[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Yes it’s good that we have this date to meet. I’m gonna send out the message tonight, to let him have enough time to read it (and maybe process it) but not too much either lol
Also I am gonna ask what we should do ? I don’t really know if meeting at my place would be the best, I’m thinking being in a public place might help me not ending into a teardrop fountain but at the same time not sure I’ll feel good enough to speak freely. But I feel that even my place isn’t the best place because it’s not “neutral”…Let see what is answer would be on that, I already have too much in my mind to think about this lol.

I understand what you are saying and yes I might have not approach correctly this “too late” topic. I guess that’s why I was saying it might be more my ego who speak than something rational as I didn’t thought it would in the contrary be the right time to see if he is a good long term match or not.

I am trying to clear my fear and anxiety and for now I am ok, but I am pretty sure it would just all jump back while I’ll be facing him…That’s also why I want to send the message before to ensure I will speak and not let my fear drive me. Or if it does, maybe he would help me to go over it by asking question about what I would have already share.

And yes I also think just asking question is the best, open ones, to let him process and think (if he is encline to do so).

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi
I finally decided to send him a message yesterday evening to propose to meet tonight.
He answered this morning (just when he woke up apparently) and he said « Hey 😊 i won’t be able to make it tonight, i am going for diner at my bestfriend’s place. You told me tonight wasn’t convenient for you…we can make it on friday night if you are available ? ». I answered ok for friday and have a good day at work. So he answered « Thanks you too with hour flat work 😘 ».

One positive thing is that this time he proposed a slot back which is more constructive. Also Something changed in his way of writing back because he wasn’t putting any emoticones anymore lately and especially not since friday…which is confusing again on his behaviour lol

Nevermind, I just feel better now that i know when we meet. I will send the message i planed to send him tomorrow or friday morning, not today.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your answer. It is of a great help. I have so much thoughts and trying to sort them out, see what is real question, real feelings and what is my fear taking the leads on them is complicated right now.

For now, I don’t know when we will meet to discuss because he wasn’t available yesterday and I am not tonight. I didn’t hear from him since Saturday, so I’m thinking I should just propose to meet tomorrow evening. And once he agree on the day, I’ll send him out my sum up. I don’t really know if in the discussion I should point out the fact that I think he is protecting himself, I think it’s better to share my thoughts and patterns and just ask if he might have the same protection system, give some exemple I feel might have lead him to this, or if HE needs to do this introspection by himself…I don’t know if, now that I did a bit the job myself (I guess I still need to go deeper) I could be a kind of a guide for him, just by asking question or not at all…
But I don’t want this discussion to be only question, but also more a reminder of all the good time we had together just maybe to shine up the light again…I know I shouldn’t expect, but I’m thinking that if it’s “only” making himself go deep, he might just stepback and refrain from talking and block himself even more. (And then yes he doesn’t fit my expectation…).

One of my takeaway, and I was maybe not conscious about it before, is that of course I need someone who is nice, generous, attentive, …but I really need someone able to grow with me on the “protecting scheme” and open to work on a common plan to ensure it’s working. And who would agree to speak openly even if as you said we might end up in a “fight” but that we would work on a solution and not only remain on the issue/problem/fight.

“I would agree that his house, this pandemic, his job and testing, living with his parents etc. all have caused an amount of stress that took away his ability to feel and stay connected with you.” <<< I guess it’s even worst than this, because I was hiding myself behind this to avoid this connection to happen and also avoid facing my own connection with him. It was my OWN excuses for not letting myself connect with him (consciously I mean, because my unconscious did connect I just didn’t wanted to see it)

The goal is to use your voice despite the fear telling you to say silent. All of which you are doing right now and he is responding really well! << You are speaking about my goal which is responding well or him ? lol I’m lost sorry

The thing is also that I am wondering if it’s not too late because I didn’t share this with him : “The bottom line is, whatever you were feeling for him, it was healthy for you. You were becoming more of yourself. When you think of him, you smile. You had fun. He brought MORE into your life instead of making your life smaller. Even now, as he has pulled away, you are becoming more as you seeing some of your tendencies and how they contributed to what has happened. So bottom line is, up to this point, he has been an incredible experience for you!” << he is not aware of all of this, so he might think I am bringing him more pain than pleasure…?

