[Emilie S]

Hi again,

I’ve finally decide to write him a message :
“I thought back to yesterday’s discussion.
I respect your decision, even though I wish I understood what you needed to see a future. But in the end, if I learned one thing from all of my injuries and family stories, it’s to let go of the things I don’t understand and don’t control. Life is too short.
I don’t hurt people needlessly and that’s why I think before I speak and yes I keep some thing in me because I measure the impact, if the gain for me is less than the hurt it can inflict I do not say it, I do not keep everything for all that.
Besides, being compared to your ex was hurtful and unnecessary. I am not her. I am me with my faults and my qualities. I am someone who has a strong character but I adapt, I am independent, open-minded and to different cultures, I am attentive and emphatic, I fight for my values, I support those around me yes , but I also know how to say stop and I do it when it’s not aligned with who I am and what I want for myself.”

And he replied almost immediately :
“Hi, it’s a difficult decision for me because indeed we get along well, we like each other, we look alike in many ways. But I have a weird feeling… like I’m flirting with a close friend, not like I’m in a relationship.
I don’t know if it was the right timing to make the decision, but I was able to reflect during my stay in Marseille.
First and foremost I am sincerely sorry that I hurt you, especially since I really appreciate you.
It was probably awkward, but I’m super open and shared more of a feeling than an irrelevant comparison. I have never judged or compared you, I apologize if this is how I made you feel … I also thank you for opening to me. I admire your strength, your personality, your character and your wholeness. Maybe that’s why I preferred to make you suffer now rather than a little more later. It wasn’t a selfish decision, although it might sound like it. I hope you will forgive me because life is too short, and your friendship matters to me, and your well-being even more. And that’s why I will understand if you don’t want to hear from me anymore, not come with me to Fabienne’s place or to Marseille next spring. I will be sad but I will respect your choices. Take care of yourself, and see you soon hopefully.”

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

No to be honest I was not really able to process or understand what he was saying, it was confusing, like he was saying one thing and right after the contrary…I might have a guess though because when I was speaking about my insecurities, he said that I was reminding him his ex-wife, because I was the one supporting my family my friends and I guess he is afraid of having the same issue with me than with her with the baby thing maybe..But it’s really just a guess…The difference between his ex-wife and me for sure is that I am aware of these issues, I am working on them, and even if I am not always able to control my feelings I KNOW I want kids and everything…And I would NEVER take a decision only by myself without speaking openly about him with him as she did…but that’s only my guess once again…I just asked him why he mentioned he didn’t wanted to be hurt or why he was thinking he would be and he said if we are not aligned on what we want…But that’s the only thing…I don’t know if I should ask him now one day after what is missing for him to see a future but…not even sure he really has the answer…

Right now, I don’t know what I want to do, I need time to process, sexfriend is definitely not an option because I would definitively create more feelings for him, and knowing we are not align on this…Would just lead to being hurt on both side…For the friends part I don’t know right now…So I’m for now going to take some space, not contact him,…he doesn’t want me out of his life, but maybe he will realised something if I am…I don’t know…As I don’t understand the gap between his word and behaviour, and I know I want to understand, but mentioning it to him and pushing him won’t help…Just being friend could be a solution but I don’t know if I am capable of this right now…I need time…and also, I have friends already…

I wish this could be a chat and not a forum lol it would be easier to discuss haha

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your message and explanation.

I just got back home…We finally had lunch at his place because he told me he wanted to cook something for me, I bring desert and wine.
We had a nice lunch, then with a documentary while just cuddling. We spoke about my work, where I was, the question I had, he gave me advice about it and all…So we were still sharing as usual…

