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Hi Rhonda
It makes sense about what your son is doubting. God is far beyond human comprehension and in a human mind, I can see why he would doubt that it’s even possible for God to love sooooo many people. That’s where faith comes in, right? And a lot of people struggle with the dark (being mistreated) and trying to reconcile that if an all powerful God exists, why would he allow darkness to exist. I would want to ask some further questions like, “what makes you think it’s not possible? And why would you think that you would get left behind? What do you think that says about you?” and “if people are mistreating you, why are you connecting that to God? How does your relationship with God get affected by people not treating you well?” “What kind of God do you WANT to believe exists?” “What do you think you need in order to feel like you are loveable and important to God?” Just keep asking question after question after question. Keep creating the space for him to open up and DO NOT try to correct him or tell him he is wrong with how he believes. That doesn’t create a safe space for him to be honest with you. I know his beliefs right now are triggering for you. What are YOU afraid of if he doesn’t believe in God the same way you do?
Who is Jay? I don’t remember him. And happy birthday!!! Is it today?? the 7th?? I love that Dean is sending you some pics. He sounds quite thoughtful. I’m wondering, what makes you think something is wrong with you, just because you are only half interested in these guys?
Heidi
Rhonda! What are you doing not giving yourself credit for your parenting skills! Yes, he may have been born independent but YOU fostered that in them! You gave them an environment that allowed them to be themselves. You could have been like your mom and squashed their spirits over the years, but you chose another way. Sheesh! Give yourself a big pat on the back for being an amazing mom!!!
Did you ask him why he believed that God didn’t love him? Before sending him any information, I would suggest understanding him more. Something is going on for him. He has a ton of thoughts and beliefs because of EXPERIENCES he has had, so sending him emails and another book is not going to get to the root of his challenges. Ask him a lot of questions and let go of your agenda about how he should be experiencing God and why he is wrong in believing what he believes. He believes what he does right now because it is what makes sense to him. Instead of trying to convince him he is wrong, go into HIS world. Go into HIS perspective. Thoughts?
It’s such a bummer what is happening with your boss. Unfortunately, anything you say to him could get you fired. So unless you are willing to risk that, I suggest to keep your mouth shut, find ways to communicate with him that soften him and DO NOT tell him anything other than what he wants to here. If you don’t mind getting fired, say what you want :). If there are people that can help you, then great. Just know that if you try to stand up to him or get other people involved, you are stepping into a war zone. If that’s okay for you and you feel inspired to help make those changes, then go for it! If not, I suggest finding another job. It’s up to you.
Heidi
Hi Myo,
I love that you are cautious in your approach to dating. More people could use that kind of approach. I think our divorce rate would drastically decrease if people were more cautious about who they let into their lives.
As far as adding to your profile, the main key ingredients are to have good pictures that show many sides to. Maybe one picture of you hiking, then another picture of you all dressed up, then another picture of you working out etc. Does this make sense? I LOVE LOVE LOVE your call to action technique. It does allow for a guy to more easily continue a conversation with you. Well done! It’s different and creative. I know the BIGGEST complaint I hear from both men and women is how mundane it gets to be reading profiles, because everyone does the same exact thing. They list their likes, dislikes, what they do and what they want or don’t want. It gets boring after awhile. One thing I always suggest is to NOT mention what you don’t want. Make sure you are only talking about what you do want.
I like to encourage people to create a story when describing themselves. When my clients have used this technique, they get all kinds of interesting responses in return. What I mean is, explain who you are through scenarios or stories vs. just saying “I love to dance” You can instead say, “When a good song comes on, I love to get up and dance and be silly.” Or you can say things like “I would pick having a food fight at home over going to a fancy restaurant. I would pick spooning early in the morning over going to the gym. I would pick spending my days with animals over spending it with movie stars.” Do you get what I’m saying? When you give people PICTURES, they will get it so much more than when you just give them a bunch of words AND it’s so much more fun to read. Does this help?
