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Hi Rhonda,
Here is something that may help you understand yourself a little more. It’s what I call the difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is what you fill your brain with…the books, the articles, the “information.” Wisdom is putting all that information / knowledge into practice and BECOMING that knowledge. So you can read all the books you want. You have a lot of “knowledge” on how to flirt, but wisdom is actually flirting and FEELING / BEING that energy….wisdom is the point where your energy aligns with the information and you become one with the information. Does that make sense??? So the main question is, how do you get knowledge to shift into wisdom??? I wish there were a direct and simple answer, but there isn’t….hence the spice of life. There is something stopping you from feeling your feminine, sensual, flirty self. I don’t know if you have never felt it, or you used to feel it and it’s gone. But the belief that you are “horrible” at it and that is your dominant thought, then all that will happen is that you are horrible at it. Here is a wonderful quote. “Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right!”
Flirting is an energy. When you connect into the energy, the actions to express that energy (flirting) become much more natural and instinctive. Everyone flirts differently as well. There are so many variations to it. Some use body language, some use words, some use touch, some use information. What I think the best avenue for you to go down is, how to connect to that feminine side of yourself. Do you feel you are beautiful? Do you ever feel sexy with an outfit you put on? Do you feel your feminine side well??
I just would like to throw out the idea of maybe going offline for a bit. When you believe that you are the one that is always doing something “wrong” because you are not getting responses, it really is going to start to wear down your self – esteem and belief in the amazing that you really are. When that starts to happen, it’s time to take a break and go build yourself back up. Go work on improving your self love and your feminine energy. Take a journey down the rabbit hole and discover what is stopping you from feeling good about flirting.
Thoughts??
Heidi
You are not too nice! DO NOT ever lose your ability to care about other people, even if they are ***holes! 🙂
Now I understand! I call that resilience.
Heidi
Hi Andrea!
Welcome!!! We are so glad you are here and sharing your questions with us!
First, I know this is not what you most likely want to hear, but I would be remiss not to mention it. You have never met in person, yet you are saying you love him, he is your person etc. You are moving quite fast with your thoughts about him. I would have to say, it’s the most dangerous part of meeting someone through technology. It’s IMPOSSIBLE not to form a fantasy around the person you are connecting with, especially if you are sexting. People, especially women, start to build a story around this person and their hearts get really invested. Problem is, you have no idea what he is like in person. That matters. Hold onto your heart, your love, your feelings and let someone EARN them from you. You have opened up the floodgates with a guy you barely know. I know you feel like you “fit” and that is such a wonderful feeling…but you also need evidence of that, in person, to know if that is actually true person to person. Make sense?
Okay…as far as your next steps, he told you EXACTLY what he needs from you, but you are ignoring him, so of course he is going to pull away. He said to chill with your feelings. He is communicating in various ways, he is not interested in having anything other than some type of sexual relationship with you at this point. It may have started out differently, but it sounds like you came on really strong with more feelings and he pulled back. This, in essence, doesn’t really allow room for the guy to chase you. Guys need to feel like they have to “work” for their woman. You guys barely know each other and you are sending him poetry, professing your love and telling him he is your person. He is not on the same page as you. He may keep coming back for the sexting aspect, but he isn’t responding to anything more than that, so I think it’s important that you REALLY listen to what he has directly said to you and also what he is telling you through his actions. If you want to catch his attention more, that would mean giving him space. No more telling him how you feel. Let him feel you pull away. This is how you can activate the “chase” in him. Is that something you are willing to try??
Thoughts?
Heidi
Hi Sharon,
I’m not sure he would view it as you being so disposable. It sounds like the meaning you are putting on his decision is triggering something from your past. Have you felt like that before??
Here’s another way to look at it…he needs to take care of himself and not go over the edge. So he is choosing himself over choosing you. It’s not at all that you are disposable, it’s that he is doing everything he can to manage and survive his life which means he needs to monitor where his attention and energy goes. Being that you are a new relationship, which is unpredictable, it would make sense to choose to let go of you so he can take that energy and focus it on himself. How does this viewpoint feel for you??
