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You made it!!! Wow! How amazing that you got to sit next to that man. I love that his energy was comforting for you. No doubt you are being taken care of!!!
Gosh, seeing everyone smoke would be soooo strange. Here in Boulder, I might see someone smoking maybe once a month….if that. It’s refreshing, so that would be a hard thing to get used to. So now your next step is to find your new home? When do you officially start working?
Have you ever used Marco Polo?? It’s a GREAT app to be able to stay connected all the time. It’s video messaging. So you just leave a video message and it goes to that person’s feed and then they watch it when they can and respond when they can. I am able to connect all the time with my friend in China this way and my other friends around the country. It’s soooooo helpful because our schedules are all different and it’s a way to stay connected in between times. It’s been fabulous!
Heidi
Anyway – i know it won’t be fair to poke at her while she’s a guest at my house too – SO – we’ll have to have more pleasant conversations than negative ones! I totally get it about your sister! That’s a tough one! I’ll offer a suggestion of how to approach this topic and hopefully avoid her getting defensive or causing an argument. Take it or leave it of course. It’s a communication technique that allows you to express yourself and your opinion without directly addressing what was said and keeping focus on the “result.” So you say “When you say _______________ this is how it made me feel and how it made my daughter feel. I understand it’s how you feel about it, but when you say ____________________this is the RESULT you will get from us. If you don’t want us to feel this way, express what you feel in a different way that doesn’t cause us to put walls up and feel hurt.” This kind of format tends to be softer and helping to make the person more aware of the EFFECTS of what they said and not trying to change how they feel. It’s teaching a person how to say or do something differently to get a different result. She may not even care and I’ve had plenty of experiences of that as well. In the end, it’s a way to still express how you feel and use your voice, which is important to do. Just a thought. Good luck!!!
If i am no longer able to do this, am i of any worth? This is such a great question! EVERYBODY should be asking this question of themselves in every aspect of their identity. Landmark is a HUGE organization that puts on workshops everywhere and their purpose is help people evolve, release traumas, heal etc. They call our identity “the winning formula.” It’s the formula we all use to be successful in our lives. Mine was the martyr, teacher etc. and they have you dive DEEP into these winning formulas to really own our choices, our design, our identity and discover who you are without these things…can you find your value in the void? can you find your value in the emptiness? It’s a very powerful workshop and some of the most important questions to ask.
And the thing that allowed me to break out of the Martyr zone was actually accepting a lie! i decided – “since i have no value as a person, i’m not going to do anything anymore that causes me stress, because I don’t care enough to do that.” This is my reason for limiting the people i care about to 3. It sounds like you are still investing and believing in this lie. Am I understanding correctly? You limit yourself to 3 people because you choose to believe this lie?
This might seem insignificant to most people and perhaps small-minded and nit-picky. BUT — it matters to me, because it’s teaching me how to listen to the smallest sounds that my heart makes. It’s not insignificant at all! You are teaching yourself to be extremely sensitive to your feelings…something you were never taught or allowed to do. So you have to re-train yourself how to listen and how to honor what you hear. Good job!!! This is a VERY BIG thing you are doing!
With my kids, i’ve gotten to the place where they can’t even offend me anymore. They’ve just got a free pass all the time. And they don’t take advantage of it! i’m just So proud of my kids! My heart is capable of extending this free pass to my nephews and nieces too, but it bypasses my brother and sister to some degree! lol 😀 it’s fun to listen to my heart and hear what it’s saying. i value children more than adults. This just put a HUGE smile on my face. It’s so beautiful how you love them and support them and it just warms my heart that you get to feel this way. Thank you for sharing!!!
Heidi
Oh my goodness! Here you go!!! It’s officially happening!!! Wow! By the time you read this, you will be there and in your hotel. I’m so proud of you!!! You are so brave to do something like this and it’s soooooo good for you. It’s okay that the money isn’t the best. No amount of money can replace an experience like this. Things will happen for you there that never would have happened in BC and for whatever reason, God planted this contract in your lap before the BC offer, so trust in that more than anything. You are there now and you are beginning a new path that is full of many, many adventures. You did it! You made it through all of those stressful moments, you got away from all of those stressful people and now you get to breathe and start a dream job.
I can’t wait to hear an update!
Heidi
Oh I am soooooo glad your project is back on track! WHEW!!!! All that time you spent gets to have a purpose now. I would have lost my sh** if I had to go back to zero too! I’m so glad it worked out.
