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Hi Lauren,
Thank you for sharing more details! You might want to consider a Gottman trained therapist. Here is their website: https://www.gottman.com/professionals/referral-network/ If you go under the “couples” tab, you can find a therapist. There are other things to try as well like events, retreats, games etc. so maybe something of that sort can be helpful to get the ball rolling.
I’m sorry that he is telling you more that is wrong with you compared to what is right with you. That would be hard for ANYONE! We ALL need validation and words of encouragement and affirmation, regardless of our dominant love language. Gottman talks about the 1:5 ratio for a healthy relationship. For every negative thing about someone, there needs to be 5 positive. It doesn’t sound like your guy is able to take this kind of approach with you, whether it’s because of his own woundedness and issues and it’s not a perspective he is willing to align with, or it’s because he truly does not have those kinds of feelings for you. The thing is, he would need help dissecting that, because it’s very complicated and far from clear. There really is a lot of “fog” or lack of clarity between you guys. It really might be time to get a 3rd party involved to help you both figure out new ways to connect and communicate….or not. Either way, you guys need to create some movement in one direction or another.
As far as disconnecting from your friend, it can be whatever design you want. I understand the great consequences of disconnecting from her. Reality is, it may not even work anyways. She is more of a distraction from what his real feelings are anyways, so it’s even possible that even if you were to completely disconnect and she was out of your lives completely, it doesn’t mean that his attentions would turn more towards you. You get to decide how you want to handle it. It’s going to be a day to day thing at this point. I think before you make any of those kinds of decisions, you BOTH need to get on the same page about what you want and what kind of relationship you want to create and do what you gotta do to align with that. Does this help?
Heidi
Hi Caroline!
Thank you for sharing more details! It’s really helpful! Let’s break some of this down and see if it helps.
He said it was too complicated because I often asked him the same questions (because I doubted what he said was true sometimes, I can get really insecure and I need reassurance which I never really felt like I got from him, but maybe it’s just my own trust issues and not him the problem, I don’t know) Whatever it is that you are feeling, it’s 100% in you. He cannot make you feels something that doesn’t exist inside of you already. He can be a trigger, but that’s about it. The trust issues and insecurity that you feel with him, existed long before he ever came along. For a healthy relationship, it’s always important that BOTH people take responsibility for their own feelings and not put it on the other person to “fix” through better behavior etc. Whenever I get triggered by someone who does or doesn’t do something I am needing, I always know there is a gift in it for me. Meaning, it’s an opportunity where I get to experience my low self-esteem and I get to heal that part of myself. Every chance I get to heal, means I become stronger and stronger from the INSIDE and I don’t need anyone on the outside to tell me or re-assure me for my worth. You needing him to re-assure you is essentially giving your power away to him. Why does HE get to determine your value??? He does not have that right nor power to tell you your worth! You are valuable, loveable and worth knowing, whether or not he thinks or believes that!! When you feel that and know that within yourself, you then command that kind of respect from any person (friend or lover) if they are going to be in your life. People will treat you how you treat yourself.
He also said that what bothered him was the fact that he had to gain my trust (which is a normal thing to do in every relationship right?!) and that sometimes I didn’t give the benefit of the doubt. There is a difference between him needing to gain your trust because you automatically don’t trust guys because of past traumas…and building trust from a healthy place. This is kind of the same topic as above. Making him “earn” your trust most likely is because you have a lot of hurt you are still carrying around, so in essence, he is paying the price for all the people who have hurt you in the past, vs. coming into the relationship with a clean slate from your eyes. Building trust in a relationship in a healthy way would mean that you are honoring and believing what he is saying until evidence shows otherwise. What reason is there not to believe him? If there are none, then why not give him the benefit of the doubt? That’s why it’s a good idea to always take things slow. You want to spend time seeing that his words and actions line up. You want to see that he really is the person he portrays himself to be. If you find discrepancies, then that is something to really pay attention to and consider before moving forward with someone. Is this helpful??
But he kinda is the common denominator too, it’s not all on me that it’s been complicated. Absolutely true!! It takes 2 to tango!!!