Heidi
Hi Rhonda,
I am so sorry! I can see why you feel crushed and devastated and why you would feel like a failure. Of course you would. You raised him to believe a specific way and now he is questioning it. I know this belief and how you experience God is core to who you are, so it would even feel like a rejection of you on some level.
I’d like to offer another perspective, as I myself went through the same thing. First, I fully believe it is a sign of strength and intelligence to question what you were taught. I imagine you would not want your son to believe in God just because it’s what he was told to do. A true belief needs to come from experience. A true belief has been challenged and morphed into many different shapes and sizes before it settles into something. You believe what you believe about God, because of all of your years of experience and it feels right for you. Your son however, has not had that yet. He is challenging it because he needs to figure out how HE wants to experience God. It takes an incredible amount of strength to challenge our paradigms, so I would say Rhonda…you are VERY FAR from being a failure as a mom. You did an INCREDIBLE job with him. The fact that he has the kind of strength to question his paradigms, is incredible. The fact that he has the guts to tell you, knowing how it would make you feel, is a testament to his inner strength. He needs to know his beliefs and who he is, separate from you and that is exactly what he is doing. To me…you have been a wonderful mother to have that kind of son.
The thing is Rhonda, wherever he lands with God, doesn’t truly matter. It’s going to shift and change as he shifts and changes through his development. God takes on many forms. God works in a gazillion different ways, regardless of how we view or experience our beliefs of what or who “he” is. What matters most, is that YOU have the strength to create a container for him to continue being honest with you. Let him experience that YOU have the strength to allow him to separate from you and your beliefs. Create the container for him to develop his very own relationship with God. You can guide him by asking him questions and giving him some ideas and things to think about, but then let it go and allow him to do with it as he needs. Stay curious. Get to know your new son that is emerging now.
Heidi
Hi Amanda,
Happy belated birthday!!!! I hope you felt well loved and appreciated!!! Did you do anything to celebrate your life?
I understand the social pressure and the programming that is all around you. I too had to deal with (and still do) the social thoughts and programming that we deal with to get married and have kids by a certain age. I am in my 40s and single and never been married. I get told I’m too picky and in a round about way, people will try and ask “what do you think is wrong with you?” They of course are not that direct, but I know what they are asking…lol. The thing that is ironic though, is every single one of these people who have created judgments about my situation, don’t know me. They don’t ask me questions and they don’t care to be curious about my thoughts and feelings about it. They just take the very little information I have given them and create a story about it. I don’t blame them as their stories are also my stories sometimes too. I grew up believing I’d be married, in a house with kids by my 30s. That’s what everyone does!!! So when we start to surpass the programming, it gets uncomfortable…for everyone! The thing is, it’s just a program. That’s all. I wouldn’t change a darn thing in my life. I LOVE being in my 40s and single. I am more confident, grounded and centered in myself more than I ever have been. Every single year, I become more of who I am, which just means I will attract an even better man. What I am interested in, is experiencing the kind of love that is limitless, powerful and expansive, so until my guy shows up, my focus is becoming all of those things…and more. That is your job as well. Look at every single aspect of your life and where you are relying on him to make you feel happy instead of doing it for yourself. Look at your desires and really dissect them. Part of what you are feeling for him could be influenced by the programs that live within you that you should be with your person by now. I have watched women step into marriages because of that programming…not because it was what they deeply wanted. I’m not saying that is you. What I am saying is that social programming is so darn strong and influences us in such ways. Just something to think about.
I don’t know what I need to do now to make the relationship happen? You can’t “make” anything happen. This is you trying to control the situation and reality is, you have no control over what he does or what he chooses. All you have control over is yourself. I want to encourage you to take your focus off the relationship and turn it onto yourself. When YOU become the best version of yourself, everything around you will work out in the very best ways to serve you. That might mean you need to let him go. That might mean he comes back to you. Who knows! What I do know is that when we get attached to a person or situation turning out a specific way, it can really get in the way of growth and expansion. It will hinder the situation more than help it. Because if you think about it, trying to control or force something to happen comes from the energy of fear. So…what are you afraid of if things don’t work out?
