[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your help on this once again 🙂
Sometime I just need to put the thing “on paper” and it helps me to let things go.

For the warming party yes, I will see when I will do it, first I need to move and unbox lol and then rest a bit !!!! I’m sooooo tired…that I’m making stupidity over stupidity…tonight I broke a big pyrex bowl and I cut myself lol (that’s the last in the line but so many other like that…) I can’t wait to be next Friday and finally be home and REST 😀

But if he says yes (or no) I’ll definitely use this time to subtly raise the exclusivity subject lol thanks for your suggestion I like it !

For now, I’m letting him enjoy his holidays that are starting this night, they are leaving at 4 am for south of France. I’m gonna miss him lol but at the same time I’m pretty sure I won’t pay “that much attention” as I’ll be in Summit all week and moving on Friday lol

How are things for you ?

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi

Thanks for your answer 🙂

Yes things are going well and we are still bonding, even by message right now, I’m keeping him posted on my path to sell or rent my flat lol I’m sharing information I’m getting and asking for his thoughts on it. I told him I really appreciate that he is taking the time to help me on this topic and to share his expertise. I think it’s good to share this and that I show him I really value what he is doing for me. (I used not to share those type of thought as for me it’s obvious…but might not be for others).

For the dating app, I don’t have “meetic” that’s not the one we met on so I can’t check and to be honest I don’t want to enter this “spying mode”. Also as you mentioned still having it or still being active doesn’t really mean he is still using it. I know from my own experience that these app are keeping profile active even though you put the “unavailable option” on it (it happens on my own profile before). So I don’t even want to check because it wouldn’t give me any answer and it might end up in me getting more negative thoughts on this where I really think there shouldn’t be. As mentioned, everything is going fine and smoothly, I wouldn’t see why he would still use them while he is investing him in discussion and help I am not even “asking for” if he was still considering to meet anyone else. I mean it could definitely happen, but that’s not what I am feeling from him. I guess it’s really on Saturday when I saw it I had this quick bad thought because I was pretty tired, because of us not having sex at this moment and also because of my past. But when I give a deeper thought, I’m not really feeling threatened or negative on this, because as I said, everything is going well. But I’m definitely going to raise this point as you suggested, more to know where we are on the “exclusivity” than on the app itself. I think, as I am really working on the future with my current state of mind on renting or selling my flat, I need to have a bit of visibility on where we are, even if I know I shouldn’t just take my decision based on “we” but it would definitely influence what I could do or not.

I don’t think we will have time to meet this week before his holidays, our agenda are pretty full and not adjusted to each other, me and my move and work and him and his house work, swimming pool, 48hours work in a rough …wasn’t compatible lol
But let see, he said he will try 🙂

One other thing…Some of my friend are starting to ask me to meet him lool in fact I just mentioned to some I was dating someone (I’m totally introvert on this topic and I don’t like to share with everyone or just send a message for this) so of course they are curious and “upset” (in a nice and benevolent way) that I didn’t told them before…They know I am a quiet and secret person on this topic lol
I don’t want to frustrate them, but at the same time I still want to enjoy to spend time with him only him and I as we had this long Covid break…I guess I’m just going to raise this as for my warm up party in the new house I would invite my friends and I’d like him to be there aswell…and will see how he reacts lol. Like this it’s not a “I want to introduce you to my friend pressure” but “it’s my warming party and I want to have all people I like around me”.

Hope everything is fine on your end 🙂
Have a good day

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi

Yeah it’s really a weird time and period, “after” the coronavirus and lockdown and now this…It’s really hard time…
Let see how things goes. For me in my company it’s pretty complicated as we have most of our people in France and a lot also in US but not the same approach on this topic due to history and all…So we are trying to educate ourself and also find the right understanding from each part of the world by being benevolent…
We see that black American are really suffering from this situation when French black are more trying to show that our company is definitely not accepting racism and is benevolent and open minded. We have more than 27 different origins in our company, we work on diversity and inclusion, of course we are not perfect, but not sure there is a perfect answer on this especially when you see cultural differences also on this topic…
But what has really been seen as an offence was that we didn’t made an official statement before identifying solution and action plan black American were not happy with our choices and felt frustrated and upset…But we are working as a group with open discussion…
Let see how things will go after…

