[Emilie S]

Hello Heidi

Thanks again for your clear reply ! I really enjoy reading and learn more an more everytime 🙂

I do believe in energy and hearth’s forces. I never really thought about past life but it could make sense…But I guess it would be more complicated to know what happened in my past lives 🙂

I guess I have to analyse myself deeper to understand why I would think I am not lovable in my subconscious…Because consciously I do …So complicated to understand…Especially because people around me can’t stop telling me that I am so great and kind of same thing you said in your previous response…I do believe it aswell but apparently not deeply. Gosh humain brain is such a pain sometime 🙂 but so amazing at the same time !

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi again,

Yes I figured out it was this 2 statements while replying in fact. I guess I wrote it down because it was “in the moment” thought. But since then I really didn’t thought about him. As I said, except when I am sharing news (or no news lol) here, I am not thinking about it. I will make a new statement here, but I could never get any news from him for any reason, but I guess I made up my mind about it, because I just can’t have any control about it. Which for me is a great improvement…And at the same time I am thinking I am also the one not giving any news and disappearing which is one of my pattern aswell instead of giving a clear closure message as “Ok I’m done with that”.

But I totally get what you mean about my 2 drivers and I am pretty conscious about it…I just don’t know how to handle them. I mean I know I already met guys which were good on papers (by that I mean filling my check box) but…I wasn’t able to be myself with them. Or I wasn’t feeling that much body attraction which is a wall for me…If I don’t have this chemical attraction directly I know I won’t have it later…Even if the guy meets all the other criteria…
I am perfectly aware (now) that I have this pattern, and even when I think I might have change it…I see that I just took another path but in the end I am having the same…Right now I guess I am trying to figure out why, and at least trying to accept it (I mean not punishing myself or have negative thought about it, which is ok as of now), but I didn’t manage to avoid it yet.

And I have some exemple of friends around me that are just facing the same (guys or girls). When it could be a nice relationship they just find one small thing to pull away…Of course they ask me for advice and I am like “hmm you know I think I am really not the one you should ask, I am facing the same issue and I don’t have a solution yet” lol

And I can only thank you for your answer and deep thought about my behavior ! I am really happy to have them and go through them. As you said my subconscious (as anyone lol) is pretty strong and I am not listening much to it else by choice else because I don’t know to see the sign so it is really a great help !!! That’s ok for me to have it even over a computer, if I don’t understand the exact meaning I just ask 🙂 I see myself as a quite open minded person that love to learn and understand so for me it’s really great. I don’t judge even if sometime you could have the feeling I am pushing back 😉 it still makes some process in my brain !

Hope this seed will grow 😀

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hello Heidi,

Thanks for your answer 🙂

In fact believe it or not I am ok with his “disappearance” and not trying much to understand the why…I am finding myself not thinking of it at all, except when I put some update here 😉
I just live my life !

But I totally get what you mean and would have think like this before (that’s what happened with B, J, P, lol) but not with him. I just understand that he is not ready for a relationship that’s the first point and that he also have to deal with his son. For other part of his life, as you said I don’t have a clue of what is happening and I am not trying to guess it 🙂 I don’t have that skill lol

So don’t worry as of now I am feeling good 🙂

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hello Kanya,

Thanks for your answer and y our kind words 🙂

Have you noticed what helps him open up and share morale get closer, etc versus what causes him to distance? << he is able to really open up himself when we meet and we are discussing face to face. By messages he is more interested by getting to know me than sharing deep stuff about himself. I mean he does it sometime but less than in face to face, or just after we meet.

Do you notice over time him being able to tolerate the closeness for longer periods of time? << not for now to be honest..Right now I don’t have any news from him since last Thursday. I guess that when I told him that we could meet but it was in his hands as I gave him my availability, it made him step back.

Right now I have the feeling I won’t get news for some time…Not too sure about it but I feel he decides to pull away and listen to his “don’t get attached” faced. And I won’t be the one chasing him. Let see how long it last like that. 🙂

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

but if you don’t want to get hooked…Don’t try to connect more otherwise for sure you will get hooked but might be too late <<< yes I know I am not doing it that much in fact, just answering when he asks but not pushing the connection myself. I mean of course if he asks my advice I’ll ask him back but I am not the one engaging this…As I said I am taking this step back and not pushing anything with him. I am not talking to him since last Thursday and I am ok with that 🙂

So it’s kind of like having 2 different people in the car. << Yes I totally get it but it’s what I call “weird” lol but I guess everyone has this kind of behavior at one point. It does make sense the way you explain but it doesn’t mean that it’s not weird to act like that lol Especially because in most of the case when you act like that, as you said the moment you realize you are hooked it’s too late…lol

That cracks me up what your friend said about you pretending not to be as smart as you are so you can date…lol! << Yes it’s fun to hear but same time it’s feel really frustrating to hear it. Thinking of not being myself to get a guy is out of my skills lol and I really don’t want that 🙂

I love that this current guy has, at the very least, given you the experience to remind you of what it feels like to be comfortable around a man and not have to pretend anything! That’s a gift! << yes it is and that’s frustrating at the same time as he is not available emotionally lol. It’s so cool to see that I can totally be myself, and that he is also impressed about this part of me and not afraid. I am not a “show off” type of girl so I won’t show that I am smart or what, but being able to discuss about “high level” subject, or deep thought, or psychology or any kind of subject feels good.

