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I imagine you are struggling health wise because you are drinking different water, eating different food with different organisms and you are stressed beyond stressed with your job. You are breathing different air, around different germs….your body is dealing with soooooo much!
Try drinking 32 oz of lemon or lime water right when you wake up. If you like honey, feel free to put LOCAL and RAW honey in it. 1/2 lemon or full lime per 32 ounces. This will help strengthen your immune system. These also help to kill bacteria in the water, so put as much lemon in your water all day long. Are you drinking enough water? You should be drinking around 1/2 your body weight in ounces of water per day. Are you taking vitamin C and zinc? Those are incredibly important to help support your immune system. Vimergy is an AMAZING brand. It’s clean and has nothing added to it that isn’t on the label (Most supplement companies add things that don’t have to be on the label)
Eat as many fruit and vegetables as you can. Maybe try making some smoothies??Just some things to think about. Hope this helps.
Your trip sounds like it was really fun except for that creepy guy! YUUUUUUKKKK! However, this is a good lesson, right? What would you have done differently to better protect yourself, looking back at it?
Heidi
Hi Jadene,
I wanted to address this particular part of your thought process.
I find myself wondering hopelessly whether a woman neglected by her father can ever change and if so how? This is not an unusual thought, as it can absolutely feel quite hopeless sometimes. I want to encourage you. Yes, it’s absolutely possible. I don’t believe that pain would exist without the possibility of healing. I grew up with a father who went far beyond neglecting me. He was a narcissist and abuser on the worst levels. I began my dating life with the pattern of only being attracted to the emotionally unavailable type – the ones that I had to chase to get attention. The nice guys, and I met plenty, I had the pattern of only being attracted to them for a maximum of 2 weeks. This went on for years and it frustrated me to no end because I knew exactly what I was doing, but couldn’t figure out how to shift this pattern within myself. I did it.How? Well, there is no one way to go about it, but the basic premise is that if you want to shift, you need to heal the wounds that are still very alive in you. Having a neglectful father means there are a lot of lies you believe about yourself, about love, about men that live within your psyche. You first have to understand that whenever there is trauma, it’s stored in the brain in state specific form. This means that moment, those thoughts, those feelings, those smells, every single detail gets stored in the brain AT THE AGE and mindset you are in that moment. So if there was a traumatic moment at 2 years old, everything you think, feel, believe about that moment gets stored with a 2 year old mentality. You know how you see grown adults arguing and yelling or being passive aggressive? It’s their little child acting out taking control – that little child that is carrying all unprocessed emotions from the past. Really long story short, that child energy keeps growing and growing and growing each time there is a traumatic event – and what qualifies as trauma? It’s different for each individual. So basically, when there is a lot of repetition of abandonment, rejection, neglect, abuse or whatever…there are a TON of lies, feelings, stories, beliefs, programs that get stored into the subconscious and end up completely running our lives – of which most people are not aware of. You know it’s little girl energy when you keep choosing something you know is not good for you. My guess is, these guys you keep picking start out okay, but then you discover they have their limitations, yet you keep trying to make it work. Yes? That is your little girl energy trying to get the attention of “daddy.” That is the little girl that is holding those feelings of abuse and carry many stories like “If I could only just get this guy who doesn’t want me, to finally want me…then I finally will be loveable. I finally will be worthy of love. I finally will be loved.”
Does this make sense? Does this help you understand what is happening?
It’s not that you are attracting any of these guys on purpose. All we can ever do is just go day by and day and make decisions according to the information we have. So what would shift is that WHEN you discover that a guy is not available, you walk away instead of staying in it trying to make it work. YOU choose yourself instead of trying to get the guy to choose you (who represents your father). Also, as you become more and more aware of yourself and much more familiar with the subconscious signs a guy throws out from the moment you meet, you can walk away MUCH faster.
