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I have not seen that show, but I definitely will check it out and let you know how it lands on me. I love love love how your mom was able to learn so much about how you function and that she was really able to connect the dots through that show. Shows like that, and podcasts like the telepathy tapes, open up our minds. I know through that podcast, I had so much more of a deep appreciation for the autistic world and their families and supporters. It’s not something I am exposed to, so to get a window into their lives was quite humbling as well as seeing their value. Love on the spectrum will do that for me too, since I am sooooo engaged with the dating world.
With your brother, how do you typically handle him when he accuses you of being “too” sensitive? He is not just being a boy. I know plenty of men who know better. This is part of the role modeling he received combined with being INCREDIBLY fragile. Have you ever heard of projecting?? Where someone “projects” who their own feelings onto someone else? Basically, he is roasting you about being too sensitive, because he himself is sensitive – and he obviously is not in relationship with that part of himself….he instead rejects that part of himself, which is why he criticizes you so much about it. It’s harder for a man to be sensitive for sure, so maybe you can start role modeling what acceptance looks like. Maybe next time he roasts you about it, you show him what it looks like to be in acceptance of that part of yourself. So your response could look something like “Ya…I am sensitive. I’m really starting to like that part of myself.” and say it with a smile and say it like you feel it and mean it. First, it is no fun to criticize someone who you can’t get a reaction from (people who criticize are typically looking for a power fix, because they are feeling a power drop). So when you embrace and won what he is saying, he gets no power from you. Also, you will be planting a seed for him. The more you embrace and own your sensitivities, you are role modeling for him what self love looks like and there will be a part of him that will be watching that. He may never be able to reach the place of full acceptance, but at the very least, you are showing him what self love looks like. Either way, I’d bet a million dollars that with an enough repetitions of you responding in that way, he will eventually stop.
OMG it’s so funny how your guy responds! hahaha! I say, go for the subtle approach first, just to help him practice expanding his mind into more dynamic, abstract thinking. He sounds soooooo literal, so when you introduce nuanced conversation to him, it’s good for his brain! And then you can have that internal giggle for that face palm moment (which sounds kind of endearing honestly) and then be blunt. And going to see your friends sounds fantastic. Do it! Do it! Do it! Make it happen! You need a good dose of some fun and connection with your peeps before heading into school!
Heidi
Hi Reese, Do you have a question? There is no post here from you explaining your situation, so I thought maybe you were a bot. We’ve had that happen a few times. My apologies if you are a real person! Let me know what’s going on!
Heidi
Have you ever heard of the telepathy tapes? It’s a podcast about autistic non-speakers. Fantastic stories! And what fascinated me more than anything, is this podcast apparently climbed to the #1 spot in 3 months!!! That just tells me that people are interested and want to learn. People are open minded and ready to expand by learning about telepathy. Thank goodness! It’s time to expand.
I’m sharing about this podcast, because maybe it can help give you hope, help you feel validated, and help you ideas. You are a force to be reckoned with, and the more information and knowledge you have, the more empowered you will be to affect change! No one in a million years thought to study telepathy, let alone believe something like that is possible….and now…here we are in 2025 and it’s being exposed to people around the world and science is backing it up for the first time ever. Anything is possible!!! Check it out!I have said that to my friend many times about how brave she is to travel alone. Honestly, no matter where you are, there are dangers. So if you want to travel, it doesn’t take much to figure out ways to protect yourself. I love that being a speaker at these events has exposed you to other places…that really is a great way to travel too!!!
I love how you really shifted your very false belief that your feelings made you weak. I used to believe that too. Growing up with 2 brothers and 4 boys down the street, I was ALWAYS surrounded by guys…and there was no room for feelings. Anyways, I learned later on that having the feelings took sooooooo much more strength than burying them. LOL. Go figure.
As far as visiting your guy, why not go now before your school starts?? If it’s just for a weekend, that should be easy to plan. So…it kind of depends on you with how you want to approach this. You know that he isn’t really the type of guy that initiates…at least not at this point. So you can start by sending out the signals and see if he catches on and asks for you to come visit. Or….you can just be straight up and say it – which I know is scary.
Ways you can throw hints around are things like this: if you are talking, then you can ask something like, “So, what’s your favorite thing to do? Tell me about it? and the you respond by saying Oh! that sounds like so much fun and something I would love to try too!” or you could ask “Okay…so if I were visiting, where would you take me? What kinds of things would we do? What would you want me to know or see or experience about where you live?” The point is, you are planting the picture in his mind of you visiting and you are responding with enthusiasm, which would let him know – in an indirect way – that you would enjoy seeing him. You can also say something like “You know, I miss seeing your smile in person. You really had the best smile ever!” or “I miss you. It was always the favorite part of my day to see you at work. It’s just not the same without you.” So letting him know that you miss him, could possibly inspire him to ask you to come visit. ‘
Or…again, you could just simple say “I was thinking….in a few weeks I will have a little extra time before I start school. I really would love to get out of here for a few days and come see you. Would that be possible??”
What do you think?