So on the moving part, he came to help me on Friday so we moved what I wanted to move with him, small furnitures and some boxes (but I am managing most of them myself as it’s ok in my car, furnitures were not lol). So he made fun of me, he definitely has more muscle than me lol
We had fun while moving my stuff, we had lunch and dinner, I paid for all to thank him for his help, at first he wanted to pay for the dinner but I explained him why and he didn’t get frustrated on this topic 🙂 He just made joke that he would preferred me to pay for his swimming pool or new car lool
So everything went well. We slept in the new house, he had a look to all the work and made some comments about stuff (that I also saw and told my mom was not well done). It was good to have his “expert” point of view on this.
He also spoke about his own house asking for my opinion on some changes he was considering but I didn’t saw it finished so it was a bit complicated to imagine. But still nice he is considering my opinion on this.
We also spoke about my flat and what I wanted to do with it, (I’m still thinking, I’m going to evaluate the price of my flat for potential selling or renting) and same I am asking his opinion. He asked if I had someone to help me for the work if I wanted to refresh it I told him as a joke him and he said “aaaah I still have some stuff to finish and my swimming pool, it’s hard”…So I’m not gonna force him on this…
I told him that if he was doing his swimming pool during the summer we wouldn’t be able to go on vacation and he said no it shouldn’t be a problem…So let see.
On another topic, in fact 2, one thing happened and I didn’t knew how to react, we were changing the time on the oven and he showed me his phone to set up the time and he puts his finger on an app “meetic” but I had time to see it. I don’t really know what to think about it, if it’s just still there or if he is still on dating app 🙁 I was a bit confused…I decided not to pay too much attention and all but it’s still a bit in my mind…
Also, because since the lockdown we didn’t had sex the other time we met. And it was about to be the same this time, but before he left on Saturday morning I initiated it. I know sex isn’t everything but not having since more than 3 months and seeing this dating app is just making me wondering if there is something odd or not. I know I should remain positive and all but…I can’t really avoid to have this thought.
Everything is going so well when we are together, and he is helping me with the moving, we are discussing a lot and asking for each other opinion, we are still cuddling, laughing a lot. We had good sex…But as we never officially discussed about our relationship, maybe I’m just wondering where we are at. And once again, I don’t know if I should initiate this type of discussion or not.
Old me again loool
Maybe it would have been the right time to open the other discussion but it didn’t came in my mind at this time…
I’m just sharing some thought, I’m not really feeling bad (just for you to know) I’m just wondering where we are because I guess I didn’t wanted to really think about it before…But I’m feeling good with him, and the more I’m spending time with him the more I want to spend time with him so…I guess my feelings are getting deeper, and I might have my fear reappearing.

Let see…next weekend and week he will be on holidays with his friends (a couple with 2 young kids). He told me we will try to meet this week, but he has to work 48hours in a row so not sure it will be possible. But we might go for restaurant, we had a message today from our president, Paris is fully reopening starting tomorrow morning. So it might helps to meet. Otherwise I’ll still be busy with my sorting and boxing so it’s ok lol

Have a great night,

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi

Sorry for replying so late but it’s pretty hectic these days at work with everything that happened lately in the US.
I wanted to ask you and Kay’a how you were feeling and i hoped you were ok.
It’s such an horrible situation but sadly bot the first one and probably not the last one …and not only in US 🙁

As i am part of the people team we are trying to offer as much support as we can to all our coworker and offer them safeplace to discuss openly. I really love my’company for this we really have an open dialogue and we are educating ourselves and discussing about concrete action plan and not only on making public statement. So lots of work to do in addition to my day to day role.
Also as i took some day off to pack my stuff it’s even longer working hours lol

On a more positive note…speaking of my move, my guy is helpint me this friday after his work (he is finishing at noon) to move my stuff as he will be on holidays with his friend the weekend after. I am really touched and glad he proposed his help (and his muscle loool) i am starting to feel pain in my back while packing…thankfully i have a massage (for 2) gift i received for my birthday so i am gonna use it after and i already proposed my super hero to do it With me and he agreed. I proposed that he comed for lunch before and that we could sleep at my new house to avoid too much road for him anf he said ok for both 🙂

And i hope my move won’t end up the same way as yours with your ex lol
But we already survive the lockdown…we should be able to survive to this move especially as it’s not moving together lol

And yes for the talk it will be in my mind but i think right now i am too focused on my move and works to really focus on this one. It will come when it comes as you said lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hey Heidi,

“Funny” thing I was about to give some news today 😉
As we say in French “Great minds think alike” lol

