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Oh wow! So you are back home now. What an adventure!!!! I know you have a TON to do, so I’m sending you a lot of prayers for wisdom and clarity as you plan for your new job and your new life. Looking forward to hearing an update whenever you get a chance.
Heidi
From your reaction about him not responding right away to your text, it sounds like you have started to bond more deeply with him and have deeper feelings….yes? Or was the message itself offensive for you? This guy you are meeting up with…are you open to hooking up with him? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind…lol
Your company is having a trip to Spain? For fun? Or for work? I think that’s the best part about Europe…it’s just a plane ride or drive to a completely different country and culture.
More and more companies are starting to take control of environmental issues….finally! At least that is what the marketing says…who knows what is happening behind the scenes though. At the very least though…the marketing exists because it’s an important topic to the consumer and that’s a BIG change! Sooooooo much more to do to protect the environment and reverse the damage, if that’s even possible, but it’s people like you that start the momentum and keep it going. Thank you thank you thank you!!! And wow…you get to do philanthropic work as well. What a great job you have! Very diverse and all aspects are either about helping the environment or people. Do you get paid well?
Your shelter experience warmed my heart. I know how you feel and it’s so darn powerful. I love that you got to feel appreciated in return and I love that you got to feel your heart open to the level that it was. It changes you doesn’t it? You change their lives as well! And you got some poems!!! hahaha! You must have some powerful eyes! What color are they?
Heidi
OMG! I was glued to your story!!! HOLY SMOKES!!! Just a little trick that you may already know, but I keep kittly litter in my car during the winter months. Thank God I’ve never had to use it! You seriously were taken so well care of. How stressful, but beautiful at the same exact time how different people showed up for you at just the right time! Wowowow!
I’m also confused. I have no idea where those places are that you were describing. What are you doing?
Heidi
Oh my goodness!!! What a journey! I love that you are able to be truly honest with yourself and explore what is REALLY happening and not hiding from your own inner truths.
So what happened with the mindscaping session? Was it helpful? Did you get some healing from it? I don’t fully understand the purpose and the end result.
So the AT virtual trail is like a virtual reality kind of thing? Do you record your walking mileage each day and that gets you to certain spots on the trail? Is there a video to watch of the trail while you are walking, if you want? This sounds really interesting!!! I have a client who has done sections and typically does a 2 week hiking trip somewhere. He LOVES walking through the forest. There’s A LOT involved in finding the right gear, how to plan for re-supplie etc. There is quite a community though. He is starting to get to know a lot of the “regulars.” It’s tough, but very do-able. I love that this is a new goal of yours!!! Do you have hiking trails where you live? Actually, I’m not sure that I’m aware of where you live. I probably do and I just forgot. New York? Sheesh…my brain isn’t holding onto info very well.
How fun that you are attaching a pound to every issue you are letting go of. That’s a great idea!!! I look forward to hearing about your progress!
So I’m curious about the talk with your kids. You explained it in such a general way, but I’d love to hear more details about HOW you are relating to them differently. What was their response? I understand you felt the connections went deeper. Is that showing up at all in real life? I know it just happened, so it’d be hard to say.
