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Oh wow! There is no better way to tour a place than with someone who loves history, right? How fun! I bet you got a lot of extra information from her. How did all of these places “feel” to you? I’m curious considering how the war impacted those areas. Could you feel that? I hope she plans something again.
How come you didn’t join the kayak club? Money? It sounds like it’s finally starting to work out and the money will start coming in more consistently. It’s definitely been a rollercoaster ride since you go there!
I hope you and Aleks will get to connect. What does he do for his work that he travels there so much?
Wow! So the job is still open. I wonder why it took him so long to get back with you. Tell me again what you think of the company and the job? I know it’s at home and that is super exciting for you. But what about the job and the company? Do you like it? Is it a good company? Would you work from home or in the office or a mix of both? How is the money? So what are the next steps? Does he need to reach out and set up an interview since he knows you are still interested?
Heidi
I am so glad to hear from you again! Thank you for still being here and reaching out. It sounds like you are really struggling. Have you thought about getting some extra help on this one? There are just some times when the trigger is SO big, that it’s a good thing to reach out for some extra help from a specialist. Whatever this is triggering in you, it’s a lot deeper and bigger and affecting how you live your life. You’ve lost yourself. I’m happy to email you the contact info of my Coach. She is brilliant. I have had a gazillion times where I lost myself from such a big trigger and I’m able to clear it with her. Why not dig deeper and clear out some of the deeper baggage that this triggering? Let me know your thoughts on this.
I don’t believe I have any issues in terms of self-worth and how I believe I should be treated by a man ..this is not my problem. You say this, but then you also say this: I cant help but feel so unlucky and unworthy of being valued by the man I love sincerely and I gave to unconditionally. There is some low self-esteem in you being triggered by his choice. What I DO know, is that when triggers are THIS big, where it disrupts daily functioning, it is many times triggering some of the deepest stuff in your subconscious that you don’t know is in there.
Let me explain triggers for a second. When something causes an emotional reaction, what it’s doing is exposing a story you carry within you. That story will be filled with many lies that your system believes are true…hence the negative emotions…hence “I can’t help but feel unlucky and unworthy…” type of feelings…..hence creating more stories that feel real like “Using lyrics from songs was one of our things and I cant help but believe this is directed at me.” BIG triggers will keep looping and looping and looping. Your mind will find every little story and detail about what happened and keep feeding the stories you are carrying about what happened and why. The crappy thing is, experiences and things from your past that have a similar flavor to the current situation, will also be added into the mix. So the current situation is still the main theme, but your past experiences will be the fuel to help make the fire much bigger. As painful and irritatingly torturous as this is, it’s also a beautiful open window for you to get to know yourself. That’s where having a Coach or therapist is really helpful. We need objective “guides” to traverse the deeper parts of our subconscious with us. The healing path is about identifying those lies, working with them and releasing them, then filling back up with the truth. Then….you can start to breath again. Then…you find yourself again except you are stronger – because you got to unload a ton of baggage that you have been carrying around, that you didn’t even know about. That’s why triggers are sooooo important. How else would we know what’s going on in our subconscious unless someone or something pushes our buttons that we didn’t know were there???
Thoughts?
Heidi
Thanks for responding! There’s a lot to talk about! This is great!
I LOVE not having to answer to anyone, I live how I want and I don’t have to justify my decisions with anyone. I feel free and I have found peace that I can’t describe. I’m so happy that you have found this place in your life. It’s so incredibly beautiful and amazing, isn’t it??? You worked very hard to find this peace and happiness. Now that you know it’s possible and that you get to have that, you will protect it fiercely, as you should! You will not let anyone or anything into your space that doesn’t support how you get to feel. You might slip up from time to time, but you will always return to this beautiful peace and freedom that you get to enjoy.
