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This is a great question, as it allows you to explore how you really feel.
How we treat ourselves, first and foremost, is how we end up teaching other people how to treat us. So if a guy breaks up and then wants to get back together and the girl says yes, she is teaching him that he is allowed to change his mind, without any specific requirements, agreements etc. and that she will just go along with it. A woman who has a lot of respect for herself and REQUIRES people to treat her with respect and kindness, she has standards. With standards, that means that she doesn’t just accept anybody into her inner circle. A person has to EARN the right to be in her inner circle, because she KNOWS she is valuable and her inner circle is a sacred, sacred space. That means she is discerning.
So…the answer to your question is more about YOUR standards and if you like your standards. Does he meet your standards? Do you want to say yes without really changing anything?
Heidi
Great! I’m so glad you love that question. It’s a tough one to answer sometimes, as it always puts the responsibility of meeting your needs in your own hands…and many people don’t want to do that kind of work.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the time that you guys had together! It sounds fantastic and wonderful and exactly what was needed. Well done on not pushing the relationship topic!!! You are doing such an amazing job!
My worry is that he’s going to be content with this friendship and not want to be in a relationship since it almost feels the same as what we had, just less consistent I understand this worry. Whenever you get worried, about anything in life, take a moment and re-connect yourself back to the truth….YOU WILL BE OKAY. There is no way to know how things will turn out…that is life in general. The only thing you can truly rely on EVER…is yourself. Trust yourself. Trust that however this turns out, you will figure out how to honor and love yourself through the very worst if that is what ends up happening. Even if the best ends up happening and you guys get back together, the worst can happen again and you lose him. My point is…when worry comes up and you are trying to look for some kind of solid answer to easy the worry, the ONLY answer that is 100% true is that you are resourceful and resilient and you will be okay no matter what shows up from day to day. Does this help?
Heidi
So when we did, maybe that kind of triggered other people leaving. This is a really good place to start. It’s incredibly difficult to feel totally invested in someone and then all of a sudden, in a confusing and shocking way, they decide to disconnect. It would be INCREDIBLY difficult to trust in any kind of connection, right? Of course it would trigger obsession the moment your guy disconnected the first time. We ALL have those types of experiences in our lives and it shapes our relationship with love and how we experience it. The truth about any relationship, is there is NEVER a guarantee. Relationship is a choice…always. So 30 years together DOES NOT guarantee another day together. That’s the hardest part about connection. It’s always a risk. The goal is, having the strength to risk and KNOWING that if it doesn’t sustain, for whatever reason, that you will be okay and figure out how to heal and grow from the experience. The idea is, each experience is meant to teach you about yourself and expand you…and then you move forward, hopefully not holding onto the pain from that past – which is really difficult unless you forgive and release the pain of the past. If you are dealing with depression, then that is letting you know there is a lot of pain from your past that you are holding onto and that hasn’t been resolved.
It’s a TON of pressure on either partner, to be the main confidant. When someone doesn’t have the support and connection with close friends, the partner ends up taking on a lot of attention that really is best to be directed towards friends. For a healthy connection, it’s important for BOTH people to have separate friends and separate lives – it helps keep the relationship more expanded. I’m so so sorry you have had to struggle with friendships. It’s awful what you have been through.
Sorry, I’m just feeling a lot right now, and I’m definitely overwhelmed with a lot of emotions and I’m trying to figure out how to move forward and I’m trying to figure out how to strengthen our connection once we get back on speaking terms.This is very normal. Separation from someone you love activates a serious emotional rollercoaster. Go with the flow and expect all of it at any time. One thing that was helpful for me after the hardest breakup was talking into a recorder whenever I felt what I felt. There is so much to say and feel and it’s important for it all to come OUT in healthy ways. Talking into a recorder, journaling, dancing your feelings, artwork your feelings, take a foam bat to a pillow…there are SO many ways to express how you feel in the moment. It’s important to give it all the space and time to exist WITHOUT judgment. You have a lot you have been carrying around for years, so this breakup is triggering ALL of it. It’s going to take some time. Stay committed to your growth and keep your attention on YOU. When you start to find yourself in the future about him, STOP yourself. Stay present. One moment at a time. The future thinking can absolutely stall and distract you from today. The future are just stories that are made up by your mind that have ZERO truth or reality to it…that’s why it’s a very dangerous place to live. It activates fear and that is what you need to stay away from for healing.