As far as his relationship with his daughter and ex-wife…those are BIG RED FLAGS!!! If he is that enmeshed with them, in an unhealthy way, that means a lot of his energy is going to those relationships, which in reality, doesn’t leave much left for another female to enter the picture in a healthy way. If you continued dating, his style of relationship with them, would cause quite a bit of a problem for you. So maybe this is a good thing it’s happening now, instead of really intertwining your lives and then having to let go a few years down the road because he is unhealthy in relationship. Just a thought.
Heidi
hahaha! I see that! I kept pressing “submit” over and over and it wasn’t sending…lol. I realized I had a bad internet connection…but I guess it’s good now!
Wow! That guy has a lot of nerve to like your picture! I’m just shaking my head…
I’m not sure it’s realistic to not have pain with love. Pain and hurt and challenge are all part of what can cause love to grow stronger, or not. Maybe I am not understanding correctly though. What do you mean there is no pain???
Heidi
Hi Emilie!
Yes, you are on the right track. I was wanting to see what your vision was for the kind of love you are looking for. What does it feel like, how do your interactions happen, what do YOU feel like around that person, how do you have fun together, how do you argue. I got the gist of what you are saying though.
Would still love to hear more about it whenever you have some time!
Heidi
Hi Emilie!
Yes, you are on the right track. I was wanting to see what your vision was for the kind of love you are looking for. What does it feel like, how do your interactions happen, what do YOU feel like around that person, how do you have fun together, how do you argue. I got the gist of what you are saying though.
Would still love to hear more about it whenever you have some time!
Heidi
Hi Emilie!
Yes, you are on the right track. I was wanting to see what your vision was for the kind of love you are looking for. What does it feel like, how do your interactions happen, what do YOU feel like around that person, how do you have fun together, how do you argue. I got the gist of what you are saying though.
Would still love to hear more about it whenever you have some time!
Heidi
Hi Emilie!
Yes, you are on the right track. I was wanting to see what your vision was for the kind of love you are looking for. What does it feel like, how do your interactions happen, what do YOU feel like around that person, how do you have fun together, how do you argue. I got the gist of what you are saying though.
Would still love to hear more about it whenever you have some time!
Heidi
Hi Emilie!
Yes, you are on the right track. I was wanting to see what your vision was for the kind of love you are looking for. What does it feel like, how do your interactions happen, what do YOU feel like around that person, how do you have fun together, how do you argue. I got the gist of what you are saying though.
Would still love to hear more about it whenever you have some time!
Heidi
Hi Emilie!
Yes, you are on the right track. I was wanting to see what your vision was for the kind of love you are looking for. What does it feel like, how do your interactions happen, what do YOU feel like around that person, how do you have fun together, how do you argue. I got the gist of what you are saying though.
Would still love to hear more about it whenever you have some time!
Heidi
Hi Emilie!
Yes, you are on the right track. I was wanting to see what your vision was for the kind of love you are looking for. What does it feel like, how do your interactions happen, what do YOU feel like around that person, how do you have fun together, how do you argue. I got the gist of what you are saying though.
Would still love to hear more about it whenever you have some time!
Heidi
Hi Emilie!
Yes, you are on the right track. I was wanting to see what your vision was for the kind of love you are looking for. What does it feel like, how do your interactions happen, what do YOU feel like around that person, how do you have fun together, how do you argue. I got the gist of what you are saying though.
Would still love to hear more about it whenever you have some time!
Heidi
Hi Sharon!
I’m so so sorry! It’s so shocking when it comes out of nowhere like that! Do you believe him? Did he seem sad or apologize? What was your response?
He does have a lot happening right now. Most men view relationships very differently than women. For a woman, when stress is really high, relationship with their person is CRUCIAL! They will bond a lot more and tend to rely more on their partner. Men will tend to want to draw away and disconnect more. They can tend to view connecting with their person as one more thing to do vs. looking at their partner as support. If you guys had been together a good year or so, I’m sure his response would have been different, but this is still so new, I’m not surprised he disconnected.
Does this make sense?
Heidi
