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Okay! So you felt that pressure from your parents. What would happen if you did what you wanted and hurt them or offended their beliefs? What would they do? I imagine now that you are an adult, they handle it better, yes?
Wow…so the guy really does treat you extremely well!! This is how it’s supposed to be!!! I love that you feel like a princess around him. You said you didn’t get any real answers from him. What answer were you looking for? If I am understanding correctly, he treats you like this, but doesn’t want a relationship, correct? Is that the mixed message you are referring to?
Dogs are so funny aren’t they? They see and know things we don’t pick up on. I’m sure your pup has a pattern of who she likes or not, but because they speak energy and we don’t…at least not as good as them…we can’t pick up on what they are sensing until after the fact.
Heidi
Hi Audrey.
Welcome! It sounds like maybe you are interested in your chiropractor. What was his response after you messaged him back?
Has he ever reached out before? What’s the history between the both of you? Do you know for sure that he is single?
What does his question mean? Who knows. I think it’s better to look at the big picture vs. just one small question. It’s dangerous to put meaning to what people say, without talking directly to them. Too many times I have seen people guess what the other is thinking and drama and misunderstandings ruin the connection, so be careful with doing that!
Heidi
I’m noticing the small effort he is putting but it is not enough. Why not acknowledge his efforts? Even though they are small and not to the capacity you want, it’s still something! Make sure this doesn’t backfire because he could end up feeling like nothing is enough for you and can cause him to shut down more. Just something to pay attention to.
It sounds like maybe you are closing the door a bit on this relationship. Because he isn’t offering what you want, does that mean you are letting him go now? It sounds like maybe you are in waiting for him to change.
Heidi
For the imposter syndrome, I told you I think it’s because I’ve always done what was expected more than who I was when I was a kid and even after. I am looking for something deeper. Yes, you were like this as a kid, but I’m wondering if you know why. What created this belief?
How fun that you ran into that guy! It sounds like he is quite responsive to you. It’s good that you are okay with being casual and allowing yourself to really focus on what you want right now. I’m sure the guy feels like there is no pressure, so he feels free to be responsive in a more natural way vs. him being concerned.
I love that you are enjoying your new home. Your pup isn’t really dog friendly? It sounds like she is completely happy and content to just get to explore the world the with you!
Heidi
She is just missing my Dad “approval”, and their attachement is I would say the strongest so until he let her go, she might stay for him…Which is for me wrong, because he is suffering a lot to see her like that…Denial period… So you believe that we have the power to NOT let someone die? You believe that because your dad is in denial, it’s stopping your grandmother from dying? I know that feels “wrong” so to speak and he needs to face the truth. On the other hand, what if there are still a few things that need to be worked out energetically between them? What if your grandma knows EXACTLY when she is supposed to go – and maybe it does have to do with your dad, but can that be okay? Her spirit self or energy self may have a few last things to do with him before wrapping things up in this life. I’ve studied death quite a bit and what has been discovered is that a soul leaves when it’s ready to leave, despite what the rest of us feel. So my guess is, it’s your grandma’s soul that isn’t quite ready to leave yet. Just a thought.
You mentioned your blind spot. Have you ever thought about setting up some “tests” or accountability or something of that nature to help you with your blind spot? I totally get not being in the right mindset right now.
Wow! I don’t watch the news. That’s a BIG deal with all the layoffs. How come that’s happening? I know that here, there are still businesses that are closing down because they never recovered from the covid shut down. So much has changed hasn’t it?
Let’s talk about the imposter syndrome a bit more. Where does this belief you have about yourself come from? What makes you feel like an imposter? That “story” that you are an imposter got created somewhere and from something…do you know where it comes from?
I LOVE LOVE LOVE all the holiday decorations. I wish they would put them up sooner, but I get that everyone feels differently about that stuff. I just think it’s so beautiful and it makes me happy, so why not extend it a little longer? LOL.
I forgot to ask, how is your pup doing in your new home? How are you liking it??
Heidi
Hi Rebecca,
Just wanted to check in and see what your thoughts are about your situation. How do you feel about what Spyce said? Does any of it resonate with you?
Heidi
Oh! You are going to see your dad??? How long are you staying for? Are you and your sister getting along okay? When is the last time you saw him?