I get it about your current guy. An in person conversation would be a much better thing than anything else. I too would want to see it in his eyes, his tone, the words he uses, the energy exchange. It will happen. In the meantime….you get to hopefully nourish your super power and a good time doing it! 🙂
Safe travels to your mountain house and regenerating and restoring your mind, body and spirit for you and your pup! I hope you have a good few days of family time as well.
Heidi
Mountain is my manifestation visualisation, it keeps me calm and all. So I need it lol I love that you get to do this!!! Is there a mountain place owned by your work that people can go to, or is this a personal place you are going to? Does your dog love to be there too?? My dog is a HUGE mountain guy. He LOVES to hunt and completely comes alive in the mountains. It always makes me happy to get to see his pure, primal needs come out. I’m VERY lucky that where I live, there are many places where dogs can be off-leash and run free that are trails and open space areas. I try to get him out and about at least 5x a week so he can just be his pure dog self.
I completely understand how your frustration about work would leak over into the guy situation. That happens all the time and I love that you can acknowledge it and see it and own it. Most people just run with whatever they are feeling without slowing down and really looking at the source of what they are feeling.
how come it’s good ? lol what are you suggesting ? I’m just saying that the frustration you are feeling is a reflection of your needs not being met. This is REALLY hard to type out because I usually teach this through a drawing. There are 4 levels of anger: 1. irritation 2. frustration 3. anger 4. rage The moment you hit irritation, that’s letting you know you have some needs not being met. If you continue to ignore it, the irritation grows into frustration, then anger, then rage. So I’m saying it’s good that you are getting frustrated, because it’s reflecting back to you that you have needs that are not being met both at work AND with this guy….all guys. So taking a drop of that and putting it into love, creates assertion, which creates strong boundaries and standards as to how you are treated. So that energy can be used saying “No! I am not going to continue to be involved with a guy who doesn’t know who he is or what he wants. I will ONLY accept a guy who has NOTHING stopping him from wanting to be with me….etc.” That’s just an example, I’m not saying this needs to be your assertion statement or commitment. What I’m saying is when frustration comes up, it’s calling for you to meet some needs. It’s a “fire” type of energy that can really empower manifestation and standards. It can help you become more clear about what you want as well. Make sense?
Greenwashing makes sense, but holy smokes it’s complicated! Everything is so connected and intertwined, isn’t it? It’s not such a black and white kind of thing. There is so much to navigate and to consider.
It seems the hookup guy is afraid of you too. Goodness Emilie. You need a man who LOVES your power and is sourced by it, not afraid of it. I am supporting you with this vision all the time energetically and with my vision about the kind of guy that will match really well with you!
Heidi
You have had quite the life Vino. You are an incredibly intelligent and emotionally connected woman and you had to shut all of that down so you could deal with your life the best way that you knew how. And you have been climbing out of that hole one day at a time.
You play the Martyr archetype. I know this one well, as it’s my main archetype as well. I spent my life staying silent and “agreed” that I would sacrifice myself, my needs, my voice so the other person could be comfortable in theirs. It’s a very powerful archetype. If you think about it, everything we do serves us somehow. Me playing the martyr made me feel like I was being a good person, helped me avoid confrontation and “keep the peace” which was so important to me and it also gave me a flavor of righteousness. So the martyr has protected me and made me feel good about myself, which is why it was the main archetype I ended up aligning with the most. It’s a powerful one for sure! Why do you think you played that role for so long? How has it helped you?
How come you are having that person stay at your house for week? Because you are a nurse and they need care or something? I imagine you are not too happy about that…or are you?
I LOVE LOVE LOVE driving as well. Sundays are usually my day. I get in my car and I will drive for 2-3 hours to someplace, hang out and go for a walk or find a trail and then drive back. There is sooooooo much to explore here in Colorado and it’s all pretty beautiful once you head into the mountains. I’ve taken road trips across the country too. There truly is so much to see and experience here. I feel very lucky to have been born here and have the kind of life I get to have. I hope you get to start to see more of the U.S. soon! I have no doubt you will LOVE every second of it!
Heidi
Wow! It sounds like you guys had a really good conversation. Do you feel clear?
I’m not sure I understand completely. What exactly are you guys doing? A friends with benefits kind of thing?
but he made clear to me that he may never be in a place to be in a committed relationship again. I decided to accept that for now and reserved the right to change my mind later. What does this mean for you? I’m wondering why you are choosing to stay connected to this guy when he is not emotionally available and has it in his mind that he may never be that for you. How have you rationalized this to feel okay about this? What does this mean to you?