Also, I’ve been thinking about something that’s been kinda bothering me; some of my friends told me that we might be incompatible. I don’t like this word because I think that if you really like someone it shouldn’t be hard to make efforts for that person, period. What do you think about that? This is not always true. Like Kanya said, how you feel towards someone is NOT a predictor of anything healthy in a relationship actually. I know PLENTY of people who act horrible when they like someone. It all depends on their role models and the kind of treatment they received growing up. For example, it’s not uncommon for children who were abused to grow up and marry abusers or become abusers themselves. Many children pair love with neglect or love with abuse or love with sex, because that is what they are taught in their primary years. So liking someone can actually be a HUGE trigger for many people on a subconscious level. It’s more common than you think. Does this make sense?
I was willing to not contact him for like 2 weeks and a half top to get my “power” back and show him that he wasn’t my whole world but a month seems very long since it’s already been a month we haven’t seen each other. What do you think ? What are the other ways to get his attention and interest? What if you KNEW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are a spectacular woman and that any man would be so darn lucky to have you in their life….would you worry about him moving on? An empowered person would say and believe “I am valuable and worth fighting for. If he doesn’t see that or know that, then he is not the kind of person who gets to be in my life and hold my heart in his hands.” That’s creating a standard of quality in your life. If he moves on and doesn’t fight for you and you keep chasing him…that just says to him that he can treat you however you want and you won’t care. He gets the message that he holds the power in HIS hands as to your value and that you don’t really value yourself. Any woman who chases after a man to get his attention, has lost herself and vice versa. A person who is empowered, KNOWS their worth and has standards as to how they are valued and treated. Anyone who does not fit into those standards, doesn’t get to be in their life. That is TRUE self-love. Thoughts??
Heidi
Hi Lauren,
It sounds like whatever events occurred with the bipolar disorder, caused him to feel like he cannot relax and be himself around you. Traumatic events imprint pretty easily into our emotional and nervous systems. So it sounds like there are imprints of his experiences with you that he hasn’t cleared out of his system yet. He needs to do deep forgiveness work and he needs to clear the energy of the events out of his nervous system so he can relax. How is the medication working for you? Are there still any episodes in either direction that are occurring, even on a small scale?
It sounds like his feeling of being “wanted” might be coming from inside of him. What I mean is, it doesn’t matter how much you do or say to help him feel wanted, it might never be enough. I call that a black hole. When someone carries black hole energy, they never really get filled up. The truth about black holes is they come from lies that person is believing and usually start in childhood and grow over the years. In order to heal and integrate those, the person has to release the energy from the very beginning events that created it and then learn how to fill themselves up vs. looking to someone else to fill it for them. From what you are saying, it doesn’t sound like there is much more you can do to help him feel wanted other than directly asking him what works and doesn’t work for him. I imagine you have already had this conversation though, yes??
Also being diagnosed with depression means that every aspect of his life is shaded with the color of depression. That means he isn’t very available for a relationship and will have a perspective that is quite tainted. Is he trying out any medications?
I love that you both are going to therapy individually. What type of therapy are you guys doing? Is it just talk therapy or do your therapist have special skills that can expedite the process of healing? (like EMDR or brainspotting or hypnotherapy)
Heidi
Hi Juli,
If you would like to start your own thread, we can continue this conversation. It gets a bit tricky for us coaches to keep up with responding to 2 different issues on the same thread. I’ll answer here, but if you would like to keep talking about it in more depth, go ahead and start your own thread.
First, I’m sorry you’re having to relive all your mistakes with him. It’s awful to not feel like your past mistakes have been released and forgiven. The thing is, it’s his issue, not yours. Someone who holds onto the past, is someone who is NOT willing to forgive. He is in a lot of pain and he wants to keep blaming you for it, instead of taking responsibility himself. It’s a form of revenge actually. It’s the psyche saying “You hurt me and now I’m going to hurt you back by not giving you what you want – which is forgiveness.” I doubt he is aware of what he is doing consciously though.
The way you stop it, is forgiving yourself. If you keep apologizing, he is just activating the feelings inside of you that have not been resolved. You are ALLOWING him to not forgive you because you haven’t forgiven yourself. When you have forgiven yourself and you feel complete and have released all of the energies, he can say anything he wants, but it won’t activate anything in you. That will shift the dynamic instantly. When you are complete in yourself, you are solid and clear. This is a super simple example, but let’s say you have dark brown hair. He comes up to you and says, “no your hair is blond.” You are listening to him and doubting yourself and participating in HIS reality. If you come back to YOUR truth, your KNOWING, that your hair is dark brown, his reality won’t matter. He can say your hair is blond all he wants, but it doesn’t change what YOU know. You simply KNOW your hair is dark brown and that’s that. He can’t budge you.