What are your plans for Thanksgiving? Is there a special meal you guys plan or any traditions?
I hope that either way, you get to go home. At least you love being home and it can fill you back up, even if your work environment sucks. Hopefully your next job will be one that you love!
Heidi
Just out of curiosity, what do you believe happens as we die? It sounds like you are quite clear and accepting of the process. I’m sure that brings her peace on some level, even though you may not ever know it.
Well…let’s see if that guy actually shows up! Do you like him? Do you want to date him or is he just a fun person to connect with occasionally?
I don’t know many people who are bigger personalities in this world, that didn’t deal with imposter syndrome when they first started out. You move through it anyways and know that what you have to share is important.
How are the holidays shaping up over there? Are people putting Christmas lights up yet? It just started to happen here.
Heidi
I think that Bob will never fully and completely be happy with anyone. He will find fault in whoever works with him and he will ask from that person, to go above and beyond. It seems to be a pattern of his that isn’t ever going to change. I’m a little confused. Is the Vancouver project connected to the project you are currently working on? I know it’s the same company, but if you are asking your current bosses about it, it makes me think it’s all the same project.
You get to go home soooooon!!! I’m really excited for you!!!
Heidi
So I’ve decided I will not ask him bout it anymore, I will not try and convince him either and I will not chase him. He must put in the effort. I know you are loving the effort he is putting in again. It feels good! It still doesn’t seem like you are quite clear. You want a commitment, but then you say that him putting in the effort is good enough. It’s been 3 years. I”m not sure what having a commitment or not having a commitment will do. In your mind, why is it so important to you? What do you think having a “commitment” will bring to you? What need will it fulfill? It doesn’t sound like either of you are really dating anyone else, so it seems that there is just a natural commitment anyways. Even if you did have an official commitment, do you think it would change how he treats you?
Heidi
We did not get more snow. It’s been super sunny and running around 50 degrees. Soooooo gorgeous!
What an interesting story about that man! You obviously were there at just the right time. What a wonderful and caring gift you gave both of them!
How was your Germany overnighter?
I hope your stomach issues got resolved. I hate that feeling!
Heidi
Yet he is calling more often and doing things now that I stated I wanted . Now I’m even more confused. Have you ever heard “absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s simple really…you were giving him everything he needed without requiring your needs to be fully met. Now that you have pulled away and started to fight for your needs by distancing from him, the absence of you in his life is making him feel what his life would be like without you – and sometimes, that feeling of the loss of you becomes bigger than the fear of being with you. A very simple way to put this is he has 2 fears – 1 fear for being WITH you and committed and 1 fear being WITHOUT you. Whichever fear is biggest, is the one he follows. So currently, his fear of being WITHOUT you is bigger, so he is facing his fear of being WITH you. Does this make sense?
Be careful though. Once he captures your attention again by saying and doing everything you have wanted, it would be common to slowly fall back into old patterns a few months down the road.
What issues is he struggling with where you think differently than him?
Now that he is acting this way, what do you feel like you want to do?Heidi
So this guy is going to be your gala “date?” It doesn’t sound like he had any hesitation at all.
Your grandma! Wow! What caused her to go into a coma? I totally get that it’s better for her to go. Her soul knows the exact timing of when she is supposed to go and will make “arrangements” for that to happen. At least, that is what I believe and studied a lot – but who knows. Either way, it will be hard for your dad for sure. How do you feel about it?
I get what you are saying about what you present compared to what you feel deep inside. We call that “imposter syndrome.” It’s quite common actually, especially people who are speaker and big personalities – and they feel like an imposter deep down. Here is a fun video that may resonate/help for you: https://youtu.be/_YeulUgWNp8
Heidi
Wow, that’s so interesting that the Dutch just don’t bake much. I wonder why. I suppose on some level, that’s a good thing. Maybe they eat a lot less carbs/sugar than we do here in the U.S. I still can’t imagine not having an oven though. Strange.
I’m glad SOMEBODY enjoys the winter 🙂 The beauty is absolutely breathtaking for sure! It makes it much more bearable!
Yes, it’s called the wildlife sanctuary. I haven’t been there yet. I was thinking of taking my mom there in the spring of next year. I know many people who have gone and they LOVE it!
Heidi