I know for a fact that he is who I want to be with forever. I understand this. I know you feel a strong connection with him and he opens you up in ways that feel amazing. AND….forever is a fantasy. There are no guarantees how things will turn out…ever. The only guarantee is that things will change. Sometimes the change is together and sometimes it’s not. What you do know is that he is someone you want to explore life with TODAY. Right now is the only real moment that exists. So to cement your beliefs that he is your FOREVER person, is just not a reality. This kind of belief can really stop you from experiencing the fullness of life.
when it ended was trying to work out how I got it so wrong, I began to doubt myself, second guess every though I had! You didn’t get anything “wrong.” You loved and you wanted it to last forever. That’s normal. That’s why I am encouraging you to let this belief go that you have any control over “forever.” It’s causing you to doubt yourself. What IS true is that you are human, you risked, it didn’t work out the way you thought…at least for right now…and so you pick yourself back up. You are resilient. And then you continue on in your life expecting more. Expect that you will fall in love again. Expect that you are going to have an even more powerful connection coming towards you and that the love you WILL feel again is going to take you to the next level. It could be with him or it could be with someone else. I’ve loved more than a handful of times in my life and every single time it got better and the next love I feel will take me into the universe. I will accept nothing less.
Is this helpful?
Heidi
Hi Taliya!
Welcome! We are really glad you are here. I’m really sorry about how hard it has been between you guys. Relationships can be so triggering. Trying to bring 2 personalities and worlds together and merge them is quite tricky.
I’m glad to hear that you resonate with some of the concepts we teach. When you are emotional and he is logical, it definitely can create some disconnect and make it quite a lonely experience for both of you. I imagine he doesn’t feel very understood either. You BOTH need to do some work to find the middle. You guys have very different ways of living and experiencing life, so it’s about you guys understanding that and then finding ways to navigate it differently. Do you think he is the kind of person that will want to navigate that with you? Do you think he is someone who is willing to grow and learn?
Next time you see him, just say the truth. Something to this effect will help (remember you are speaking to a logical/head person – not a feeling person. So when you say things, you wanna put a little of you (emotions) in there along with a little bit of him (logical). “Listen…I first want to say, I am sorry about saying I want a divorce. I was angry and hurt and felt like I had nowhere else to go and I said something I actually didn’t mean. That was an unkind thing to say and I wish I could take it back. I’m learning a lot about myself right now and what I am realizing is that as much as I feel not heard by you, I’m not hearing you very well either. I am far from innocent in our challenges and I think it’s time for me to step up and be a better partner for you. I am emotional, you are more logical. So we wend up missing each other on a lot of things. But you know what? I can learn. We can learn. What I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt…is that you are worth fighting for. I love you. I want us to spend our time together laughing and enjoying life, not fighting. Are you willing to forgive me?”
How does saying something to this effect feel for you? You can also add in there some of the specific things you learned from our course and how you want to be better. Men, in general, respond to CONCRETE things. Speaking in feelings can cause them to feel lost, so when you get concrete, specific and detailed, they can grab onto the information better.
Heidi
Your weekend sounds promising! I hope you are able to feel nourished and replenished by your explorations. Let me know your very favorite things you saw!
It seems like Dean hasn’t quite caught your attention. That’s okay. Only time will tell. I’m sure spending more time with him will help you understand a little better about what is missing. Either way, it doesn’t sound like he is the guy for you…at least for today 🙂
I must have misunderstood about the kayak. I thought you brought it with you and you live near water. How come you have to wait until you go home?
Who knows about Andrew. Everyone’s perspectives are always jaded by their own eyes. I like that he is nice to you so far. My guess is, he is extremely insecure and feels incompetent and feels like he doesn’t fit in…hence the bad treatment towards others. Insecurity definitely fosters anger and criticism. I’m curious to see how things develop with him over time.
Heidi
Hi Sierra,
Welcome to the forum! I want to acknowledge your thoughts about the program. I can see why you would feel frustrated. To come and read a bunch of stories of heartache and loss considering the program is talking about creating connection, would make you question the program. I completely get it and what you are noticing makes sense. Let me explain what we offer a little further.