Heidi
Oh WOW! I truly am so honored that I got to be a super impactful part of this season of your life. I deeply, deeply understand heartbreak and pain, yet they have been the greatest teachers for me. I would not be as strong or resilient as I am today with those teachers. The greatest gift though, is being able to pass on what I have learned and having it land on someone who is also learning and growing. For sooooo many years, I have shared how to navigate pain in healthy ways, and honestly, I could probably count on 1 hand how many people have actually used any of it. People really love to suffer – and I get that too. You, on the other hand, did something about it. Wow! I am truly proud of you – and most of all – you will reap some of the greatest rewards that life can offer you by taking action. You could have EASILY been swallowed up by that depression and by your tears. Although there were moments that you didn’t know how you would get through, you kept showing up here and talking with me. You talked your feelings into the recorder and kept giving your feelings movement, voice, and respect by saying them out loud. And now look where you are!!!! Wow!!! You got through the worst of it. And even though there are still some parts to work through, you are back on your feet and now get your Master’s degree! Holy smokes! Do you have any idea how powerful you are! You are made for GREAT things Anna! Your fighting spirit is a rare one and I am truly grateful to have crossed your path!
And your travels sounded amazing. There is nothing like a completely different culture to impact your soul – travel is special in that way. One of my closest friends is a super traveler. She has been all over the world – and she travels alone too. She loves it so much! And there is a special quality about her, because of her world travels. I haven’t been very many places, but as I start to step into becoming a professional speaker, I will get travel much more! I love that you got to have those experiences – and your family is lucky to have you helping them out! LOL
So what did you speak about?
Heidi
P.s. Every time you talk about your guy, it just makes me smile. He delights you. He opens you up. You feel valued and appreciated and most of all seen. Have you talked at all about planning a visit?
Oh Anna! I am so so happy to hear from you. Usually people on here just disappear and I never hear from them again and have no idea how things turned out. I’m so happy for your update!!!
Wow! Your Masters Degree!! woooohoooo! I am so excited for you! It sounds like this is the perfect adventure to begin. You will meet so many new people and you will be challenged in brand new ways…and that is so good for your soul. I’m soooooo so proud of you that you didn’t give up on yourself. Remember this moment. No matter how depressed you felt, you still fought for yourself and kept moving and look what you have created for yourself now. You are strong, you are resilient, you are a warrior, you are empowered….even WITH feeling depressed. That’s how strong you are Anna!
I love that you got to talk to him and feel his excitement about connecting with you. That’s very special. I’m sure he loved the card you sent him from Spain! You had quite the adventure and he got to feel a little part of that. It sounds like you are coming more into a space of acceptance and are able to go with the flow more. There will be more bumps in the road, but like you are learning about yourself, you have a fighting spirit that will work through whatever shows up. I know he is a big part of helping you feel supported and I love that you get to have that with him. I hope this continues to grow as it sounds like you both truly get each other in a very special way.
And wowowow! That is quite a trip you took. Did you love it? What did you learn about yourself? Would you go back to any of those places? how was it traveling with your family??
I want to encourage you again to connect with my coach. Especially as you are heading into a new program, having the support and encouragement and accountability with someone you feel safe with and feel seen and heard, is important. She really might be a good fit for you.
Anyways, looking forward to hear back from you!!!
Heidi
Hi Anna,
Not sure if you are still a member, but I thought I would check in and see how you are doing. Anything new? Are you still connecting with him? I’d love to hear an update.
Heidi
Hey there! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that level of fear about getting your wisdom out and the anesthesia! that really is awful! There is a reason behind all of it and you just haven’t connected to it. Talk therapy won’t get you there. You need to work with someone who knows how to access more of your subconscious. That’s how my coach helped me clear my fear about it and whew!!! What a relief!!!
Let’s talk about depression!!! No, I have never dealt with depression to the extent that I needed meds, but I do know a lot about it. I definitely have had depressed seasons, but I have always been very good about making sure I was always adding something back in. One thing that helped me a TON was playing soccer. No matter how depressed I was, I HAD to show up to practice or I would get kicked off the team. So the exercise helped me quite a bit. I will say that it sounds like you are dealing with some level of depression, but not the extent that you are completely dysfunctional. True, clinically diagnosed depression, usually means a person is depressed for sooooo long that the chemistry in their brain changes – and it’s at that point that meds need to help the person out. Although, most doctors will prescribe meds waaaaaay too soon. I’m not sure your doc is the best person to ask. Is your therapist not helping you through this?
Here are some suggestions….you need to meet yourself where you are at. If paddle boarding is asking too much of yourself, what if you just went and sat by the water for an hour. Smell the smells, listen to the birds and water, maybe take a journal, or a cup of tea and some snacks and just sit there. Just be whoever you want to be. Put your feet in the water and imagine all your sadness and struggle leave your body through your feet and ask the water to carry it away for you.
Surround yourself with beauty: I always have flowers around, my house is always clean, I have jewelry that specifically reminds me to keep fighting for more in my life (gifts from my mom), I drive to this perfect spot to watch the sunset over the mountains (I’m in Colorado), I sometimes will just turn on nature images or sounds (on Prime) and let myself sink into the beauty. I also do a TON of nature bathing….meaning I go on walks and smell and touch the earth, trees, water, flowers etc. Grounding is good too! It’s a concept where you get your body onto the earth and you allow the magnetic field of the earth combine your magnetic field. The rubber on our shoes inhibit that connection, so that’s why I always love to touch trees and when I can, I will walk barefoot. if you google “grounding” there are a TON of products (including shoes) that can help you ground….sheets, socks, shoes, bracelets, sleeping pads etc. that all bring that grounding into your body. I go get manis and pedis every once in a while and I always choose a color that has sparkles in it. I typically don’t wear makeup and I am in gym clothes every day, all day (I’m a trainer at a gym as well – and do dog sitting too so I don’t have much chance to dress up). So I will sometimes just do my hair and makeup and that will lift my spirits. You just gotta be creative and experiment and find out what works for you. Along with that, it’s also important that you keep working with those feelings. You can add all the good stuff you want into your soul bank, but it will not change how many withdrawals are being made. So the real work is in feeling what you gotta feel and working with them.