Heidi
Oh man! I know that feeling. When everything feels discordant and hard, every minute feels like you are slugging through quicksand…working soooo hard just to get an inch. Yuk! I’m so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I wish it were all simple and easy. It’s days like that where I wish I had a punching bag at home so I could get all my frustrations out.
I’m sooooo glad you got your car to that place. Holy smokes you are incredibly lucky…or protected! Wow!
One day at a time…you will get everything done and as you had MANY miracles happen to get you home safe, you also will have help to complete everything in the right timing.
Heidi
So that’s definitely my seduction weapon Damn girl! That’s awesome! Light eyes with long lashes combined with an expressive energy, wow! And with masks, that’s all people get to see now…You have embraced one of your super powers and I love that!
But yes I’ve probably bond deeper during our ski trip. I get it. That ski trip sounded so fun! How would you NOT bond deeper? My guess is, he did as well, but when he carries the kind of fear that he does, it would really mess with him…which in turn is messing with you. I see you are getting a little angry now about it. Maybe that’s too strong of a word, but either way, you are having a reaction about the ambiguity! FINALLY!! I got mad for you when you first told me about it and you defended him. Now…it seems you are feeling the effects it’s having on you a little more. This is good! A drop of anger in love = assertion. Use it!
Greenwashing…is that what it’s called?? I get soooo frustrated because who the heck has the time to research companies to make sure they are what they say they are? I want to just believe the marketing, but I know better. It’s so sad that I feel like I can’t trust any company out there wanting my money or loyalty. Companies will magnify their best parts and minimize their worst parts…like people I suppose. I just crave honesty and authenticity. I know this kind of craving is rising up A LOT in the dating world. People are craving an organic, real, authentic experience and are sick of the online dating games happening. Politics and Covid are adding to that energy as well. I love it though. Things need to change. It may take decades to do that, but at least people are wanting something different…that’s where it starts.
How fun that you are meeting up with this guy and maybe get to have a fun hook up. You will get to feel attractive and attracted (maybe) and at the very least, I’m sure it will just be great to catch up with him in person. Definitely keep me updated on this!
I’ll check out that technique. Thanks for sharing!
Your walk sounds AMAZING!!! Having to pee can definitely interrupt the process though, right? I might have tried to find a secret corner and just peed somewhere. Imagining it was like the lungs was pretty amazing! I love how creative you are!
That’s interesting about David. You said that night is when your heart “died.” What made you think of this story? Do you still feel like your heart died or were you speaking about your past thoughts about it?
Heidi
Oh wow! So you are back home now. What an adventure!!!! I know you have a TON to do, so I’m sending you a lot of prayers for wisdom and clarity as you plan for your new job and your new life. Looking forward to hearing an update whenever you get a chance.
Heidi
From your reaction about him not responding right away to your text, it sounds like you have started to bond more deeply with him and have deeper feelings….yes? Or was the message itself offensive for you? This guy you are meeting up with…are you open to hooking up with him? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind…lol
Your company is having a trip to Spain? For fun? Or for work? I think that’s the best part about Europe…it’s just a plane ride or drive to a completely different country and culture.
More and more companies are starting to take control of environmental issues….finally! At least that is what the marketing says…who knows what is happening behind the scenes though. At the very least though…the marketing exists because it’s an important topic to the consumer and that’s a BIG change! Sooooooo much more to do to protect the environment and reverse the damage, if that’s even possible, but it’s people like you that start the momentum and keep it going. Thank you thank you thank you!!! And wow…you get to do philanthropic work as well. What a great job you have! Very diverse and all aspects are either about helping the environment or people. Do you get paid well?
Your shelter experience warmed my heart. I know how you feel and it’s so darn powerful. I love that you got to feel appreciated in return and I love that you got to feel your heart open to the level that it was. It changes you doesn’t it? You change their lives as well! And you got some poems!!! hahaha! You must have some powerful eyes! What color are they?
Heidi
OMG! I was glued to your story!!! HOLY SMOKES!!! Just a little trick that you may already know, but I keep kittly litter in my car during the winter months. Thank God I’ve never had to use it! You seriously were taken so well care of. How stressful, but beautiful at the same exact time how different people showed up for you at just the right time! Wowowow!
I’m also confused. I have no idea where those places are that you were describing. What are you doing?
Heidi
Oh my goodness!!! What a journey! I love that you are able to be truly honest with yourself and explore what is REALLY happening and not hiding from your own inner truths.
So what happened with the mindscaping session? Was it helpful? Did you get some healing from it? I don’t fully understand the purpose and the end result.