All the guidance offered in these programs is about understanding yourself on a deeper level as well as understanding how men tend to operate and what they tend to respond to. I wish there were just 1 golden answer for everything, but each situation is different. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you do or say, your guy is not going to respond, for whatever reason. We offer ideas of how women can inspire the very best from their guy and how to understand the male perspective from a much deeper level. We have a TON of success stories and I’m sorry you did not find any. Most of those threads are inactive since they accomplished what they wanted and no longer need guidance.
Behind any healthy relationship, is a confident woman. Many times, in our coaching advice, we need to get the woman connected to her power, her value, her confidence FIRST because many times, the lack of those things are a BIG contributing factor to the challenge. That is why you will see us offering that kind of advice first and foremost. There are a lot of layers we work through when helping someone with their situation. Love is far from simple and straightforward and healthy relationships require skill, knowledge, understanding, acceptance and a willingness to grow and learn. This forum and the programs offered are for those purposes.
So why not give us a try? What is happening in your situation? We would love to talk with you and guide you through whatever challenges you are facing right now.
Heidi
Oh Ecaterina! My heart just sank. I am so sorry to hear about the results. You must be scared, shocked and have a ton of questions. I hope you will able to find some good people to support you and to connect with as you go through this process. I imagine they will do surgery and follow it up with chemo. Will you keep me updated? It’s awful to have to wait a whole week because of Easter.
I’m glad you are able to connect to the different times of when your high self-esteem is present and when your low self-esteem is present. It’s the same for everyone. That low self-esteem that lives within each of us, gets expressed in various ways, but essentially, it’s our child energy that comes out…just like when your son gets mad at you. You, as the adult, know he is just being a child, knows he is going to have big reactions sometimes and it’s normal, knows his reactions do not always make sense and are most of the time quite inflated. If you think about it, we ALL do that when get triggered. We have BIG reactions, we don’t think straight, emotions are intense and everything hurts. That’s child energy. That child energy is who carries the low self esteem as well. That child energy can act like many different ages as well. Sometimes I feel like a jr. high kid and sometimes I feel like a 5 year old. That always lets me know what age is carrying the low self-esteem. No matter the age or the problem, as the adult, it’s our responsibility to “parent” that child energy with comfort, encouragement, validation and support. That kind of parenting is what will get results and help shift the emotions. The judgment and criticism, as you well know, just makes things worse. This is a skill Ecaterina and one that most people don’t build very well. It’s hard. In healing, you will go back to that child and learn what got stuck at that age to create such intense emotions. You connect to the lies and hurts and then you release them. The you do that, the smaller the child energy becomes and the bigger the adult energy becomes. You become a much better parent to yourself as well.
Sending you some really big healing vibes Ecaterina!
Heidi
I know you are not quite connected to the new story yet. It’s okay that you don’t “feel” it or believe it. Say it anyway. Over and over and over again. The more you say it, the closer you will come to connecting with it. One day, you will start to feel it. You have to CHOOSE that new story and make this new story more important and more valuable than your old story. Your old story feels real because you have thousands of repetitions of repeating it. So you need thousands of repetitions of this new story. Don’t ever give up though. This new story is what the truth is and what is possible for you, IF YOU CHOOSE IT!