Heidi
What’s a marabout? Whatever it is, I’m glad it worked! Since studying healing, especially more intensely over the past year, I’m really seeing that there is no such thing as any one formula. There are people that have miraculous healing for every single modality out there and people who don’t. I wonder why. I wonder how 1000s of people can heal in an instant with Dr. Joe’s specific meditation and thousand of people don’t. I wonder how thousands of people heal from the Medical Medium protocols and thousands who don’t and so on. That’s the x factor I think. “What” decides or influences whether or not someone heals? I was listening to a podcast of a very famous natural/functional medicine doctor who thinks and works on the quantum level as well and he has seen a lot of people die, even after doing all his health protocols. His system is about upgrading a person’s life, not necessarily “healing” them. He teaches ways to improve the mind, body, spirit and the interviewer asked him, “Well how do you call it an upgrade when someone does everything they are supposed to and they still end up dying?” The dr. said “Well, I consider death the ultimate upgrade.” He went on to talk about how transitioning back into spirit IS the ultimate freedom and moving forward onto the next level of consciousness. He said the higher self KNOWS when that time is and no matter what you do, you are going to go when you’re gonna go. I’ve heard this concept many times. I suppose this explains maybe where the x factor is coming from, but doesn’t REALLY explain the “why” behind who gets to heal or not heal. There is another Dr. I’ve studied who believes that everything that is happening has already happened above the speed of light (in energy form) and that when it shows up in reality (below the speed of light) we become conscious of it because it is now in our reality. Her theories are actually shaking up the scientific world because her theory is able to predict things like natural disasters, black holes etc. She says that our higher self is inserting events, people etc. into our timeline above the speed of light and then when our reality (below the speed of light) intersects with it, it becomes reality. So, in essence, me getting sick or healing, is already “pre-determined” so to speak, by my higher self. So all I’m REALLY supposed to do is just show up and live my life. I’ve had a few energy clearing sessions with her and she is actually pretty powerful. I still wrestle with her theory and have a ton more questions. I have a session next month with her again so I can drill her with my thousand questions…lol. This theory, to me, explains it all though. IF this is true, then our higher selves are inserting things into our lives for growth purposes and is guiding us to certain modalities that will help or not help, but the goal…ALWAYS…is growth. So if I NEVER heal, it’s not because I haven’t found the right modality, it’s because I wasn’t meant to heal and instead I was meant to just have the experiences, meet the people, deal with the emotions that come up from it, etc. So this theory, in essence, is about staying present and maximizing the process and not being attached to any particular end result. I like that about this theory. Okay….I’m babbling on now…lol. I gotta stop myself.
Anyways…back to you. OMG!!! You talked to THAT guy?? Did he reach out or something. That must have made you feel really good to hear that kind of feedback and validate your power/magnetism. I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! And yes, now it’s time for that magnetism to align with a deep, intimate, powerful, nourishing, adventurous and vibrant love!!!
I love your vision and how you want to impact the world. How are you able to accomplish that at work? What kinds of changes are you seeing happening? There is a podcast I listen to that has the same kind of purpose…he calls it “United Polarity.” I love it because the focus is on how we can all love, respect, honor our differences AND be united. I think that’s where people get stuck…in their judgment. I know I have lost some friends and clients due to my views about Covid and politics and it makes me so sad! And thousands of people have experienced and done the same thing. It’s a time when we are all being pushed to our edges and sadly, not many people are able to handle that with grace and love and acceptance. So your vision and how you want to impact this world is MUCH needed!!!
Heidi
For your scientific mind, you should start following Dr. Joe Dispenza and Greg Braden and Bruce Lipton. Joe Dispenza has several books, but probably “Becoming Supernatural” might resonate the most. It’s ALL science. He is probably one of the leading researching on manifestation, healing etc. and coming up with an actual formula through studying people while they are meditating and measuring all their biomarkers. It’s fascinating. He has events all the over the world, all the time and has a team of top rated scientists measuring participants and looking at biomarkers like brain waves, blood pressure, breathing rate, etc. He broke his back into a gazillion pieces and was told he need a Harrington Rod, which basically means they would put a steel rod down his back and he would have to live that way. He was a chiropractor in his late 20s I think at the time. Super long story short, he was bound to his bed and he decided that there is an intelligence that made his body, so there must be an intelligence that knows how to fix it. Every single day he focused on what his spine was supposed to look like. He would go through every single vertebrae and imagine it in the smallest detail. His goal was to get through each vertebrae without getting distracted. It was his form of meditation. Then one day, he did it and felt something shift. If I remember correctly, within a week of him accomplishing that, he was walking. His spine is completely healed. He has dedicated his life to finding out what and why and how he did that. Thousands of people around the world have healed. It’s interesting. Gregg Braden is also one of my favorites. He has some incredible stories and TONS of science as well. There are soooo many researchers talking about all of this and the unified field. You should also watch “What the Bleep do we know?” It’s a documentary about how we create our reality with our emotions. It’s an old movie, but probably the best movie made to date about this topic. A lot of science as well.
I know I can have a positive impact. You know this guy, he keeps on telling me I can change the world lol and I do believe I can at my own scale lol. So HOW do you want to change the world? What impact are you wanting to have? Do you feel like you want to stay smaller or go big? or something in between?
