking you were dreaming of being my friend” so i just joked he was the one who was dreaming about it and he said that it was weird he didn’t add me earlier…
Then we spoke about how things were going since we met (nothing flirty in this). And then we spoke about his surgery and the fact that his doctor asked him if he was single or not and when he replied yes the doc answered “ok good luck” so he asked if i know how to do stings” and as i said yes he said that he was hiring me to be his nurse. I replied something like it would have been a pleasure but that i had “aqua poney” (french joke) and that i would tell his cousins that he was trying to exploit me. He said that they would scold me because i wasn’t helping him. Then he said i was mean with him all the time and that i was breaking his heart like at his cousin’s birthday because i left him alone which wasn’t true as we spoke together all the time and he finally said “oh yes true you even drove me back to my scooter as you were so kind” after we spoke again about his cousin he asked if we met each other and all…
He was making some fun about his cousin so i said that i wasn’t sure they would still defend him as he was making so much joke and he asked me to stay silent on this so i asked what i would have in exchange…and he was like “oh you !!!” and i was joking about the fact he made almost 8 months to add me and especially just the day before his surgery…and then he said i was the one who didn’t wanted to play the nurse with him…And i was like “oh yeah that’s true making stings to your butt let me dreamy” and he answered “fortunately i’m single, if i had a girlfriend she would have to do stings and change my bandages, rub my back and make me eat” and i said “oh and that’s why you proposed me to be your nurse…so nice of you !!! at the end your are more mean than i am !!” and he was like “oh no little thing, i didn’t ask this to you. Don’t worry he will assume his celibacy mister S.” and then he said “you can just come to comfort me”. After he went on surgery so we stopped to talk..
So for all this i was thinking we were flirty …Don’t you think?
And as his surgery wasn’t supposed to be that long and i didn’t had news for long time i asked if he was still alive because he made some joke just before going and i was feeling a bit “afraid” that something went wrong. But he said he was ok just really tired and that they were keeping him at the hospital for the night. I told him to enjoy the morphine and he said oh yes it’s too good. So i answered, “see you don’t need me you have some morphine” and he answered “it’s been 8 months i need you” so i replied “ok i’ll put this last message on the drug” and he was like “yeah i’m not totally myself and losing my head thanks to drug” and i replied “or maybe the morphine makes you become lucid” and he said “you never said that you wanted to see me again. I was waiting for you to come back to me. And after 8 months i am the one who came back, i didn’t stand it anymore” (everytime with emoji) and i replied “oh true you were right to come back just before your surgery as now you won’t be able to move anymore” and he answered “oh so young lady you wanted to see me again” and then i said “oh for someone who isn’t totally himself you manage perfectly to ask subtle question to inverse the situation” and he said “and you subtly do not answer the question” i replied that i send him a message after the party et that he didn’t show that much interest” and he said “true but i was in a relationship at that time. So you were interested ?” i said “he was too curious, but that at this time i was in a complicated relationship aswell” so he said he remembered and asked if it was less complicated now ? and if i was still with this guy ?”, i said that i get rid off this guy so i was now single. he was sorry for me and i said he didn’t have to be. so he laugh and said it was true. he asked if i wasn’t finding my charming prince on his white horse. i said no and then he asked me what i was doing for living and all.he was impressed by my job and found it cool. Then he made some french joke once again i can’t really translate and i said that making fun of me like that wouldn’t help him to see me again. he was like “oh the threats! and who tells you that I want to see you again? you are the one who came to speak to me, i just added you as my facebook friend. I’m joking of course” and i replied “and you are quite happy about it” so he said “yes you are a nice girl and you seem really interesting and cool, so yes it’s a pleasure to discuss with you” and i said “oh you forgot how adorable i am” and he said “hmm this i’m not sure, young lady who doesn’t want to help me with my war injury” and i was like “young lady who is taking some news from you and who is speaking to this poor little injured boy” and he was like “oh you are adorable too” (lots of kissing emoji and all in between). And then i said “and by the way you cleary want to see me again, remember, you asked me to take care of you for your injury and you have something like 6 months recovery…and you don’t assume so you are trying to get some information from me about you” and then he was like “i offered you a short term contract and you are not happy” then he spoke about his real nurse that wasn’t looking good and i said that he was complaining, not really motivating to be his nurse. and he was like “no i just have some standard about my nurse” and i said “oh so i should be flattered you asked me to be your nurse” and he was like “yeah but you declined”…Then we spoke about his knees nothing flirty on this part…and i made a joke about i don’t remember what and he was like “oh you are mean again”. We spoke about my dog and he send me a picture of his passed away dog and called it “the girl of his life”. but i