I guess I’m terrified to lose that if I add a new person to being in my daily sphere. I never say never, but the idea of being married again seems suffocating at the moment to me. Whenever you are afraid of something, it’s crucial you step into it. You are only terrified because of your definition of marriage. What if marriage were to make you feel more free, more expanded, more peace, more joy, more of everything. Could that not be possible in a marriage? And besides, marriage itself doesn’t really matter. What’s more important to pay attention to is the kind of relationship and connection you want to invite into your life. Marriage doesn’t have to be a destination of any kind. You can easily just stay together and design your relationship in whatever ways work for both of you. Here is the thing…either path…being single OR in a loving, nourishing relationship….both have pros and cons. Both paths are filled with heartache, challenges, amazing and deep emotions, freedoms and so much more. They just look a little different. So if you think that you are somehow avoiding something by NOT being in a more serious relationship, you are fooling yourself. There are plenty of hardships you face as a single person that you wouldn’t when you are with someone…and vice versa. I would hate for you to not risk loving someone just because you have this idea of “losing your freedom” and “having to answer to someone.” These days, people are creating all different kinds of arrangements. It’s more normal now to have separate bedrooms, open relationships, separate houses and whatever people come up with. You get to create whatever it is that you want with your partner! That’s something that you and him will do together, so trust that when a new love enters into your life, you are not stuck, you do not lose any freedoms, you do not have to “answer” to anyone and you guys will create something that works for both of you…love is limitless!
I would like to support him without traumatizing him any further. Reality is, you are going to traumatize him, just because you are human. He will traumatize you too. It’s just part of being in a deeper relationship with someone. If he is not able to work through something with you, then that is something you need to know about him, right? If he is THAT fragile that he cannot handle your limitations or humanness if it shows up, then that’s okay. It’s who HE is right now and it’s not YOUR fault if he can’t handle it. And….give the guy a little more credit. He might be more resilient than you think!
I don’t know all the details, and I stayed with an emotionally abusive person before I was married, because I couldn’t afford my own place at the time. So, I get it. The point I was making was more about the fact that was in that relationship in the first place. You chose, just like he did, to enter into a relationship with someone who was abusive. There were a ton of red flags that were ignored and anyone entering into an abusive relationship is choosing it from a place of trauma, not love. So that tells you a lot about him. You understand him because of your own experiences, but you also have a time to work through all the stuff that came up. He isn’t there yet and he knows it.
I feel like if I drop off completely I’m abandoning him, and I feel like he could use someone in his corner – even just a friend. You are not abandoning him. You are not his savior. Do not turn yourself or take on the role of “rescuer” for him. He needs to learn how to rescue and source himself. Believe in his best. Believe in his resilience. Believe in his ability to be resourceful. DO NOT try and rescue him from this pain he is in. He NEEDS to feel this, so he never chooses this again. The pain needs to be great enough for him to finally take some action to work on himself. You of all people know, that even NOT having someone, you figured it out. You are now in a place of the peace and happiness that is so incredibly healing and powerful, despite going it alone. The pain and hardship you went through produced the result you get to have now. I’m not saying to stay out of his life. I’m just suggesting to shift your mindset. If and how you are there for him, it needs to come from a place of empowerment. It needs to come from a place of making sure that however you interact with him, that it’s healthy and nourishing for YOU, first and foremost. Offer ideas, offer guidance, but DO NOT turn this connection into you helping/saving him out of the pain and struggle he is feeling. Moments of helping are great, but if it starts to turn into you always helping him, the relationship becomes about HIM and you stop existing in order to rescue him. Just be careful of that pattern that so easily can creep in. Does this make sense?
It seems to me that none of the info in the book will help at this point. Maybe later…maybe not, if he never comes around. The info may not change your situation at the moment, as your guy has a lot of work to do before he is ready for anyone. However, take the information and apply it to every area of your life. They are life skills. It’s about understanding the dynamics on a much a deeper lever. So play with all of it and practice what you learn on EVERYONE. Make the information part of you and let it expand you. It will only make you a better partner in the future.
Thoughts?