So no we didn’t get a chance to meet over the weekend, in fact as he didn’t came back to me on my proposal to visit my mom’s place and spend the evening together I made other plan. I went to my mom’s house and I did the whole cleaning after the work and empty house for several months…trust me it took me more than 5 Hours lol
Also because I had to call my mom to let her know some stuff were not working well and that she should contact the contractor to come and repair stuff.
I also met one of my friend, I made her visit the house and she helped me to move some small stuff there.
And I had a dinner with my family (dad, brother and sisters) on Sunday and he also had a lunch with his family so not compatible schedule lol
Nevermind i am not feeling bad or sad about it, we were both busy and it didn’t avoided us to talk and had fun over messages 🙂 I also made him virtually visit the house lol
I also sent him a message about the fact I asked his help for the refreshment work in my appartement and that I was feeling a bit bad about it considering the fact he still has some work in his house and the situation with his ex, so I was hopping he didn’t took this bad and all. And he just laugh at me telling me he didn’t took it wrong at all. And yesterday we were speaking about the quote I received from professional movers that was pretty expensive, so I told him I would move more stuff by myself (and that it would be considered at free gym class lool) and he proposed his help by himself. I told him I didn’t wanted to bother him with that especially considering the fact that he was still working on his house and all but I was really appreciating it. And he told me that if he proposed his help it’s because he could do it. So I was finding it really nice of him.
We also spoke about his car because he needs to do some reparation but he was also thinking to buy new one, so he asked a bit of my thought on this…
It might be stupid but I appreciate that he considered my thought and that he is proposing himself to help me and all.
And we didn’t spoke yet about the other subject, because I didn’t found the “good moment” to raise it, I mean there were no link at all so I was feeling it was weird. But it’s still in my mind 🙂

For us it’s reopening and same I see a lot of people without mask a lot of gathering in parcs with more than 10 people…the maximum I’ve been with was 4 others and it’s my family members….
Weird weird situation…Still not feeling like going to a restaurant to be honest, because we need to book it pretty much in advance, and as it’s only on terrasse, the weather isn’t allowing me to think about it that much in advance lol

Let see….

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Haha I knew I wasn’t clear…see…that’s why I am afraid lol

Yes I’ll keep you posted. For now I am waiting for him to confirm if he wants to meet tomorrow I’m going to my mom’s place to do some cleaning before I move there, so I proposed he could jump by there to see it and then that we could spend the evening and night together. But I told him while he was going to sleep so I said we would speak about it later. And as I am spending my day in meetings, running presentation and all I didn’t talked to him again about this lol

I clearly understand your point about staying away, we are facing this in France right now, I’m not really feeling like going to a restaurant or bar or so when I see them without Mask. At the same time, complicated to eat and drink with a Mask so…lol
As I Said crazy time !

And for me, I’m not planning to go back to my pole class before I moved so not before July at least…
Let see !

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi

Thanks for your answer 🙂
I think i wasn’t clear (again lol) when i said avoid it to happen again i was referring to my reaction and not his behavior itself, so mine in the end.

Got it, i will give it a try !

Btw it seems France is moving forwaed with reopening starting June 2nd bars restaurant will reopen except Paris area and suburb only the terrasse part but it will fully reopen starting June 22nd and same for museum and movie theater apparently.
I am happy about it but i feel it weird at the same time because we Don’t really jave clear guidelines around this lol crazy time 🙂
They also said we will be allowed to travel within France and also some European country but same no guidelines shared…
How is it on your end ?

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hello Heidi,

I don’t know where it’s coming from exactly, I’ve always been like that. It’s true in “love” relationship but also in any of my relationship. I guess I am always afraid to hurt people and I might be thinking it’s better for me to be hurt than hurting others …I know it sounds weird but that’s the only explanation I have.
I am working on it, I am managing it a bit better now with friends and family (not always with family to be honest I am most of the time running away from discussion or just avoiding them …I know it’s totally a coward type of behaviour).

And the reason why I didn’t spoke with him about his “crisis behaviour” is just because I wanted to enjoy the evening, and as I was seeing improvement to be “back to normal”, I was wondering if there was a point to speak about it. For me if the situation would have remain the same I would have speak, but as it’s improving I wasn’t really seeing the point. But now that I am writing it, I’m thinking I should still speak about it and discuss with him to avoid it to happen again “just in case”. I think it’s also because I am thinking not telling this while it had happen and do it few weeks after might look a bit weird….Why waiting so much to speak up ?