This is where healing comes in. I KNEW what I was doing and why, but it didn’t change the pattern and the level of attraction I had. That’s because I hadn’t done enough healing yet. Healing, in simple terms, is connecting with your little girl thinking/energy, identifying the lies, the programs, the beliefs and the stories and releasing them. Once you release them, then you fill yourself up with the truth and essentially help that part of you integrate into being an adult…meaning that young part is now connected to the truth and can “grow up” so to speak. How to do that is up to you. There are MANY pathways and methods of healing and I’ve tried a gazillion of them. LOL. I still keep trying on different things to see what helps me shift. My coach however, is the only one who is really able to help me shift the BIG stuff. What’s important to understand is that you will be triggerable for the rest of your life. THat’s just normal and it’s just part of being human. What changes as you heal though, is you become much less triggerable AND when you do get triggered, you are able to heal much faster, because there is a lot less gunk to get through. I hundreds of hours in a specialized type of therapy trying to undo all the damage. I needed it. But now, I only need it every once in a while. I have come a loooooong ways. I absolutely have ZERO attraction to the unavailable guy and I am able to stick to my standards much more strongly. The people I am surrounded by are very high functioning. I have an incredibly peaceful and fulfilling life. I’ve had to work very hard for it, but now that I have it, I protect it with everything I have. I would much rather be alone, single or whatever than to spend anymore of my energy trying to get attention from limited people. I love myself now instead of trying to get someone else to love me.
I love this poem that explains the process of learning. It’s called the 5 chapter book:
Chapter 1: You’re walking down the street and fall in the hole.
Chapter 2: You’re walking down the street, see the hole and fall in anyways.
Chapter 3: You’re walking down the street, see the hole and walk around it.
Chapter 4: You cross the street.
Chapter 5: You don’t walk down the street at all.People get stuck the most in chapter 2. They see the hole – the issue, the problem, the addiction..whatever it is – and they do it anyways. What keeps people here, in the most basic and core way – is they are not in enough pain yet to do anything to shift the pattern of why the hole is there in the first place.
I have been on chapter 5 with the “dating emotionally unavailable guys” pattern for a good 10 years now. It’s wonderful!
I hope this gives you some hope and at the very least, some basic understanding about the pattern and how your father has contributed to it.
Let me know any questions you might have.
Heidi
i was feeling rather down. I wondered who i’d want to take care of me if i was sick like my aunt, Thank you for your kind words about my medical challenges. So far, no more surgeries are needed. There is potential, but I’m hoping it’s all complete. I understand your fear about surgery! I was exactly the same way. For 6 months I tried all kinds of natural methods and went into massive research mode trying to find every possible way to avoid the first surgery. It was interesting because I just said in my heart…Okay God…surgery feels like a “no” to me so let me know when it’s time to switch sides. Then one day…there just was a feeling of peace and clarity that showed up about having the surgery. The “no” when away. So then began the adventure – of course not knowing I had 4 other surgeries in the lineup. LOL. Oh well. I understand the feeling of “Who would take care of me?” What I’ve really learned is that people tend to show up in ways you wouldn’t expect. I could not believe how well taken care of I was. Most of my clients brought me food, walked my dog, donated money to help pay for my bills because I wasn’t able to work, people showed up to go on short walks with me, it was amazing! I was shocked. And I was also shocked how I felt open to all of it. I am incredibly independent and private. All the people that showed up and helped, were people I never wanted to “hang out” with nor wanted them to know more intimate details. My heart opened. I was vulnerable and I needed help and instead of resisting and “doing it all myself” I allowed myself to ENJOY receiving to the level that people gave. I am a much softer person after this past year. I even have a new best friend, who was one of the nurses who cared for me when I was in the PAC U for several days. What a gift! Basically, what I am saying is should you ever get into a situation where you need help like your aunt or like me, you will be provided for in ways you can’t even imagine.
Emotional dependence and support is also a whole other ball game – i am picky about who i seek out support from. Yes! As you should be. I wish people were more discerning about who they allow into their lives. Most people just allow their feelings to guide them without having awareness of what they are actually inviting into their lives. To be dependent on someone, there needs to be safety and trust and that takes time and experience to build.
