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Hi Cheruvu,
That’s actually a really great question that has MANY layers and dynamics to it. It’s not such a simple answer.
The first thing I would ask her is, how does she know she is “in love” with him? If he is a womanizer and she knows it, my inclination would be to believe she “thinks” she is in love because of how she feels, but it’s more likely that those feelings are more coming from her deep woundedness and having poor role models of what love really looks and feels like.
A womanizer has his own issues. He does not respect women, he uses them AND doesn’t know who he is without them. He too most likely has some very poor female role modeling and his own traumas. A womanizer will NEVER be able to feel deep, true and a healthy version of love as he doesn’t trust love nor would he even be willing to go there. He would be way too afraid.
When I have worked with woman who tend to get attached to these kinds of men, I begin taking them deeper into their thoughts and beliefs about love. I begin helping guide them towards the hurt they have felt and have them work towards forgiveness. 100% of the time (myself included btw) the women become much stronger on the inside, more free of the baggage and find that those type of men don’t interest them any longer. They want a healthier, more honoring experience so they look for a guy who actually truly likes and respects women.
What do you think? Does this help??
Heidi
Hi Tee,
You said a lot of good things! Despite your heartache, which can really cloud a person’s ability to see the truth of a situation, you are doing incredibly well! You have a strength to be able to see the truth. Do you know this about yourself??? If not, I want you to connect to that and really honor that about yourself!
It is VERY possible that part of the reason he is pulling away is because he knows he is broken and will hurt you. It’s all the exact same issue that is expressing itself in different ways. The core issue here is that deep down, he doesn’t believe he is worth loving. So he looks to you for validation, he pushes you away because he knows he will hurt you and he wants to stay connected as friend, but not lovers. It’s all coming from the same exact place. I am soooo familiar with all of it, because I have said the same exact things to guys before when I was younger. I knew how messed up I was and I would push guys away to save them from me. At the same exact time, I desperately wanted them to fight for me! hahahaha! crazy making right???? It’s hard for BOTH people!
As far as the friendship goes, from my experience and just understanding the heart and mind, it doesn’t really work to slowly disconnect. It’s not different than an addict. They are so connected and bonded to their chemical of choice that in order to heal and change the relationship into something healthy, they HAVE to go cold turkey. Slowing down their consumption just keeps them addicted.
So the BEST way to help your heart heal as fast as possible, is to hurt like crazy in the beginning and then it starts to subside. What happens if you slowly start to disconnect, is you never really end up healing because you keep re-connecting. Whether you disconnect now and go cold turkey or wait a few months to disconnect, it will hurt EXACTLY the same.You guys cannot be friends. As long as there are romantic feelings involved, pure friendship is not possible. Once you both have healed, it’s definitely possible to become best friends again!
So he needs to also let you go completely and you both just need to spend some time apart. What I mean by him getting his “fix” off of you is about his self esteem. Imagine he has a tank that represents his self worth. That tank only gets filled when someone else tells him something good or someone else fights for him or hurts for him. So you are definitely a source to fill up that tank. If you take that away, he will feel empty and uncomfortable, but that is also VERY necessary in order to face his challenges more. The goal would be for him to fill his own tank and not need anyone else to do it for him. That’s when a healthy relationship is possible with him. Until that point, he will suck the life dry out of anyone who is around him long enough. How he functions is not sustainable in a healthy way….and I’m sure he knows this on some level. I hope he continue to help himself in some sort of way!
Keep talking with us! We are soooo so honored to be here for you and share our ideas with you!
Heidi
Hi Zoi!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE your honesty with yourself! That takes an incredible amount of strength! I know you may not think that way, but being a coach and constantly working with people through their challenges, MANY have a difficult time admitting to the core low self esteem beliefs that are driving their decisions and behaviors. SO…first and foremost, I want to acknowledge you for being honest with yourself. That give Kanya and I a good place to work with you from!!!
I want to say that we ALL have low self-esteem. I don’t know a person on this planet who would have some areas of low self esteem. Imagine a big piece of swiss cheese. The holes are where we have low-self esteem and where we feel incomplete, not valuable and empty. The solid parts are those parts of ourselves that know we are valuable, complete and have a lot to offer. The only difference between you, me and the next person, is how many holes we have in our swiss cheese! I used to have a GAZILLION holes!!! The way you change your thoughts and behaviors is by actively working on them and re-programming your thoughts and feelings. I like to start by connecting those thoughts and feelings to the source. Where did you learn that you are not valuable? Who made you feel insecure in your life?? When you are able to connect to the source of where those feelings began, it will help you understand that those feelings of low self esteem you have are full of lies and have nothing to do with who you REALLY are. There are a TON of things to do to improve the holes in your swiss cheese.
