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For your scientific mind, you should start following Dr. Joe Dispenza and Greg Braden and Bruce Lipton. Joe Dispenza has several books, but probably “Becoming Supernatural” might resonate the most. It’s ALL science. He is probably one of the leading researching on manifestation, healing etc. and coming up with an actual formula through studying people while they are meditating and measuring all their biomarkers. It’s fascinating. He has events all the over the world, all the time and has a team of top rated scientists measuring participants and looking at biomarkers like brain waves, blood pressure, breathing rate, etc. He broke his back into a gazillion pieces and was told he need a Harrington Rod, which basically means they would put a steel rod down his back and he would have to live that way. He was a chiropractor in his late 20s I think at the time. Super long story short, he was bound to his bed and he decided that there is an intelligence that made his body, so there must be an intelligence that knows how to fix it. Every single day he focused on what his spine was supposed to look like. He would go through every single vertebrae and imagine it in the smallest detail. His goal was to get through each vertebrae without getting distracted. It was his form of meditation. Then one day, he did it and felt something shift. If I remember correctly, within a week of him accomplishing that, he was walking. His spine is completely healed. He has dedicated his life to finding out what and why and how he did that. Thousands of people around the world have healed. It’s interesting. Gregg Braden is also one of my favorites. He has some incredible stories and TONS of science as well. There are soooo many researchers talking about all of this and the unified field. You should also watch “What the Bleep do we know?” It’s a documentary about how we create our reality with our emotions. It’s an old movie, but probably the best movie made to date about this topic. A lot of science as well.
I know I can have a positive impact. You know this guy, he keeps on telling me I can change the world lol and I do believe I can at my own scale lol. So HOW do you want to change the world? What impact are you wanting to have? Do you feel like you want to stay smaller or go big? or something in between?
Heidi
I can understand why there is insecure energy that lives through the French population. I don’t know why it is there in the first place, but regardless, every single culture has something to deal with and every culture has a “personality.” I really think the younger generations are changing things though. It really feels like social media and tech has shifted the world path and how people connect. I feel VERY fortunate to have grown up without all of that stuff. I LOVE that I had to learn how to type on a typewriter and that we didn’t have cell phones and we got messages on answering machines. We were so much more organic back then, right? Dating was soooooo different and so much more healthy back then. I remember when online dating came on the seen and how it was “taboo” to admit to being online. I never ever thought it would turn into what it is. Now…I am seeing people completely rejecting the idea, especially since Covid. I think people are so sick of not being connected and not meeting in an organic way that the online dating world is going to take another turn somehow. I’m not sure what is next, but change is definitely coming.
And I don’t care anymore of what people think, I want to own all this, and reflect all this, I want to shine and sparkle lol Another gift from Covid, I think. It seems to be a theme. Everywhere I look, more and more women are saying this very thing. They are ready to be more themselves and they care less and less about any criticism, judgment or reaction they get from it. I myself and going through it. Podcasts and videos I listen to are saying the same thing, so I believe there is a collective consciousness that is calling us ladies more into our power, our greatness, our abilities to love and impact the world the way the divine feminine energy can. I love that you are joining the movement!!! It feels good, doesn’t it?
And even if you don’t see it yet in the reality, the universe is making things move and everything will happen at the right time for you. This is a concept I have studied extensively for years. Manifestation and what shows up, in reality, is quite the mystery, although many people claim to know the “formula.” There is this common belief that what shows up in reality, is there because of the energy and thoughts we carry within us…and that we are the creator of our lives. It’s common rhetoric. I remember when The Secret came out and how it took the world by storm. Did you ever watch that movie? I would say that it was probably the beginning of the Law of Attraction coming into mainstream consciousness. And that law has been misunderstood ever since. Anyways, a lot of what manifests is being studied by quantum physics and so much is still unknown and a lot more is becoming more understood. I’m not so sure how much WE are the actual creators, in the way we think we are. We are all looking for some kind of formula for happiness, some kind of equation to solve what we can’t see. The thing is, there is ALWAYS a component of the unknown in what we can’t see. There is ALWAYS and “x” factor as we like to say…meaning there is always a factor that cannot be explained or controlled or understood, but it IS something that’s very real and influencing a situation. I could talk about this for HOURS!!! It’s such a fascinating study. I could fill 10 more pages talking about this with you, but I won’t….lol
So right now, I’m letting him come back to me, ask for a meeting and we will talk at this time. I definitely look forward to many more updates!