And then he decided to open a discussion…He started about our sexfriend relation…mentionning that for him I was definitely a great friend and sex was amazing but he wasn’t seeing any future for us but still wanted to know what I was feeling about this. So I shared what I told you…That I took the time when he was on holidays to think about my feelings because everything went pretty fast between us even if he shared at first he wasn’t looking for a relationship and I wasn’t too sure either about what I was looking for at that time. But then, we were meeting so often, we were so complice and everything was so smooth that I started to think about all this but didn’t really came up with a clear answer except yes I liked him. I also shared that I was afraid of making him suffer knowing where he was coming from, and I obviously was afraid of suffering but I said, isn’t it part also of the “relation game” taking a bet on something you don’t know ? and he agreed that things went fast between us, and we definitely have a real bond, and he wasn’t seeing me out of his life and he really valued our friendship but once again said he wasn’t really able to picture a future..Then I struggle a bit to talk, so cried a little and during all the conversation he was cuddling me, touching my hair, my face…And I told him for me it was complicated to share, to understand my feelings because of my family history because I didn’t really had role modele on this. But I just knew I was feeling good with him, I was myself, and we had this trust and he agreed on all this, and said again, I know that’s why I can’t imagine you out of my life I don’t want to loose our friendship because it’s really strong…
And then he had a message of his best friend that he was supposed to meet in the evening mentioning he left his place, and I said ok I should go before he arrives, and he was like no that’s ok you can stay we can have a drink together…And he decided to massage my head until his best friend arrived. I still told him, ok so we had this discussion and now what? I don’t understand where we are, and he was like I don’t know I don’t want you out of my life but I don’t see a future, I don’t want you to suffer, I don’t want to suffer. So no clear answer to be honest…He said multiple time we were pretty similar in our thoughts…
His best friend knew about me, I don’t know what exactly but I guess he knew we were seeing each other because I’m living close by his place…we spend like an hour or so the 3 of us, we had fun with his best friend, he was even teasing him about him moving to my place and it was a bit awkward so we were both joking but not much…He was always giving me compliment while talking about me to his friend…Then his friend went to the bathroom and he took me again in his arms, gave me kisses on my forehead, my cheeks…And I was like yes ok..what does that mean, I’m lost…I finally let them, they went to a restaurant and I needed to go back home for my pup. And while saying goodbye he told me see you soon…On my way back I received a message from him asking if I went back home safely, then he sent me pics about the restaurant and all…
So I’m totally lost, I don’t understand what he is expecting from me right now, once again his acts are not align with his words…Or I just don’t want to see it ? I don’t know…I’m really lost, his answer were not clear.
I was clear when I told him we should give it a shot but I didn’t get a clear answer to that. But I guess it’s just the end of this not real relationship.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your answer. There is always a time I am reaching this point haha

But when reaching this point I’m not only concerned about my own feelings for him, I mean yes of course but it’s also because of his past I wanted to be sure about myself and not make him suffer because of my behaviour and not knowing what I feel and everything. I don’t really know how to explain this but I was also thinking like ok things went fast between us, I seem engage in this relationship as much as he is but am I playing a role or am I really engaged ? and should I stop it at the end of his holidays before it gets more and before I could hurt him by not knowing what I want and still choosing to pursue this or not. I know weird me. I guess my insecurities are 360 and not only about me getting hurt…Still not sure it’s clear, but hopefully you get the point.

And that’s also why at first I was thinking to share but then I thought no I need to figure it out for me first and then see.
And I was pretty sure beeing apart would bring me these thoughts. In fact during his holidays it happened twice that we didn’t talk during a full day, and I was thinking ok take this time to focus on your feeling and then he was sending a message and I was like ok forget about overthinking and then this 3 days silent came and I was like focus on your feeling only but insecurities came out lol
Even if consciously I was thinking he needs this space, he needs to enjoy free time with his family and friends and that’s great for him and ok and I was happy to give him that space…Subconscious were more about insecurities, and I was focusing myself on his past acts, and he was always the one reaching out first during his holidays and all but still…

This dream I told you about really frightened me…It was all about Am I ready for this ? Do I want this ? Do I want this with him ? Can I really be that person ? Am I going to hurt him in any way ? Am I really a good person for him ? and so on…(it seems I don’t really doubt about him being a good person for me lol)

For tomorrow, we haven’t decide yet if it would be restaurant or not, we need to check tonight if it’s open or not due to bank holiday. I guess if it’s about talking it’s easier at his place than in a restaurant but let see. And I don’t know what he figured out or not but he might have it in his subconscious at least hopefully lol. And I assume he is still interested in me as he is the one who propose to see each other IF I wanted to.

And sorry I can’t share pics from my pup here sadly lol but she is looking like a “real teddy bear” lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Quick update i finally made up my mind and just sent him a message to see how he was feeling and if he had a safe trip back home.
He answered after few minutes only with a vocal telling me he was ok and that he had a lot of work today and tomorrow and then a busy weekend (thursday is a bank holiday here) but if i wanted we could meet for lunch on thursday or meet on sunday because his evening were already booked. Then he asked how i was and all.