But I worry because so many people have change their minds about me and many people have left me after telling me that they would always be there and after telling me that they care and love me so much.I’m so sorry. This is so hard and the reality of relationship. I have lost soooo many people in my life as well. There is no such thing as forever, so as much as people say they love you and care about you and will always be there…it’s true in THAT moment. Love is a daily choice. I always encourage people to NOT use the words ALWAYS or NEVER – i.e. I will “always” be there for you or I will “never” leave you…those are promises that just are not realistic….because life happens. Children die, people cheat, accidents happen, sickness shows up.
A more healthy “promise” that anyone can keep is “I will always work on being honest and authentic. I want to be the best kind of partner I can possibly be. I will keep growing and learning about myself.” Those are the forever kind of promises that can actually be kept.One day at a time right now.
Heidi
Hello!
This is so great! You are learning about yourself and who you want to be. You are becoming more confident and deciding how you want to handle everything and it’s fantastic. It’s always a work in progress, but you are on a great path and you will continue to learn and grow.
I understand your fear about falling back into old patterning of obsessing and insecurity. That’s normal and it will happen again. It’s just part of growing. So expect it, but also look for the changes that happen and celebrate the growth. For example, when you do fall back into insecurity or obsessing, notice that maybe you don’t stay there as long and you are able to pull yourself back to the truth and get grounded again. CELEBRATE that! That’s growth! Or maybe your obsessing is less intense. CELEBRATE that! That’s growth.
I would also like to suggest to explore where these feelings are coming from. Maybe past abandonment? Usually when we get triggered into big emotions as an adult, it links back to childhood experiences and feelings that we never processed. That is the way to be able to truly shift any fear, insecurity, obsession….get the core root story/belief that is running in your subconscious that easily gets activated.
Keep up the good work! You are doing great!
Heidi
Good job with everything you are learning! It is quite the process to discover the core root or the “why” behind your feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem etc. You are learning now how to recognize the symptom though…which is a start. Here is an exercise that can help uncover deeper stuff within. It’s called left/right handwriting. Whichever hand you write with, represent you right now…your adult self. Your hand represents the little girl inside who is carrying a lot of the hurt and fear and low self-esteem that you feel. Get a pen and paper, or I like to use BIG construction paper and have a pen for my adult and a big crayon for my little girl – and have a conversation. It begins with your adult. You ask your little girl questions about how she is feeling. So it can start with “Hi! I’m so excited to get to talk with you. I can feel your sadness right now. Do you want to tell me about that?” Then switch the pen to the other hand and write the answer with that hand. Let your mind just go blank and DO NOT filter what comes up. Just write whatever words come up and give that space to feel whatever it is that she wants to feel. Make sure you are not trying to “think” about it for too long. Just open up your mind and let the words flow out of you. DO NOT judge or filter or select what comes up. Just write. When you feel she is done talking, then switch hands back to the “adult” hand and ask her more questions. MOST IMPORTANTLY, your job, as the adult, is to JUST LISTEN!!! DO NOT try and fix what she is feeling. Just validate, hold space for her and let her know that you love her and that you appreciate her sharing with you and that you got her…you are going to protect her and take better care of her. It’s how we “parent” ourselves. This is a really tough question to answer, but it always brings us back to ourselves…What is it that you are wanting from him, that you are not willing to give to yourself? Whenever we are looking for someone outside of us to behave or act in a certain way so that we can feel better, our hurt will go away, the pain will subside…that giving our power away and needing THEM to fix our hurt….so asking, What do you want from him, that you re not willing to give to yourself? causes you to take back your power and fix yourself…WITHOUT him. Stay empowered. Know that you have everything you need to heal the hurt and the baggage you carry WITHOUT other people apologizing, or changing, or being different in order for you to feel better. So maybe your little girl response says “I am so sad. I feel like my heart is hurting.” and then your adult says “I can feel that. Tell me about it. Is there any other time you remember feeling like this?” little girl says “I remember mommy one time really yelled at me and it made me feel bad.” the adult says “I am so sorry you felt like that. I understand. It feels really awful when someone yells at you.” she says “I am a bad little girl. I couldn’t make mommy happy.” you say “I know it feels like that sometimes. I just want you to know that I love you and I do not think you are bad girl. Even though mommy wasn’t happy, it’s not your fault. You are okay and I’m wrapping my arms around you and loving you so much!”