Also, listen to music or watch movies that inspire you. Yes, you are sad and that’s very normal. However, you are MORE THAN your sadness and your struggles. You are MORE THAN any chemical dysfunction happening in your body. Movies and music that are inspiring can remind you of that. I have a playlist I call “feel good” and it’s all my songs that remind me of my strength too. I have movies I watch too where the main character struggles and triumphs. The whole idea is to get some outside voices to counteract your inside voice that can cause you to sink. Podcasts are great too! I listened to this fantastic podcast over the weekend. You should take a listen as it’s perfect for the place you are in right now. And the host also has some pretty amazing guests and is really good at interviewing, so you check out his entire podcast.
Also, have you ever heard of the telepathy tapes. Crazy that it hit #1 after just 3 months…I guess people really want to hear about this stuff. It’s about autistic, non speakers and the discovery that they are actually telepathic. The stories are wonderful and inspiring!!!
No matter what Anna, IT’S OKAY that you are feeling depressed. That is very normal when dealing with a loss. You have full permission to be depressed. The only thing to do with your depression is to feel it, work with it, get to know it, and express it in safe ways and around safe people if there are any. What you don’t want to do is ignore it and allow it to drag you further into the rabbit hole where it’s harder to get out of. So that’s where you can ask for help. Maybe set up dates with your family or friends to go for a walk or to even go paddle boarding. Maybe you start to volunteer where you are REQUIRED to show up somewhere like a shelter where they need someone to walk their dogs. Having my own dog for the past 20 years definitely helped because I HAD to go for walks, I HAD to get up and move to make sure their needs were met. I had no choice. So maybe you can find ways to put yourself in a position to move, to be active, to do something good for yourself, even though you won’t feel like it many times…but it’s a great way to have accountability.
And it certainly is NOTHING to be embarrassed about. Anti depressants and anti anxiety meds are the #1 prescribed meds in the U.S., so you are far from alone with feeling depressed. There is something called dysthymia where it’s a low grade, long term type of depression. It’s not bad enough for meds, but also like walking around with a dark cloud over your head all the time. That is sooooo tough!!!
It sounds like there are some other factors you mentioned as well with your body chemistry. Do you have someone helping you with that?
Is any of this helpful??
Heidi
Oh! I also forgot to share this with you:
EE System: I don’t know if there is one in your area, but I LOVE this modality. It is so relaxing and incredibly healing. I have researched this quite a bit and it appears to have some pretty powerful healing capabilities. The stories I have hear seem like miracles. My dog caught a doggie flu that was going around and the average healing time was 6 weeks. So I decided to try the EE System with him and just see what happened. We did 10 hours total over a few weeks and he healed up 100% – no meds. What I love about this modality, is it sending healing waves to your body and your body will decide what it’s ready to heal and when. Your body is soooooo darn intelligent and knows exactly what it’s ready for and in what order and when. So this modality basically provides healing waves to support your body to do what it needs to do. Maybe it can help you with your fainting condition and even your speech impediment. Who knows! Just something for you to explore.
Oh wow! I am aware of that condition a little bit. Absolutely fainting can be so scary!! You lose complete control of your body and who knows what else will happen in the process of that. Your body is stepping into the unknown and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Of course you have some trauma energy around it. I’d love for you to be able to clear that! It’s absolutely possible. In 2021, I had to undergo several surgeries and anesthesia was terrifying for me. Just the thought of it and my chest and throat would tighten and fear would flood my system. So I worked with my coach quite a bit and clear my fears around it and now I am 100% okay with it. No fear at all. I’m just sharing this so you know it’s possible.
Oh I’m so glad you made it through your presentation!!!! Well done! Decent is enough sometimes. I wish we could hit the ball out of the park every single time, but that’s just not reality is it? I have no doubt you did the very best you could and that is enough….always. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that he reached out. He obviously is very connected to you…I do not believe it was a coincidence at all with the timing of it. You were being well taken care of by your divine team!
I think sometimes it’s easy for me to believe I’m alone in all of this and question how far I’ve come because of the little quirks in the way my brain is wired. It always feels good when someone reminds me that my questions and struggles are not there because I’m fundamentally broken but because I’m just a human being going through a major loss Omg I have had these thoughts a million times! Part of my journey was trying to figure who the heck I was….were my reactions because of my traumas and brokenness or were they simply just me. Reality is…we are ALL broken in various ways. Here are 2 different modalities that REALLY helped me learn about who I was, separate from the trauma…meaning, trauma or not…this is who I would be. Does that make sense?
Enneagram: This is a very old way of approaching a personality profile. It is extremely complex and layered – much like a religion, there are many interpretations and approaches. There are a million tests out there you can take to understand what your number is, what it means etc. but know that there is NO test that will give you the answer. The enneagram, at its core, is not testable. The only way to truly know your number, is by you. YOU have to identify with it, explore it, and understand it. I have found the best way to know what your number is, is to have an expert who has studied it for a long time, be able to help you figure it out.