So i told him ok for thursday (as the one i had were cancelled, i was supposed to go on weekend to visit a friend but she had personal family issue to deal with) and that we could go to a restaurant. He said why not or i could come over as he will be happy to cook for me…So we spoke a little today « as usual ». He also knows i am sick again (bad cold again…) but it doesn’t seem to bother him or frightened him, he was more sorry for me and also for my friend.

So i guess i was just overthinking, but i needed to put this out of my chest and also figure out where i was in this relationship. So i guess it’s still positive in a way…

And if you are wondering if i am going to share that with him…probably not…my guts (and his act) are telling me that it will put pressure on him considering his divorce and all and that he might need more time to figure out stuff on his side. But happy to get your thoughts on this.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hey

Hope everything is fine on your side.

Me to be honest, I am a bit lost…It’s one of those days I’m a bit low…And if I am honest, it’s not only today…

I am still fighting with my struggle, especially since I didn’t hear from him since Saturday and he is back in Paris since yesterday evening…
I know I shouldn’t focus on that, but we’ve never stop talking that long since we started to date and I can’t stop having bad thought about this…I know it might just be all my fears coming up again but I don’t know something feels weird right now. Even though his last voice message was nice I don’t know…

I guess it’s because I’ve started to “think too much”. I can’t blame him for being silent because I am doing it as well…I guess I needed some time to see what I was feeling for him, if it was “real” or just this dependance thing or even something else. Few days ago I had this weird dream about us buying a flat together, and the day we were moving him I was announcing I was pregnant of twins…Don’t ask me why I have no clue lol but I guess it frightened me like hell lol and that’s when I started to overthink…
If I am honest, I think I do like him and I could see a future with him from what happened before he went on vacation, but at the same time I don’t know if it’s just because I “want those things”, or if it’s really about our relationship…
I think I have all this question, because we started to date casually, he said he wasn’t in a real relationship vibes…Even if his act were not reflecting this…or maybe I just saw what I wanted to…But when I was describing those act you even say it was looking like a real thing and not just a fling…

So yes…here I am…again…overthinking all this…and not knowing what he feels and wants either…I am waiting for him to come back to me…But wondering if I should just share my own thoughts with him…such as, yes I wasn’t really expecting anything when we started to date at first, and then I got to know him and things went fast between us, and this vacation period gave me the time to take a step back, and think about what I was really feelings, and that I would like to try it for real, but I also know he is still not in his best “mindset” with his burnout and depression…
But at the same time instead of sharing all this because of my fear, I would just like to see him and see if something change in his behaviour or if it’s still the same and it’s just me overthinking everything and that he just needed to take some time for him (which I think is the case but…).

Just needed to write all these thoughts down, will see what I’ll do next…but it feels good to write it and put it out of my mind.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Haha yes my pup is a “her” named Fairy. And I’m definitely happy that they have this good relationship together.

It’s not always easy to work on my patterns and feelings, but yes trying my best to control them and be a bit more objective and not focus on my fear. As you said it’s not fact, and fact is that he is doing a lot, and even if he is on holidays he still take the time to take or give news…So those fears are not relevant…But I know it’s a never ending “fight” and that I will always have to work on those.

I hope you’re right and that he sees that lol
It’s just a month we “officially” had our first date on September 29th even if we spent 72 hours together before (few days before) for our friends wedding we were not dating at this time. So it’s still “new”. And he isn’t going to be back before Monday November 8th…So really 15 days without seeing each other…But I’m super happy for him, he is enjoying a weekend with some friends until Monday evening and then back with his family for his sister’s birthday and the rest of the week before coming back in Paris. He is sending me voice messages and I can hear he is doing good. So yes definitely happy that he can have this time for him. But I won’t lie, I’m missing him lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi

Thanks for your message and ongoing cheering and support 🙂
I am definitely trying to keep the balance with this co-dependancy things and it’s not always easy when i am tired lol
But after a good night of sleep it is usually better.
Yes i guess he is good for me and that we are more or less similar and complementary at the same time.
For the « too good to be true » i am pretty aware about this tendancy i have to wait for something to fall apart or go wrong because of my past. And i am thinking sometime my own behavior can lead to those situation (it’s obviously not only me but i might accelerate the process or just quit before even knowing what could happen because i don’t want to take the bet it could be good only). But same, i am working on this. To be honest just before he left for south of France i had this thought coming in my head and thinking that i might just stop everything because i « loose control », and being uncertain and all this…but as i said, after having a good night of sleep i changed my mindset and just focus on the positive, on his act/ behavior and not on what my fear are bringing in my head. I definitely don’t have great role models in my family for everything related to relationship as « divorce » seems to be a kind of a « sport » . All mu grand grand parents got divorce, my grand parents on my mom side, my own parents when i was pretty young… so yeah « family business » lol
I do see some couple working things out around me though but it’s not exactly « the same » as when it comes to family.
But i am the driver of my own story 🙂 but i did shared this « part of me » to him, because it can explain some dysfunctionality some time and better to be aware…
For your pup question, they get along pretty well to be honest she likes to play with him and so does he. When he worked from my place they were in the same room and she was staying close to him. And he knows that sometime i can’t come to his place because i don’t have anyone to look after her and he says that he is happy to come and he understand.
Emilie