The more you practice this exercise, the more you will become comfortable with it and you will be able to connect with this part of you, even without writing. Still to this day, when I write with my little girl, I am surprised at what comes up. It’s a really great way to access your subconscious and develop the love and connection with yourself….it teaches you how to be a good mom!!!
Really taking responsibility for your own feelings and reactions, will change the dynamics completely in any relationship. When I get into arguments with any of my inner circle people, I OWN my reactions…I use my skills to deal with my hurt and I talk with them about their feelings, my feelings and we teach each other about what we learned and what we need differently moving forward. There is NEVER any blaming, pointing the finger, victim mentality or criticism. There is just a lot of respect, openness, curiosity and learning. It doesn’t mean that we don’t get heated sometimes, it just means that no matter how upset or angry we feels, respect and care is the foundation that we operate from. So no matter what the differences are, like your guy is saying, there is peace knowing there are work arounds. Even in the healthiest of relationship, there is a percentage of issues that will NEVER truly get resolved. That’s normal, because there are differences. Learning how to work with them, embrace them and maintain respect and openness is how you move through those differences.
So…how about trying to have a conversation with him about the relationship WITHOUT trying to get back together. I call it the “Investigative Reporter Mindset.” Instead of trying to figure out how to get him back, be an investigative reporter and gather the facts. Ask a lot of questions with the purpose of trying to find DEEP understanding about the situation. BE CURIOUS!!! Most people LOVE LOVE LOVE when you are curious about them.
Here is how the conversation can start. “So listen. Since our breakup I have been doing a lot of reading, watching videos and learning more about myself. I am really seeing how a lot of my low self-esteem and insecurities have shown up in our relationship. It’s very eye opening. Can I ask you some questions about how you are feeling about our relationship? I am not asking in efforts to get back together. I am asking because I want to learn about myself and you have a perspective about me that is unique. I also truly want to understand what you are feeling and why. I just want to listen and understand with no agenda to try and change your mind.” So ask your questions. There are a million you could ask about what he has already shared, so how about we come up with some questions together that you can ask him. Keep that list with you when you talk with him. The intent of the conversation is just to LISTEN. No different than talking with your little girl. Validate, listen and hold space for the feelings and ask another question.
Does this make sense?
Heidi
I understand you really want to have him back. You deeply care and love him. You are heading in a GOOD direction though! It’s incredibly important that you respect his choice and his boundaries. A lot of trust gets broken in a breakup process when the woman becomes determined to get the guy back – and she does EVERYTHING to try to get him back by overtaxing, trying to convince him, trying to change his mind, trying to prove they are meant to be together….all the while, she is not understanding that the message she is sending him is that she doesn’t trust his process, she doesn’t respect his boundaries and most of all…that her needs are more important than his. A woman who chases the man after a breakup ends up really sabotaging trust, emotional safety and respect…all things that are incredibly important if a guy is going to come back.