Human Design: this is also a very powerful way to validate who you are at your core level. This also has many layers, but what determines your disposition is your birth time, place, and date – much like astrology. Here is a website where you can get your basic human design profile for $50ish. https://erinclairejones.com/Both these modalities helped me understand who I am – outside of all the brokenness. And it also helped me understand why my brokenness expressed in the ways that it did. Maybe this will help you as well!
I LOVE animals and nature as well; I’ll often go to the beach or go kayaking/paddleboarding when I need a change of scenery. It really does pull me out of my little world – I need that every now and then! Oh I love these activities! I want to encourage you to do MORE of them…not just every now and then. I usually have people make a list of what I call “authentic pleasures” which is a list of activities or things that bring you joy and nourish your soul. These things need to be done EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! For example, I do a ton of dog sitting, so 90% of the time, I am out in nature, walking around and playing with all the dogs. I have flowers around all the time. I have a face mask I use a few times a week and I massage my feet with this lavender lotion almost nightly. I have massage tools so I’m working on the tightness in my body. I put on the tv some soothing nature landscapes from around the world, I will scroll through instagram every once in a while and watch everything animals that are cute or funny. Every single day I am ADDING to what I call my “soul bank.” I am always making deposits that when a withdrawal is required (something stressful), I have enough “funds” to cover what is needed. Does this make sense?
Heidi
Hey there! Great to hear from you! I’m so glad you are still here 🙂
Human garage? I had never heard of it, so I looked it up and I remember this technique! I’ve seen a handful of videos about it and the idea/approach is super solid…but like any modality, the quality of the administration depends on the practitioner. It’s basically a fascia release….and it’s very well known that a lot of our memories / feelings about those memories are stored in our fascia and nervous system. If you are fainting, I am wondering if your body is going into overload somehow and needs to shut down – like a protective mechanism. Have you ever explored why you tend to faint? I understand that you know some of the triggers, but are you aware of why?
I definitely try to refrain from comparing myself to others and letting them determine my value, as I know I’m on a different journey than they are. But I admit that it’s harder when I’m in a vulnerable position like this. I’m still trying to get back up and fight for myself, though. This is a tough one for everyone!!! I’d say it’s the #1 challenge for 99% of people…when someone rejects us, judges us, criticizes us, ignores us etc., even if it’s a stranger, it has an impact on our system and adds to our low self-esteem. The best time to work on this is when you are vulnerable, but it’s also the most difficult to do. Keep being patient with yourself, loving yourself, and being kind and compassionate with ALL your feelings that come up. You have a right and a reason to feel everything you feel.
Even though it can be freeing to think about giving up and just saying f**k it (I’ve thought that countless times too!), the truth is that I wouldn’t dream of giving up. I know it will be worth it to come out on the other side a better person and partner, and being “healthy”. And hopefully someday I’ll find someone who won’t be scared off by how different I am…someone like my guy-friend. I understand. You will have moments of wanting to say f***k it for the rest of your life. We all get challenged and pushed to our edges for the purpose of expansion. You are a warrior maiden and can absolutely navigate this and come out stronger on the other side…no matter how long it takes. And feel free to let yourself rest sometimes. Make sure you have activities that you do to give yourself a break and pull you into a different world…animals and nature do that for me. What kinds of things can you do?
How did your presentation go? Even though he wasn’t there in person, he was there in spirit and was able to help give you the strength you needed to make it happen. I love that! You are putting yourself out there and doing some very very challenging things….more than what most people would ever choose to do. I know he was your rock, but remember that you are a rock for yourself too! What he did for you….you have absorbed internally and doing the same for yourself. That is beautiful and powerful!!! You NEED to know that you are fully and completely capable to do anything you need to and his absence is showing you that (even though it sucks). I have so much respect for you!!!
I hope to get there someday too; it’ll probably take a while, but that’s okay. You are already “there” Anna. And “there” is just the present moment…that’s all. There is no place to get to other than exploring what is in front of you in any given moment. Being “there” is simply a way of being that is empowered, educated, curious, and forward moving. You are ALL of those already and doing an amazing job…even though you are struggling and don’t feel very powerful at the moment. Also, the You are right in alignment with how a lot of the collective is feeling too. We are all going through a HUGE growth spurt energetically, of which can always feels challenging. So you are exactly where you need to be!
Heidi
Great to hear from you!
Is it my fault that I became wounded? Can people prevent it somehow? Do these wounds affect my value to others, my worthiness of love, etc.? I know that’s a question that probably REEKS of low self-esteem. But the thing is, it’s hard for me to take the next steps of loving and accepting myself when it seems like I need to be perfect and healed before I can be a good partner, friend, etc., like people who have some baggage (like me) are less valuable than those who don’t. NO QUESTION is ever silly. It’s an important question for YOU, therefore it matters. We all have different questions according to how our brain/system operates, so ask anything and everything. You do WHATEVER IT TAKES to find your emotional freedom!!
No, people cannot prevent wounding. It’s part of the human experience and something that is unavoidable. HOW we end up being wounded is different for each person, simply because of our different personalities – basically how God made us. For example, take 3 different kids who experienced being picked last for a team at recess – there would be 3 different responses to that. One might be devastated, one might be relieved, and one might not care. What’s the difference? Nature AND nurture. What their homes lives are like combined with their personalities will determine their response. How each of us reacts to events in life is instinctive. It’s like trying to change your skin color – impossible. So again, wounding is inevitable. What we DO have control over and what we do have a choice about, is how we handle that wounding. Ignore it or work with it. Some are built more to ignore it and some are built more to face it. And even within that choice, there are a million variants that impact what a person chooses at any given time.