[Emilie S]

Yes and I guess it’s sad that she didn’t knew it before they started all the procedure and give him hope about that…This procedure is already stressful by itself but having to deal with her “last minute” change of mind and reject all their future together isn’t really great…Not being align on this should have been a must know since the beginning..but as you said she wasn’t able to see it and admit it…

I guess i’am also a bit of a co-dependant person but I learn to say no and being “selfish” I wouldn’t say narcissist but maybe a little after all the experience I had in my past relationship but also with my family (you know I told you about my grandma lol). I’m doing what I want to do and not what others are expecting me to do. It’s not healthy to act like that…And it was paining at some point, I’m always there for people if they need me, but if I find it too overwhelming now I’m taking step back just to ensure I’m not being affected by their own mood. And it’s working ok, I’m just telling the people that I also need my own space 🙂

For him and his ex I don’t know exactly if they are still exactly behaving the same, he remains nice because it’s who he is, but still he is taking some space, when she needed to get some stuff in his flat he was going out sometime by meeting me or his friend and just avoiding to “be there for her” as she would have probably wanted. So it’s not exactly the same from what he is telling me.
As for him being tired I guess it can be good, it’s just that considering his current state it’s also a bit of a “warning” for him but still he is saying that it might just be a lack of holidays and he is not too pessimistic so I guess it’s good.

And yes I guess we have a good connection, since we “met” before our friend’s wedding. It’s always going smoothly and natural and it’s always fun. He was already supportive at that time for all the pressure our friend was putting on me for her wedding, even if we didn’t knew each other that much. I guess she was a big part of our connection lol and that’s also probably why people were thinking we were together even before we started to date lol
I do appreciate him for who he is really, the more we spend time together the more we get to know each other and the more I appreciate him. He is coming this afternoon and will finish to work from my place and then we are spending the evening/night together. Then we won’t see each other for 2 weeks or so…It’s going to be weird and maybe “hard” to be honest, but I really hope he will take this time for him and get rest.

And YES this shift to winter is really hard each year but I think even more this year, after all the covid situation, more virus also out there.I went to the doctor and she told me everyone was getting cold, sinusite (like I did), bronchite (like I did). I’m just starting to feel better even though I still didn’t totally recover from both but it’s going in the right direction ! I’m super tired as well, because of this…

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

I can’t really tell you more about her, I’ve met her once only 5 years ago or so during a dinner but I don’t remember her much. I know our common friend told me she was a bit selfish and he told me that she was the kind of person who could just get rid of some people when they were not acting the way she wanted them to…
From what he told me, the result of their therapy together was that she didn’t wanted to be a mom because she was already acting as such for her brother (she is his guardian/tutor since a long time now because he has a psychological disorder) and she is also taking care of her mom. But she always refused this conclusion and insulted the psychiatrist while they were sharing this conclusion (I think he told me they consulted at least 2 or maybe 3 different person). What I know is that he was deeply in love with her, and the way he was talking about it was like he was idolising her. I pointed it out to him when we were talking and he was like “no no, I was obviously a good catch for her as well”. But yes the way she treated him in a really childish and selfish way. I don’t know if he knew he wasn’t happy with her, but I know when I’m with him sometime he is comparing the way I behave with the way she used to, and the fact that we are more the same on some topic than he was with her. So it seems he is conscious now that some part were not perfect.