And p.s. if you ever decide to disconnect from this forum, let me know! I would love to exchange emails and keep in touch every once in awhile!
Heidi
Hi Lynette,
I understand that you are being “logical” about why you think he doesn’t feel like you are worth it. That’s quite the dangerous road to go down, because when it comes to love, romance, relationships….it’s RARELY logical. It’s hard though, because our minds LOVE LOVE LOVE to create stories and boxes to put things in, so we feel like we understand what is happening, so we can then feel like we have some semblance of making sense of what is happening. Our stories are rarely accurate though. Your story is that is there must be something “wrong” with you. First, you are leaving out the most important person in the equation….HIM! He is the one making the decision which means there are many things happening inside of him, that you have no clue about. What you see and think you understand about him is equivalent to a grain of sand on a beach. And even what he thinks he understands and feels about himself is probably 10 grains of sand on a beach. It’s been studied and generally speaking, we are conscious of about 20% of what we encounter and feel. That means the 80% of everything we experience, smell, taste, hear, understand etc. gets stored and is influenced by the subconscious. Do you know what that means???? That means the MAJORITY of the time, we are making decisions being guided by a place within ourselves that we have no idea we are being influenced by. We THINK we are conscious about what we are doing and we THINK we know why we feel what we feel, but very people REALLY have a clue about what’s happening. For example, why is it typically that a kid that grows up with an alcoholic parent, ends up attracting and being in a relationship with an alcoholic partner? Why is it that a person gets cheated on with one partner and then picks another partner who cheats and then another partner who cheats and so on? Why is it that there are sooooooo many people dealing with addictions in this world? Why are we at the highest, scariest percentage of people on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds in the history of humanity, yet we are the most advanced we have ever been? What drives these kinds of things, is what lives in the subconscious that people are not connected to. Unless you are an expert on the language of the subconscious and know how to travel down the rabbit hole, you will really have no TRUE understanding of what is happening in your or anyone else’s life and the REAL why behind it. I am an expert in this area, so for example…the other day I was driving extremely irritated. My dog barking, like he always does, was easily triggering me into a high level of irritation. I dropped something on the floor and it broke and I just about lost it. I was watching myself wondering, where the heck is this coming from? This is not me. I searched and searched my “database” about what could possibly be happening that would be influencing my mood and reactions that day. Then BAM! I made the connection and realized a tv series I had been watching was most likely triggering me. While watching the show, I had NO IDEA was being triggered. Once I made the connection and started going down the rabbit hole, it all made sense, I connected to the REAL reason I was so angry and now I have a session with my Coach to help me process this trigger of mine, because I need some help with this one. Does this make sense why the story you created about why he isn’t fighting for you, is just not true? There may be a TINY TINY aspect of truth in it, but even at that…if there is something about you that does not inspire him to move forward with you, then consider yourself being rescued from a situation that just isn’t okay. You NEVER EVER EVER want to be with someone who isn’t lit up by you. Whatever it is that is blocking him, is there for reasons you don’t understand. So all you need to do is look at everything, learn from the situation and about yourself and how you showed up…both in effective and ineffective ways….and then you circle back around eventually to being grateful for the experience and you let him go. And let’s even look at this further…just because he got into a relationship right after getting divorced, it didn’t last. You don’t want to have to go through that with him. TRUST HIM!!! Trust that he knows himself enough to know he is not ready right now. Don’t you want to be with a guy that has NOTHING stopping him from being with you? Don’t you want a guy who is excited EVERY DAY to get to see you and talk with you? Don’t you want a guy who is really curious about you and wanting to learn about all your unique little details? Don’t you want a guy who is just open and fully and completely inspired to want to be with you? That is not this guy and whatever reason that is….the truth is, you just don’t get to know that. So stop creating this story that there is something wrong with YOU. Instead, look at everything that is RIGHT with you and how valuable you are…if he is not able to connect to that, then that is on HIM…not you!