Heidi
I can understand why there is insecure energy that lives through the French population. I don’t know why it is there in the first place, but regardless, every single culture has something to deal with and every culture has a “personality.” I really think the younger generations are changing things though. It really feels like social media and tech has shifted the world path and how people connect. I feel VERY fortunate to have grown up without all of that stuff. I LOVE that I had to learn how to type on a typewriter and that we didn’t have cell phones and we got messages on answering machines. We were so much more organic back then, right? Dating was soooooo different and so much more healthy back then. I remember when online dating came on the seen and how it was “taboo” to admit to being online. I never ever thought it would turn into what it is. Now…I am seeing people completely rejecting the idea, especially since Covid. I think people are so sick of not being connected and not meeting in an organic way that the online dating world is going to take another turn somehow. I’m not sure what is next, but change is definitely coming.
And I don’t care anymore of what people think, I want to own all this, and reflect all this, I want to shine and sparkle lol Another gift from Covid, I think. It seems to be a theme. Everywhere I look, more and more women are saying this very thing. They are ready to be more themselves and they care less and less about any criticism, judgment or reaction they get from it. I myself and going through it. Podcasts and videos I listen to are saying the same thing, so I believe there is a collective consciousness that is calling us ladies more into our power, our greatness, our abilities to love and impact the world the way the divine feminine energy can. I love that you are joining the movement!!! It feels good, doesn’t it?
And even if you don’t see it yet in the reality, the universe is making things move and everything will happen at the right time for you. This is a concept I have studied extensively for years. Manifestation and what shows up, in reality, is quite the mystery, although many people claim to know the “formula.” There is this common belief that what shows up in reality, is there because of the energy and thoughts we carry within us…and that we are the creator of our lives. It’s common rhetoric. I remember when The Secret came out and how it took the world by storm. Did you ever watch that movie? I would say that it was probably the beginning of the Law of Attraction coming into mainstream consciousness. And that law has been misunderstood ever since. Anyways, a lot of what manifests is being studied by quantum physics and so much is still unknown and a lot more is becoming more understood. I’m not so sure how much WE are the actual creators, in the way we think we are. We are all looking for some kind of formula for happiness, some kind of equation to solve what we can’t see. The thing is, there is ALWAYS a component of the unknown in what we can’t see. There is ALWAYS and “x” factor as we like to say…meaning there is always a factor that cannot be explained or controlled or understood, but it IS something that’s very real and influencing a situation. I could talk about this for HOURS!!! It’s such a fascinating study. I could fill 10 more pages talking about this with you, but I won’t….lol
So right now, I’m letting him come back to me, ask for a meeting and we will talk at this time. I definitely look forward to many more updates!
And p.s. if you ever decide to disconnect from this forum, let me know! I would love to exchange emails and keep in touch every once in awhile!
Heidi
Hi Lynette,
I understand that you are being “logical” about why you think he doesn’t feel like you are worth it. That’s quite the dangerous road to go down, because when it comes to love, romance, relationships….it’s RARELY logical. It’s hard though, because our minds LOVE LOVE LOVE to create stories and boxes to put things in, so we feel like we understand what is happening, so we can then feel like we have some semblance of making sense of what is happening. Our stories are rarely accurate though. Your story is that is there must be something “wrong” with you. First, you are leaving out the most important person in the equation….HIM! He is the one making the decision which means there are many things happening inside of him, that you have no clue about. What you see and think you understand about him is equivalent to a grain of sand on a beach. And even what he thinks he understands and feels about himself is probably 10 grains of sand on a beach. It’s been studied and generally speaking, we are conscious of about 20% of what we encounter and feel. That means the 80% of everything we experience, smell, taste, hear, understand etc. gets stored and is influenced by the subconscious. Do you know what that means???? That means the MAJORITY of the time, we are making decisions being guided by a place within ourselves that we have no idea we are being influenced by. We THINK we are conscious about what we are doing and we THINK we know why we feel what we feel, but very people REALLY have a clue about what’s happening. For example, why is it typically that a kid that grows up with an alcoholic parent, ends up attracting and being in a relationship with an alcoholic partner? Why is it that a person gets cheated on with one partner and then picks another partner who cheats and then another partner who cheats and so on? Why is it that there are sooooooo many people dealing with addictions in this world? Why are we at the highest, scariest percentage of people on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds in the history of humanity, yet we are the most advanced we have ever been? What drives these kinds of things, is what lives in the subconscious that people are not connected