When I say I can’t be friend with exes, I’m referring to the one who was having his double life and the narcissic one…Because for me they broke the trust, they had bad influence on me, they broke me and I don’t see the point to keep them in my life. Everything around them was bad. For the “other” I don’t mind even though I don’t really see the point because we have to move on with our life, so at some point we are just not communicating or seeing each other anymore. But that’s just the way I think.
For me, him being friend with her is crazy because she was really bad with him, she broke his trust she was selfish and she acts contrary to my own values so for me are just a sign that you need to get out of my life for good. But I don’t mind him being friend with her, because he is clear on the fact that it’s over. The thing that is bothering me is that I’m under the impression that she is still trying to take advantage of him and the fact that he is a nice guy. But he sees it, he told me so. Still he is a nice guy lol

And yes he might be sharing more at some point, I know we spoke 2 days ago, he was telling me he was feeling tired these days and not really feeling like working. I asked him if he was worried to go back in burnout or if he felt so…And he told me “Yes. in any case a kind of bizarre weariness. Maybe I need a vacation, or a new challenge. Or that I’m just tired”. And then we spoke, I know he isn’t feeling good at work right now because his company have been bought by another one and they don’t have much detail right now, also his boss seems to be a control freak and that bother him and his team mate. I told I was there for him if he wanted to talk that I could be a good listener and he said he knew that already but that I shouldn’t be worried for him. Next week he is going to take a break from Paris and will visit his family in south of France and will work from there and then will have few days of vacation. So I told him to rest and enjoy his time here, take a real break and that he would probably feel better after. I told him to focus on his wellbeing. But right now to be honest, I can feel everyone having this kind of weariness, I think it’s the weather, days shortening and all. It’s not good for people’s mind. And even more for someone suffering from depression/burnout. So I really hope his break will help him.
What’s even more surprising with him is that even though he isn’t well he is still there for me, he knew I had a big presentation to my CEO yesterday and cheers me up before and asked how it went and was super excited for me because I had the approval for my project. It feels so good to be supported like that.

Haha for Sophrology I didn’t knew it was only European but I know a lot of people doing this instead of classical therapy. It’s in between meditation and hypnosis I would say. It helps to remove the conscious barriers.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

All you said is right, he is definitely a great guy and the best match I had since…ever I would say lol
And I think we are both not really ready to have this discussion yet…Maybe when I say I don’t want to put pressure on…It’s more like I don’t feel pressure in this relation so far because we are align right now…
We met again this Sunday he came in the afternoon and I told him we could go watch a movie and then have diner at my place and watch his soccer match (I know it was his team playing and he was missing it for me so…). And he was all in 🙂 we had a great time again. He just said I should stop cooking so well because he is not able to stop getting belly lol
I shared with him some video from my coach for abs work because he was “complaining” and I told him, no more desert if you don’t do the video. At first he was like “nooooo I don’t want to do abs (with crying face emoji)” but now he is telling me ok we do abs next time together lol

He stayed until late morning and then headed to work. We planed to meet again before he goes on vacation in south of France for 10 days or so. And he was like maybe Friday or Saturday. I told him I had some stuff on Saturday morning and Sunday morning but ok for both evening…It seems there were some misunderstanding on his side so he planed something on Saturday night. And you were wondering how he would react if we had an argument (it wasn’t a real one though at least I wasn’t mad at him lol) but still he apologised for not listening/understanding what I told him and proposed to come on Sunday evening or Friday evening. And he will finally come Friday. So I guess he is good on dealing with that.

For the prozac he is seeing someone for the treatment the psychiatrist, but he is also working with a Sophrologist for his emotional help and have some exercise to do everyday, he even did them when he was at my place last Sunday or when I’m there. So he is doing both. The podcast recorded by his sophrologist is mentioning stuff around his fear, anxiety but there is no details so can’t tell you much.
For the exact reason of his depression it’s not only the divorce it was also work related. I don’t have all details, but I know he was a work alcoholic and was putting a lot of pressure on himself, as a Sales he had to do is figures and all and was putting his health after… I don’t know all details, he is distilling them when he feels like to, and I don’t want to push him to share if he isn’t ready.
I do know why they broke up and why it ended as he shared it when we were going to the wedding. In fact they both had fertility issues. She suffers from endrometriosis and he is not very fertile. 2 years ago they embarked on an in-vitro procedure. She was taking her treatment and when time came for her to do the insemination she started to say that she didn’t want children. They went to see several marriage counselors and psychiatrists together. She ended up doing insemination but when she found out that she was pregnant, she aborted without giving him a choice and gave it all up, she quit her job, broke off contact with her family, decided that she wanted to move abroad and told him she wanted to take a break. He told her that there was no break, they were not teenager anymore and that he wanted children and obviously she didn’t so they filed for divorce. It happened at the time of the first lockdown and they did not speak to each other all the time… They divorced civilly but not religiously yet (he is Jewish). However, they remained friends and she supported him for his depression, but on his side it is very clear, he will never go back with her and he no longer has any confidence in her. We spoke about this before we started dating in fact, because he was telling me about his current “dating life” and the fact he wasn’t really looking for something. So I asked him if it was because he was expecting to go back with her. On this he is pretty clear, and for him that’s over. But it was more like he was putting himself and his recovery first…
I know right now she is in France to visit her brother and family so they met twice (once when she landed in Paris because she needed to get back some stuff from his place and they had diner another day) and he was at first wondering how he would feel about that but he said that it was ok and that it didn’t felt weird or so. But he told me he is the kind of guy who can stay friend with his ex. That’s something I’m not able to do, but I know a lot of people who can manage this…