Heidi
Hi Nicole,
Of course you are still hurting from the infidelity. That can take some time to heal. Have you ever considered working with a Coach or a Therapist to help you through all the layers of hurt the come along with being cheated on? You haven’t fully and completely let go and released what happened, forgiven what happened and moved on. It’s a complex thing to do something like that and it’s EXTREMELY helpful to have a specialist guiding you through the pain.
Your husband is a workaholic, which means he IS an addict, exactly like a drug addict or alcoholic….except it’s much more acceptable because it’s work. There is a reason he is this way…do you know why? Addicts are always running away from something and running towards something else that the substance brings. What do you think your husband is running away from? What do you think he is running towards? Was he a workaholic when you first met him? How long have you been married? Do you guys ever go on vacations? When you DO spend time together on that half day, what do you all do together?
Heidi
I am soooo so sorry you have to feel this. It’s awful! It’s heartbreaking to have your vision of someone completely shadder. You invested in an idea of him, based on what his words were and it didn’t pan out. It hurts and of course, you are angry. You are supposed to be!!! I am glad you are in a space of acceptance though and I’m really proud you are sticking up for yourself by not tolerating someone who runs away. Yes, he should have talked to you about his feelings. That would be what an adult does and he obviously does not have enough “adult” energy to show up in that way. I wish it didn’t hurt so much though. It’s just so frustrating when all that needs to happen is a simple conversation.
I know it feels like he doesn’t want to be with “you” but the truth is, he doesn’t want to be with himself. This is not about you. Yes, you triggered a “run” response in him, but that was there loooooong before you ever came along. He is betraying himself first by the way he is acting. Consider yourself being “rescued” from something that could have taken you down a pretty chaotic path. I know that is NOT what you are looking for! Well done for holding to your standards!
Heidi
I don’t know if one day I’ll find someone who loves me just the way I am, but thank you very much for helping me clarify what I already knew, which is that this person is not good for me. I wish that I could guarantee that you will get to have this experience. We all LOVE to believe that there is this kind of opportunity waiting for every single person, but that simply is not true. What the truth is though, is that it’s absolutely possible, but what makes that possible, is YOU. By staying connected to your standards and treating yourself as such, your odds of attracting that kind of experience will become much greater! Remember, you teach every person in your life, how to treat you. You have taught many people to rely on you. It sounds like you carry an incredible amount of responsibility. How come? How come you have designed your life this way?
Heidi
It’ll suck and I’ll cry, but it’ll be better than this middle ground of wondering what I mean to him / what’s wrong with me / why he doesn’t think I’m worth taking a chance on. Let’s talk about this a little more. These are important stories to highlight so you can learn to re-program your thinking. Why do you have the thoughts that there’s something wrong with you and he doesn’t think you are worth taking a chance on? Where is that coming from?
heidi
I had no idea that anyone would feel small because i like to dig things up! What a twisted response! What was keeping him from enjoying it with me? Anyway – it was his own fault and narrow mindedness that kept him from Enjoying the discoveries together. It’s just a sign of a lot of low self-esteem and someone who doesn’t know their passion energy. Passion and excitement is a VERY powerful force and will shine a light on any person’s “holes” or emptiness and expose that. Those holes are full of low self esteem.
You answered my question beautifully! I makes sense and I LOVE how you are exploring this very slow relationship. You have developed so much and on many levels because of this relationship. It’s really beautiful.
i’ve got a whole bunch of other discoveries too! lol 🙂 never a dull moment in my brain! HA! NEVER a dull moment. You are such an interesting person!!! (to the right kind of person, of course). I’m definitely a BIG fan of you!