Heidi
Hi Abigail! Welcome! I’m glad you created your own thread. It makes it much easier for us, as coaches, to make sure we connect with each person. Thank you for sharing your questions with us. Let’s see what we can do to unpack this a little more.
but now I’m reconsidering the idea of having someone in my life. I must be crazy! I’m curious. Why do you feel this way? How come you closed to the idea of marriage or even living with someone again?
I’d like it to be something he looks forward to, not something that causes anxiety That’s impossible. He still has a lot to work through and ANY form of romantic connection is going to activate fear and anxiety as long as he is unresolved. As long as he is still in relationship with his past, any new person in his life will be affected by it.
I’ve been pretty diligent to look for red flags. It appears to me his biggest one is just that he’s trying to process what happened in his last relationship. How about the red flag that he chose and stayed in a relationship that was verbally abusive? If reflects his level of self-esteem and self-love…which isn’t very high if that is the kind of experience he chose. It also is reflective of his relationship with love itself.
I’d like to just get an anchor in and then work on strengthening the connection to build something. I’d like to invite you to slow down your thinking. I know how incredibly difficult that is, considering how you feel with him. It’s so incredibly important for you to believe what he is saying. He is NOT available and he probably won’t be for a very long time. My guess is, he isn’t doing any particular kind of work on himself to help himself heal and forgive and release what he’s been through. So that means it’s going to take quite a while before he feels safe to open up again. Even when he does, he most likely will have all kinds of walls around his heart because he didn’t actually consciously and purposefully release all the hurt. So your thinking of “building” anything with this guy is going to lead you into heart break. The more frequently you see him, the more you try to build something with him, the more you are ignoring that he isn’t available for you in the way you want. Taking it slow means viewing him as a friends with benefits kind of guy. That essentially is what he is saying he is available for and nothing more. Expect NOTHING from him. DO NOT express any level of deep feelings for him and unattach yourself from any sort of future thinking about him. This provides him total and complete freedom for him to be emotionally unavailable and allow things to go at HIS speed. Seeing him once a week or even every few weeks is you wanting to bond with him and that is NOT what he wants right now and is NOT his mindset. You need to align with HIM and let him set the tone, because he cannot meet you where you are at. You’ve been single for 10 years, he’s been single for just a few months. So if you want to stay connected, then that means backing off in your thinking and your feelings for him quite a bit and really honoring the space he is in. It’s possible at some point he will start to open up to the idea more. It’s possible he won’t. Who knows. But right now, HE is the limiting factor, so it’s important to always align with the limitations that are showing up.
Thoughts?
Heidi
Wow! What a journey you’ve been on! You have strengthen your resilient muscle a lot over the past years, so it’s definitely easier for you to return back to your balance, truth and clarity. I love it! All the work you have done over the years is paying off! Thank goodness, right? It’s so wonderful to get over the hump a lot faster.
But i was told my case is weak, because i can’t prove the ones i picked — namely – that i didn’t know the ex was gay when i married. This is crazy! I can’t believe they don’t consider this as a strong reason. You said you can’t prove it, so that means he is still hiding that part of himself? How do you know he is gay? Would it be your word against his kind of thing? How come you are doing annulment vs. divorce?
i will not be taking them with me any further. i know this sounds exactly like my previous post – but i’m not in pain anymore. That was a major surprise of today. This IS an interesting surprise. You sound very clear though that it’s time to let them go.
I tried to stop my brain from searching for analogies, but oh, that is SUCH A HARD thing to do! HA! I was expecting to keep reading and get an analogy from you. I’m glad you were able to just let it be. I love the title of unspoken words. It would be a brilliant art expression actually. What a fascinating thing you did! I love your strength to allow yourself to feel all of that and express it in the way that it came up for you. Good job Vino! You really have done a great job connecting with these parts of yourself and moving the the intense emotions.
Let’s see what surprises show up for today! Thank you for sharing all of this with me!