That’s the beauty of what he doing for you as he is blaming you for his pain. He is showing you where you are not solid and clear within yourself. He is offering you quite the gift of helping to expose where you are being unkind to yourself. He is being unkind to you, because you are unkind to yourself. You are not forgiving yourself for your humanness and your mistakes. How come? What is stopping you from letting it go and releasing your mistakes and then loving yourself anyways?
Make sense??
Heidi
Oh wow! I would be depressed too with all you are dealing with. It’s soooooo crazy hard when you don’t get to have your normal outlets of keeping your balance. There was about a month where the smoke was so bad from the fires that I wasn’t able to do my hikes and I definitely started getting depressed, so I totally get it! It absolutely is a struggle!!! You have a great attitude about it though. Depression never feels good, but I love that you are just letting it be there and that you know it will go away. You aren’t giving it much authority in your life, so good job!!!
I’m curious about what you said “But either I’m not listening very well, or God is handling this differently than all my religious relatives have always handled “witnessing”.” I’m not clear as to what you might not be “listening” to. What could God be handling differently?
It’s so great that you are not having as intense of a reaction as you originally did about Robin disconnecting when he is stressed. This is growth for you, so I really celebrate you!!! Make sure you really acknowledge how much more solid in yourself you are becoming!
He most likely is a workaholic. It’s absolutely an easy way to distract from feeling lonely. Loneliness still shows up, of course, but it would be the driver for him working like he does. He really is missing out on life. It’s sooooo important to have balance. It doesn’t sound like he builds fun and playtime into his life. I’m sure you will help bring out of him, but if he doesn’t source that for himself, then there will be consequences for that and absolutely can be harmful in a relationship. You have to decide if that is something you are willing to deal with. We ALL have our addictions to something. We ALL are messed up in some way or another. So it’s just about deciding whether or not his workaholic coping mechanism is something you can accept….NOT CHANGE!! It’s who he is and it’s his right to design his life that way. It’s not to say it can’t change at some point, but for today, it’s who he is. Can you love that and accept that about him?
Heidi
Hi Eva,
Wow! I’m so sorry to hear this! It’s completely shocking and I can see why you are so confused and so completely dismayed.
All that happened was that his emotions and desire to connect with you were activated by the idea of losing you. The idea of losing you to another man activated his need to re-connect. My guess is, had you never told him about the date, he wouldn’t have pursued you the way he did. Feelings are super tricky when it comes to romance. Just because there are feelings, it doesn’t mean they are actually true. Our desires and feelings to connect with someone, many times, can come from wounded places and not from an authentic solid place where truth exists. For example, I KNOW I have been attracted to certain men because at the time, I was feeling lonely. If I didn’t feel lonely, the attraction and desire to connect with them would not be there. Learning to differentiate where the feelings are coming from, is quite the art form. So his desire to re-connect and be exclusive again, was coming from a place of scarcity. He wouldn’t know this though. So once he got you, the desire went away, because the fear showed up again. Does this make sense?
As far as your part in this, you were really giving your power away. You kept handing the power of the relationship into HIS hands by saying in various ways “I decided to be frank with him and said that if he really wants to be with me he needs to say it in a language that I can understand, with no ambiguity.” The truth is, YOU were ambiguous. You were NOT clear about getting back together. You needed him to CONVINCE you that he was ready. If you needed convincing, then you were not clear yourself. The thing is, there is no way that in this short time of separation that he would have cleared everything about his divorce. Yes, you know what you want and you are very clear about that, which is great! That’s so important. However, by putting him in the position of needing to convince you that he really wanted an exclusive relationship, is basically putting you in a power-over position – a mother like energy – kind of like you standing there over him, skeptical, waiting for him to say the right thing to convince you he is being honest and is really ready. That dynamic, in an of itself, would tell you that YOU are truly not ready to be with HIM. He needs to earn your trust back through actions and words, not just words and not through convincing you. He needs to SHOW you he is more healed and truly ready for the kind of relationship you are wanting. You wanted him to jump right back into being exclusive when there was no evidence that it was healthy for BOTH of you. You needed him to “prove” it to you and “convince” you because something deeper inside of you was trying to tell you that you were not aligned with him and where he was at. You also telling him about your date was also most likely a way to get him to fight for you on some level – a way to maybe make him jealous. The thing is, it worked! It works all the time actually. It caught his attention, but again, his attention wasn’t coming from a clear space, because he is not clear himself yet.