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Yes I see what you mean for our interaction it’s not that casual…If I compare it to my past relationship it’s definitely looking more like boyfriend/girlfriend but once again I don’t want to pressure myself about this…

He might be thinking about it I don’t really know…Last Sunday he went to our common friend’s place for a brunch and she asked him if we were both in contact so he answered vaguely like yeah we are in touch. She didn’t really react but then she said another stuff about “us” about the fact her dad really had fun when he asked him if we were dating and he answered “not yet”. So it seems she is also testing him lol
Whenever she is speaking to one of us our name always come in the discussion…

And we met again this week, He invited me for diner on Tuesday night and once again he cooked and was so nice to me. In the morning he bring me coffee in the bed, then prepared a HUGE breakfast, he told me I could work from his place in the morning and that he would prepared lunch for me…He had a Kine appointment (yes he is broken aswell lool) and he left me at his place lol
I was starting to have a bad cold so he took care of me also lol while also making a bit fun of me because my voice was broken lol (I don’t have covid again I did a test lol)
Before leaving his place we agreed to meet on Sunday (even if I told him but that’s your football night you sure you want to miss it and yes he was ok with that), because he had a work party on Thursday, I was celebrating my birthday with my friends on Friday and he had stuff to do on Saturday for lunch and diner and I have a lunch with my family for my birthday again on Sunday lol.
But even if I told him I would be out for my birthday he was asking what was the plan because he had a diner planed with some friends of him but thought he wouldn’t finish late so we could met after…But I was supposed to go to a night club so told him it would be complicated.

He was one of the first to send me a text for my birthday after his work party, just wishing me I enjoyed my day and that I would have fun dancing “coller-serrer” (stick tight not sure it’s something you say in English) because the club was supposed to be “latino club”. So same I don’t know if he was testing me or not…I just answered that he was the only one I wanted to “zook with” (private joke from the wedding) and he laugh about it. Finally I told him that after the restaurant we were supposed to go first to a bar and that he and his friend could join after their own diner if they wanted to. He answered that his friend were not that fund of bars but he would think about it if not too tired. So it seems he doesn’t have any issue with the “going public” things lol He didn’t came in the end but told me I could just come by even in the middle of the night after the latino club if I wanted to and that he would drop me after but it was too complicated with my dog so I didn’t went. We will just see each other tomorrow and that’s ok 🙂

So once again I think the “going public” isn’t really an issue or so…But at least on my side I can go public with everyone except our common friend…Just because I think she would just be a pain in the ass lol (horrible to say this) but knowing her negative temper…The later she knows the better…He knows my sister is aware because obviously I asked her multiple time to take care of my dog while going to his place and it doesn’t seem to bother him…

And yes he is literally taking Prozac, he is seing someone for his depression/burnout. His doc told him that he shouldn’t stop prozac right now, because of the current season, people tend to be more depressed so it’s not the right time but yes I think he wants to stop as soon as he can. He even joked about it after sex lol he told me “make me quit prozac please” and I was like “hmm yes and how am I supposed to do so ?”. So we already spoke about this, in fact we have pretty open conversation about everything and we are sharing a lot. We know what happen in our past dating life not all details but main stuff. He was pretty transparent about the why he got divorced and all, he told me he was having fertility issues…So we are really open in our conversation without any judgement…

He shared with me some concern about his current work and I did the same when I went to his place we spoke about my work and I shared the fact that my boss thought I would need other people in my team to take off a bit of my workload, and he was like that’s great and I was like yesss but this program is my baby I don’t want to leave it and he just shared his thought and told me it could be a good thing and all…So pretty supportive in all this. And also when I reach his place I was correcting a doc for my pole class teacher and asked him if it was ok he I was taking few more minutes to finish it and he was like we can look at it together I can help it will go faster if you want…So really cute of him. And every time I’m telling him he is adorable and so kind he just answered, just trying to be like you lol

And yes for confrontation or argument, I’m pretty sure he would handle it pretty well… I saw him interacting with our common friend and he is really good at this lol. But right now, to be honest we don’t have any topic on which we are not able to align so…Not that we agree on everything but we both agree to disagree some time lol

He isn’t even mad at me for sharing my cold with him lol

Have a great weekend !!