Heidi
I’m soooo glad your tour with Christine and her daughter was fun! Tell me more about it. What kinds of things did you see. Were you able to see a different side to this place that made it more fun? Do you feel like she could be someone to hang out with occasionally? When do you go kayaking again?
Okay got it. Jeop is just a friend. That’s a bummer the call wouldn’t go through for Aleks. You might not believe in this, but Mercury is in retrograde right now and it tends to have a substantial effect on technology. Computers will crash, calls won’t go through, technology gets glitchy, emails get missed etc. I’ve seen that happen MANY times over the years, so maybe that is why you weren’t able to talk to him.
Ha! That is so funny about the birds! How entertaining to watch that! The grebes are pretty smart! If you feel like, can you send me a few pics of the baby riding on the back? I would love to see that!
Any train ride coming up soon? I’m hoping it opens back up so you can go visit that national park. I think that’s where you wanted to go, right?
Heidi
Thanks for all the updates!
It makes more sense now why you haven’t heard about the BC job and what was happening with Spain. So you didn’t want to go to Austin eh? I have a good friend who lives there. The weather is pretty tough. I always hear what a great place it is, but the weather makes it extremely challenging. I’m surprised you turned it down, considering your money challenges would have worked better there. You seem like you are so unhappy there, but I guess you would rather be there with less money than to go to Austin!
How did the site seeing go? I love that someone is going to show you around!!! How frustrating about the train ride! I would get a little freaked out as well, trying to figure out how to get home. It sounds like you are doing a good job navigating all of it though.
So you called Jeop?? How fun! I love that you guys had a great conversation. I’m curious though…I think, if I remember correctly, that you didn’t like how much he drank. Is this the right guy I’m thinking about? He is divorced, right? It’s crazy how much shifted there after you left!
Heidi
I know this is so incredibly difficult. It’s possible he is not coming back, it’s possible that he is. There is no way to know or tell. Your job is to let him go and honor his request. It doesn’t mean that it’s closing the door forever, it means you are going to choose to still live your life, work on becoming a better partner, clearing and releasing the baggage that caused you to blame him for things so that no matter what happens down the road, you will be a healthier, more respectful, higher functioning partner…whether it’s for him or someone else.
Tell me, what have you learned about this pattern of yours? How are you shifting your mindset about this and what are you learning about how to shift it so you relate better to your partner when you are hurt or angry?
Heidi
Hi Jasmine!
Welcome to the forum! It sounds like you have been going through a lot. Do you know the reason for your weight gain? Do you have a pattern of getting violent or was the first time you reacted this way? Did he give specific reasons for breaking up? How did you react to the breakup?
What specifically are you doing for your healing? How are you getting more fit? How are you meeting new people? Does that mean you are going on dates or just expanding your social circle in general?
Whenever there is any kind abuse, whether physical or verbal, trust is broken and it’s a pretty difficult kind of trust to earn back if you, as the abuser, haven’t really shifted and changed that behavior. The fact that he stayed with you in the first place, tells me he has strong co-dependent tendencies that he also would need to work on as well, so your relationship can become more healthy and balanced. Even if you were to completely shift and relate to him in more respectful and healthy ways, if he doesn’t do his own personal work as well, he wouldn’t be a healthy counterpart.
Thoughts?
Heidi
I can feel how tired you are. I can feel how getting through your day would feel exhausting, just to even do the basics. I’ve been tired like that before too, especially in this last year. It’s a very interesting kind of tired and I have found and discovered new parts of myself in that space and also learned new ways to work with myself when I’m there. Have you learned anything new about yourself? You are such an explorer.
My website is heidigoodrich.com. I love working with this company, so I can’t imagine ever leaving, but you know my website now just in case 🙂
Heidi
Vino! You’ve been strong on my heart the past month. Now I know why. It’s so great to hear from you. You are struggling. Do you typically have a hard time around your birthday because it’s mother’s day as well? I’m a May baby as well! May 3. I want to say happy belated birthday and that I am soooo glad you have crossed my path. I have become more of myself through our interactions your life has mattered and impacted mine. Thank you for still being here!