Hopefully I didn’t confuse you more. I always like to encourage people to look at their own part in a situation, above and beyond how the other person contributed. This way, your own awareness of yourself and your needs and how you go about meeting them, can empower you even more for the next time around. It’s just a way of getting to know yourself deeper. Make sense?
Heidi
Wow! What a complete difference compared to your ex. How you talk about this new guy is completely different too. You are softer it seems. I love that you keep the door open to have new experiences and that you are feeling different parts of yourself. That is one of the beauties of dating….we get to see many sides to ourselves! I love that feeling of familiarity with someone. It makes everything much more cozy and easy. The flow can be much easier when there is just a natural comfort level that exists between 2 people that just met. If you believe in past lives, then you probably are familiar to each other from another time. I imagine you met through a dating app, yes? How did everything start between you guys? Do you want kids? If yes, how many do you imagine?
Your story about your ex is really fascinating. How horrible for you to have to be sick and in the hospital and yet all he was focused on was himself and how you were being dramatic. YUK!!! I’m sooooooo glad you eventually got away. Every single person I know has some story of a horrible relationship they were in. It seems like it’s almost a right of passage or a requirement for each person. It’s like we all have to go through at least 1 super shitty relationship in life before we can get to the good stuff. Some people never make it out of that pattern. I’m glad you are not one of them!
Heidi
Hi Baily,
Welcome! Thank you for being here and sharing your struggle. It’s sooooooo dam hard watching someone that you love, slip out of your fingers and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s a very powerless feeling.
I understand he is what you want and he feels like a “forever” person to you. I understand you don’t want to feel regret and that you want to do everything you can to fight for this. I want to encourage you to slow down. Regret is just a state of mind and can be healed. If you lose this guy, there will be another one, if you allow for that. So the deeper truth is, everything will work out and you will be okay, if that is the mindset and the story you want to embrace for your life. I also know it’s much easier said than done. Whenever we are dealing with our fears, it’s important to do whatever we can to counteract those fears with the truth. Fear is just a lie that we are CHOOSING to believe. There are always many perspectives and stories to create around whatever event is happening. The more positive story we attach to, the more positive the outcome. It doesn’t always mean that we get what we want, but we ALWAYS get what we need. Just something to think about.
With that being said, it sounds like maybe he felt smothered. It sounds like he needed some space and he wasn’t asking for it. Something important to understand about men, is that their ability to “produce” and be successful in their lives is HUGELY important. It defines the core of who they are. For women, the core of who we are is based on the quality of our relationships. It’s one of the core, fundamental differences between men and women. Men need to produce, women are the caretakers of relationships – generally speaking, of course. So it sounds like he doesn’t feel very settled in his ability to “produce” in his life. It’s pretty common that when men feel this way, they are pretty terrible in relationships. They are distracted and the job or their ability to produce, becomes the #1 priority for them and the relationship can start to feel more stressful. They don’t want to think about the relationship and trying to meet someone else’s needs…they just want to think about themselves and try to get their productivity to the level they want…and THEN they can be more available. From what you are saying, it sounds like this may be what is happening. With you being around all of the time, it may have caused him to feel like he couldn’t focus on what he needs and that he needed to pay attention to you instead. Just a guess from what the roommate said and you saying that you were over there quite often.
Would you say that he is a good communicator? Does he share how he feels with you? Does he share his inner world with you? Or is he the type to be more quiet about what is going on in his life?
For now, the very first thing you need to do is give him space. He needs to know that you are able to respect and honor his needs right now. Are you able to do that?
Heidi
I’m glad to see you got re-connected here!
Wow! So the borders are closed maybe until next year?? Yikes! Is this the cause of your depression? What’s happening for you? It really is the BEST time to write. Kanya and I are here for you and maybe just typing it out would help get the energy moving. I’m hoping things are still going well with your guy. Hope to hear from you soon.
Heidi
Hi Eva,
Wow! What a great conversation! It was honest, deep, kind and just 2 people explaining where they are at and agreeing about the next best steps without harmful or harsh words….just respect. Your next phase sounds great! You both agreed and as long as you are on the same page, that’s all the matters. Just remember, that can change at any moment, at least in the beginning. You both still have feelings for each other so the “friends” part, even with the best intentions, can get quite mucky. It’s not until you BOTH feel indifferent towards each other, that friendship can actually be achieved. So in essence, navigating “friendship” when there are still some romantic feelings present for either of you, can be quite tricky. Did you guys discuss at all what your “friendship” means and how to be friends? What to expect? What does a friendship mean to him compared to what it means to you?