He NEEDS to feel that you respect his choice. He NEEDS to feel that you trust his process and even though he is taking distance right now, it’s what HE NEEDS!!! So by trying to convince him that his needs are wrong or less important than yours by trying to force your own needs of being back together…it can trigger his walls. AND….something very important to understand about men in general…they respect and enjoy a woman who can stand on her own. When they feel that their woman can be okay separate than them, a man will deeply relax and have deep respect for her knowing she can take care of herself. A woman who constantly messages him, begs him, pleads with him, tries to convince him of what is “right” and what “should” be, makes him feel her weakness and insecurity…which in the end breaks trust and respect as well. So…keep giving him space and let HIM lead. Who knows why he isn’t texting…that’s just a guessing game. Your job is to respect his space, trust in the timing of it and stop trying to force his connection.
I know how hard this is for you. It’s really hard for most women because we are such strong connectors. But earning his respect and trust needs to be your TOP priority and you will do that by listening to his needs and doing what he asks and respecting his choice. It does not guarantee you will get back together…nothing does…but it’s your best chance at getting him back.
Heidi
Wow! So it was around 8 months before you guys even met in person? Are you guys a long-distance relationship or something? I didn’t have that impression, so I’m a little confused.
Of course you were needy for him after the termination. He shut down and wouldn’t talk about it and that was a REALLY big choice for both of you. But in the aftermath, it was something you guys went through together, which is really sad. So you becoming more “needy” would be your desire to deeply connect with him after making a choice like that – and him not being available for you to process your choices TOGETHER, it would heighten your neediness.
Here’s the thing though…you are who you are…you beautiful and amazing and messy and challenging. We ALL have those sides to us. The right kind of partner is the one who accepts and loves us for EXACTLY who we are, rollercoaster and all.
The first time has sounded a little like the process that goes into manifesting. I apologise there are just so many things I have come across recently and I’m really trying to do better whether that be in supporting him and showing him that I care a lot. We should be together as well as trying to do better for myself. It’s all a little overwhelming for me right now Slow it down a bit. If you are in overwhelm, you are missing most of the information you are trying to learn anyways. I imagine you are attempting to learn as much as possible as quickly as possible, in efforts to win him back. Like I’ve already said…the issue lies within HIM – this is not about you being, doing or acting differently to get him back. This is about HIM dealing with his internal world and facing whatever it is that causing him to sabotage and disconnect.
Be careful with the whole manifestation idea. The way it’s taught in the mainstream media is completely off and just a small sliver of the big picture. I have studied manifestation and the law of attraction for over 2 decades and the majority of info. out there just confuses a lot of people. No matter how much you follow the EXACT rules of manifestation, what is rarely talked about is what I call the X-factor. The X-factor is timing. Divine timing. Universal timing. Life timing. Whatever you want to call it. But there are ALWAYS variables at play that none of us are privy to that highly influence what shows up in our lives and when. So you can manifest being back together with your guy all you want, but it’s going to happen or not happen according to more important variables at play. The law of attraction is ONE law of many universal laws – that NEVER act on their own. The universal laws work TOGETHER and compliment each other, but media pulled out the law of attraction or “manifestation” as a single principle and that is not how it operates. I like to guide people into acceptance. In the space of acceptance, you are in FLOW with the universal laws, divine laws etc. and that is where you will find peace. Again, you keep searching for ways to control and influence the outcome and maybe that is the lesson that you are meant to learn….let go. Learn how to let go and be in flow instead of in fighting against what is happening. That IS one of the main principles of manifestation that is really powerful…let go of your agenda and let the universe provide for you exactly what you need.
Thoughts?
Heidi
The more I think what he did to me I feel very hurt but I also remember what it was like before he got scared and put the wall up. Yes…you guys were great before he put his walls up AND he put his walls up. Remember to see him for ALL of who he is. He is great AND he is also very fearful and not skilled in relationship. That means that no matter how great your connection is, you are going to get hurt quite a bit with this guy, because of his fears. We all have them, of course…but as long as we own them and work on them…it’s all workable, right? So as long as he just keeps moving through life without dealing with his baggage, he will continue to hurt you.