Let’s see if at one point he is able to make his 2 different people in his head agree on something lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi 🙂

Thanks for your answer and explanation !
For sure it’s quite diverse and as of now I really like it 🙂 Don’t know if I’ll do that all my life or not…Might go more on the “For good” part in the future 🙂 it’s really great to get involved in sustainability project regarding health, environment…

Do you ever find that men are intimidated by your intellect at all? << haha …I guess they do..One of my friend told me that last time I met him “aren’t you bored to have to feel more stupid than you are to get a guy” for him it was for sure what I have to do if I wanted to meet a guy otherwise I would frightened them…And furthermore I am really open minded and not judgmental so apparently it’s even “worst” for a guy…lol
That’s why I liked this guy…because I was able to be myself and he was just impressed about my intellect, my thought, my openminded spirit…which feels good ! but…he is emotionally not available which is…bad lol

When I say you are taking things in stride, it means you are going with the flow really well. Make sense? << yes 😉 I wasn’t sure about the meaning of “stride” 🙂

I perfectly understand your point with this cake but, when I say it’s weird it’s because you could just get the cake, even if your mind is saying it’s not good for your weight…But without trying to understand all the story of the cake, all the layer, what it is made off…As you already have the cake, just eat it…

Don’t know if you get my point lol but if you don’t want to get hooked…Don’t try to connect more otherwise for sure you will get hooked but might be too late…for me that’s really a non sens of behavior. When I want to have friends with benefits I’m just talking quickly but basic stuff, and plan to meet, have sexe, and fly away…lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Sorry forgot your last question once again but as i said i have an engineering background but spending mu time to code wasn’t for me. I need to discuss with people and i am fast to get bored When i do the same tasks again and again…i used to be a consultant in research finance and i quit last year when i found out i wasn’t learning anything new and i wasn’t happy with my boss and the company spirit. 🙂

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

That’s exactly what i find weird in fact…if you have feelings and try to connect when you perfectly know you are not ready for a relationship and you told the girl and she agreed on this « friends with benefits » stuff…why putting that kind of « efforts » if you already know it’s not worth it…i mean…you already have the girl the way you want lol
Nevermind it’s ok i am stepping back i need to rest lol

It sounds like you are taking it in stride though. << not sure to understand what you mean by that (might get a wrong translation lol)

My job is cool in fact, i never get bored 🙂 i learn a lot and it’s a mix between technical stuff (i have an engineering background) and i do also financial and legal stuff so it’s pretty diverse 🙂
It’s intellectual challenges every time and also a lot of social interaction with a lot of different people from C- level or finance or technical. I have a lot to do with my brain and it’s like a puzzle kind of stuff i can write « story telling » to ensure i get the money… it’s fun 🙂 it’s always a new challenge !!

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hello Heidi,

Doing good 🙂 not much news in fact since my last messages !

In fact I proposed him to go with me on Saturday evening to a philharmonic concert as one of my friend wasn’t able to come with me and I had no other person interested. At first he said it could be nice but when I said it was lasting 3 hours he was like…”hmm yeah I don’t want to commit and cancel it’s a bit long…”. I said ok no prob if you prefere we can just go for a movie as I won’t go to this concert alone. And he didn’t reply.

Yesterday he was like, I want to meet …I said it’s in your hand I told you when I am available. He replied “yes no Soucy” and then I put myself in silent mode…Don’t want to run after him or what.
But in the meantime we discussed a lot, Tuesday evening as he wanted to meet me and I was at a pole dance class we exchanged messages after it. I showed him some pics and he was really impressed about my flexibility and strength so we discussed a lot about it, about the different pole figures, since how long I was doing this sports and all…
Weird to see how he can get really interested in me and then nothing…We are still speaking about movies we watch and providing advice on it and all…But nothing much.