This is not needed because honestly it amused me. And I even wondered why did I think like that one month ago.. You have a VERY strong part of you that is connected to the truth Ecaterina. You KNOW the truth when everything is okay. The real test is when everything is NOT okay. This is where the disconnect happens for you. You KNOW you are loveable and worth fighting for, even if a guy doesn’t think so, but you DO NOT know this in the middle of being rejected. When this last guy was not choosing you, you immediately went into everything you did wrong and wanted to figure out how to get him back. This is the point where EVERYONE struggles. When someone doesn’t choose us and rejects us, our low self-esteem shows up and we get disconnected from the truth. It’s normal. The difference between all of us though, is how quickly we re-connect back to the truth. The longer it takes, the more junk we are carrying. A decade ago, it would take me a good week, a good month to deal with rejection. Now…it takes me hours, or just 1 session. The difference is the baggage I have released and worked through. The more baggage, the more low-esteem. It have always known what the truth is, but knowing is not enough. Being able to connect to and FEEL the truth, even in the middle of hurt and chaos, is when you really know the truth has anchored into your cells and is a part of ALL of you, not just your mind. Does this make sense? So you have high self-esteem AND you have low self-esteem. The goal is to be connected more to your high self-esteem, the truth, even when someone is rejecting you, whether it be a guy or your mother or your child. This is the greatest challenge of life.
Regarding mom is not so easy.. every her word of criticism make me angry. Very angry. I am yelling and going crazy from every negative thing I hear from her. Every time. Of course you are angry. You have had a lifetime of criticism and it still continues to this day. Your anger is healthy and normal. It’s an appropriate response to her criticism. The thing is, that anger needs to be channeled and used in a healthy way. That anger is meant to also inspire you to create something different, so that you no longer live with that criticism. That’s where a therapist can really help you figure out what that means and what that looks like for you. Does this make sense?
What are the results for the biopsy? When is your surgery??
Heidi
Ha! Having some eye candy, no matter their age, can definitely help, right??? I love that!
Good attitude Rhonda. You are a powerful light and you have the ability to shift the energy of that whole place. You can bring light into any toxicity and you can help places and people heal.
When are you going out to kayak??
I love that Dean is still staying connected with you. Have you thought more about him? Would you consider maybe giving him the green light and flirting with him a little more?
Heidi
Hi Amanda!
You have some amazing thoughts and feelings that are grounded in truth and care for yourself. I can definitely tell that you are doing some very deep work with yourself. Well done! The path to self-love is not an easy one, but you are now getting to experiences some glimpses of the strength you carry internally. You are heading in a really good direction which will lead you more and more towards attracting everything you need and want!
I have discussed with my therapist my fear of not letting myself love again but I think I’m getting past all that and as much as it still scares me I’ll get there one day. Here is the thing about F.E.A.R. It’s a false story. F.alse E.vidence A.ppearing R.eal Fear is just a story we have created and attached to a feeling and belief about whatever has happened. Since you have a story about your past, that story fuels the fear you carry and that fear exists because you want to protect yourself. Here is the thing. You will ALWAYS have fear…especially when it comes to falling in love. I don’t know a human being alive that doesn’t feel fear as they are stepping into love. It’s scary! It’s vulnerable and it’s a risk. There are no guarantees the love will last, the love will remain healthy, the love will be nourishing long term or that the love will be expansive and supportive. Because someone else’s choice is always involved and will contribute to the quality of love, there is always the risk of getting your heart broken. There are no guarantees. Even when love is nourishing and amazing and healthy, you are going to get hurt and you are going to hurt. So there is no way to avoid the pain that comes with love. You will always be scared to step into love and that’s okay! The goal is not to get rid of the fear, the goal is to attach to a story that is BIGGER than the fear story. The goal is to make that new story full of truth and connect to that story at the core of who you are. The new story is this, “No matter what someone else chooses, I will be okay. No matter how someone else ends up feeling, I will be okay. Even if I get cheated on, betrayed or walked away from, I will be okay. I am resilient, I am resourceful, I know I can heal and WILL heal. I am more than any hurt that shows up. I will choose to use any hurt that shows up in my life and use it to learn about myself, use it to empower me and view all hurt as a gift in my path.” When you truly believe this and this is your story, you will be able to step into situations WITH your fear. Fear will always be with you, but it’s been in the driver’s seat controlling you. Instead, it’s about putting fear in the back seat, let it have a voice, but ultimately the adult side of you, who is connected to the truth, will decide. The adult side of you needs to appreciate and value what your fear has to say and always consider that perspective, but again…ultimately you will decide what is best for you NOT based on fear, but instead based on truth. Does this make sense?
it will be expected of me to date and try and find someone. That social pressure is hard to overcome Who expects you to date and find someone? What social pressure?