I’m going to recommend Dr. Joe Dispenza first. His entire career is about changing your thoughts, patterns and beliefs and how to manifest the life you desire. The science is fascinating!!! You may not resonate with him. If you look at his stuff and decide you don’t get it or don’t like it, you can also try Gregg Braden. He is brilliant and probably one of my favorites. I would also recommend Denise Linn! She is amazing at helping people connect to their deeper self. I LOVE her work with women. She has a few books about what it means to be a woman in this world and embracing all that we are. All of these people offer a TON of free meditations, exercises and programs to help people fill the holes in their swiss cheese. The goal here is to slowly fill those holes. You will ALWAYS have holes, so the goal is to have less of them.
This is where relationship comes in. Like attracts like. So if you have a lot of holes, you will attract someone with a lot of holes. I would have to say it’s the MAIN reason I am always working on myself. I want a healthy, amazing relationship, but in order for that to happen, I HAVE TO BE THAT FIRST!!! So I am always working on shrinking and healing my holes so that I attract a man who is the same way. Does this make sense?
In regards to “there are no guarantees” that a man will show up….I am not going to argue that. The only guarantee in life is change. The thing is Zoi, when you get to that place where you are full and complete within yourself and you love your life, JUST AS IT IS….whether a man shows up or not, it won’t matter. You won’t be focused on what you don’t have. You will be focused on what you do have! You will feel the joy and gratitude for the gifts in your life, the house you live in, the friends you have, the dates you go on. I know this concept is hard for you to understand as you don’t know what it feels like and you can’t imagine that feeling. All I can tell you is that is how I feel. I absolutely still WANT a man in my life and I expect he will show up. I have no doubt. Until that time, I remain open, I keep my eyes open AND I am happy in my life just as it is. I love my life! I don’t “NEED” a man to feel high levels of happy and gratitude. I “want” a man for sure, but that will happen when it is meant to happen. I am at peace.
Does this make sense?
Make sure you google those people and check them out. Look at their books, their products, their meditations and see what resonates for you. If none of those people interest you, Kanya and I have a TON of other resources to share. Just let us know!
Heidi
Hi Tee,
I am so sorry! He sure is sending a TON of mixed messages and it’s super confusing!
First, you cannot expect to be just friends. You love him and he obviously has some strong feelings for you (but I think that terrifies him). From everything you have shared so far, I just think he is wanting YOU to do for him, what he won’t do for himself…and that is make him feel better. He is hurting, he does not trust and he doesn’t feel very valuable. So he is looking to you to make him feel better. That is a DISASTER formula for a relationship. Whenever someone says things like, “I guess you are too busy to text me” he is REALLY saying, “I feel completely worthless right now and I guess I am not important enough in your life to be available when I need you to be available.” That is just pure low self esteem talking. It’s no different than when a girl says, “I look so fat in this outfit” but she says it so you can tell her, “No you don’t! You look beautiful!!!” She is just wanting you to make her feel better right? A person with a lot of low self esteem will set up situations where they say the negative in order to get you to say the positive. I actually used to do that a lot in high school! lol. The truth is though….they have to fight for themselves instead of getting someone else to do the work for them. He has a lot of emotional baggage he has to work through…otherwise, whomever he attaches to has a HUGE job of constantly validating him. All the validation in the world you offer him, will just go into a bottomless pit….it will never be enough because he doesn’t value himself.
I’m a little confused about what he said on the phone. Why was he saying “what’s the point and what’s the end goal?” What did you say?
If he wants you to work on letting go of the feelings and just be friends, then you need to honor that and get off the rollercoaster ride. That means however, no more contact. You need to heal your heart. Once you feel more grounded and centered and not attached to him, THEN at that point, you can offer friendship. I have no doubt though, it will be difficult for him as well. He will go through withdrawal on some level and my guess is, he may try to pull you back in on some level. That is, only if you completely disconnect. If you keep connecting, he will get his fix from you.
What are your thoughts?
Heidi
Hi Carrie,
Thank you for sharing with us!!! I love that you are being pro-active in your situation. I fully believe that if people worked on the relationship when things were good and peaceful, the hard times are soooooo much easier to face together!
I would recommend also researching what military couples do to keep their relationships alive. They deal with long distance all the time!!!