So no…no date for now 🙂

I keep myself open to other opportunities but as of now I don’t have 🙂
Tonight I receive my family for my brother’s birthday and might meet some friends during the weekend but I guess I will rest a bit for once 🙂

Ooops almost forgot about my work…Quick sum up, I am doing project management for an Artificial Intelligence startup 🙂 I’m in charge of finding money for the research & innovation project of my company (so I work on tax credit and grants) and I am also in charge of the “for good” program of my company which mean I am dealing with partners, NGOs,…

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi

Yes it’s a bit far…i might come to US but in NY for work purpose but don’t know if it’s closer lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi

Coffee would have been nice but i am a bit far away (Paris lol)

You agree with the last message about therapist àd coaching or the previous one about my update ? It’s a bit confusing while message are crossing 🤣

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your answer 🙂 Seems I was writing at the same time lol

I am not giving up on the fact that I could use a therapist once again if I feel like to. In fact I tried different types already, I also tried hypnosis. It worked and gave me some answer but for now I am ok with the coaching part. I’ll see later on if I feel like going back to another therapist :).

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hello ladies,

Just a quick update about the situation.

Today (as yesterday) we had a lot of text discussion him and I again still talking about the way we see relationship and we are quite on the same page about it, of how it should work theoretically and all…

Yesterday we were speaking about birthday as it was his mother’s birthday this weekend and I was him asking some help to find a gift for my brother lol So we spoke about his own birthday and I said I had an idea for him (it was more a joke and a kind of flirting things than anything don’t worry I am not making any plan). But still he was “considering” the fact that we would still seeing each other at that point. (I am not taking his word for granted, I am totally clear about it don’t worry on this aswell).

Today we were speaking about cuddles and caresses, to tell the truth I said that I liked that. He told me that he liked doing it but that he also liked to receive it. I said he could have some or a head’s massage in front of a movie. And he said “I love it … I could fall in love just for that”. I just answered “haha” and left on another topic.

Don’t know if it’s because he pictured all this out but he wanted to meet tonight, I said I wasn’t available as I had pole class. At first he said on a joke ton that I shouldn’t go and I should meet him. I said that I wouldn’t cancel and that he still had his own hands to massage himself lol (ok that was a stupid answer lol)
He tried to make myself “jealous” I guess by saying that he could also look on tinder. I replied “do what you want” and then he said “I am just joking to annoy you”. I was about to reply something but then I didn’t answer so he was like “wow are you writing a novel ?” I just said “no I don’t have anything to say in fact”. And he was like I am just kidding don’t worry, we will meet when you will be available. I replied that he could make himself available aswell. As an answer he said “for sure, I will manage to”.

Once again don’t worry, I am not taking his word as a “commitment” to invest himself and I’ll see what happen next.

The purpose of my message was more to check with you if you agreed on the fact that by not running to him just because he wants to meet or by not replying to his “jealousy” kind of message, I am showing him that I am taking this step back from him.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Kanya

Thanks for your answer 🙂

And yes I know it’s more question of “timing” than anything else between the two of us. That’s why I am not taking it in a wrong way and also that I am able to take this step back.

I am not seeing a therapist but a coach in fact 🙂 but it kind of work the same I guess ? We are not talking at all on analyzing the past or why I am feeling this way or another but more on what I want and how to achieve it by doing visualisation exercise and all. I tried therapy in the past but I wasn’t finding it really useful. I mean it probably worked on some people but not for me. Better to find things that are good for me and in where I find lasting solution 🙂

Yes I’ll let you know about how he responds to that. For now he just sent me out message to know how I was, and he told me what he did during the weekend. I just replied to him in a positive way that I had lot of fun and that I saw a movie we were supposed to see together in addition with a little “positive reminder” of our last movie session 🙂

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi

Thanks once again for your answer.

I totally get what you mean. And yes I see about the walls.

I am working on myself a lot already and this deep part, I am working with someone already but not directly about my walls but more on the positive and my own development right now. It’s important for me, and I feel better and better since I started to work on it. People around me saw it, “I am glowing more, I am happier, I let things go more and more” (that’s what I feel but that’s also the feedback I am getting from people around).

For the wall part, I guess it needs another type of work, but to be honest I know what my walls are, and I know from where they come from. It’s just that I used not to pay attention to them. And by saying “by discussing with him…” it’s not that I am working on it thanks to him but that I am making myself more aware to them and I am starting to pay more attention to my pattern. I guess I used to avoid thinking of this, because I wasn’t feeling like doing it.

Regarding this guy, I am really taking this step back, I used to think that to ensure guys won’t forget me I should stay connected to them, by sending message, asking how they were, and put a lot of effort into it. With him I changed a little my behavior and I am protecting myself in a way. But I am not the on sending messages, I don’t have news for some days, it’s ok, I am not gonna make any nodes in my brain wondering what I did wrong or not about him, or what is he doing ? is he talking to others girls, …

Because I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just him who was clear about the fact he is not ready to invest time for me or anyone. I am not pursuing him and not proposing any meeting or else, I am just living my life and staying busy with it. I like my life the way it is now on 🙂 and of course I could like more attention from someone but at the same time I am so busy that it’s not really something I feel I “need” but it would be just a plus in my life.

Let see how it goes 🙂

Emilie

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