Heidi
Oh wow!!! I’m soooooo so glad you are getting away from that place. That woman sounds incredibly unbearable and I’m sooooo so happy you get to be away from her! How someone like that is able to keep a job, is shocking to me.
Hmmmm….it really is interesting how this new job offer just showed up. I wonder what’s in store for you overseas. There must be something for the job offer to show up first…and maybe if they know you will be available in a year or so, you will be asked again. It’s all such a mystery…it’s all about trusting God isn’t it?
You are officially done now, right??? I seriously would have a BIG dance party with you if I could. I really am excited for you. That is, if you get to go, considering the invasion of Russia. It broke my heart hearing about that. So many prayers heading their way.
Heidi
I’m UNIQUE LOL that’s why I’m so different 😉 Haha! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! It’s 100% true and it just makes me smile that you are owning this about yourself…proudly!
One is because of you, I like to get your perspective, you help(ed) me to grow, you help(ed) me in my journey and for me it’s important to keep this because I know it’s a lifetime journey first. Also it’s out of respect for you, you invest a lot of time with me so I “owe” you this visibility 🙂 Thank you for saying this! It really made me smile to feel like I get to have some kind of impact on someone like you…someone who is very wise and more advanced and on a expanded type of path. I’m honored to get to support you and I’m honored to have your trust!
For French…I would say that’s because we are arrogant lol I wonder why this is. How come French people carry this kind of energy? I wonder where it started and why it sticks. I remember when I was younger hearing that “If you ever go to France, expect to be treated rudely.” I still hear that today. I’ve also heard that French people are much more friendly when you attempt to speak French with them…it softens their hearts more I suppose. I can understand that. I suppose Americans do have a bit of a reputation of acting pretty entitled as well. We have such a different mixture of people here. If you want to be active and healthy, live in the west…Colorado, California etc. If you want to be treated like gold and with kindness, then go to the south and midwest where you will get called “mam” and “sir.” There are so many variations and flavors of Americans. I’m not sure if there is one word I would call Americans like you call French “arrogant.” It’s interesting to think about.
I love how you are just taking this whole thing very slow. There’s a lot of layers and dynamics happening between you guys…some you see and some you don’t see….taking things slowly allows many things to be revealed in a really beautiful way.
“Rome hasn’t been built in one day” lol Yes! We have this saying too. My other favorite quote of the same genre “I didn’t fail a thousand times, the light bulb was an invention with a thousand steps.” Thomas Edison Also, an analogy: there is a particular kind of bonsai tree that requires great caretaking for many years before it sprouts. So you can supply it with all the nutrients it needs and you won’t see anything for many years and you will often question whether anything is happening, because you can’t see it. But underneath the surface, a great root system is being developed to support this tree. Then one day, it will start to appear above the surface “when it’s ready.” I’ve heard that analogy many times in coaching programs….be patient, trust that growth is happening, even if you can’t see it. Trust that things will manifest and show up EXACTLY when it’s ready to.
Wow! I love that you connected so deeply to the layers of this story. It’s obviously a very powerful one. It’s so fascinating how a single moment can make an imprint and then it taints the glass we view the world through. And then…we end up collecting every piece of data to support the original imprint and voila! You have a belief that operates in the subconscious, influencing everything you do. The subconscious is a fascinating place to explore and what I most love about it…is how it reveals itself. You were ready to connect to this and it’s giving you an opportunity to release it and create a new story.
Now that you have connected to it, what do you do next?
Heidi
Hi Lynette,
I can see why this is very confusing situation for you. There are a lot of mixed signals happening here and when your heart really gets involved, there is very little clarity about what is happening. We are glad you are here to get some clarity and other perspectives! Well done for reaching out for guidance!