What you do to keep him engaged is show him that you need him and value him. This is a general concept, so the more you get specific with your guy, the better.
Have you done the hero technique? Do you send texts where you appreciate him for specific things? Do you flirt? Phone sex or sexting? I always think it’s a good idea to also check in every once awhile and ask, “Is there anything I can do better for you? Tell me what I am doing that DOES work?” Create the time where you both can talk about what does work and what doesn’t work in the relationship.
Let me know your thoughts on wall those things and we can go from there! He’s lucky to have you!
Heidi
Hi Katie,
I think he is scared and that it’s VERY important that you listen to what he is saying. He doesn’t want to fall in love again. At least not for right now. Because of that, you would be walking into a MAJOR heartbreak situation here. He is not ready and that is something that really needs to be honored.
I imagine your need to “define” the relationship is what caused him to back off and disconnect. It’s a very natural need and a question that needs to be asked at some point, but this guy just isn’t going to go there right now. He is still hurting so much and doesn’t trust love, nor women. He needs a lot more time to let go and of his past and heal.
I would say that for right now, stay away from this guy. It won’t work. If you want something in the future with him, then for right now, be is friend and just keep the relationship established. Maybe at some point down the road he will feel ready to risk again.
I know this is not what you want to hear at all. I wish there were a magic solution to make people work on themselves so they didn’t let fear control them. This world would be a completely different place. You can lead to a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. That’s your situation. You lead this guy into feeling good and connecting again and showing him the possibilities, but he just won’t drink the water right now. So your choice is to either completely disconnect and move on with your life, or let go of the idea of romance with this guy and just be his friend. That is all he is offering you right now.
I’m so sorry! I wish I had something different to say and offer you. I wish for you to feel connected and loved and wonderful again. Losing the love of your life takes the life right out of you. I imagine re-connecting with this guy after all of those years, made you feel something you didn’t know was in you.
Heidi
Hi Katie!
What a very interesting story! You both have been through an incredible amount of challenge and still need more time and healing to take place.
What to do? I always suggest that when people are transitioning from romance back to friendship….you need to allow some time for that adjustment. That means you stay away until YOU feel like you don’t miss him anymore. He was a part of your day, all day and now he isn’t. When your day starts to feel normal without him and that it feels okay for you….THEN you can text him. Being friends means there is no attachment at all. Whether he texts or not, it doesn’t matter. When you text him, it’s just because you have something to share and when and how he responds doesn’t really matter. Being friends means you might connect a few times in a week or you might connect once a month. Who knows!!!
He is most likely not responding because he is wanting to create some distance. This only happened a week ago and neither of you can just cut off feelings that quickly. It’s going to take some time.
If you are comfortable, you can always say something like, “I am realizing, now that we have disconnected, how much my day feels empty not hearing from you. I miss you. So I need to get my life back on track and get used to my days being my own again. I’m gonna disappear for awhile. Once I feel like myself again, I truly would love to just be friends and connect every once in awhile. You are a pretty wonderful person and someone I’d like to keep in my life in some sort of capacity. I will let you know when I reach that mindset. If you are open to that idea when I reach out again, then great! If you are not, I will respect that as well and go about my way. Take care my friend! I wish you all the best!”
That can be a way of creating some closure. OR…you can just stop texting and let it go. When you know you are able to just be friends, you can reach out at that time and see what happens.
What do you think? How does this make you feel?
Heidi
Well done Rachel! You are seeing the WHOLE picture now! It doesn’t change that you still love him and still have hurt, but what it DOES do, is help you look at the entire picture vs. living in fantasy land. Fantasy land is dangerous and is what keeps people hooked most of the time. Keeping connected to the truth about the entire situation….it was amazing and wonderful…..AND in the end, as much as that may have been what he wanted, he wouldn’t fight for it. So essentially, the latter outweighs all of it and that is what you are left with.
It’s important for you to keep connecting into what YOU want. Everything you said was spot on! You WANT and REQUIRE a man who will fight for HIMSELF and his own emotional health! If he won’t do that for himself, he won’t do it for you. Studies have shown that the higher emotional intelligence the MAN has, the more successful the relationship! That’s what I am looking for!!! NOTHING LESS! I want a successful, easy, powerful, life changing kind of love and that means I have to be willing to fight for that and not settle. That’s the mindset you need to get yourself back into and live your life from. It’s going to take time, but you at least know the direction you are heading. You still have some healing to do, but Rachel….you are doing an incredible job!!!!!