Do these wounds affect your value to another person? In THEIR eyes, yes. The goal though, is to NOT make THEIR eyes, your eyes. Meaning, it’s unhealthy and toxic to let someone else determine YOUR value – even though we all do it each other. Think about it…why is someone else a better authority about your value than you? What makes them more intelligent, more wise, more powerful, more all-knowing about every little detail that lives within you – more than you? Besides, we have filters – there is not a single person on this planet that sees anything with clear vision – so a person deciding YOUR value is going to be filtered through THEIR lens of the world, their view of themselves, their stories about love and connection. So again, putting your value in someone else’s hands means you are NOT going to get a clear reflection back. If you did that to 100 different people, you would get 100 different opinions about your value. So who is right??? All of them AND none of them. So…I look for my value within myself and with God and I place my trust in people that have earned the right to be in my inner circle. People outside of that circle DO NOT get to have a say in my value in this world, because they don’t really know me. So a statement I like to say in my mind when I’m struggling is “Okay God, let me see myself through your eyes of truth.” or “I choose to see myself through the divine eyes of truth.” This is a tough one though Anna. As strong as I am in my self-esteem, I still fumble. I still want to be liked and valued and rejection hurts. BUT…the difference between me and someone else, is I quickly know how to get back to my center and re-align with my value WITHOUT the help of the person/people who rejected me, because I have a strong relationship with myself. It’s always a work in progress like any relationship, but my foundation is solid, so that when I get knocked off – I don’t fall apart like I used to.
Being perfect? I get it. It’s actually a pretty common story many of us carry – especially women. There is no such thing. I’ve never met a perfect person, have you? You will NEVER be fully healed, because that means you would never hurt again – and that just doesn’t exist. Instead of trying to be fully “healed,” you want to aim for being “healthy.” That just means that you have less baggage, you are resourced and skilled to handle the ups and downs of life in a high functioning way, and you are surrounded by great support to help you when you need it. You will have triggers for the rest of your life, so perfection and being fully healed just doesn’t exist. What DOES exist is moving through life easier, because you have a stronger and healthier relationship with yourself first which then leads into relationships with others SECOND.
Does this help? Let’s keep talking about this, because there is a lot more to say. It’s a very important topic!
I know this is NOTHING compared to the journey you’ve been on, but it still feels like all of this work is exhausting and pointless. Oh man….I have felt that sooooo many times! I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to quit and just say ****ck it!
Yes, I’ve had an insanely rough journey, but that doesn’t change your struggles. Pain is pain, whether it’s from abuse or rejection. It ALL feels the same. So you have every right to feel how you feel as intensely as you feel it. Give yourself permission to be ALL of who you are even if someone else’s story is worse than yours.
Your journey is not pointless and I guarantee you have grown more than you are able to see. The only reason I have made it this far is because I have had some incredibly strong and wise women who reminded me of my strength. So I am here to tell you Anna. You are strong enough to be on this journey of growth, or you wouldn’t be here talking to me. Your healing, your freedom from the struggles is MORE IMPORTANT than you realize. There is no mistake in any decision you have made because each moment has brought you here to enter into your next phase, whatever that may be. I know it’s hard to truly understand that when you are younger – I have been through that cycle hundreds of times, but I’m old enough to know it inside and out. Some things you just have to live through.
You are MORE THAN your exhaustion. You are MORE THAN feeling defeated. You are MORE THAN feeling like you don’t matter.
You are BOTH the dark AND the light and I know you want to serve the light. I know you want to put your love out in the world and not become like those unconscious people who are hurting you, because they don’t know how to be any other way. If you stop, then you get to stay where you are at and continually get worse. OR…if you keep growing, if you keep fighting for yourself, there is an ENTIRE WORLD full of surprises waiting for you to expand to the next level as you keep finding your freedom and strengthening your self-esteem. You get to choose Anna.You make a good point about talk therapy; maybe I’ve been approaching this process the wrong way… I’d be very curious to explore other modalities of therapy. There is no such thin as wrong. You have been doing the very best according to what you have been exposed to. That’s all any of us can do. So now you are being exposed to new information and you get to decide what to do with that. Do not look back. Look forward towards the new possibilities.
I did try a type of body work about a year ago and ended up fainting after the first exercise, so I’m a little leery of delving into that again…but I’m open to trying other things. Whoa! What type of bodywork? I’m guessing your body needed to shut down for some reason. Of course you are leery! But also remember, you are here today and okay, so you got past that moment and you are stronger and more discerning…as you should be. So trust yourself.
I always look out for struggling friends and make extra effort toward them. Given my hyper-empathy, I pick up on that stuff instantly, and I always want my friends to feel seen and loved. Yes! This is a truly beautiful part of who you are AND it also means you typically are going to give a heck of a lot more than you receive. I was like that until a few years ago actually. Then I had this HUGE shift, cut out all of the connections I had that were way out of balance and now I’m completely done with that pattern. You will have many times like that as long as you keep staying open to growing and learning and healing.