I want him to feel that I am a special friend and when he needs to talk that I am here. This is a slippery slope here. Reality is, even if you were his “special” friend, you want more from him. How would it make you feel if he started dating another woman? And he started to appropriately confide in her more and less with you? Ouch!!! So it’s not very realistic to want to be “special” in his life without having strings attached to what that means. You are setting yourself up for some pretty big disappointments here. You are already being pulled back into him – and that’s okay! You guys have a great connection! And then one day when he sabotages the connection in some form or fashion, you will have a choice point again. Lord knows I’ve been through that cycle many times. It’s a tough one, but also was necessary for me to really develop my standards.
Heidi
I’m uncovering some issues with self esteem and self love that I’m starting to work on. Wonderful!!! I honestly think this is the super power of love. As much as it is painful what love can activate deep within us, there is nothing like love that exposes all of our “fault” lines – the cracks in our system where low self-esteem lives. How are you going to start working on it? What types of skills are you developing? How are you learning about this part of yourself? Books? Videos?
Is this doomed or a good sign? Honestly, I don’t think it is either. He still is interested in connecting, so you still have your foot in the door. At the same time, he has 1 foot out the door, so it’s a delicate dance y’all are playing here. My suggestion is to keep it light. Stay away from talking about the relationship. You want him to feel GOOD when he is around you. Laugh, be silly and strictly focus on developing the friendship together. DO NOT push him into getting back together. Let HIM keep the pace and you just sit back and be your beautiful self! Be connective, a little flirty, wear outfits that make you feel good and keep it light. The more he feels safe being around you and that you won’t bring up the relationship topic, the more he will feel okay continuing to connect. So let go of your agenda to get back together.
Thoughts on this?
Heidi
Hi Cathy,
How about a middle ground here. Being that he is the one who put all the walls up, it’s best that HE is the one making the effort right now.
He told me that he would be home Tuesday night and I could call him but what for? You tell me…what would you call him for? It doesn’t matter what HE wants, it’s what YOU want. Do you WANT to talk to him? You guys have had a couple of conversations again…are they friendly? Flirty? Business? What do YOU want from him?
I don’t want him to think that I don’t care. Care about what? He broke your trust. He pulled you in, connected with you, inspired you to open your heart and then all of a sudden, his walls went up. He broke the connection, in the snap of a finger and of course “pretends” there was nothing there to begin with. So…from my perspective, he has a lot of work to do to earn your trust back. Whether you care or not, is of no consequence. He has to EARN your care. Be discerning. Your heart is valuable and whatever caused him to shut down, is still there and can easily be activated again.
Heidi
Even if he isn’t able to complete the task, it can still be a “hero” thing because he made the effort. So instead of focusing on how thankful you are for him completing the task, you focus on appreciating his effort – so in a way – he is still your “hero.”
As far as you wanting to talk and it being your birthday etc., I imagine he may not have been open to connecting because he may have felt your desire to connect and interpreted it as “needy” on some level. Whenever a guy feels a woman trying to pull something from them that they don’t want to give, they typically put up a lot of walls. So as I have been saying all along, let go of your agenda to connect. Let go of “wanting” anything with him. This is what it means to actually give a guy TRUE space, beyond just physically giving him space. Many times, when the guy feels energetic space, he feels like he can breathe and doesn’t have to put his walls up to protect himself from a woman who wants something from him. When you can be in FULL acceptance of his choice without you trying to change his mind, or pull something from him that he is not freely offering…it’s very possible he may start to open up to you again little bits of time because trust is being built. He NEEDS to trust that you will let him be and trust his process if he is ever going to open up to you again. Does this make sense?