So the AT virtual trail is like a virtual reality kind of thing? Do you record your walking mileage each day and that gets you to certain spots on the trail? Is there a video to watch of the trail while you are walking, if you want? This sounds really interesting!!! I have a client who has done sections and typically does a 2 week hiking trip somewhere. He LOVES walking through the forest. There’s A LOT involved in finding the right gear, how to plan for re-supplie etc. There is quite a community though. He is starting to get to know a lot of the “regulars.” It’s tough, but very do-able. I love that this is a new goal of yours!!! Do you have hiking trails where you live? Actually, I’m not sure that I’m aware of where you live. I probably do and I just forgot. New York? Sheesh…my brain isn’t holding onto info very well.
How fun that you are attaching a pound to every issue you are letting go of. That’s a great idea!!! I look forward to hearing about your progress!
So I’m curious about the talk with your kids. You explained it in such a general way, but I’d love to hear more details about HOW you are relating to them differently. What was their response? I understand you felt the connections went deeper. Is that showing up at all in real life? I know it just happened, so it’d be hard to say.
Heidi
What’s a marabout? Whatever it is, I’m glad it worked! Since studying healing, especially more intensely over the past year, I’m really seeing that there is no such thing as any one formula. There are people that have miraculous healing for every single modality out there and people who don’t. I wonder why. I wonder how 1000s of people can heal in an instant with Dr. Joe’s specific meditation and thousand of people don’t. I wonder how thousands of people heal from the Medical Medium protocols and thousands who don’t and so on. That’s the x factor I think. “What” decides or influences whether or not someone heals? I was listening to a podcast of a very famous natural/functional medicine doctor who thinks and works on the quantum level as well and he has seen a lot of people die, even after doing all his health protocols. His system is about upgrading a person’s life, not necessarily “healing” them. He teaches ways to improve the mind, body, spirit and the interviewer asked him, “Well how do you call it an upgrade when someone does everything they are supposed to and they still end up dying?” The dr. said “Well, I consider death the ultimate upgrade.” He went on to talk about how transitioning back into spirit IS the ultimate freedom and moving forward onto the next level of consciousness. He said the higher self KNOWS when that time is and no matter what you do, you are going to go when you’re gonna go. I’ve heard this concept many times. I suppose this explains maybe where the x factor is coming from, but doesn’t REALLY explain the “why” behind who gets to heal or not heal. There is another Dr. I’ve studied who believes that everything that is happening has already happened above the speed of light (in energy form) and that when it shows up in reality (below the speed of light) we become conscious of it because it is now in our reality. Her theories are actually shaking up the scientific world because her theory is able to predict things like natural disasters, black holes etc. She says that our higher self is inserting events, people etc. into our timeline above the speed of light and then when our reality (below the speed of light) intersects with it, it becomes reality. So, in essence, me getting sick or healing, is already “pre-determined” so to speak, by my higher self. So all I’m REALLY supposed to do is just show up and live my life. I’ve had a few energy clearing sessions with her and she is actually pretty powerful. I still wrestle with her theory and have a ton more questions. I have a session next month with her again so I can drill her with my thousand questions…lol. This theory, to me, explains it all though. IF this is true, then our higher selves are inserting things into our lives for growth purposes and is guiding us to certain modalities that will help or not help, but the goal…ALWAYS…is growth. So if I NEVER heal, it’s not because I haven’t found the right modality, it’s because I wasn’t meant to heal and instead I was meant to just have the experiences, meet the people, deal with the emotions that come up from it, etc. So this theory, in essence, is about staying present and maximizing the process and not being attached to any particular end result. I like that about this theory. Okay….I’m babbling on now…lol. I gotta stop myself.
Anyways…back to you. OMG!!! You talked to THAT guy?? Did he reach out or something. That must have made you feel really good to hear that kind of feedback and validate your power/magnetism. I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! And yes, now it’s time for that magnetism to align with a deep, intimate, powerful, nourishing, adventurous and vibrant love!!!
I love your vision and how you want to impact the world. How are you able to accomplish that at work? What kinds of changes are you seeing happening? There is a podcast I listen to that has the same kind of purpose…he calls it “United Polarity.” I love it because the focus is on how we can all love, respect, honor our differences AND be united. I think that’s where people get stuck…in their judgment. I know I have lost some friends and clients due to my views about Covid and politics and it makes me so sad! And thousands of people have experienced and done the same thing. It’s a time when we are all being pushed to our edges and sadly, not many people are able to handle that with grace and love and acceptance. So your vision and how you want to impact this world is MUCH needed!!!
Heidi