I know my thoughts are weird sometime lol but for me, if I don’t speak when the situation is on, then there is no more point to do it…

And yes of course the messy part of my communication is something I am always afraid about, but I really worked on this, trying to speak in a more positive way, warning people before I say something that have a negative outcome (and not what I was thinking to say). But still…I’m not totally good at this yet lol
Always way to improve and work on myself ! 🙂

Have a good day,

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

I edited my message, I thought the previous one didn’t work but it seems it did…I’m lost with this website lol

In the end, he came at my place on Sunday evening, and we didn’t spoke about it because things were going well, we discussed about the situation, family, his house (it’s not totally finish finally, inside almost everything but he is still waiting some delivery to finish the kitchen and he had an official visit yesterday about electricity but didn’t turn out totally well) and he has finish the outside. But once the kitchen and electricity will be ok he will be able to move in but not for now. And due to the crisis he doesn’t have a clue yet of when he will get the final furnitures for his kitchen…I’m sad for him, he is investing himself so much in this that it’s pretty annoying and frustrating…

We also spoke about my move and what I would do with my flat, he asked if I would rent or sell it, and also told me by himself that he might need a bit of “refreshing” to ensure I won’t loose money in any case. I asked a bit of advice on my thoughts around this but didn’t asked for his help at this moment.

Funny thing, there was a TV show on Sunday night around “people building their house” (in fact they were taking entreprise to do so but the title was saying they would do it by themselves). So we watched it and I don’t know why at some point he said that couple were always going into trouble while they were doing work like this together, so as a joke I said “oh so it means you won’t help me with my flat” and he answered “didn’t say that, maybe, but you know I didn’t finished mine yet” (I didn’t took it wrong, but I feel a bit stupid because it was really a joke and I’m not sure he didn’t took it wrong…so I was thinking about apologising – according what we discussed before just to ensure he didn’t took it wrong).

But since we met we are speaking more often again so not sure there is a point to come back on your previous message, I’ll see 🙂

I also thanked him for coming over all the time, driving 1h (2 if you think about his way back home) and making it for me. I told him that I never really thanked him and showed him how I appreciated it so I did it for once 🙂

I also mentioned about going somewhere over a weekend, and he said yes but we have to rush…And I didn’t really understood his answer lol
I told him that there was no rush, especially until restaurant and all were still close, and that we could go after his holidays (he is going for a week end of June with his friends – if it’s possible) and I’ll be moving at that time. So he was like “yeah ok”. So it seems things are ok 🙂
and “back to normal” with a bit of change but nothing negative so far !

Oh and on the TV show there were a gay couple, so he was making a lot of joke around them (totally cliche type of gay couple) and I joked again like “oh so I can’t introduce you to my gay friend” and he was like “if I don’t have to worry about them no problem”. Seems open to meet my friends…lol (I am not in a rush to introduce him don’t worry, it was really a joke at that point – I prefer for us now to enjoy a bit of ourselves after this long period but I’ll keep in mind he is open lol).

Anyway, Hope you’re doing good and that you enjoyed your long weekend !

Emilie

• This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by Emilie S.

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for the message and explanation. Yes it does make sense, it’s just even if I have this spirit behind I am always afraid of not saying it properly and that my words are not reflecting my intention. But I get it.

For my friend it wasn’t even by chasing him, she was telling me not to talk to him at all until he would come back. So it wasn’t even about telling him what I was feeling or not, it was just no communication at all which for me could be misunderstood.

But in the end I didn’t listen to her, because I wasn’t feeling like doing that, it wasn’t feeling good for me to act like this. It was feeling childish and more like someone upset, which I’m not, it’s more confusing than being upset.

But I get what you mean and I will try to speak openly about this tonight when we are supposed to meet 🙂

And for me, of course I mentioned that sometime it was hard not to have news from him, and at the same time it was better because I might have feel that I was missing him even more if I was getting or giving news every day as we used to and that I would have even felt more frustrated than anything. So it’s not the lockdown period itself that was hard, but the end of the lockdown and having the impression he wasn’t showing he wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see him. But I got what you said and mean, I’m of course not gonna express it like I wrote it here but more sharing my insecurities as you proposed.

Thanks again !
Emilie

[Emilie S]

So in the end while back at home i sent him a message in order to check in as he was sick earlier and all. And i also decided more to follow what i wanted than what i was told lol

So he replied almost directly told me he was better, he asked if i was managing my moving and then proposed to meet on sunday.
So i think i will discuss with him about the quiter and less connective directly instead of planning a call with him before sunday.