I really need to speak with him to see where he is standing now, and if he is willing to make the exercise himself and possibly give us a second chance. I think we both deserve it, because we both suffered enough before, and we deserve to be happy. If it’s not with me, I really hope he will be able to open up with someone else and not stay like that, like I did again at first without paying attention and not growing from my past life because I didn’t wanted to…I wasn’t open to it, and he is one of the reason I am now. He helped me to see that I needed to look for this and understand myself and grow. It’s just sad I saw it “too late”.
I want to share all this with him, I’m just afraid I won’t be able to do it without turning myself into a teardrop fountain lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi both,

Just wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to send him this message while he will confirm when we meet. As I am pretty afraid of speaking openly and I know I might get emotional (most probably will) and I don’t want to forgot or avoid subject just because I’m lost in my emotion…
Even if his decision is taken, I owe myself to speak openly with him about what I feel. If it’s not for us to have a second chance it might help me for my future.

“Hello,
I’ve taken the time to reflect on these last few days so that we can have a constructive discussion when we meet. As I told you, I am clumsy and uncomfortable to express myself, as I am surrendered by fear of appearing vulnerable and to finish in pain.
Today I am ready to open up because I trust you and I think that we appreciate each other, that we have a real bond, however we have never really talked about our relationship with an open heart.
I realized that at the beginning I did not invest myself as I should have with you as I was afraid of getting attached because “it was too good to be true”, that a man finally took the time for me, and seems to really appreciates me. All the moments spent with you have been pure happiness (skiing, the little chalet, movies, restaurants, …), I saw your involvement in our relationship at the beginning and I apologize for not having done the same for you, I only realize now that my reaction has repercussions contrary to what I wanted. As you are now distant since the lockdown and I understand it. I am 100% ready today and I want to do it right. I look forward to our discussion, I really need to talk about all this with you and understand your resentment from the last few months together”

Of course I have more details on these topics and I’ll share them with him while talking, but I needed to give him a glance of what I had inside me, and it might also make him give a deeper thought on this.

One thing I am really wondering now, is that, in the end, was he really ready to let someone enter his heart at all ? I mean, I know he suffered from his past relationship, he spent 10 years with a girl who betrayed him by cheating on him and by using him. Then he had a 1 year relationship where he didn’t let feelings come, as he was suspicious she would also betrayed him and cheat on him.
Of course I am not in his head, and I can’t really compare with me, but I have the feeling that he is “like me”, someone pretty hurt, with a lack of confidence in someone else and he is avoiding himself to let someone in. (Of course I can only confirm this while I’ll speak with him, but he might not even be conscious of this, I wasn’t totally until I reflect and note the scheme I followed and described in the message I am gonna send him out). And I think he might hide himself behind his house project (of course it’s really important and that’s what I like from him, he has a project and he is committed to it whatever happen and he will finish it, it shows his determination and I like it). But I have once again the feeling that this project could be an excuse for him not to really invest himself in a relationship, I mean not 100%, because it’s easier to sabotage a relationship “because of a project” than because you are rejected, or cheated or… and once again if we don’t give us another chance, it might just open his eye to have this discussion…I think our main mistake was not to speak openly since the beginning. (even if you told me to lol I guess my child me is still dominant and is avoiding me to speak openly).