Heidi
I’m not sure if this is correct, but I am led to believe that isn’t actually the healthiest in a relationship and that you don’t need to switch up your schedule and see your partner all the time when in a relationship You are spot on here. It isn’t healthy to spend all your time to be with your person. One of the things that helps a relationship work, is BOTH people having separate lives. They spend time with other people, they have other things to do etc. so when they do come back together, there are things to talk about. So I’m glad you are seeing that about yourself and wanting to build more of a balance between spending time with him and other people, if he decides to come back.
We ended up leaving it just because I wanted to talk to him and have a conversation. I just wanted to ask what I should do in that situation if he is unable to help me? It sounds like you found a good thing for him to help you with, but I’m a little confused. He left without fixing it because you wanted to have a conversation with him and he didn’t want to? Were you wanting to talk about the relationship?
Use these techniques sparingly by the way.
Heidi
Hi Caroline!
I’m so sorry you are having to go through a breakup. It’s terribly difficult to watch the man you love slip through your fingers, regardless of what you do.
It sounds like he is still unsure about breaking up. It sounds like there is still some hope here, but the thing is, nothing is going to inspire him to re-connect unless things change. He doesn’t want to step back into how you guys were connecting before, so what do you understand about your relationship and yourself, that needs to shift in order to create a better connection?
The biggest thing you can do, is start to take responsibility for your side of things by taking ACTION to shift it, instead of just begging and crying for him to come back. Men typically lose respect for a woman who begs. What will help him find you more attractive is your inner strength and confidence. When he also sees that you are taking ACTION to shift how you connect with him, he will know that there is potential again. Hopefully, he will do the same, because as much as you may shift your side of things, it will never last if he doesn’t shift his side as well.
Thoughts on this?
Heidi
Oh goodness. I’m so sorry Kimberly! Of course, you are confused! Love bombing is so incredibly intense and can absolutely sweep a woman off her feet!
Unfortunately, love bombing is a MASSIVE red flag. The hotter, the faster, the stronger someone comes on, run just as fast the other way. He spent all of this money, time and effort on you…hardly knowing you. He got what he wanted eventually and now he is trying to keep it kosher between you guys so he doesn’t have to deal with an angry woman. Just curious, have you ever expressed to him how it made you feel?
I don’t know the real reasons behind his behavior and it doesn’t really matter. What matters is the end result. He used you. He has little to no respect for women in general. Love bombing is either a guy who is playing games or it’s a guy who falls hard and fast…which is a sign of someone who is pretty empty inside and looking for someone to fill that hole. He is a guy who is emotionally unavailable on so many levels and he definitely is taking advantage of his status. I’m sure he has done this to many other women. He obviously knew exactly what to say and do to break down your walls.
Here is just a general rule to go by…when a guy chases you and tells you how amazing you are, how beautiful you are or says those BIG compliments with zero experience with knowing who you actually are, run the other way. Whenever a guy tells me that I am like no other woman he has met or that I am amazing or something of that flavor – and he hasn’t actually spent enough time with me to give those compliments any kind of meaning, I disconnect and move on. I have no interest in being on a pedestal, I have no interest in a guy who “jumps in,” I have no interest in someone having an opinion about me without really knowing me…those kinds of compliments are empty with no substance behind them.
I’m soooooo so sorry. What he did was awful. It was incredibly disrespectful and dishonoring to your beautiful heart and body. The greatest gift he gave you was to help you become more aware of this red flag, so you can be more discerning in the future.
Thoughts on this?
Heidi
Hi R,
Sorry for the delayed response. I am just coming back from my days off.
I am so sorry if this feels like I’m disregarding what you were saying because I’m definitely not doing that it just is me not giving up and trying to offer support whilst also having hope No need to apologize. You are the only one who truly knows what is right for you and that is all that matters. It sounds like you are really clear about staying connected to him, so go with that! Not a single person on earth can tell you when you are done with anything…except for you. You obviously still have a journey to take with this guy and you get to do that. You will learn many things along the way!