received the pics after so i was pretty surprised he could talk about his passed away girlfriend like that…and then he said “no the girl of my life, the real one, i think she is playing hide and seek with me” (i didn’t jump on this occasion which i regret now…but we were speaking about animals at the same time) and i said “oh but you have the reputation to be a player that’s maybe why” and he was like “what ? what reputation ?” and i was like “no no i didn’t say anything” he said “no no you won’t escape like that ? which of my cousin said something” and i was like “no no don’t worry they didn’t say anything mean about you” and then he said “let say that i have been in a relationship for long and that i am finally single since a bit by choice” and then he was trying to have some info, so i said “you won’t get anything from me even by torturing me” and he said “don’t tempt me” and i said “even if i was tempting you, I do not risk much considering your condition” and he was like “we spoke about torture not fight. you are supposed to be attached for torture, atleast from what i saw in movie” and i said “yes but explain how you want to torture me from your hospital, because before torturing me and attaching me, you need to catch me. And we are still talking about torturing not anything else” and he said “ah ? I thought it was becoming interesting”. Then we joke again about the morphine…and he said “don’t you believe…when i woke up i asked the nurse if they saw my penis, this shame!!” i said that “if we met right now, i couldn’t stop myself to laugh just because of this” and he was like “ah no forget it, and keep it for you please” and then he was like “no but it was pretty cold in the operation room, and you know with the stress” and i was like “haha don’t worry i am not the one who saw anything you don’t have to justify anything and i supposed you were not all naked so don’t freak out your honor his safe” and he was like “ok can we stay on the “player” for you please”. Then we spoke again about the birthday party i said that i had some question from his cousin, he was like “oh really? who C or A ? C might have think we left together”. and i was like “both of them, J probably told A something” and he was like “who was J again ?” i said “you know the guy you protect me from during the party” he was like “oh yeah poor guy, you are a heart broker” and i was like “i didn’t do anything !!!” and he said “obviously, he wanted you do” and i said “oh please” and he said “and moreover, you didn’t do anything with me. you are a lesbian or what???” and replied “i am dreaming” and he said “i think you are gonna hate me” i said “no it’s ok i can handle and accept your low shots (don’t know if you say it in english)” and then i said “be careful with what you say by the way, i’ll finish to believe that you wanted me to jump on you at this party” and he said “it could have been nice yes” and i replied “you were still in a relationship remember?” he said “yes we were both in a “relationship” and we would have regret it the day after” and i said “yes nevermind i am the one who had all the questionning from your cousin and you nothing even if i just used you as my shield against J” and he said “ooooh so mean of you !!! we are gonna start to count the point now” i said “you just provoked me” and he said “yes true” i asked for that we reset the count to 0 as i had been so mean to him” and he said “yes and you will pay for that” and i finally said “and by the way i don’t jump on people” and he said “that’s good you are a respectful and respectable girl” and then he said “goodbye lady, your shield is going to sleep to be more lucid tomorrow. Talk to you maybe tomorrow if you still want to talk to me and if i didn’t forget you during the night”. The day after we spoke again, we spoke mainly on his injury and then he told me that he needed me to come to wash him. and i said “i wouldn’t want you to fill shy about your little thing…” (as per what he told to the nurse the day before) and he said “oh i’m sure if you are the one washing me it won’t be that small” and i said i was pretty shocked about what he said” and he was like “sorry i am aswell” and then he spoke again about this quickly making fun of it. And at this time his cousin was sending him some messages so he said he will complain to her how mean i was with him and all. I said she would just told him to stop dragging me and he answered “what ?? me ? dragging you ? No way !!! i am not dragging girl like you” and i said “girl like me? it better be a compliment …but true i am so out of your league” and he said “of course young lady it is !!! you are a nice and good girl, it’s definitely a compliment, a nice girl deserve a good guy to drag her”…Then we spoke again about his injury and all and he confessed that he had lied to me about the reasons for his injury. Then we spoke about his family i was lost of who was the cousin of who and all lol. Then he went back to his place and he told me where he was living and asked me if i knew is town i said just the name. So he said i could come by if i wanted. then he told me again i was really mean with him and i said “okok you won I feel so guilty that i’ll come to see you” and he said once again “yes really really mean, i am pretty sure i feel that bad because you have been to mean with me” and i said “oh stop it now you already won, i already said i would come” then he spoke about his stings and that he had to do it himself as i declined his offer of being his nurse. I said too bad for you you removed your offer i could have give you a magic kiss and he said i can put it online again lol… And the other messages i already told you in my first post.
Since then we are flirting a bit less i guess because he was feeling low i didn’t wanted to talk about it that much…