I worked a lot in my flat, I’m pretty happy and proud of myself, because even if I am not feeling great (I’m not feeling that bad in the end, of course I am sad about what he said, but at the same time I am not really taking it “personally” because I think there is something deeper than him and me on his reaction) and I didn’t let myself go down and stop everything in my life. But being alone working in the flat let me the time to think and reflect and all. I also wondered at some point if I really have feelings for him, or if it’s only my ego. I think I do have feelings, but how can I be sure? In the end I’m even wondering if I really know what being in love is, what it feels, how you know…Is it just attachement ? I am listening to myself, I know I appreciate him, I know I like to spend time with him, I know thinking of him still make me smile (when I am crying it’s not “for him”, it’s more “after myself” – I know I shouldn’t judge myself, but I am upset I am not able to speak and share what I feel and this hunger makes me cry), I would to share with him what I’m doing in my flat and I’d like him to be proud of me on this. So does all this shows real feelings or just attachement and ego because it might end up here ? And do I think all of this once again, because I am afraid of messing everything up if we decide to give us another chance ? Or am I already trying to find excuse in order to run away of this discussion I want to have because I don’t want to be hurt…
(I know I said I didn’t wanted to overthink but I am Cleary doing it, but I need it to understand myself, because I am pretty self centred right now on my thought).

I shared all of this with my friend, so of course they told me don’t blame yourself for everything and all. And I am not blaming myself, I know what I did wrong which doesn’t mean I was the only one doing it wrong. But I can only adjust myself and I can’t choose for him. Especially I can’t assume anything for him and I’m not really trying to, except the small analysis I had about his past relationship and current behaviour. Which is more for me to open the discussion than because I think it’s the reason behind.

Once thing I am doing and I wasn’t before, is that I am at least opening with my friends and sharing. It’s a first step…

Just wanted to let you know where I am right now.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Kanya

Thanks for your answer. Yes i confirm that the lockdown and forced distancing from each other has played a significant role. That’s why i want to discuss with him and that i also shared my analyse around our both behavior. I can definitely understand that he thinks right now that feelings will never come if we were keeping our current behavior. Indeed we have our own priorities and we are not really making any compromise on these because we have our project and we totally forgot to focus on our relationship. These months were the « critical » ones where we were supposed to build our relationship deepen it by seeing each other, get to know each other, spend time together to build memories…and due to many differents things we didn’t make it properly. I am not making any reproach on this but really making a statement. I am clear on the reason why we reach out here. I am guilty of letting things go by being more a spectator than an actor in this relationship and because i didn’t shared what i was feeling earlier. (I am not blaming myself for all juste making a statement once again). And as he is a guy and they are bad with relationship as mentionned by Heidi he didn’t drove it properly either. I don’t think it’s personal (i mean that it’s link to me) vut because he was focused on his exam and house and i don’t blame him for all this.
We never really openly spoke about this and i guess that’s what is lacki g right now. An open discussion about all this. The future depends on how he is seeing things and if he shared my analysis and if he is open to give us another chance or not.

Once again as i don’t want to ovethink too much (even if i took the time to think to what i just shared, i am just analysing in the more objective way i can but not making any assumption on his side). I sent him out a message today just to wish him goog luck with work but mainly to propose to meet on monday. I don’t want to wait too much without knowing because it will just make me suffer and i donnt want that.
Surprisingly He answered pretty fast that work was going well until now and that he would keep me posted for monday evening because he already had plan to go to his sister’s place…i don’t want to pressure him but i don’t want to wait for too long to have this discussion because my brain will definitely overthink at some point.

I do know what i am expecting from a relationship…the problem is more that i didn’t really share it. As you might have see my main problem isn’t to know what i want but more to communicate it and to speak frankly without fear. Even if i made some progress, it seems it’s always when i am loosing or about to loose or (the knife under my chin » that i am able to share openly…which might end up too late in the end…Let see…

I have some friends around me right now who are really supportive and who remind me that i am great and all.

Thanks

Emilie

[Emilie S]

I finally choose to say “yes and …?” and he answered quite fast this time “we try to meet this week”.
I’m gonna try not to think too much about it until then, and focus on the work on my flat.
But I know I am already processing a lot of stuff in my head lol
I guess you will receive more message from me in coming days ..