I’d like to think that I have inherent value simply because I’m a living, breathing person, but it sure doesn’t feel that way, especially not in a world where unconditional positivity seems to be celebrated and glorified. I know it doesn’t feel that way, but there is one simple fact here….your feelings are NOT facts. Your feelings are just the story YOU made up about your life. I’m not saying NOT to pay attention to what you feel, I’m just saying to separate yourself from your feelings and not let them run your life, because your stories are FULL of lies. It’s no different than a woman who grows up with an alcoholic father and then “falls in love” with an alcoholic. Love with an addict is small and limited – more harmful than anything. But she “FEELS” like she loves him, so she follows her feelings, even though her feelings are being sourced by lies and wounding. So you can decide to let what you feel break you down, or you could choose to look at yourself from different eyes and give that perspective some authority. When I feel like a piece of crap, if I let those feelings fill my system, it takes me into depression – OR – I can acknowledge that I am human and make bad choices sometimes, but that’s not ALL that I am. I also spread a lot of love. I also have helped thousands of people. I also am worth loving. But again, I have people around me that help me, because sometimes we just need that extra help.
I so appreciate your generosity with your time and encouragement! You are incredibly delightful, powerful, open, intelligent, curious, appreciative, wounded, courageous, brave and soooooooo many other adjectives that I could fill this page with. It’s an honor to know you Anna!
I will send you a private email with my coach’s info. so you can reach out to her.
Heidi
Great to hear from you!!!
It’s hard to find the balance between that and just letting what needs to happen, happen. I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on this, if any…? Such a fantastic question that you want to explore here. The balance between the 2 exists by letting BOTH be true and letting BOTH exist. Here’s what I mean….I totally have a scientist brain like you do, so understanding a situation is absolutely crucial. Knowledge is actually the very first step to letting go. Your psyche, your brain, your reasoning, your logic….none of that will let go and be able to move onto the next step unless there is understanding first and foremost. It’s part of developing your emotional intelligence. The challenge is, once there is understanding, the brain wants to keep looping around that understanding searching for more and more answers, because the discomfort, the hurt, or whatever you are feeling doesn’t actually go away with understanding a situation. It may subside a bit, but the roots of those feelings live in a different place than your brain. So your need to control and have a plan, while it IS part of who you are and that will never change, there is a wounded part of you that doesn’t feel safe when you are not in control – and that’s the part you are struggling. That part of you is NOT operating in truth…in the higher truth…the God truth – which is….plan or no plan, you will be okay. That part that is controlling and planning is doing it as a way to protect you and help you feel safe in the world. It’s a coping mechanism and it’s a wonderful coping mechanism….until it isn’t. So….what it looks like in a “balanced” state is you still make a plan because you like to, it’s fun for you, it helps you feel more peaceful AND not being so attached to that plan that it prevents you from going with the flow. You can make a plan, but at the same time, you also know things can change, things are truly out of your control AND THAT’S OKAY TOO! So you end up holding onto your plans, your desires, your wants, your ideas LOOSELY.
This is not an easy place to get to, but once you get there, there is a TON of freedom. I plan and control my life all the time…and when things do not turn out how I want or need, sure I might get frustrated, irritated, or hurt or whatever BUT at the same time I also have this very dominant thought and belief that I am being held…that another plan – a divine plan – is at play and that every single moment – perfect or imperfect – is EXACTLY what it’s supposed to be..and I have peace running in my veins keeping me stabilized and connected to the higher truth while my ego and control freak side has its opinions too – but are less powerful than the higher truth. I got there because I worked with my very wounded self who never felt safe in this world. I learned and understood about human nature, I learned about my own darkness so I could understand the darkness in others, I developed new skills to manage my emotions in a more healthy way instead of shutting down…it’s been a journey, and a tough one at that, but one worth taking as I am more peaceful and at ease with my life today than I ever have been…and that’s saying a lot!
So to put this in a real world example that might help you understand better: Let’s take your guy….you reached out here to try gather more information about what’s happening, so that maybe you could have more control of the outcome. Awesome!!! That’s the first step. The next step is taking that knowledge and being in a space of acceptance of “what is” and allow yourself to be guided by God, your angels…whatever you identify with – but open yourself to ALL possibilities. And the more advanced level is learning to be comfortable in the uncomfortable….being comfortable NOT knowing. As I’ve gotten older, I just don’t even bother with a lot of details…I deal with the outcomes. So if I go on a date and have a wonderful time and never hear from the guy again, it’s easy for me to go into all the reasons why because I have very high emotional intelligence. But instead of torturing myself with everything I know, I stop the cycle and instead say “Heidi…he is not available. That’s all the information you need to have in order to close the door on this.” The what the why and the how many times is just our brains trying to ease the pain. We think that if we just could know more about what happened, that somehow it would hurt less or we would find freedom from whatever we are feeling. I’m here to tell ya…you will most likely not meet someone who has as much information about human behavior as I do and it doesn’t change the hurt, the fear or whatever any of us is trying to run from. All it does is how you understand what you are feeling, but NOT change what you are feeling.
So again (I know I’ve said a lot here), the reason you are struggling to be comfortable in the “not knowing” or the “not planning” is because there is something deeper within you that doesn’t feel safe in this world. It’s THAT part of you that you need to start talking with and connecting with.
Does this make sense?