Whenever your mind starts to head into the future as far as events that involve him, bring yourself back to the present moment. So when you wonder whether or not you should invite him to the art show, you say to yourself, “I don’t need to decide that today. For today it is over and that’s all I know. For today, I am going to focus my energy on MY healing.” Over and over, you bring yourself back to the present moment and let go of the future and making any decisions. You will get there and you will make whatever decision you do and you will deal with the after effects of whatever you decide. It’s all okay!!!
Does this make sense?
Heidi
Hi Rachel,
It sounds like the healing is happening for you. You guys had such a wonderful connection and it’s sooooo normal to wonder “what if” and hope he calls and hope for something to start back up again. When you have the kind of connection you guys had, how can you not feel that way? You built a lot of dreams with him in it!
Everytime you start to head down that road of “I wonder….” you REMIND yourself IMMEDIATELY that as wonderful as your relationship was, as wonderful as he made you feel, HE WALKED AWAY FROM THAT!!!! That is a HUGE red flag!!! Anyone who walks away from a relationship that is healthy and nourishing and full of love….is so scared! That fear controls him, which means, even if he did call again and start a relationship with you, that fear would show up over and over again in some form or fashion and he is not the kind of guy to face his fear (at least not who he is today). That’s a major problem for a relationship! So remind yourself of his limitations as well! Remind yourself it’s over and that you WANT and NEED a guy who is willing to face his fears and not run.
Tell me your thoughts about this!
Heidi
Hi Shannon,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It’s heartbreaking and shocking for sure! You have invested in him and he betrayed your trust. That’s a big deal! There is a way to heal.
I am VERY glad to hear that he admitted it, especially so quickly. I am VERY glad to hear that he is willing to get help and really look more deeply at the choice he made. To me, even though he broke his integrity, I have a lot of respect for someone who owns it and is willing to take ACTION to correct the hurt and harm by his choice. To me…that is a really good sign!
We all mess up. There are countless times where someone has deeply, deeply hurt me as well as me causing a lot of harm through my limitations and choices. It’s just a part of life and is guaranteed to happen. The goal here is, to develop your resilience. His choice has nothing to do with you. His choice is about subconscious thoughts and feelings that found their way to the surface to sabotage his relationship with you. Those subconscious thoughts / feelings are ruled by fear. It’s very scary to dive deep with someone. It is the most vulnerable place for a human being, which is why so many people struggle going there. It is not uncommon for someone to sabotage as they find themselves falling in love. Some will break their integrity, some will start to argue more, some experience their feelings disappearing. We all have different ways we sabotage and it is a RARE person who knows themselves well enough to identify those things as sabotage. Most people take those decisions at face value and don’t dig into them to find out what was driving those decisions / feelings etc. It can be a scary and uncomfortable place. Whatever caused him to make that decision, it was there way before you came along. My guess is, he is really falling for you and that is scaring him like crazy (on a deep level, not a conscious level). And also, he is a guy. They are much more easily manipulated into physical experiences than women. I’ve studied this quite a bit and what has been found is that if a guy cheats, as a 1 off kind of thing, it is more about just physically being stimulated than anything else. It was recommended to not take it very seriously. If a woman cheats however, it’s much more serious because women (in general) are less easily stimulated just by physical…our hearts are usually what gets stimulated which leads us into the physical. And because the heart gets involved, it’s considered more serious. Does this make sense? I’m not saying this as an excuse. I’m just offering up this “idea” and “theory” to help you get a different perspective about men vs women.
All in all Shannon, I would suggest to hold him accountable to getting help. He needs to learn about himself and really take a good hard look at his feelings about falling in love. He needs to have someone to help hold him accountable to what shows emotionally for him and how to communicate them with you (or anyone for that matter) and how to take care of himself. If he was not willing to really dig deep into what really was going on for him, then I personally would forgive him, but would not continue forward. But that’s me. I will not choose to be with someone who doesn’t take ACTION to help themselves heal. I need a man who is emotionally intelligent and has an interest in facing himself and his limitations. Otherwise, the mess-ups will just keep happening and there won’t be much change. That’s why people keep cheating and you hear “once a cheater, always a cheater.” That’s true IF the cheater doesn’t face themselves and get some kind of guidance as they begin to heal. You may not have that type of standard though and that’s okay. You have to decide what works for you and what you need in order for a relationship to have longevity.