But in order to be free to choose, one has to be FREE. If i am incapable of taking care of myself, i don’t have a choice about being dependent on someone – or someTHING – like the government! This is why i am focused on becoming free. I am open to being surprised by love. But i can’t sit around waiting for it, right? Okay…I get what you are saying. I understand your path and desire to be “free” and I understand that you are still open to love as well. I thought you were closed to love until you were free. I’m glad to know I misunderstood.
If i can’t enjoy my own body and life on my own, i’ll never be able to enjoy it with someone else! That’s how it seems to me Yes! I understand this feeling now. After all of these surgeries (1/2 my thyroid came out) I gained about 50 pounds. For the first time in my life, I can’t fit into my clothes. I mean I’ve fluctuated about 20 lbs, but this is a whole different ball game. It’s been quite the powerless feeling not being able to stop what was happening and trying to figure out how to help my body adjust to 1/2 a thyroid. All these feelings came up for me not wanting to date, not wanting to do anything except wear sweats and stay inside. Weight absolutely has an impact on how loveable a person feels. You are correct in wanting to enjoy your own body and if you can’t do that for yourself, you can’t do it with someone else. It’s been something I’ve been working with a lot over the past year.
So nice to talk with you!
Heidi
In my experience, people who all of a sudden lose interest – without any major or valid reason – are blocked due to their own baggage/woundedness – something you can do nothing about, and nor would you want to. I know he has his reasons in his head and I know you think it was because of the social drama with the laundry trip, but those are not truly valid reasons to disconnect from someone. It may feel like that in his mind, IF those are the reasons, but there are plenty of guys who wouldn’t lose feelings for you because of those reasons.
I doubt he even understands what is happening either. Most people have NO clue how much their subconscious influences what they are feeling. I remember beginning in high school when I really started to date, I would like a “nice” guy for 2 weeks, yet I would hold onto dear life to the “bad boy” type. I eventually noticed this pattern after happening enough times which then caused me to start questioning myself and what was influencing me. Each time, there was NOTHING that a nice guy did to truly cause me to lose feeling. The trigger was, they were nice. I learned that I could only take that nice guy treatment for a couple of weeks before I completely became disinterested. I learned that the bad boys were entertaining and engaging and completely frustrating for me – and of course, rejecting sometimes and embracing other times – always unpredictable. I have a mother who is a therapist so she was teaching me along the way about my subconscious patterning and the dynamics that were happening. My point is, him losing his feelings is most likely coming from a much deeper, subconscious place that he is not connected to nor understands. Yes, he has his surface reasons as to why he lost interest, but I doubt those are the core reasons. People mostly live their lives following their feelings without really questioning where their feelings are coming from. When it comes to love and romance and intimacy, many times those feelings are sourced by a very wounded, fearful part of them.
So it sounds like it’s probably best to stay friends and REALLY get to know him and really observe him. Being friends is a great space that allows you to be much more discerning and cautious with your heart.
Heidi
what a twisted selfish feeling! lol 🙂 I suppose i’m in love with all the good effects that JB is having on me! lol 🙂 It is twisted isn’t it? But if you really think about it, that’s true about everything. Even the purest act of kindness comes about because the person wants to feel good! If it felt “bad” or even felt like “nothing” to do a kind act, people wouldn’t do it! We are always seeking ways to feel good!
And in order for me to go ALL IN, i have to have ALL of myself. Right now, my kids still need some me. I also find my financial situation to be a bit of an anchor. I need to be making a LOT MORE money than i’m making right now, so i don’t have to depend on some random entity for my financial security. Either that, or i have to figure out how to not need any money at all! 🙂 This thought process has a similar energy to it than “I’ll finally be ready once I lose all my weight or I will be ready for a relationship once I have __________ figured out. I like to encourage people NOT to think this way. It’s creating a limitation and condition for you to be “ready” and the truth is, love will show up whenever it shows up, regardless of your financial status or any other status for that matter. It’s different if you JUST got divorced or you JUST lost someone you love. Those kinds of things require time to heal. Financial status is one of those things that does not qualify you to have love or not. It reminds me of that parable – I’m soooo going to butcher this – but it’s something like a person keeps praying to God for help and 3 different times, help was offered but it wasn’t in the form the person was thinking so he didn’t take the help. Then God told him “I tried to send you help but you kept saying no!” Do you know this story??? I can’t remember the details obviously…just the concept. It feels like this idea you have about becoming more financially abundant has to show up in some sort of way – when you could end up meeting a billionaire and then you don’t have to worry about. Why can’t love be the source of your financial stability?