There’s a definite fear that I will get into a relationship and I’ll let myself fall back into that person, I already talked about fear above, so let’s address this part of you that tends to give too much. I’d like to invite you to think about this in a different way. Our greatest strengths are always our greatest weaknesses. Our greatest weaknesses are always our greatest strengths. You give “too” much. That just means that you have the ability to love deeply and completely. You are not someone who is half hearted, half invested, half anything when it comes to love. You love to love and you do it really well. When you love someone, you want to give them the world! Not everyone is like that! This is part of who you are. You came to this earth with this gift and with this beautiful capacity to love. It is natural for you to love this way. It’s effortless. With that being said, it will ALWAYS be a balancing act for you. Because it is one of your greatest strengths, it will also always be your greatest weakness and it will be something you will always have to work on. If it wasn’t this, it would be something else. We ALL have a balancing act of some sort that we will be challenged with. Our gifts are something to be protected, something to be learned about, something to be honored and respected. Your gift of love is a treasure of the utmost, highest vibration. That means it needs to be valued and protected by you, even the limiting side of it. There will be a gazillion more times in your life where you will give too much. The goal is to recognize it quickly and then get back on track. As you are recognizing it, you are having compassion for yourself. When you give too much, you are just wanting to care and connect with someone and that’s a beautiful thing! But sometimes you will do that at the expense of yourself and that’s where you will start to feel out of balance. The definition of co-dependence is “meeting the needs of others at the expense of yourself.” And that’s not a bad thing! It’s only harmful when it becomes the dominant way that you live your life, so your journey is more about finding the balance. Sometimes you will overgive and that’s okay! You will just overgive and then self-correct. Sometimes overgiving is okay. You are the only one who knows that fine line. Expect to overgive, but also expect that you will return to self-love and self-connection and that’s the lifelong skill you need to stay connected to. You are learning and developing now, so like I said previously…you are on a very good path!
letting the world hand me whatever it decides to throw my way I guess! I just want to point out the “I guess” part at the end. All of us are creators, we are not victims. This statement has a victim type of energy to it where are just standing by and dealing with whatever shows up. While there is truth that we must deal with whatever shows up, there is truth in that we each called every situation into our lives. Meaning, we are creators and have influence as to what shows up. You are more powerful than you realize. I would like to invite you to instead have the thinking of “The world is going to show me what lives within me to help me expand and grow and know myself. What shows up in my life is my teacher and I embrace all of it. I embrace and accept all the gifts and all the challenges that show up and know that everything is a reflection of what lives within me. Each time, I will learn how to navigate differently and what needs to be shifted so I can create something different.” That is an empowered statement. There is no “I guess” in there. It’s taking 100% responsibility and control of what shows up in your life. It’s a knowing that you are a powerful creator and you influence what shows up. Your statement is passive…you are just a bystander letting life happen to you. Instead, embrace that you are creator and you MAKE life happen FOR you…not TO you. Do you understand the difference in thinking?
Heidi
Hi Amanda,
Your poor heart. You have invested quite a bit into this guy and this friendship and potential relationship with him. It’s so darn hard when they don’t respond. You guys obviously have a strong connection with each other, which makes this all the more difficult. Those kinds of connections don’t show up every day. It’s special for sure.
No, it’s not as simple as “if he loved you, he would be with you” AND it is. Choosing to be in a relationship with someone is sooooo much more than love. Love and connection are actually the easy part. The other parts, which is what make up most of the relationship, is the hard part. Communication, authenticity, honesty, integrity, fun, sex, money etc. Love and connection inspires people to merge their lives, but what will make or break a relationship is how that couple navigates and functions in that merging of 2 worlds. Where it IS that simple, is that when a man or a woman wants to be with someone bad enough, they will do what it takes, no matter what is in their way. That is what your friends are saying and there is truth in that. The thing is, your guy has A LOT going on and his choice is to adjust to his new identity and his new life. He is choosing to do that instead of being in a relationship with you, which to be honest, is saving you an even bigger heartbreak. He is not ready and had he chosen to continue this romantic journey with you, he would have shattered your heart even more down the road.