to. Unless you are an expert on the language of the subconscious and know how to travel down the rabbit hole, you will really have no TRUE understanding of what is happening in your or anyone else’s life and the REAL why behind it. I am an expert in this area, so for example…the other day I was driving extremely irritated. My dog barking, like he always does, was easily triggering me into a high level of irritation. I dropped something on the floor and it broke and I just about lost it. I was watching myself wondering, where the heck is this coming from? This is not me. I searched and searched my “database” about what could possibly be happening that would be influencing my mood and reactions that day. Then BAM! I made the connection and realized a tv series I had been watching was most likely triggering me. While watching the show, I had NO IDEA was being triggered. Once I made the connection and started going down the rabbit hole, it all made sense, I connected to the REAL reason I was so angry and now I have a session with my Coach to help me process this trigger of mine, because I need some help with this one. Does this make sense why the story you created about why he isn’t fighting for you, is just not true? There may be a TINY TINY aspect of truth in it, but even at that…if there is something about you that does not inspire him to move forward with you, then consider yourself being rescued from a situation that just isn’t okay. You NEVER EVER EVER want to be with someone who isn’t lit up by you. Whatever it is that is blocking him, is there for reasons you don’t understand. So all you need to do is look at everything, learn from the situation and about yourself and how you showed up…both in effective and ineffective ways….and then you circle back around eventually to being grateful for the experience and you let him go. And let’s even look at this further…just because he got into a relationship right after getting divorced, it didn’t last. You don’t want to have to go through that with him. TRUST HIM!!! Trust that he knows himself enough to know he is not ready right now. Don’t you want to be with a guy that has NOTHING stopping him from being with you? Don’t you want a guy who is excited EVERY DAY to get to see you and talk with you? Don’t you want a guy who is really curious about you and wanting to learn about all your unique little details? Don’t you want a guy who is just open and fully and completely inspired to want to be with you? That is not this guy and whatever reason that is….the truth is, you just don’t get to know that. So stop creating this story that there is something wrong with YOU. Instead, look at everything that is RIGHT with you and how valuable you are…if he is not able to connect to that, then that is on HIM…not you!
Heidi
Hi Nicole,
Of course you are still hurting from the infidelity. That can take some time to heal. Have you ever considered working with a Coach or a Therapist to help you through all the layers of hurt the come along with being cheated on? You haven’t fully and completely let go and released what happened, forgiven what happened and moved on. It’s a complex thing to do something like that and it’s EXTREMELY helpful to have a specialist guiding you through the pain.
Your husband is a workaholic, which means he IS an addict, exactly like a drug addict or alcoholic….except it’s much more acceptable because it’s work. There is a reason he is this way…do you know why? Addicts are always running away from something and running towards something else that the substance brings. What do you think your husband is running away from? What do you think he is running towards? Was he a workaholic when you first met him? How long have you been married? Do you guys ever go on vacations? When you DO spend time together on that half day, what do you all do together?
Heidi
I am soooo so sorry you have to feel this. It’s awful! It’s heartbreaking to have your vision of someone completely shadder. You invested in an idea of him, based on what his words were and it didn’t pan out. It hurts and of course, you are angry. You are supposed to be!!! I am glad you are in a space of acceptance though and I’m really proud you are sticking up for yourself by not tolerating someone who runs away. Yes, he should have talked to you about his feelings. That would be what an adult does and he obviously does not have enough “adult” energy to show up in that way. I wish it didn’t hurt so much though. It’s just so frustrating when all that needs to happen is a simple conversation.
I know it feels like he doesn’t want to be with “you” but the truth is, he doesn’t want to be with himself. This is not about you. Yes, you triggered a “run” response in him, but that was there loooooong before you ever came along. He is betraying himself first by the way he is acting. Consider yourself being “rescued” from something that could have taken you down a pretty chaotic path. I know that is NOT what you are looking for! Well done for holding to your standards!
Heidi
I don’t know if one day I’ll find someone who loves me just the way I am, but thank you very much for helping me clarify what I already knew, which is that this person is not good for me. I wish that I could guarantee that you will get to have this experience. We all LOVE to believe that there is this kind of opportunity waiting for every single person, but that simply is not true. What the truth is though, is that it’s absolutely possible, but what makes that possible, is YOU. By staying connected to your standards and treating yourself as such, your odds of attracting that kind of experience will become much greater! Remember, you teach every person in your life, how to treat you. You have taught many people to rely on you. It sounds like you carry an incredible amount of responsibility. How come? How come you have designed your life this way?