On your end, I suggest really letting him go completely. When you kill off all hope, it will help you completely heal and completely deal with the loss of him. This way, it creates a clean slate for the next man, even if it is him coming back into your life. He has some deeper healing to do and I have a lot of respect for him that he is getting some help with that. It still takes some time and will be awhile before he is truly available for anyone, so it’s best that you really let go of the idea of being with him.
Does this make sense?
Heidi
If you canceled your membership, then yes, it should not renew after the free trial, but you should still have access until the end of the free trial.
Digging deeper inside of yourself takes many different shapes. There really are countless methods of healing that you can do yourself as well as a gazillion methods you can do with a specialist. Personally, both are critical to creating the life you want. I do a lot of self work, pretty much daily AND when I get to some bigger triggers and run into some blocks and fears I am not able to get past, I have different people I will work with to help me.
I love that you have decided to see your ability to love as a strength. Just a quick question. Do you feel you are sensitive to people’s emotions? Do you tend to feel all emotions pretty intensely? Would you say you are a “sensitive” kind of person?
I do have some advice about navigating the dating apps, but I will better be able to offer guidance after you answer these questions.
Heidi
Hi Lea,
I’m really glad to hear you are comfortable having your feelings and letting them out. Good job! You are definitely on the path to healing! It’s going to take some time, of course, but how you are handling everything is so beautiful and honoring of both you and him and there is no better way to heal.
Here are a few tips that might work for you.
1. Whenever you feel like you want to share your day with him, talk into your phone recorder. With one ex that I had, when I broke up, it was so intense and I had soooooo much I wanted to say, so I carried a recorder around with me and I said everything I ever wanted to say to him. It was extremely helpful. Sometimes I was telling him how much I loved him and other times I was just really angry. It’s another version of a “journal” and can really help keep the energy moving and flowing out of your mind and body.
2. At night, create a few different plans of activities that are really nourishing for you that fill you up. So maybe it’s snuggling up with your favorite pjs and watching a movie you haven’t seen in awhile, maybe it’s activating your creativity somehow (I have a coloring book that I love – here is one that is designed to call in the love of your life – it’s quite spectacular – https://www.amazon.com/Inkspirations-Love-Design-Coloring-Manifest/dp/0757319696/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=arielle+ford+coloring+book&qid=1601048926&sr=8-1) Or maybe cook some new, fun recipes, or paint or something of that nature. Maybe go on a long walk in a beautiful area or light some candles and take a bath. The point is, it’s really helpful to have something to look forward to, when there is loss. Really commit to loving and nourishing yourself every single day right now!
Hope this helps a bit!
Heidi
Hi Ck,
Welcome! We are super glad you are here and sharing your confusion with us. There is a lot to unpack here, so let’s see if we can find some clarity and help you feel more confident about what is happening.
First, I just want to say that although you feel an incredible connection with him, it’s important to also remember that it’s not enough. A healthy, sustainable and nourishing relationship requires certain skills and qualities in BOTH people and from what you are saying and how he handling this, he just doesn’t possess those qualities or skills AT THIS TIME. He may at some point, but who he is today, is not that person, regardless of the connection and how amazing you guys are together.
Also, I always coach people to choose their person according to the WORST of who they are, not the best. Until you have seen someone in their worst, you don’t really know who they are and if they are a safe person. You are learning very quickly that who he is under stress is someone who disconnects and breaks intimacy. It’s VERY common that when people start to get what they want, they will ruin it because they are not set up emotionally, for success. We can talk about this concept further if you like.
He has told me that he thinks I am too good for him, and that I am high maintenance in a good way, and that he may never be the man I would need him to be. He says that he may never want to leave his comfort zone. This is a HUGE RED FLAG!!! Any person that says or believes “you are too good for me” in some form or fashion is carrying A LOT of low self esteem. That type of low self-esteem is desinged to sabotage happiness. He may say he wants to be happy and may know what he wants consciously, but deeper down is a way more powerful belief and program that says “You don’t deserve to be happy and I will make sure you never are.” That kind of low self-esteem is extremely stubborn and pretty impossible to be in relationship with, because they are always creating some form of disconnect to ruin intimacy and happiness.