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Yes I know…I’m sorry for my friend aswell…I don’t understand how she could be so negative on every single thing in her life…Even the wedding…just focusing always on the bad thing…But to be honest I’m tired of trying to make her pivot…It’s taking too much energy for nothing so I just let her speak and that’s it…

For this guy haha I know I am not acting as usual…Maybe because what I usually do isn’t working I’m trying a new approach lool
What do you mean by we are “really not casual” ? I have no clue what he feels or not about me to be honest but not feeling like asking for now, I really like what we have and I don’t want to add any “pressure” or anything that could mess it up. Sometime he jokes about saying stuff to our common friend, like yesterday he was saying maybe we should try to send her the same message at the same like we are dating, or if you take a picture of the meal I cooked and post it on instagram this friend will definitely recognise and blablabla…So not really sure if he wants her to know or what…But I’m always like “no no that’s ok she doesn’t have to know”. Maybe he is testing me ? I don’t know lol

I think I am excited about him to be honest, but I just don’t want to be too excited lol first because of my past relationship pattern and also because I know that he is still in his burnout phase, he is taking “prozac” and all…So not too sure how emotionally available he is right now. So I guess I’m a bit protecting myself of falling for him. I’m pretty sure I could. But no nothing is missing to be honest, he is really kind, attentive, calm, fun, protective, sex is great. So if something is missing, it’s just not knowing his current emotional status.
We had again an amazing evening / night / morning / beginning of afternoon together again. He cooked me is speciality yesterday night, was again treating me as a princess, ensuring I wasn’t feeling cold, I wasn’t missing anything, … This morning he also prepared an amazing breakfast and all, I just helped him clean up everything even if he didn’t wanted me to lol
And he drop me back at my place and was SUPER late (like more than 2 hours lol) to his friend’s kid birthday party…But still he wanted to drive me back home.
And he also knows I’m usually getting cold easily so he did put heater everywhere at his place to ensure I wasn’t getting cold, so he has a lot cute attention. And it definitely feels good.
The coming week is again super busy for both of us, so not too sure when we will be able to meet but I’m not worried about this lol.

And the party…OMG it was AMAZING !!!!!!!!!! We were like 300 which was definitely crazy, Korean theme…Amazing asian food and beverage…I went back home around 3am…I was a bit drunk…lol but it was such a cool evening.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi

Thanks for sharing the laser info. I’ll check if I can find something in FR. I did laser the first time I had a tendonitis but this time he is treating with shock wave…I still have one more session to go then 3 weeks off and then probably shoulder rehabilitation ? re-education ? don’t know how to translate…

I’m going to the office once a week or twice if I go only during the afternoon 🙂 As my company grew pretty fast they need to re-arrange offices and desk so right now we are missing meeting room and sometime it’s better to stay home when I’m having back to back meeting on zoom…
But it’s nice to see my colleague 🙂 tomorrow we have our first office party since looooong time can’t wait to be there !!

And yes I grew aswell thanks to your continuous support 🙂

Haha I’m happy it makes you laugh ! My friend is always stressed and has a HUGE lack of confidence so she is over compensating by stressing a lot, always seek for perfection (with her own vision of it) and mainly focusing on bad things…I thought I was like that but she is definitely on a higher level on this…She went into every details and of course everything didn’t go as it was planned…I’m receiving almost a complaint a day about stuff that happen during the wedding (in fact Jonathan is receiving them aswell so we support each other on this lol). She did enjoy it I think she was happy on the moment but now she is analysing everything with her bad mood…I’m sad for her to be honest…We told her to enjoy, to delegate to us to be sure she could enjoy her day but she is so stressed and perfectionist that she doesn’t trust much anyone…She blamed me for some stuff after and it was really annoying…but I don’t want to take it personally because I know it’s just the way she is…