So you are still going through the annulment process?? I thought everything was completely severed for a while now. I guess we never talked about the details of any of it. I can see why you got to so angry. People that you wanted to support you, did not show up the way you needed. That is always incredibly difficult. It feels like a betrayal. You came up with the strength to finally get away from him though, which is the most important thing ever. Thank goodness you did! So what happens now? If you don’t have the witnesses you need, what will happen next?
Victimhood is when you magnify the injury done to you. Self-betrayal is the opposite – when you minimize the injury you sustained. I’m going to offer a different way to view this and you can take it or leave it, of course. Victimhood is not necessarily about magnifying anything, but more about a specific kind of mindset. I’ve had the victim mentality many times, but I tend to hide it. Someone who magnifies it has a high need for attention and love and needing to be cared about. A side effect of self-betrayal is minimizing the injury. Self-betrayal is more about not honoring or aligning with your core values, your feelings, your intuition, your desires, your goals. It’s when you disappear and make someone else more important than yourself in a situation. We have all done that and will do it many more times. It’s a normal part of life and how we discover where we end and someone else starts. That’s the beauty of any kind of relationship…it helps us know who we are and are not.
and ANY couple can choose to build such a relationship by studying the natural skills of a successful twin flame couple, and applying it to their own relationship. That’s my theory. It’s easy to get tied up in the “twin flame” story. I’ve studied it quite a bit as well and there are plenty of twin flame relationships that are chaotic and destructive. Twin flame doesn’t necessarily mean you should be in relationship with that person. I listened to a podcast with a coach who specialized in twin flame relationships and she said that twin flames are typically very chaotic and triggering relationships. Twin flames are meant to cause growth, are meant to challenge, are meant to stretch us into a better version of ourselves and many times, it’s for a season and not a long term romantic kind of relationship. There are other titles as well that hold the same kind of energetic imprint to define the kind of connection you have with someone. To be honest, I throw all of it out the window, because people have so many different definitions about twin flames and other titles that are being tossed around. To me, the title doesn’t matter. The connection is what it is, regardless of the name of it. There are connections that will imprint on you forever and there are connections you will forget as soon as the moment passes…and everything in between of course. JB obviously has had the largest imprint on you compared to anyone else and you make exceptions for him that you have never made for anyone else. You could be soul family, you could be twin flames, you could have a star connection etc. Regardless, the kind of bond you have with him is extremely powerful. Releasing this kind of bond and letting it take a different shape is incredibly difficult (I have had to do this before).
i’m not going to talk to anyone about anything anymore. good or bad. unless someone talks to me – i’m done sharing. Well…if this is who you want to be how you want to live your life, you get to do that. What is more important than anything, is that you honor the WHOLE of who you are. It sounds like you are more speaking from a wounded part of you vs. the whole of who you are. Just my perception from the words you are using, which makes my perception very limited of course. Maybe at some point, you will be interested in making your life a little bigger. People hurt AND people love and heal. We all offer both kinds of experiences. It sounds like you are just not interested in any of that anymore…except with your children and JB. So be it! It’s more peaceful that way and when you are tired to the level that you are tired, I don’t blame you for wanting to keep your world that small.
Hi Charity,
I am sooooo so sorry that you are having to deal with this. It’s so easy for everyone to tell you that you deserve better and even though you know this is true, it doesn’t change that you have been together for a long time and you love him. You were going to build a future together and letting that go is so incredibly difficult.