[Emilie S]

He just answered « yes » an hour ago…
I don’t really know what i should do now…plan a call tonight or ask we meet in person on sunday or wait a bit more to let him process all this more or not…
I am a bit lost right now lool
Of course my childish me would like tonjave the answer now and not remain in doubt, but giving the time and space to think about it could be the good solution ? Or maybe not …Gosh it’s complicated to be an adult !! (It’s half a joke but also true !)

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi

Believe it or not but juste before i read his message i was still sleeping a bit not really deeply and i was « dreaming » about his answer and it was something like « you have everything beauty, kindness, strongness, but… » (can’t remember the but, but it was more or less what i received in the end i guess something showint he was afraid to go further right now). So when i read it i was like « ok ». To be honest i didn’t cry directly, then i digest that it was over, and i put the message here and send it out to 2 close friends of mine. While they asked exactly what happened i read again the message and was thinking it doesn’t make sense. After thinking i should just ghost him i gave more thought to the situation, what happened between us and since when it seems to be as it was at first. I analyse a bit both our acts and what might have led to this situation and decided that, as his message wasn’t really clear for me it was better to share my analyse and get his thoughts on this and see if it was really a closure or maybe just a big misunderstanding…
But i don’t really know what to expect. I saw he read my message but didn’t answer. He finished work by now i think and will be working tomorrow until sunday morning so not sure i will have an answer before that and that he will take the time to call or drop by to discuss in person.
Your analyse about his lack of feeling is what came in my mind and the reason why i finally decided to sent out my message. I am clearly wondering if it’s linked to covid situation and survival mode and also him thinking a lot about his house and not being able to really engage himself emotionaly because of all this…
I would of course like that we give us a second chance but as i wrote it needs to be mutual. If he doesn’t want to…i don’t think i will see him again or accept his help for my flat. I don’t see the point except hurting myself. But this is this proposition that makes me pretty confused, why wanting to keep seeing each other and helping me. It’s not like we were friend before, like if we had any common friends or reason for keeping this « bound » especially if as he said he doesn’t feel like he will fall for me…
So right now i am lost and trying not to overthink and just remain on the analyse i gave and wait for the discussion if it happens. It’s in his hands now.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi again,

I can’t edit my last post so new one…

I’ve finally decided to act as an adult and not a child and share what I was feeling after digesting. I answered honestly with what I was thinking, and feeling.

“Thank you for your honesty. I understand what you are saying. I don’t think we have really given ourselves the chance to develop real feelings in our relationship. It seems we appreciate each other, otherwise we would not like to spend time together and you would not offer your help, for my move or my flat. But it’s true that we’ve been seeing each other for few months and we’re not fully invested in each other. On my side, I did not really get involved at the start, I had my life, I was probably afraid to get involved because of my past relationships, I was thinking about my apartment… You, you got caught up in your exams and your house… Finally we each had our priorities that we weren’t really ready to let go of.
Then there was COVID and lockdown … It personnaly made me think, and what you just told me too.
In the end you are someone I really appreciate. And I wonder, if we really try to invest a little, really spend more time together to really get to know each other, we would be able to build something. But the desire to give ourself a chance must be mutual. I think it would be better to discuss it by phone or face to face”

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi here

Just to let you know that I finally had his answer this morning (he read my message yesterday and didn’t answer).

“Hello, you’re right, I’m certainly a little more distant, because I don’t really know how to tell you this without hurting you. But I’m not in love since the time we are together and I feel that it won’t come. Hence my clumsiness, not knowing what to do so I don’t hurt you. I’m sorry. Still, we can keep seeing each other and I can help you with your flat.”