As far as you forgiving him, it’s a choice. It can take time as well, as it’s a very deep betrayal. Part of what helps me have compassion is remembering my humanness. I have messed up many times and without a doubt, have major mess-ups in my future. One of the greatest gifts I have received is forgiveness from someone when I have caused great hurt. It humbles me and lets me experience what grace feels like. It helps me love myself in my worst. You can offer that to him. You can help him learn to love himself while he is struggling having to face the hurt he caused you. It’s a wonderful “wake up” season for him….I hope he uses it to its full extent.
Here is something to help get you started on your part of the journey and finding forgiveness for yourself and for him. Let’s keep talking. This kind of thing has a lot of layers to it and we want to help you through them, little by little.
Heidi
Hi Elena!!
Sooooo so good to hear from you!!! Isn’t this interesting??? I love these dynamics that show up because it just fascinates me! I completely understand all of it and what is happening AND it still is just so funny and fascinating how us humans operate. I’m just shaking my head right now at him….just laughing! It’s all so delightful!
Of course you would be pulled back in!!! Who wouldn’t be??? Regardless of all the woundedness and issue, you both have a strong attraction and pull towards each other. It hasn’t been in a the healthiest form, but that doesn’t change what is naturally there for you guys. He is saying things you’ve always dreamed he would say. My thoughts are that you have been the role model for him. You changing your energy, you loving yourself more and setting boundaries and discovering yourself….he watched (probably not on a conscious level) and now he is following suit, because deep inside of him, he is wanting the same thing!!!!
I sure hope he follows through on what he is saying. I agree with Kanya. It is soooooo important for him to go through this process without any distractions. If you guys fall into your old patterns, which he would happily do, he won’t be inspired to do the work. He NEEDS to feel uncomfortable. That is what is inspiring him to see a therapist, look at his life…..his soul is pushing him towards change, so if you get pulled back in, he will easily settle back into old patterns and this window of growth will close. So love him enough to stay away and KNOW that what you are doing for yourself is helping and role modeling for him what is possible. Who knows….once he really faces himself, maybe you 2 will be able to create a new pattern with each other romantically. That definitely is possible! But for now….you know what needs to happen for him. You would be giving him the BIGGEST gift you could ever give him, by staying away and sticking to the friend zone. That is the most loving thing you could do for him and for yourself as well. Love him enough to REQUIRE that he raises his vibration. Let’s see if he actually starts to follow through on his desires. This aloneness hopefully will be painful enough for him to take action.
I LOVE your last question about being feminine!!! I just got back from a conference where I REALLY resonated with this one particular speaker Denise Linn. Here is 1 of her books I just purchased and LOVE. I am very slowly going through it as I can tell this book will take me to the next level of what I am seeking. So I want to spend a lot of time with it! There are a lot of books and programs etc. about feminine energy and what it means. There are MANY approaches about how to connect to that side of ourselves and what it means to be a woman in relationship and in this world. Denise Linn resonated with me in a way that was special and just at the right time. She speaks the language of my soul I suppose :). Anyways, if this book and author doesn’t resonate for you, let me know as I have many other suggestions….I’m sure Kanya does as well, so between the 2 of us, we will be able to give you plenty of choices!
https://www.sacredspaces.org/b2075
heidi
This is a good video about the stories we tell ourselves with what is going on in a situation. Maybe this will help!
Hi Zoi,
I love all of your thoughts and your honesty!!! It gives us, as coaches, a much better chance at guiding you through this very difficult and confusing time.
Let me first address the odds and my experiences of men coming back to their women after breaking up. It’s mixed from what I have seen. Each couple has so many different dynamics that determine what happens. I will tell you however, that most of the time, the women do not choose to go back to them. When I work with my clients, I guide them towards healing, forgiveness, facing their fears (especially about being alone) and they get to a place where they feel so good! When the guys do come back, the ladies aren’t interested because they grew, they changed and healed. They raised their vibration and the guy didn’t….they know that heading back into a relationship with that guy, all the same patterns would show up because the guy is the same exact guy that left in the first place. The ladies have no interest in that as through the healing, their standards became higher.
There are a few times that my clients went back to the guy, but the guy also proved they had changed and they proved they were willing to work on the relationship, therefore they gave it shot. And then there of course are those guys that don’t come back. Regardless, my clients still healed and moved on.