It’s my dependence on others and others’ dependence on me that I want to leave behind. What’s wrong with being dependent? I’m wondering what this means to you. I’m 48 and still depend on my mom for a lot of things – and vice versa. We are both fully capable of taking care of ourselves, but we still CHOOSE to need each other – because we are a team in this life. Maybe I am misunderstanding what you are saying. Your kids will ALWAYS need their mother emotionally, spiritually, energetically and maybe even physically. I had 5 surgeries this past year and had to depend on my mom to come help me every single evening. I suppose I am incredibly grateful that I get to depend on my amazing mother to be with me through this life.
i need to be my own insurance so nobody else can dictate where I spend my money! It’s a lot riskier to live your own way, but SO MUCH less frustrating, because you don’t have to deal with anybody else’s rules. This is the kind of nonsense that I want to leave behind! I get it. It’s your sovereignty. Wouldn’t you say it’s possible to be sovereign in a relationship, even if your partner is providing you with the money? What if you were with the kind of guy who just gave freely to you…no strings attached, no questions, no nothing about how you spend your money. Is that not possible?
Heidi
He’s obviously into me and attracted to me physically, intellectually, and sexually, but he said he isn’t feeling emotional connection/romantic feelings anymore towards me like he was at first. I’m a little confused. How is he attracted to you on all those levels but then doesn’t have romantic feelings for you? Do you mean that he is good with a FWB type of situation and doesn’t really see you as a long term partner? It doesn’t sound like he is connected sexually to YOU in particular and that he easily falls into a pattern of reaching the “goal” and not thinking much about the process.
question about this is what is the frequency and what sorts of favors would I ask this particular guy The frequency varies according to the kind of connection you have. Being that he is more of a friend, asking these kinds of favors every once in a while is better. The smaller favors are not that impactful/time consuming nor threatening. So you can ask for the small favors more frequently, like a few times per month – and see what his response is. Going out on a 4 wheeler excursion is great! He already offered and it’s something that is fun for him as well. You can phrase it something like “Hey…you once offered this adventure. I’ve really been wanting to go see more of this area and you would be the perfect person to show me things I know I would probably miss. Are you up for that tour soon? The firepit and bobcat thing are BIG requests. Maybe pick one? I would get a feel for him first and see if those are the kind of projects he would know how to do or even want to do. You can fish around with saying something like “Ya…I looked up the cost to rent a bobcat to make my berm and swale sets better. Do you have any ideas that I might not be thinking about? The guy said the bobcat is easy to run and work – so I’m sure I can figure it out. Do you know how? Would you be willing to teach me?” Maybe that will draw him into helping you even more.
Talking about your future together and “planting seeds” can be a bit tricky with a guy who doesn’t see himself with you. It already happened though when you guys talked about reforesting, right? So I would suggest talking about those kinds of projects. He doesn’t seem to be scared of those. It feels like he would enjoy talking about the future with you as long as it isn’t about a relationship or romance. At least not yet. Keeping it more neutral is good! You guys can plan things together that you both love and are passionate about and keep building the friendship.
The IOU signal I would suggest to stay away from with this guy…for now. It’s more about relationship talk where the other signals are not. The other signals are more indirect and about building connection and experience together, but the IOU signal is more direct and about building the relationship specifically. You guys aren’t there yet.
I gotta say…if those were the reasons he lost romantic interest in you, I’m not sure this guy is for you anyways. The right guy will have NOTHING standing in the way of being with you (within reason of course). There is a guy/s that will not have anything blocking him from wanting to talk to every single day and wanting to explore life with you. I have more of a sense that whatever this guy’s block is, it’s there for a good reason – whether it’s saving you from a lot of drama that you have no clue about with him or whether you just simply are not a good match for him – or it’s something from his past that doesn’t allow him to truly be intimate and vulnerable with someone – that block is serving a purpose. I have a tendency to trust those blocks and honor their presence and not try and change anything – nor try and figure out what it’s about…as it’s possible I’d be opening pandora’s box – something I have no interest in doing. Just something to think about.