He has been everything I have been asking for, and the love we have is so sweet but now he resists it all on every level. It sounds like you really opened the flood gates to your heart without really understanding who he really is. The truth is, he IS NOT everything you have been asking for. It sounds like he is as long as he is in his best self, but in his lower self, he runs. I imagine you did not ask for this, correct? Like I said above, you can’t truly say or know that you love someone until you have seen them in their worst and you KNOW that even in that space, you respect them and you feel safe with them.
because I am always going to have the hope that he and I will eventually end up together. and I know that hope can leave me to become so unhappy when he decides to be with someone else and I am just sitting there being his “friend” It doesn’t have to be this way. You do NOT always have to carry that hope. It’s your choice if you want to hold onto the fantasy you have created around him or to release it. You guys barely know each other and yet you are already predicting that you will “always” hope to be together again someday. Are you sure you want to invest your dreams and ideas around a guy who has such low self esteem that he breaks up with you???
I have been so careful to not fall in love with the wrong man that is why I have been pretty much single all these years. Hmmm….tell me more about this. What is the “wrong” guy?
And he has as well, but he tells me it is because he gave up on women. he said that meeting me and being with me has changed his mind about women, but he said I still did things that reminded him of other women and that is why he doesnt see himself with me Another REALLY BIG red flag here. A guy who has “given up on women” is a guy who is not forgiving and processing or dealing with his hurt. Instead, he is being a victim and blaming women for his hurt and his beliefs. He would rather just give up on women so he doesn’t have to hurt anymore, than to face the pain of whatever has happened and allow each woman to be a great teacher in his life. He doesn’t come to the table with a clean slate – in his mind, you have a million things wrong with you, just because you are a woman and he is not willing to risk dealing with it again. This kind of guy is not capable of having an intimate relationship in a healthy way. He is quite emotionally fragile actually. He is NOT the kind of guy you want to have as your teammate as he gives up – as evidenced by his choice to break up. He gets an opportunity to be happy with a woman and shatter all his old, negative beliefs about a woman and instead of working through that and letting you show him you are a NEW experience, he decides to breakup. He is 100% accurate when he says he is not ready for a relationship and he cannot be what you want. LISTEN TO HIM!!! He is truly being honest and accurate when he says that. It sounds like he would rather find someone more low functioning than him so he can be the hero and feel good about himself. That’s great! He should be doing that! It’s just not you. It sounds like you activate his low self esteem more than anything because of you being higher functioning on an emotional level than him.
He’s split though. A part of him wants to be friends because you are also reminding him of his higher self. His other side, the low self esteem side, is stronger though. That’s why he can friends but not lovers. Friends is safer for him. It’s less risky and he won’t have to face so much about himself. To put it bluntly, there really is an aspect here where he is just using you to try and feel good without really putting in the work to build a healthy relationship. I doubt he is conscious of it though. He is doing the very best he knows how. It’s up to you as to whether or not you want to participate in that kind of design.
How does this all feel for you?
Heidi
Hey there!
Thank you for receiving my apologies! It really means a lot to me.
I’m sorry you feel it’s too late. I don’t understand why that’s true for you, but if there is a little time left on your membership, we can take advantage of the time left and explore this futher. I would love that, but also understand if you feel complete and would like to move on.
I wish you the very best!!
Heidi
Hi Lea,
You have such a great outlook on life!
I want to encourage you to be careful not to bypass your feelings. Meaning, if anger or hurt comes up, if you just skip to trying to be positive without really connecting and working WITH the hurt first, you end up not really clearing those negative emotions. It’s called bypassing. Those intense, heavier emotions are important and have many messages for you, so it’s really important to spend some time with them. It’s not about dwelling – that’s more letting those emotions take over. Instead, working WITH them and transformin them is healing…that way they don’t get buried only to pop up at some future time. I’m not sure if that is what you are doing or not, but just wanted to mention it, just in case. We can talk about it a lot more if you want…just let us know!
Loneliness is hard, isn’t it? After a breakup, there is a hole and a new identity you have to create. It’s hard. I LOVE that you did something new for your hair. I LOVE that you journaling. You are doing some amazing things to connect to yourself. It’s not easy, but you sure are building your inner strength and character by handling it in the way you are. Well done!
Tell us more about you feeling lonely. When do you feel it? Meaning, do you notice it at the end of the day? Or maybe when you drive by somewhere? Or maybe all throughout the day there are moments you really miss him? What are the thoughts that show up when you feel lonely? Lets talk about this more.
Heidi