And yes he is definitely treating me like a princess. He came to my place last Monday evening, so we had dinner and talk and laugh again. He slept here (and too cute he was holding my hand while falling asleep and took it again in the morning and massage my hair and head and just cuddle in the morning) and he prepared breakfast for me in the morning. Feeling like home it seems lool
Then he worked from my place in the morning and left during lunch time but after coming to walk my dog with me. He is acting more as a boyfriend than my actual exs lol
He is pretty proactive. Today he asked to meet again next Sunday as we were both unavailable today, I’m having my office party tomorrow and he said you might need some time to rest and recover on Friday night and Saturday I’m unavailable again…lol But then I said that it might be better to meet on Friday like this I can at least rest on Saturday morning and then transforming into “we can” and he was like yes true lol I asked if I had anything in mind yet but he said no or we can go to see a movie and that he would think about it…

To answer your question, I like him as a person, and we are still getting to know each other but we are discussing pretty openly about every topic, family, religion, past dating life, works …more or less everything in fact for now. But it’s indeed too early to say if I like him “for real”. It’s just feeling good and natural. And we seem to be quite “complementary” in terms of temper. So just enjoying the time being. Don’t want to overthink in fact.

For our friends, I don’t know, I guess it’s because I just broke up with the other guy in august and he is recovering from his divorce + burnout and more like having fun relationship than actual one ? But I have no clue to be honest…She is pretty traditional so she wouldn’t really understand that I’ll go for “casual” ones. But that’s just a guess…Or to protect me ? I don’t know, I don’t think it was because I could be a good medicine for him but the contrary…Once again it’s just a guess…

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hey Heidi !!!!

Long time no speak ! How are you doing ? How is it on your side of the world ?

I have it on my left shoulder…and no…not practicing pole since 3 months now and probably 2 more …But need to recover before going back to avoid another injury. Just missing my Pole Crew but luckily we are meeting outside of class for drinks 🙂

I quitted the guy from February in April, his behaviour changed and also I was getting bored with him…. I then met a guy end of June, it was nice but he left me end of August because he wasn’t in a good emotional state of mind..Having a lot of anxiety crisis due to some agression from his past and he wasn’t feeling like starting / pursue a relationship while not being well himself. I was a bit sad because I liked him and was able to express my feelings, say thing without feeling stress about his reaction and so on but that’s life. It’s ok I just let him go. I will still have to meet him again to get some stuff I left at his place but not feeling anything bad about that. When I was saying opening up myself, I was referring to the fact that I’m more listening to my needs, feelings and just do what is best for me. Not questioning too much and just follow my guts mainly. I think it’s working good for me, feeling less frustration thanks to that 🙂

So they finally open the vaccine to everyone in May if I’m not mistaken so I took the shot yes. I already had covid so just had to do one jab 🙂 My dog is doing great, happy that I’m still working mostly remotely lol During summer we were able to meet with my parents as boarder between UK and FR reopen and it felt good, we went to visit my grandpa in south of France also. Then I went on vacation for a week with some friends and another week with other friends. So I had a nice summer 🙂

Last weekend I was at a friend’s wedding, I was maid of honour (the bride was SOOOO stressed…lol) it was nice. It was in south of France and I went there with one of her best friend Jonathan. We met prior to go to the wedding once 5 years ago and we had a coffee early September just to plan the wedding animation together. We had a lot of fun during the 5 hours drive to the wedding place and during all weekend…People thought we were a couple but no lol…Quite fun, I guess it’s because we had a good connexion. While driving back to Paris he told me the bride foreboded him to try something with me. He is just recovering from burn out and not really serious in his dating life right now…

But…we still decided to see each other again last Wednesday (the bide is not aware lol she would probably kill both of us), he invited me for a dinner at his place and finally kissed each other and more…We met today again, I proposed him yesterday to have brunch if he didn’t had plan for the day as I was going in Paris in the morning and he directly booked a place, so we had brunch then we ended up walking in Paris, he made me a tour of a specific neighbour he liked and then we sat in a Parc. As it was starting to rain I proposed to go to watch a movie together. When we left each other he told me that we should meet again next week, I said ok and he proposed to come on Monday evening for dinner. So that’s it for my “dating life”. Not planning anything specific with him, just letting things come and that’s it. But he is a real gentleman, he payed for everything, cooked for me, he was even carrying bags for me today, during the wedding he was always driving me everywhere and all. It feels good to be treated like a princess for once lol

That’s it for me 🙂

Emilie

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