It sounds like you want something more committed and serious with him and that he is just not in that place. It sounds like he values you in his life, but is not able to offer you something more intimate. He did just get divorced and it IS a smart thing to do to let him work through what that means for him. He needs to FEEL all the layers that divorce brings up and that takes time…a lot of time. How come he is getting divorced? Has he talked about that with you?
Honestly, there IS hope, but I would say it’s more down the road and not right now. I would suggest to let him go and let him deal with re-shaping his identity and then down the road, reconnect with him again.
The thing is…he is just not emotionally available right now, regardless of the potential you feel. Potential is just that…nothing more. Do not invest in someone who has potential. You want to be with someone who has NOTHING stopping him from wanting to be with you. You deserve that. It could be him down the road, but for right now, that is NOT him. So what does that mean for you? Is that something you are able to embrace and accept?
Heidi
Hi Jenny,
Thank you for being here and sharing your story with us. I can feel your heartbreak and confusion and I am soooo so sorry you have to deal with this.
You asked for brutal honesty so here it goes. It’s is NOT love that he is offering you. He is just using you to get what he wants. Do you really think a guy who is cheating on his girlfriend with you and who knows how many other girls along the way, actually has the ability to be serious? You are NOT the first one by the way. The way he is playing with you, tells me he probably has done this before and will do it again. He uses A LOT of very powerful words to get a girl hooked and then when he is “done” he will discard them, all the while staying with his current girlfriend. I don’t care what he says…this is NOT love. It’s mean, dishonest and entirely uncaring to you and to his girlfriend. Do you REALLY want a guy like that in your life? If he is doing it to his current girlfriend, breaks up with her and then decides to be with you…he will do the same thing to you…guaranteed. A person who cheats in this fashion is someone you CANNOT trust.
I understand your heart got really involved with him and I understand he said sooooo many wonderful and beautiful things. But his words have no action behind them. It’s time for you to develop a new standard for yourself. You doubted why he would interested in you in the the first place, which tells me you don’t think so highly of yourself. Someone who deeply loves themselves and who knows their own value, doesn’t question why someone would be interested in them. They KNOW they are worth loving and knowing to the RIGHT kind of person. Tell me more about how you think about yourself.
Heidi
He kept the conversation on ME! i was so confused! And also totally thrilled! This is soooo great! I think most mothers experience the same thing. It’s all about them as a mom and kids and people are not seeing them or knowing them as more than a mom. I love that this man was able to give you that experience! So beautiful!
I don’t want them to pity me. I don’t want them to see me as weak. I don’t want them to praise me for being strong and wonderful either. Because i’m not that either. Can’t you be both? You ARE strong and wonderful AND you are weak. Don’t we all have those sides? It sounds like you easily accept your limitations and completely reject your greatness. Can’t ALL of that exist within you?
I don’t know why i want them to know, so i stay silent, because it’s confusing to me. Most people want to be witnessed. You have such a strong “anonymous” story about yourself, that the little girl who carries that story wants to be seen and heard and known. ALL kids NEED that!! I’d say it’s a pretty natural thing that you would want these people to know.
Yes, but not because i want to help them. It makes me feel important and significant and full of myself when i have helped someone. So i’m not at all doing it for them. I’m just doing it to feel good about myself. So i don’t think that counts as helping them. HA! OMG! I LOVE this! Vino! So many people have never really thought about this and I love that you have. EVERYBODY is like this. We don’t help people for them…we all help people because it makes US feel good. If you think about it, there truly is not a single selfless act in the human spirit. EVERYTHING we do, serves us somehow, first and foremost and then it serves others. Whether we are playing the martyr or the victim or the savior archetype…it’s ALWAYS about serving ourselves first. So I’d say you are just like the rest of us and that you DO enjoy helping others. It makes you feel good that your own story and wisdom can help someone else along their path. And it’s SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY!!!! If there were no personal benefit to helping others, none of us would do it. I would say that God built this into our spirits so we didn’t completely destroy each other. It’s not mistake that we are self serving when we help others. It’s beautiful!
Heidi