I don’t really have anything to say right now, I didn’t answer, I just don’t understand what just happened…I need to digest.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your message. I get what you mean by still being judgemental with myself while thinking my childish feelings are funny. I guess it’s more the situation and the way I approach things that make me laugh a bit, because I am coming from one extreme and going to the opposite…Can’t be in the middle yet 🙂 But I’ll pay more attention to my childish feelings and avoid being upset or making fun of myself ! (In the meantime I was thinking making fun of myself wasn’t hurting as when I was upset…but it might be in the end).
I guess my valid reason is just as usual, that when I don’t understand something or something isn’t “rational” I am starting to probably feel insecure and I need an immediate response to what I feel to avoid having bad thought. But I need to learn how to reassure myself (and that’s what I’m doing) without having someone external providing me this security feelings…(Of course it’s good to have this external help, but it needs to come from me as well).

And yes I’ll use this “I’m okay right now. Things are really peaceful right and that’s okay. I have permission to feel peaceful in a relationship. It’s safe to feel peaceful in a relationship etc.” as a mantra. It does help !

I’m so tired these days, on Saturday I spend some time at my appartement after I’ve been to the vet with my dog, and I have started to remove some stuff from the wall and small work. Sunday was a full day of washing machine ! I finally got one and I am SO happy about it lol my Aunt, Uncle and Grandma dropped by so we had champagne to celebrate my move, in the afternoon I went to see my other grandma with my dad. She doesn’t remember me and she seems pretty absent (Alzheimer) but it was still nice to see her. In the evening my guy came and we had Japanese food. We spent the evening discussing my appartement work, his house work and I also got him agreed to help me a bit with my flat lool. I also asked if we could go for a tour boat together (as he is a sailor lol) he said yes but that it’s quite expensive…we didn’t plan any date for this but just thinking we could go for that is good.
Time flied and it was already time for him to go back home, it was feeling good to see him and spend time with him. I just enjoyed. He told me this weekend (from Saturday 7am to Sunday 7am) he will be on duty in case of emergency. So not sure we will meet or not, but in the end I have so much stuff to do at my flat…Let see if we can on Sunday evening once again. But it means not sleeping together once again (but definitely better than nothing lol).

And probably because it feels so good to be with him, to see him wanting to support me with my appartement work and all, today I was still wondering why his communication had changed and all. So I finally, after sending him a quick “hey hope you’re doing good” message, shared my feelings around this and asking to understand him, (based on the different exemple you proposed earlier). Because I really don’t understand why he is acting nice and connected and then disconnected on the communication side. I didn’t made any reproach btw. Just wanted to understand 🙂
Especially I guess because my feelings are getting stronger, I now need to understand and know him a bit more.

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your message.

In fact I gave it a bit more attention since I post my last message…And I think you will find my thoughts even more weird, at least I am lol
I don’t really know how to word it but what I feel is more like I am pretty ok most of the time not having that much news (as I am not giving that much either because I’m too busy…) and what I feel is not really a frustration (hard to explain) it’s more like I am afraid of myself being ok with that. It’s more because I used to be so frustrated, so sad, so stressed about these situation that I don’t really recognise myself so I am giving it more thought and getting “frustrated” just because it feels more comfortable sometime to be my old me lol
Even though…I am really happy with my new me, being more confident and feeling more calm in these situation. But I guess my fear is more “Am I over confident ? Should I be worried ?” and I guess that’s where my frustration come from, because I don’t know if I’m just confident because everything is indeed ok between the 2 of us or because I am over confident and I am not seeing something.
I really hope my explanation are clear ? lol But I spent sometime with me giving a bit of thoughts as you can see, and the answer that came to me wasn’t exactly the one I used to have. Of course I would prefer to see him more but it’s a pretty busy time for both of us so it’s just temporary. I guess the few times I think about it in a day, it’s just because I don’t do anything at this specific moment and I am thinking about him and I would like to have news from him at this exact moment lol but I really know it’s just stupid to feel frustrated because he is not reading in my mind that as I am free right now I’d like a message lol…Once again it’s pretty childish and I make fun of myself while I am thinking like this lol
We are meeting this Sunday evening by the way, both busy before lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Kanya,