As far as twin flames, I have also researched it extensively and experienced my twin flame as a romantic partner. The best relationship I have ever had! Also, a very short-lived one. In all of my research, I too have come across those same concepts you mention and I also have come across people who specialize in this area and work with twin flame relationships with people…who say that twin flames are rarely relationships that work romantically. Twin flames are looked at NOT as a romantic construct, but instead a type of relationship that is meant to expand the people involved…in a very special way that only a twin flame could do. Twin flames could be friends, a challenging coworker, a rough romantic partner…twin flames can take any form of relationship – and sometimes they are romantic and can last and many times it doesn’t play out that way.
I’m not trying to feed into any delusions, but when I did research on that, it just really resonated with me on a very deep level, and I know many people can see that as creating delusion, but in fact, it kind of confirmed how I was already feeling, and it gave me a bit of comfort. Be careful here. You are finding comfort in something that is very speculative. I know it’s what you have been sensing and feeling, but at the same time, it is VERY important that you stay present and deal with the reality that is right in front of you. It is incredibly easy to get lost in our sensing/feeling/intuitive experiences. The goal is to stay balanced. Definitely pay attention to what you are sensing and feeling AND stay grounded in the present moment. I do Akashic Record readings and I will tell you that is the EXACT guidance I receive all the time for my clients. Stay present. For example, maybe your guy is your twin flame. Maybe he isn’t. AND…are those details that actually matter in your situation? No. It’s definitely interesting and giving you insight into how you feel about him, but it’s not a detail that is going to change anything. Breaking up 2x before being together long term? Maybe, maybe not. Finding comfort in THAT guidance is giving you hope and again, it’s based on an opinion, not something solid, predictable nor universal. So that’s what I mean by staying grounded. I do not mean to discourage you at all. My intention here is to just keep you grounded. I spend a lot of time in the realms where the twin flame concept comes from and it’s all magical, beautiful, powerful and limitless far beyond our understanding. No matter what I learn, or see, or understand about the “unknowable” and “unseeable” things to us, I always come back to reality right in front of me and be in relationship with that. Does this make sense??
any advice on how I can strengthen our connection so that it can lead to us growing, and Getting back together later on My advice is to be in FULL acceptance of what is happening. Do not push, do not have an agenda and release your attachment to him. This does NOT mean you won’t be together. It’s more working with the concept of embracing what is, releasing your attachment for a certain result and that is where you will find the most powerful, inner peace. The more you stay attached to “doing/saying/being” a certain way to keep him connected to you, you then enter into the energy of “pushing” in order to get what you want. This is where the hurt will grow, fester and keep you in pain. BUT…if you enter into the energy of “allowing” you are instead surrendering your agenda and trusting that everything is going to turn out exactly as it is supposed to. It could absolutely mean you come back together or it could mean that you go separate ways and come back together 30 years down the road. Who knows! But surrendering control will bring you your greatest lessons. I know you have strong feelings and sense that he is your twin flame and that you are truly meant to be together. That’s okay. AND…forcing any of that happen is not “ALLOWING” you to be open to ALL the lessons available to you, because your agenda is all that you are focused on. You can still love him, you can still be open to him, you can still stay connected to him, but in a way where you are sitting in the back seat of the car, letting things unfold naturally and in the most powerful way possible…as they say in the spiritual communities “for the highest good of all.” And that sometimes means, we don’t get what we want, but we do exactly what we need. We ALWAYS get exactly what we need, when we get out of the way. AND…I cannot tell you how many times I have seen couples get back together once the person I am working with, enters into “allowing/acceptance.” Sometimes, that is the lesson that is needed most…letting go of pushing/forcing/our agenda type of energy….and then all of a sudden, the couple is back together, much stronger than before.
How is all of this coming across to you? I hope I am not coming across where you don’t feel validated or understood. Let’s keep talking as there are many layers here. I really enjoy talking with you as you are open, honest and clear about how you feel. I definitely want to support that while also helping you perspective and stay open to every possibility waiting for you.
Heidi