Let’s be realistic here. Whenever he IS ready, he most likely will date other women as well. He may just keep you as a friend because he already knows how you feel, he already knows what it’s like to date you and he may want to visit uncharted territory and explore the dating life a little more before settling down again. He knows he can’t just date you. If he steps into any romantic with you, he knows it’s a commitment and he is stepping into something deeper and committed with you. Dating is whimsical and light and there are no commitments, so it may be something he needs to explore for a while.
The fact that you guys are still connecting every single day, it’s keeping you tied to him. You are living for the future, instead of really truly living in the reality of what is happening TODAY. Today, there is no relationship beyond just being friends. Today, you are wanting something from him that he not able to offer you. Today, you are choosing to put all of your energy into a guy who is not available. Today, you are investing your thoughts, your feelings, your hopes and dreams into a situation that does not exist. He is not reciprocating the same thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams. You can continue to invest in something that doesn’t exist and spend your time hoping and waiting for something more, or you can choose to take back your power and create a different situation. Either way it hurts Amanda. If you stay on this path, the hurt of daily rejection, the hurt that will come when he goes on dates, the hurt that comes with simply an unrequited love…all of this you will be dealing with and there is no end…until he chooses and end or you choose an end. That’s a pretty difficult path to live on. The other path, where you disconnect, take back your power and turn your focus on yourself, what you want and choose to invest ALL of your energy in building your life into something that nourishes you, serves you, empowers you and strengthens you…that’s going to hurt as well because it means saying goodbye to the story you have created with this guy and saying goodbye to the friendship. It doesn’t mean you not be friends anymore, it just means the friendship will shift and change into something more healthy. It will be hard and it will hurt and you will have tears. It’s a big loss AND you would allow yourself to heal and move on. You would be choosing to love and care for YOURSELF over the connection with him.
There is a lot more to say, so let’s keep this conversation going. There are a lot of layers here and I love that you are reaching out! I love that you are with a therapist working through the deeper stuff and I love that you have the courage to ask the questions that most people are terrified to ask. You are strong Amanda. You are resilient, you are intelligent and you are sooooo much more than this situation you have created with this guy. You are bigger than just sitting around and waiting for a guy. You have the capacity to love deeply and intensely. I would love to see you give yourself the opportunity to experience that with someone who is on the same page as you.
Thoughts?
HEidi
Hi Rhonda,
Wow! That is not good news about your immediate boss. Of course you don’t want to be in another toxic environment. Is it possible to keep your feelers out for another job? If this guy ends up being quite toxic and horrible to work for, you can always leave. You never know though! I’ve been warned about people before but ended up really connecting with the “toxic” people. We all have different levels of connection. I like to imagine angel wings being wrapped around the person/people and situation. Remember that God, and you, are much bigger than this situation and anything that shows up. You are not stuck. You have a choice, so just keep asking God for guidance and help every single day. Remember that people that are that toxic, usually have had some pretty horrible experiences in their life. He most likely is a survivor of some type of horrible abuse. It’s no excuse to treat people with disrespect, but it could be a reason. It helps me to remember things like that so I can activate my compassion for their hurting heart. Start praying for him every single night!!! You are more powerful than you give yourself credit for. You DO have the ability to shift this situation into something more purposeful and beautiful. It is not a mistake that you landed there and not a mistake that you and your boss’s path is crossing. There are many gifts waiting for you as you take this new journey, no matter how long you stay.
Heidi
Oh Rosario! I’m sooooo sorry to hear this update. What kind of “things” does he need to work through? It sounds like he had some things to say as well, but he put it on you. Interesting. Either way, it sounds like he was finally honest.
I know your heart must hurt quite a bit. What are some of your thoughts? What are you doing to take care of yourself right now? How are you feeling about the ending???
Heidi