I still had to do some drop off aswell because my exboyfriend I was living with long time ago left a lots of stuff in my basement and I never paid attention to it…because I wasn’t in need of this basement lol
And for my own furnitures I don’t have that much, but my parents gave me a lots of stuff so I mainly moved that lool

Thanks for acknowledging me…Even if I have a bit the feeling I am not really managing it all the time..Right now I am a bit frustrated, because he didn’t really showed that he wanted to see me this week or weekend, he isn’t even sending that much messages…It was going well before his holidays and now it seems it’s back as how it was during lockdown without real reason why (from my knowledge) which is frustrating…I guess I’ll finally have to have this discussion I was “avoiding” lol just to understand a bit more his behaviour…
And I am not really relying on friend and family for support on this topic at least. I don’t like to share much. I’m totally secret with everyone when it comes to my relationship life. If someone ask I might answer and most of the time I am avoiding lol
At the same time I know I am managing it better than I used to because when I say I’m frustrated, it’s few moments in the days, but I’m not thinking about it all the time and not turning it over and over in my head. Just sometime I am thinking about it and wondering why it changed. But I am so busy lately and I have so much on my plate already that I am more self focused than focused on him. (Which wasn’t the case at all before, all my relationship were coming the center of my life I think…).

Don’t know if it answers your question lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

In fact I can be minimalist, it’s just that due to my diet / sport and sometime over eating habits I have so much different size of clothes that I’m not able to remove from my cupboard because of my weight changes lol
I also had some stuff coming from my dad when he divorced and moved himself and from my mother when she moved from UK, so I was a “safekeeper” lol but I really stetted up my goal to get released of those stuff I’m not even remembering I have. I am sorting what I can give to homeless people or at least non-profit who are providing these closes or furnitures for them and what I can still sell because I never wore them or really few times and what my sisters will want to get lool

I am definitely proud of my company and the fact that we are trying to change things, it’s just that we shouldn’t go only in an emotional type of response, because, it’s not “long term” solution and we never know if in a month or 2 we are not gonna face another type of crisis (I really hope no lol) and that once again we would go for an emotional answer that would change or remove everything we have been working on right now. I just want to see a broader picture 🙂
I definitely like those topics as I am now involved in all CSR topics, on top of the for good program I am leading. So it’s definitely align with me. I am currently (and following those events) building a worldwide program to support kids from underprivileged area. (it would be locally adapted of course for school system and cultural reason but it’s supposed to be a program that we would have in each country we have offices).

For my guy it won’t be for this weekend, I proposed him a hand for his dressing and he answered it was nice but that he wouldn’t work on his home as one of his cousin would come over for the weekend, and that it would be complicated to meet. Even if I understand he wants to spend time with his family I feel a bit frustrated that he doesn’t find the time to meet, we didn’t saw each other since June 12th and he doesn’t seem to miss me…
I know it’s a bit contradictory to what I was saying yesterday (lol) on the fact we were both busy and I could understand that we wouldn’t meet, but I guess knowing he is stoping his home work for his family members and not finding time to meet me not even an hour is really frustrating and making me a bit sad. I’m not in the mood of crying 😉 but just, I feel I’m really not a priority and it’s a bit frustrating. Even though, I find myself childish because I definitely understand that he wants to spend time with his cousin as he didn’t met him since long time and that he is coming from Britain so not really close from us…But my “tired mind” is having this stupid priority thoughts which are in the end not relevant and most probably not true.
Nevermind, I’ll tell him to enjoy and I’ll do my life (like finishing to sort my stuff lol) and probably meet some friends, or just rest…lol

Emilie

[Emilie S]