What do you think?

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks again for your answer.

Maybe as he starts to feel more “manly” he will feel more confident to ask you out. He is responsive, you guys do flirt, so there is an attraction there on both sides….would you agree? << We did flirt but as he told me he wasn’t into it i stopped a bit…so don’t know really how to come back in the flirty discussion…Also i think he was responsive at first but not totally sure ? I think there is attraction but i don’t if it’s only “sex attraction” or more…as i said i am a bit lost…

And yes i know how to bake, i made lot of biscuit and cakes during christmas time, he liked the pics about them by the way. Things is that i would have like to give or send him some but i don’t know his physical address so it’s a bit complicated…

I’ll stay connected and i’ll try to come back on the flirty message but i need to figure out how 🙂 Was thinking to say something like “ok now that you feel better i can fantasize about you again :p” but don’t know…

He told me that he was feeling better as he got back to work. I asked him what he was doing (i knew from his cousin but not from him). He just answered he was a sportshop director (Decathlon) and the 2nd biggest one in France which is quite impressive. I would like to send him a message showing how impressed i am, especially for his age (only 32). But don’t want to look stupid on this one…For the moment i didn’t answer because i was simply quite busy today in fact…

And one other thing is i think we might have a chance to meet again by the end of this month or mid next month as his cousin (my friend) will have a babyshower. She asked me if i could bake her cake (she knows i do like baking and i am making cake design). It’s weird but i’m kind of “afraid” or atleast stressed to meet him again there with his cousins (i know 3 of them and i’m friend with them and one is the one i know the most) and don’t really know how to act there…

I am feeling like a lost teenager lool

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks again for your answer 🙂 and happy new year !

I see the direction you are talking about but the only thing is that i don’t really know how to make him watch all this movie as we are not meeting but just chatting…

Today i wished him happy new year (after 5 days of silence) and a good health. He replied pretty quickly after that. I don’t really understand why he seems to always wait for my message to reply but never start the conversation…Even if he kept on liking some pics i shared during last few days and even older pics..
By the way i asked for some update about him and his knees and he told me he is feeling better, everything is “coming back”, especially his hair are growing back.

Don’t really know where all this is going, i can still be his friend and flirty, but i’m feeling like i am “needy” and he “doesn’t care”…Should i stay in silent mode ? or just show up sometime ? or…i don’t know ?

Honestly i am a bit lost…I don’t even know if i should tell my friend that i am attracted to her cousin or not…?

Thanks again

Emilie

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