I was in a friend’s wedding last weekend (hence the late reply), and even though it was a beautiful ceremony that I was honored to be a part of, I felt extremely alone and out of place. All of my other friends there (who are aware of the major loss I’m experiencing) were coupled up and pretty much ignored me the whole time in favor of their significant others. Some were even deliberately exclusive. Oh I am so sorry! I know that must have caused you to shut down and feel awful. There is soooooo much that is happening in a situation like that, I don’t think it’s as simple as you being excluded. First, it’s a wedding. Weddings seriously activate the fantasies that women create for years and years and years about their weddings. I guarantee every single one of them had a MASSIVE checklist going on in their minds about what they liked and didn’t like about the wedding and compared it to what they imagine their own wedding would be like. And then they are their with their guys, which typically puts women in an extra romantic mood and wanting to bond more deeply with their guys that are part of their fantasy – so ALL attention is going to be on him because she is subconsciously grooming him, preparing him for their own wedding one day. On top of that, you are sad and struggling and that is a tough energy to engage with at the wedding. If you felt excluded, your coping mechanism is to shut down, yes? That’s what I think I remember you saying happened with your family. What girl is going to want to leave her imagined someday husband to help you through your struggles?
My guess is, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what gets activated in the young ladies.
And Anna, you are struggling about what all of them have and you don’t. So your energy is going to feel heavy because you are focusing on what is missing in your life. When you start to feel yourself fall into that trap, pick your head up and look at everything you DO have. That can very quickly shift your mood and put you into an energy that is more inviting. Thoughts?
It’s hard to trust God/the universe right now because it feels like life is kicking me down and laughing in my face. Maybe I need some new friends after all… I know I’ll get out of this eventually, but it’s been a really rough go lately. That’s an interesting thought. Where is this “kicking me down and laughing in my face” coming from? Has this actually happened to you? Were you ever bullied or something of that nature?
I know it’s so tough right now. I know you also know this will pass. Remember, this challenge is here to make you stronger. It’s here to educate you about yourself and others. It’s here to expose areas within you that need more love and attention from you. It’s here to expose what is not healed within you. It’s here to make you a better partner for your future husband…a better friend…a better family member…a better mom if that’s what you want. It’s a painful season, but who you become because of it, will be worth the tears, the pain, the heartache, and the up level in emotional intelligence you are seeking. You can do this! Find the flow of all of this…go with the current of the direction you are being taken and surrender to it instead of trying to control where you THINK you want to end up. That is where you can find some ease and peace through all of this. Surrender.
And it really is sad that there is so much instant gratification in the world now. I try to avoid anything that would promote it in my life – I joke that I’m a 90-year-old trapped inside a 20-something-year-old’s body – but it is so ingrained in our culture that it’s pretty difficult to escape it completely. This one is tough for me too AND I am also trusting that we are here collectively for a reason. Humanity always goes through phases. Tech is part of our lives now and creating a new kind of human…and someday this new version of humanity will be completely normal and a new version will be introduced. It’s just a cycle and although I don’t know where this is taking us, I trust that it is not a mistake. I trust we are always exactly where we are supposed to be, even though we don’t quite see it yet.
The mind really is fascinating; I probably would’ve been a psychologist in another life, haha. Oh my goodness! I could talk about this topic for days and days!!! I’m going to introduce the idea of maybe finding someone to work with that goes beyond talk therapy. Talk therapy is actually considered the least effective modality for creating sustainable change. It’s quite slow….a snail’s pace compared to many other modalities that are available out there. The reason is, when talking, we have access to such a limited amount of information. Talking keeps you in your brain – the knowledge – but doesn’t take you further down the rabbit hole because you have to access something different for that pathway. I know this may sound completely scary for you, especially since you’ve been with your therapist for 10 years. I know how comfortable that can feel. I am happy to recommend my coach. She is one of the most brilliant minds I have ever come across and her techniques and approach work fast and are incredibly impactful. Of course there is a lot of talking, but there is also a lot of deep diving and working with the ROOT cause of stuff and clearing it out of your system. It’s fantastic work! If this ever interests you, let me know and I email you her contact info. You can just set up a phone call where you can ask her questions and get a sense as to whether you vibe with her or not. No cost, not commitment, just gathering info. Just planting a seed.
And lastly, I would NOT recommend for you to go online dating. It’s a TOUGH adventure and I NEVER recommend to anyone who is having a hard time with life, because online dating is FULL of a ton of rejection. So before doing something like that, it’s crucial that you are solid within yourself, you are in a good space, you have good support to help you through and your self esteem is in good standing. I am helping a 29 year old through online dating right now and she is an incredible, beautiful woman and the amount of games, ghosting, shenanigans she has to deal with is exhausting!!!! It’s partly because she is a very high quality person and that’s not the average type of person that online dating attracts. So for now, allow your heart to continue to heal and don’t add the drama of online dating into the mix.
Heidi
One said, “It’s so easy for us to forget you deal with this because you’re so high-achieving in every other area of life – this is where you struggle, and now we know how to support you through it!” I’m still going to be more discerning about what I share with them to be extra careful, but I was so happy that it was well-received. Oh my goodness how amazing!!! I LOVE this! They received what you said so beautifully. Did you come up with a word you can use to remind them you are heading into overwhelm? They are going to forget, so set you and them up for success with a super quick reminder.
I’ve been going to therapy for over 10 years now, and even though I’ve come a LONG way since then, the effects of those events still linger. Oh I’m so so sorry to hear this! Events like this are completely heartbreaking and shattering. Isn’t it crazy how another person’s meanness and lack of awareness has such a long and lasting impact??? The mind is seriously so fascinating! So what kind of therapy do you do? Is it just talk therapy or are there other modalities involved?
he helped me see that not all men are selfish and vindictive. He was not perfect, but he helped me learn to trust a little more, and I’m really grateful to him for that. I love this. Each and every one of us deserves a chance to get to know someone with a clean slate. Unfortunately, that typically is not how it works. Because of the baggage we all carry, we cannot help but view others through that lens of distortion. I’m so happy that he gave you a new experience!!! You needed that!