Hi Heidi,

Wow it seems I took ages to answer your last message lol

I was totally overwhelmed by my moves prep and now with the unboxing game…I am so exhausted…The move was last Friday, movers came at 7.15 am instead of 8 am…lol fortunately I was awake and almost ready (I didn’t had time to have coffee / breakfast and finish to move my last stuff in my car…but at least I was dressed lool). It was quite fast because they left the new place around 2.30 pm and then I started to unpack and I spent a lot of time setting up the internet…I did it also during Saturday and Sunday. I stetted up the kitchen (my god I have so much dishes….and glasses…lol), the dining room, the living room…Monday I didn’t get time to do anything lol Tuesday I unboxed the Bathroom part. And since yesterday…The worst…the dressing lol it’s taking ages !!! Especially because I’m thinking I need to sort my clothes, I need to sell some and give some…I have too much of them lol. I’ll still have to set up my office room aswell (it’s where all the boxes were / are still for some of them) lol
I was planning to finish all by this weekend, but today I’m wondering if I’ll succeed lool and at the same time I want to, because I told myself, I won’t by my gardent furnitures and the “spa” before I finish this part…It would be my price lol

And now I’m also thinking I need to clean my appartement, and do some work to be able to rent it or sell it (I still didn’t decide lol one more thing to add to my TODO list…) like painting, changing the floor and some other stuff…lol

One day I’ll be able to rest lool but it seems it’s not for now.

It does feel good to miss someone of course. But to be honest, I was so obsessed with my move that I didn’t really took time to think about him. We of course spoke a bit during his holidays but I was so busy and I wanted him to enjoy without being a pain speaking about my move all the time that I let him with his friends lol
But it was still feeling good to have some news and to see where he was what he was doing, even though I was a bit jealous he could rest, lay on swimming pool side, take the sun and not me loool (just a joke I was happy for him, I know he needed it really).
He was supposed to comeback in the night of Saturday / Sunday but due to a lot of trouble where he was, they offered him and his friend a free night. So they came back in the night of Sunday / Monday and he went straight to his work…Crazy him lol
We spoke a bit since he came back, but I’m so into my unboxing and I guess he is pretty tired, and he is also dealing with setting up his dressing in his house that it’s really small talk. I’m ok with that I know we are both busy so “I don’t mind”. I just hope we will be able to meet this weekend, I’m missing him lol but if it’s not the case it’s ok, I’ll finish to unpack and maybe find a bit of time to rest…

And for your last question, to be honest, I’m such in a “moving bubble” right now, that I don’t really know how things are with the reopening. I’ve been to work once last week for a team summit and we had dinner in a restaurant in the evening. My first one since 4 months I guess lol. It was feeling good but pretty weird to have waitress with a mask..Not easy to talk with them and to hear them properly. I also went to a restaurant on Saturday evening for one of my little sister’s birthday. It was good to see my family but I was so tired lol. And strangely in this restaurant they were not respecting social distancing between tables. I guess they loose so much money during covid that they wanted to maximise their profit…But we were lucky enough it wasn’t full. And since then…I didn’t went out from my house expect for walking my dog loool I’m dying to get back to real life lool

For the other topic, it’s still a subject in my company and I am a bit frustrated of the way they approach it by trying to have an emotional answer instead of rational one which isn’t good I think for business. It’s totally link to the French culture, but for us, private life and affect is one thing and your company life is something else. You shouldn’t mix too much and expect too much from your company. By that, I’m not saying the company shouldn’t have a clear policy on this topic, it’s normal to have strict rules internally. But we are not expecting that our company make a public statement or apologies for all as***** in the world… And also we are not psychiatrist, we can’t fix everyone’s mental health issues, frustration…of course we can show support, but it shouldn’t take over all the other subjects… Some event happened during the last few weeks and we know that these event would have been cause by a specific type of people there would have been consequences, but because it’s another type of people there wouldn’t. And this is creating an even bigger cultural gap sometime between each of us perception and especially US vs. European country and I’m not even talking about APAC ones…So complicated situation !! I don’t want to launch a debate on this 🙂 I’m just sharing what’s happening in a small international company lol.

Nevermind, hope you’re doing good 🙂

Emilie

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