The first thing I want to say is that it’s not your job to figure out what HIS story is. That is his job. Your focus needs to be on you and how to help yourself through this. Him needing a break to find himself is him needing to go do whatever it is that he feels inside. If it’s to go screw around with a bunch of girls, then that’s what it is. If it’s to be alone, build his own life for awhile, then that’s what it is. From how you describe his relationship with this other girl, he most likely has been with her for a while. He isn’t ready to get married. Of course he still loves you, but has no clue what he is feeling right now…hence “needing a break.” I imagine that it just means that he is so uncomfortable inside and that maybe once he figures things out, he will feel about you the way he WANTS to feel….clear, madly in love, nothing stopping him from wanting to build a life with you. That’s not how he feels right now, so he made the wise choice to let you go and try figure things out instead of getting married. I know it hurts though. I know it’s confusing. He is confused too, but again, let him figure out his “why” and you can spend your energy just focusing on what you want and need now.
I know that a lot would have to change if I did take him back and that this girl would definitely have to never be in our lives again if I did take him back too. What would have to change? Also, I understand how you feel about this girl and I don’t blame you. There is a danger though, in telling someone what they are “allowed” and “not allowed” to do. This makes you his mother. HE needs to make this choice on his own. You demanding that from him can easily activate his need to rebel. He is not a child who can be told who he is “allowed” to talk to or not. Relationships work and last when both people have the freedom to design their lives the way they WANT to. If he still wants to have her in his life, then you either accept that about him or you don’t and you let him go because he is not a guy who is like-minded with you. Creating a space for freedom to be who he WANTS to be allows you to truly see him for who he REALLY is. If you discover you don’t feel emotionally safe with his choices, then that is something you NEED to know about him. You need a guy who WANTS to make choices that protect your connection. He has not been doing that, so it breaks trust and emotional safety. You chose to stay connected anyways, so this is about you looking at your own choices to stay with a guy who wasn’t supporting the kind of relationship you both agreed to.
I’m curious…did you really love your relationship? Did you deeply feel cared about, supported and loved by him? Did you feel that about him and treat him that way? Did you REALLY want to marry him and spend the rest of your life with this guy?
Heidi
I’m so glad you are working learning about yourself and learning to shift how you interact. This is a tough one because he held it in for soooo long, so it just grew and grew inside of him. This is HIS issue and also a very destructive pattern. Even if you completely shift, it will not change that he avoids being honest. This kind of pattern also sabotages intimacy and connection. He also needs to do his part. Do you think this is something he would be willing to do at some point? Is he open to seeing a therapist as well? Does he take any responsibility for how he contributed to his own unhappiness?
First and foremost, he is going to need some time. He has been unhappy in the relationship for such a long time, that those negative thoughts will need time to subside. How much time? Everyone is different. What will help is him knowing that you are working on yourself and then having different experiences with you so he feels and sees that you are changing and that he won’t be stepping back into the same pattern. He doesn’t feel safe with you, so that is your first priority…to create a space for emotional safety. He also needs to create it in himself, so no matter how much you do, he still needs to do his part in order for things to work. You both created this pattern and it’s going to take both of you to undo it. He has broken trust as well by not being honest.
Do you guys still talk or interact at all right now?
Heidi
Oh good! I’m glad you have more of an understanding about what I am saying! I’m not sure if you will receive this message. I hope so!