A lot of what happens, especially after a breakup, is that the woman idealizes the man. Because she “loves” him and has that strong connection, all she feels is wanting him back. Her viewpoint of who he is gets VERY distorted. He is amazing, they “used to” have an amazing connection, when things were good, they were REALLY good. And all of that is true, but it’s only half of the story. What about the other half where he stopped communicating? What about the other half where he caused a lot of hurt? The thing about breakups, is that they hurts so badly that all you can think about is getting out of pain and feeling better…and people THINK and BELIEVE that if they could just get back together, the hurt would go away. Truth is, it may go away temporarily, but the same patterns will just show up again, the same rollercoaster will show up again and the same drama will show up again….UNLESS BOTH PEOPLE WORK ON THEIR ISSUES. If no one does anything to change, then nothing will change. Even if you did get him back Zoi, you are walking back to the same guy who will make the same decisions and treat you the same way. He will treat you well AND he will not treat you well.
In regards to your desires and wants, let me explain this a little differently, as I’m thinking there is a misunderstanding. I’m not saying, AT ALL, that you shouldn’t have those desires. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t desire connection and deep love with someone. I want the same thing as well! It’s an amazing experience to have!!! However, I’m not really worried about it whether or not that shows up in my life. In fact, I have no doubt I will get to have that experience in my life, to the level that I desire. AND….I trust that it will show up on my path when it shows up. I put myself out there, I am open to the experience and then I just let go. I do not try to force anything, I do not try to control the situation….I really honor WHAT IS. I have liked a handful of guys where it started out well and then fizzled out more on their end. Thank goodness!!! I’ll tell ya….once I disconnected from those guys and healed and became more objective, I saw much more clear and I saw how much they would not have been able to go the distance with me. When things ended, I honored that they needed to end (even when I didn’t understand it) and didn’t try to force and control the situation. I am at peace. Yes, I desire to meet and experience a love like no other AND I am at peace right now too, even though it isn’t here right now.
What I am saying is that it’s not your DESIRE that I am inviting you to shift or change….it’s the FEAR. False Evidence Appearing Real. It’s the fear that is woven into your desires that pollutes EVERYTHING! It changes how you see people and experience life. If your desire for love is a flame, the fear is a giant tank of gasoline thrown onto that fire that turns it into something GIANT and uncontrollable and mostly….not real! The intensity of your desire exists because of the fear. Does this make sense? If you face your fear, then you find out what your TRUE desires are, how they exist and you will be able to experience relationship from a clear perspective vs. being polluted with fear. So again, the desire is part of who you are. Imagine your desire is a big lake. The fear mucks up the water, makes it polluted, turn green and creates a toxic, unbalanced environment. Animals won’t be able to live there. But if you get rid of the fear, the water becomes clear, you can see to the very bottom and that environment attracts all kinds of wildlife to enjoy the balanced environment. The lake (your desire) still exists…it’s just more healthy! Hopefully this makes a bit more sense where I am trying to guide you. I’m using any analogy I can think of! lol. Usually, at some point, a person will finally identify with it.
I understand you are always changing your mind. That’s normal. Your spirit is unrestful and fighting against what is happening. It is very possible that you not communicating anything, that at some point, he will return. The reason you cannot view your experiences with him as all good memories, is because you haven’t quite forgiven him yet for the hurt he caused. So for right now, maybe really consider just disconnecting and working with what you are afraid of. Give yourself a few more weeks. You will reach a place where you start to settle into how you feel more consistently. At that time, you can decide if you want to send him a text or not and what you would like to say. Right now, you are so up and down and that’s okay! Once you stabilize more, you might find it easier to make a decision.
So yes, I agree that it’s a good idea to NOT text right now AND work with your fear. The more you work with your fear, the more the fire will calm down, the more your lake will get more clear….the more YOU will become clear as to the next step.
Does this make sense?
Heidi
HI Rachel,
I’m so glad you came here and are connecting with us! We LOVE LOVE LOVE supporting people through their struggles. Thank you for letting us into your life!
You are doing such an incredible job! I love that you had some friends to hang out with and night swim and just have fun. This weekend doesn’t HAVE to be difficult. Why not spend some time visualizing this weekend where you are actually happy and having fun? It’s a way to keep programming your mind that this is what you choose…to be happy, to feel healed, to feel complete. The more you visualize and feel that, the sooner it will show up for you that way! Try it out. Spend 10 minutes each day, creating your day to feel exactly how you want it to feel like.
Every guy is different. Some guys know how to cut off really well, while others can be very emotional. From what you shared about your relationship, I have no doubt you left an imprint on him and influenced his life. Keep sending him love and light as that will help heal the connection between you guys.
What kinds of fun things do you have planned for the weekend?
I have no idea why I am saying this right now, but it popped in my head. Do you have a pet?
Heidi