Heidi
It’ll suck and I’ll cry, but it’ll be better than this middle ground of wondering what I mean to him / what’s wrong with me / why he doesn’t think I’m worth taking a chance on. Let’s talk about this a little more. These are important stories to highlight so you can learn to re-program your thinking. Why do you have the thoughts that there’s something wrong with you and he doesn’t think you are worth taking a chance on? Where is that coming from?
heidi
I had no idea that anyone would feel small because i like to dig things up! What a twisted response! What was keeping him from enjoying it with me? Anyway – it was his own fault and narrow mindedness that kept him from Enjoying the discoveries together. It’s just a sign of a lot of low self-esteem and someone who doesn’t know their passion energy. Passion and excitement is a VERY powerful force and will shine a light on any person’s “holes” or emptiness and expose that. Those holes are full of low self esteem.
You answered my question beautifully! I makes sense and I LOVE how you are exploring this very slow relationship. You have developed so much and on many levels because of this relationship. It’s really beautiful.
i’ve got a whole bunch of other discoveries too! lol 🙂 never a dull moment in my brain! HA! NEVER a dull moment. You are such an interesting person!!! (to the right kind of person, of course). I’m definitely a BIG fan of you!
Heidi
Oh wow!!! I’m soooooo so glad you are getting away from that place. That woman sounds incredibly unbearable and I’m sooooo so happy you get to be away from her! How someone like that is able to keep a job, is shocking to me.
Hmmmm….it really is interesting how this new job offer just showed up. I wonder what’s in store for you overseas. There must be something for the job offer to show up first…and maybe if they know you will be available in a year or so, you will be asked again. It’s all such a mystery…it’s all about trusting God isn’t it?
You are officially done now, right??? I seriously would have a BIG dance party with you if I could. I really am excited for you. That is, if you get to go, considering the invasion of Russia. It broke my heart hearing about that. So many prayers heading their way.
Heidi
I’m UNIQUE LOL that’s why I’m so different 😉 Haha! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! It’s 100% true and it just makes me smile that you are owning this about yourself…proudly!
One is because of you, I like to get your perspective, you help(ed) me to grow, you help(ed) me in my journey and for me it’s important to keep this because I know it’s a lifetime journey first. Also it’s out of respect for you, you invest a lot of time with me so I “owe” you this visibility 🙂 Thank you for saying this! It really made me smile to feel like I get to have some kind of impact on someone like you…someone who is very wise and more advanced and on a expanded type of path. I’m honored to get to support you and I’m honored to have your trust!
For French…I would say that’s because we are arrogant lol I wonder why this is. How come French people carry this kind of energy? I wonder where it started and why it sticks. I remember when I was younger hearing that “If you ever go to France, expect to be treated rudely.” I still hear that today. I’ve also heard that French people are much more friendly when you attempt to speak French with them…it softens their hearts more I suppose. I can understand that. I suppose Americans do have a bit of a reputation of acting pretty entitled as well. We have such a different mixture of people here. If you want to be active and healthy, live in the west…Colorado, California etc. If you want to be treated like gold and with kindness, then go to the south and midwest where you will get called “mam” and “sir.” There are so many variations and flavors of Americans. I’m not sure if there is one word I would call Americans like you call French “arrogant.” It’s interesting to think about.
I love how you are just taking this whole thing very slow. There’s a lot of layers and dynamics happening between you guys…some you see and some you don’t see….taking things slowly allows many things to be revealed in a really beautiful way.
“Rome hasn’t been built in one day” lol Yes! We have this saying too. My other favorite quote of the same genre “I didn’t fail a thousand times, the light bulb was an invention with a thousand steps.” Thomas Edison Also, an analogy: there is a particular kind of bonsai tree that requires great caretaking for many years before it sprouts. So you can supply it with all the nutrients it needs and you won’t see anything for many years and you will often question whether anything is happening, because you can’t see it. But underneath the surface, a great root system is being developed to support this tree. Then one day, it will start to appear above the surface “when it’s ready.” I’ve heard that analogy many times in coaching programs….be patient, trust that growth is happening, even if you can’t see it. Trust that things will manifest and show up EXACTLY when it’s ready to.