Until then i will try to work on my moving and make some sorting …lol

Enjoy your weekend !

Emilie

[Emilie S]

I see yes.
So for you i shouldn’t wait for him to come back to me i should start this conversation. Because one of my friend told me i should let him come and not « run » after him. I am a bit lost to be honest lol
Things were so easy before this pandemic and now it’s so confusing…
I understand this approach yes and it seems ok.

[Emilie S]

I was supposed to stay there 3 years but the construction took so much delay that i will be there only for a year or so.
At first i wanted to live there and sell my flat and buy one closer to my office but now i am just wondering what i will do for a new flat and all. And no i am moving all my stuff there as the house is empty. My mom’s furnitures are with her in UK lol

And for my guy i don’t know, i don’t like to have this type of conversation over text messages or phonecalls so i guess that’s why i am not speaking directly. And i just don’t know how to express it in a way he doesn’t feel guilty or that i am blamint him. I know i hate conflict so that might be why i am not speaking directly also.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hey

Sorry it wasn’t clear lol

I am moving in my mom’s house but my mom isN’t living there, she is living in UK. Before moving there she had to destroy her house and rebuild it (long story) and she doesn’t want to sell it now that it’s finish because she will come back in France at the end of her contract in UK. And she doesn’t want to rent it because she wants to be able to use it while they are coming in France for work sometime (before crisis) and holidays. So she asked if i coule move there to avoid people squatting it also.

And my mom’s house is close to my grandma ´s place 🙂 something like 15 minutes walk maximum.

And yes i will probably talk to him with your suggested message. But for now i don’t have news and i don’t know when we will meet. I am waiting for him to come back because i already told him i wanted to meet, i already proposed but he got sick so now he should be the one proposing to meet again…I Don’t really know in fact…he is acting so weird that i don’t really know what i should do or not. But i need to see more consideration and act from his side right now…

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hello Kanya,

Yes it feels pretty good to be able to do “normal stuff” but at the same time it’s feeling a bit weird to be honest. It’s complicated to really know how to act with your friend (especially for French people you know we are so tactile lol) that not hugging or kissing while meeting is a bit weird for us. Keeping social distance while having breakfast and tea feels also a bit weird because usually you don’t put that much distance with your friends or family…So just need to adjust but funny though to see how we all interact now 🙂

Tomorrow is a bank holiday in France so I took my Friday off as well I need to rest a bit, I am not really sleeping well lately. I guess the lack of outside activities (usually transportation are killing me lol) isn’t helping but I also have lot’s of stuff in my mind (will come back later on this subject).

Friday, in the morning I’m going to the groomer for my poor little dog lol and then I’m having lunch with my grandma as she is leaving 10 minutes walk from the groomer. It’s supposed to be sunny and warm day so we might enjoy spending some time on the terrasse or we might go to my mom’s house. I’m supposed to move there soon (I’ve got the “go” from my mom last weekend lol) so I am calling mover’s company to see how much it would cost and also when I would be able to move (I’m not planning before end of June as some stuff needs to be finished there I hope before I moved). So I guess I’ll spend a part of my weekend, starting to make some sorting and cleaning to facilitate my move…Worst part is the cellar, I don’t even want to go there…lol

So yes, the moving part is keeping me a bit awake at night, not the moving itself but more what I’m gonna do with my flat, should I rent it or sell it (not too sure about the market due to the crisis)…In any case I would like to make some work in it to make it even better than what it is right now to else being able to rent it quickly or sell it at a higher price. I’m thinking a lot about the changes I want to make, architecture, design and all lol so of course I’m not sleeping after loool
Also I’m thinking I’d like to ask my guys help because he is kind of an expert for me as he did 2 houses himself, but at the same time I don’t want to ask for his help and bother him as he just finished his house and might want to rest a bit lol

Also I don’t remember if I told you, but with his previous girlfriend (the one he stayed with during 10 years) he completely renovated her flat (while they were living in his house) and once he finished her flat, he found out she was cheating on him and she left him just after that. So I don’t want him to feel like I could do the same…Not sure how he would react if I asked for his help on this…Nevermind that just a lot of thoughts but first I need to move lol

Thanks for reminding me I grew a lot since last year 🙂 Feels good ! And haha I guess that I would have felt into a kind of depression and might have spent my time crying and harassing him and…hurt myself a lot lol
More or less something like this 🙂 Up and Down for sure !

Emilie

[Author]

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