Any reaching out I want to do, any of these “right words” I wish I could say would be to help him think differently about our relationship, not about who I am. This makes much more sense. Thank you for explaining further. I wish you could do that as well. Let’s look at the position that puts you in though. You become the teacher. You become the person who has the strength to view life from many perspectives and he becomes the person who learns those perspectives FROM YOU, instead of searching for them on his own. You become the grower and he becomes the student who watches and learns from you. I’ve been in this kind of dynamic a gazillion times! It starts out so minimal and just small moments, but over time it grows and grows and grows because I cannot help who I am or what I know and the guy cannot help but learn from me. And the truth is…it would always makes things last longer and I knew that. I could help them think and feel in more expanded ways and help the relationship become more functional. It never lasted though. It’s an unbalanced dynamic and it’s a dynamic where you are not equals. You need a guy who has the strength to take his own journeys inside. You need a guy who is more emotionally intelligent. You need a guy who can communicate with you about the depths of who he is, why he is feeling the way he does and how he takes ACTION to work with those parts. Isn’t that who you are? You offer that in connection and receiving anything less than that in return, will make the relationship very challenging long term. You need a guy who approaches life and himself in a similar way that you do. Relationships are hard enough as it is, so being likeminded in how you solve challenges within and without is a crucial piece of a love that can last and grow. I know you guys flowed really well together, but he now showing you another side to him and how he wants to handle things. This is enough information to tell you he doesn’t have what it takes for the type of relationship you truly need in order for you to feel safe and nourished long term. His decision to disconnect completely, for reasons he won’t tell you, is PLENTY enough information for you to know that this kind of decision comes from a low functioning, disrespectful, unconscious mindset. He doesn’t need you to teach him anything. If he wants to learn something, he can go find the answers himself. He needs you to ACCEPT and see him for ALL of who he is and this side of him is pretty dysfunctional. It doesn’t matter that you think he may still want to connect or that he still has feelings for you, you have look at what his choice is. If those things are true, he is STILL choosing to disconnect and not talk to you about it. That says A LOT in and of itself.
That’s why I am wishing I could just say something to help him think things through a little differently and have a little more control to get a result I want Let’s really look at the last part of this statement “to get the result I want.” Oh man…this is a tough one. We all feel this way a gazillion times in a lifetime. What I always say to myself is that I am getting exactly what I need, even though it may not be what I want. What I want, comes from a limited perspective. What I want comes from seeing a grain of sand on a beach. What I want comes from the ego. What we need can be a completely different thing and I suppose I trust that more than anything. The person I have become up to this point, I wouldn’t trade for 1 second. All those moments of NOT getting what I wanted shaped me and developed an internal strength that feels so damn good! So I have ALWAYS gotten what I needed, even though it never felt good.
Shouldn’t I be able to have a say if it involves me? But I envy her ability to do SOMETHING. Yes! You can be and say anything you want to! I always encourage people to say what they need to, but to let go of the result. So if you want to say something to him, then go ahead. BUT…do it for you and not for him to come back to you. Do it just because you have something to say and you want to express it and then…let it all go. What I encourage first though, is to write out over and over and over again. Get the energy out, get the words out and do not edit. I’ve even done that in that car many times, talking into a recorder. There are a lot of things to consider when deciding how to express what you want to say and who to say it to and the most important question is “WHY” do you need to say it. Most of the time, we are seeking some kind of result and that’s something that can cause a lot more damage. There’s a lot to consider when wanting to say something to someone who has disconnected from you. I most encourage working through things on your own and letting the person go, but sometimes, it can be very healing just to use your voice. So use it…talk into a recorder and let it all out many many times until you feel completely empty. You may not need to say anything to him after that.
I know I challenge a lot of your thoughts, but that helps me think deeper and understand better. Oh my goodness I so appreciate your honesty and strength to say something! It makes me better. I always am open to being challenged. It stretches me, helps me see where my own fault lines are and it creates a very honest connection. So thank you for being you!
My website is heidigoodrich.com if you feel like you would like to continue staying connected.
Take care Kelsey! It was a pleasure and honor taking this short journey with you!
I’ll ignore my fears and training not to call and call him this weekend. What fears? What training? I assume he is expecting your call, yes? I’m excited to hear how it goes!
I’m glad to hear that Ron is checking in on you. It sounds like he cares. It’s a tough situation you are in for sure. I love that you are getting grounded back into your faith and trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now, even though you don’t understand it. I know how hard that is!
Yes!!! I saw the race!!! It was incredible and I’m sure a movie will be made about it at some point LOL. Everyone is talking about it! I can’t believe you heard about it all the way over there! I’m hoping there was nothing shady that went on. I know the jockey was suspended after the race. Horse racing is so hard for me. It’s beautiful and amazing but often times very unkind to the horses. Either way, it’s nice to hear people talking about something other than Covid or politics or Ukraine.
Heidi