Was this helpful? Is this what you were looking for?
Heidi
I want templates that help me break down and create my own HI signal statements. This isn’t possible because whatever HI statements you choose to go with, will depend on the guy you are dating. They are tailor-made for his skills, his capabilities, your current situation and what you need help with and the type of connection you both have. That why this is the template you use:
“May I please ask your advice really quick? It won’t take long.” (TEMPLATE: Polite request for his advice, engage core need to be hero.)
Ask for advice, ask for help carrying groceries up, ask for help with something he specializes in, ask for help with picking out a restaurant to go to with a friend, ask for help moving furniture, ask for help fixing something – there are soooo many options – and again will depend on who the guy is. The concept is involving him in your life and activating his helper side and then appreciating his efforts. It sounds like the reforesting thing is a great opportunity to really allow him to teach you and show you what he knows, so it’s naturally activating this energy in him. Does this help or am I still missing what it is that you want?
It sounds like he is connecting with you, but not necessarily feeling romantic towards you. Did he happen to mention what was missing? Him not feeling fireworks in the bedroom could have to do with A LOT of different things. Is he pretty much saying he just isn’t attracted to you or is he aware of any other reasons the block may be there?
I love how you said no to his invitation and I love how you described feeling feminine. What a wonderful moment for you!
Heidi
Hi Kimberly.
Welcome! Wow! this is a pretty intense situation. I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this.
Have you ever sat down with him and really talked about your feelings? You are feeling a rift and that needs to be addressed and talked about. Have you told him about how you feel about him driving right past you and how you would love it if he picked you up? I imagine he is so used to you being independent and taking care of yourself, that he doesn’t view you as needing “help.” I also imagine that having both of you in the car would be quite uncomfortable since you guys don’t get along. It’s time to fight for your relationship. What kinds of things are you guys doing to connect with each other? Sex? Date nights? Intimate moments? Are you guys playing together at all?
Having her in your house is incredibly stressful and one way to resolve that is to make a plan for her exit date. Her parents have passed and now your BF is her new caretaker. As long as he is in agreement to play that role, things will just continue to get quite messy, so it’s important that you both work together to create a boundary with her. I have no doubt she would stay there forever if he let her, so if he wants to keep your relationship working, he needs to set a boundary with her, or he will lose you.
Thoughts?
Heidi
You are supposed to be tired. The way you live your life, you have poured every ounce of your being into this fantasy about you and him. Being tired is good. Being tired helps you to want to give up on fighting for him and fighting everyone who is telling you what you don’t want to hear. Being tired puts you more in a state of surrender – so this is the good side of being tired. I have been there many times like this. Each time, it has helped me to shift into a different direction.
I can only do so much here in this forum. The best I can do is offer you some ideas of books to read, send videos etc. YOU are going to have to make a choice to fight for your life, every single day. You are worth it though. You joy, your happiness, your love – none of that is gone. It all lives within you every single day. Now you have to connect to feeling it yourself, without the idea of him being your source.
Here is just a place to start. Let me know your thoughts on these videos and what worked for you and what you didn’t resonate with.
Heidi
Oh Emma! My heart goes out to you. This has to be the worst heartache you have ever had to deal with.
I maybe strong mentally but too emotional. I think your mental strength – as you define it – is causing you an incredible amount of pain. You are not dealing with the consequences of living with the man you love, who is constantly rejecting you. It builds and builds and builds because you aren’t processing anything. You are just holding everything in and trying to be “strong” by only supporting his needs and not your own. Now you are crossing a threshold where you are experiencing the consequences physically. You have broken a glass and now you have chest pain. I’m glad it’s gone, but I seriously urge you to get that looked at immediately. You are under more stress than you realize and your heart is telling you that. You have got to change your stress level otherwise the physical consequences will get worse – they always do.
I realize the house represents everything of you BOTH together, which is broken now – and he isn’t willing to repair that. You are in an incredible battle Emma which is why I keep urging you to get some help. You need to have someone who is an expert with divorce to guide you and help you process all that is happening. You need someone to help bring some objectivity into your situation and help you strengthen your self-love so you can start to make decisions that support you. You ARE really pushing your limits now, hence breaking the glass and now your heart. These are symptoms that hopefully get your attention that you are NOT heading in a good direction. You need to support yourself much better. What are you willing to do? You have just entered the danger zone, so what are you going to do about that? He isn’t going to change, so this is 100% on you to take care of yourself. What are you going to do to support yourself better?
Heidi
Heidi
Part of the reason i enjoy watching shows together is because we can explore the emotions of the characters, and we get to know each other deeper by our own responses to the characters and their experiences. There is very little comic relief in GoT. It’s all about people trying to control each other with whatever they’ve got. I totally get why you watched and how you watched it. Yes, everything you said about it, is very true! I guess I’ve experienced enough of that kind of stuff in real life, I don’t want to see it on tv. It’s part of me protecting my light, by not watching stuff like that on tv. But I love how you experienced it. I heard about the prequel coming out, but haven’t heard anyone talking about it. Do you like it? Is it as engaging as GoT?
That random conversation with that stranger sounds really cool! Him being a police officer would mean he is much more cozy dealing with the wide range of personalities out there. I’m not very good at doing stuff like that. I have a friend who is similar to JB. She LOVES LOVES LOVES talking to everyone. She lives in San Francisco, so there are a WIDE range of personalities out there. I always enjoy watching her interactions, but love not having to be part of them. LOL
So, i test my feelings frequently, and i ask myself if i’m feeling this towards HIM or towards something that he has offered me. And if it IS something that he’s bringing into my life — what is it? If he stops offering it to me, will my feelings for him stop? Or change? So far, i haven’t been able to identify tangibly what it is that he’s offering me! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you ask yourself these questions! Good job! I coach everyone to ask these questions so they are able to take a step back and really observe the source and the layers involved in their feelings. Many times, it comes from a wounded place and NOT a clear place.
I think it’s quite simple what he brings to you…he offers you a version of your SELF that you love to feel and that he can activate in you – in various ways. It’s not one specific thing, but many things, but whenever someone says “I love you” and even deeper meaning is “I love who I am when I am with you.” That’s a general way of saying it, of course. All those other women who claimed they loved him so quickly, that’s not really love anyways. Also, a core need for women in relationships is to feel safe – and when they feel emotionally and physically safe with a man, love is able to pour out and be limitless. I know you feel this way with him.
i don’t want ANY thoughts about ANYthing to cause ANY kind of stress in me! For this to happen, i need to know my kids will be ok – if i’m gone and i never come back. This isn’t unlike preparing for death! 🙂 SO sometimes, i don’t know if i’m getting ready for a wild life with a man or if i’m just getting ready to leave this life altogether. Either ways, i have to be ready… right?! 🙂 This is really interesting. Help me understand this more. I’m wondering why your adventure needs to be this way. I’m wondering why you think you need to be ready to leave everything behind. I’m wondering why your adventure can’t involve your children or any other part of your life. And with this adventure you have in your mind, what exactly does that mean? What does it mean to go on an adventure and possibly never return? Where do you go? What EXACTLY are you imagining you have to be ready for? And what makes you think that JB or any other man wants to go on that kind of adventure where you leave everything behind?
I so appreciate all your raw and unedited thoughts! I’m honored you feel safe here to share all of this. I know how closely you hold your vulnerability. Thank you!
Heidi
This is where I’m a bit confused. This IS a template: “I need your help [with something tied to his skills] would be a basic starting template. So I’m not sure what more you are looking for. You can ask for advice, you can ask for help with something he knows how to do (skills), you can ask for help moving furniture, you can ask for his ideas (like where a good restaurant is) etc. Asking for help with anything is the starting point. It’s pretty difficult to come up with a template for after that because he could have a variety of responses, so this is where you understanding the core concept will help you in knowing how to respond. The idea is to get him connected and talking again through asking for help. I know in the example, the woman didn’t reveal exactly what she was asking for help with, but I know plenty of women who shared very quickly what they wanted help with and it still worked.
Can you help me understand how this template does not work for you? Or what other templates you are looking for?
This is great that you guys were able to talk. At least you know now why he didn’t respond. But it sounds like friendship is the path and that you are both agreeing to that, yes?
Heidi
I feel your deep hurt and fear about all of this. I know that you sooooo badly want to just reconnect and source the love that you feel you have for him. Being stubborn and not wanting to move on doesn’t make you a “bad” person. It makes you a wounded person, just like the rest of us. We are all wounded in some way or another and those wounds have pretty big impacts on how we feel, the decisions we make, the people we invest in and most of all – how we feel about ourselves.
Your wounds are soooo big that you are not able to see past the idea that you are nothing without this guy and you are losing everything. This is not true. You are so much more than this guy and the past year is showing you that. You have your body, your health, your mind, your talents, your passions, your work, your home, your family, your ideas, your strengths – all of those things exist WITHOUT this guy.
This is something that most people don’t really get and they reject the idea of it, but that’s okay. Just because you feel love, it doesn’t mean it’s healthy, clear or positive. Many times, the love we feel about someone is actually being sourced by our traumas, hurts, fears, addictions, insecurities and so much more. So the love we feel is actually a very unhealthy love. I’ve done that many many times! I’ve loved different guys that were not healthy or available. I wouldn’t give up either. I would keep doing everything I could to keep that love alive because it felt so much better to feel that, than to face my life without it. It’s a damaging kind of love and that’s what people are trying to tell you – that’s what I keep trying to tell you. The love you feel is damaging to you and to him. I know this because the love you feel is keeping you connected to a man that doesn’t want to be with you. You are identified with this “love” so intensely that you have lost who you are – hence feeling like you are losing everything if you can’t have him. This “love” you feel is limiting you – you cannot live your life without it. This “love” you feel is an addiction. This “love” you feel is about YOU and has nothing to do with him – meaning all you are focused on is getting what YOU want and it doesn’t matter what he wants.
Everyone around you is trying to tell to let go because there is NO WAY this guy will ever want to step back into this kind of love that will smother him. No guy wants to be the entire world for his woman. No guy wants a woman who doesn’t know herself without him. Any guy who does want that, is a guy who is only interested in controlling a woman and being served by her.
Like I’ve said before TavShad…you can keep being stubborn and miserable or you can decide you want for your life. Your life is your design, so you get to focus on whatever it is that you want. This guy is not coming back to you and it’s not because you are a bad person, it’s because you aren’t the right person for him. I know you feel differently, but that doesn’t matter does it? What matters is that he isn’t interested and is not coming back, so you get to keep trying and hoping and being miserable – or you can DECIDE to move on and work through that process and open yourself to new experiences. I know it will hurt, but it won’t be any worse than the hurt you are feeling now by not having him.
Thoughts?
One day, i would like to meet JB’s subconscious in person. 😀 You meet his subconscious every single day. It’s guesstimated that approximately 80% of how we go through our day is sourced, organized and guided by our subconscious. That’s a lot!
It’s such an interesting dynamic between the both of you. How often do you visit him? Does he live far from you? What do you guys do when you visit? I love playing the “how well do you think you know me” game. It’s so fun! Did you watch Game of Thrones? I’d be quite surprised if you did as it doesn’t seem like the kind of show you would spend your energy investing in. I never watched it. From the bits and pieces I heard from EVERYONE, it sounded way too gory and abusive for my taste. Everyone LOVED it though!
It sounds like you are exposing a lot of your deeper feelings for him – how you are describing what you write is definitely not a friendly vibe and is quite romantic. He seems to be receiving it too!
I want to flip to the end of the book too and see what the next chapters hold for both of you! I love everything you are sharing!
Heidi