So I suppose my sensitivity is a gift in that regard; it immediately filters out people who aren’t a good match, both romantically and otherwise. It sure is a timesaver in that regard. Absolutely!!! As with any gift or superpower, it has a light and a dark side. We are responsible for understanding both sides and how our gift function.
I do not plan on settling for anything less, especially not after experiencing something so beautiful. I’m just not very patient with the universe’s/God’s timing, one of a few things I’m working on… I’m not sure many people are patient. With the level of instant gratification this world has set up in our culture, patience is greatly lacking! Back in the day, we all had so much more patience because we didn’t have cell phones or fast computers. We had to wait for things A LOT. I remember doing book reports by looking stuff up in the encyclopedias!!! LOL. Man, those were the days. Dating was completely different back then and so much more healthy. I miss those days. The tech that has entered into our way of living is absolutely fantastic AND I have watched many ways of being and interacting disappear…for example…the amount of people that get into fights over text is appalling! So few people talk in person about their challenges and communication skills have flown out the window. The amount of toxic, mean, critical, and judgmental opinions that people feel is okay to post, completely baffles me. They are hiding behind screens, because back in the day – people in general did not treat others that way. I’m sure they wanted to, but if they did, it would have to be face to face and most people are too chicken to do it. Now it’s rampant. It makes me sad. I just went down the rabbit hole a bit. LOL. Anyways, let’s talk about patience a bit. I’m not sure if you have ever thought of it this way, but patience requires surrender. This is incredibly difficult for most people, because that requires letting go of control – and who wants to do that? Control is an illusion we all invest so much of our time and energy into. Why? It all boils down to fear. We are afraid of not knowing. We are afraid of pain. We are afraid of what might come that will cause us pain, so we do everything we can to prepare, plan, do the “right” thing etc. We can’t help it of course….it all comes from the ego – and that’s okay! What I’ve learned over the years is that while I “think” I know what I want, it’s really only for that moment, that phase, that age, that season. I almost got married in my mid 20s – I look back now and thank god I never took the leap. As heartbroken as I was back then not following through, there is NO WAY we would have made it, considering the path I was on. We were a guaranteed divorce for sure – but I had no idea what was ahead of me back then. You haven’t lived enough life yet to truly know that through and through. Today, even though I still try and control things, there is another part of me that is pretty strong that says “I trust that whatever shows up for me in any moment, is here to help me become more of who I need to be in this world.” This belief has shaped over the many years of the rug being pulled out from under me and going from devastation to healing and then seeing in hind sight how I was being rescued or prepared or developing a certain skillset I needed. In the moment, we want what we want, but it isn’t until later that we can look back and see how there truly was a divine plan at work and everything turned out okay – and many times better than we could have ever created with our ego.
My point being Anna…practice feeling surrender. Practice feeling the safety within the idea that the God/universe has your back and you are being held. If that is struggle (which it was for me for a very long time – and sometimes still is) then the very foundation of feeling safe in this world (which you need safety in order to feel patience) is trusting in yourself. You got this! Meaning…no matter what shows up or doesn’t show up in your life, you will be okay? How do you know that? Because you are resourceful. You are strong. You are determined. You are educated. You are supported. You are skilled. You have EVERYTHING within you to handle whatever life throws your way – even if that means being single in your 50s like me. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would still be single and I remember feeling MANY times…there is no way I would ever feel okay being single in my 30s – then that decade passed – then my 40s – and now my 50s. I don’t have the answers as to why – but what I do know is that being single has allowed me to grow in ways I wouldn’t have been able to if I were attached to someone…and for that, I am grateful. I know that doesn’t sound appealing compared to falling in love and creating a family and home with someone, but now that I’m hear…I wouldn’t trade it. I had to give up being patient, because that meant I was just waiting for my guy to show up. So I stopped being patient and just completely surrendered to “he will show up whenever he does and in the meantime, I am going to become the best version of myself possible.” So I stopped looking, stopped trying, stopped pursuing romance, because I trust that he will make himself known to me when the timing is right. At my age now, it’s much easier to just surrender to what is. At your age, I would know that I am saying is true, but being able to align with it is a HUGE struggle, so I understand what you want, why you want it, and why this guy is so special for you. All I can say is that the timing isn’t aligning and there is reason for it, far beyond what you are aware of right now…but there ALWAYS is a reason. You may never discover what that reason is or maybe you will figure it out someday. Either way, there is no mistake in how things turned out right now. So surrender to the process of your life is showing up as.
Heidi
I will say this again…..I LOVE our conversation!! Thank you for sticking with it, remaining open, and sharing your thoughts and struggles. It truly is an honor to be part of your journey right now!
I so appreciate your input on dealing with my family. I never thought about the idea that my sensitive nature makes me “powerful” with them… I kinda love that… Let me help you understand this better so you can be more intelligent and aware as you work with them.
You are more connected, conscious, and stronger than them in the sense that you FEEL. It takes GREAT strength to feel all the different emotions we are capable of. I used to be pretty numb. I was insanely emotionally intelligent, but I had a very low ability to feel anything, because I had a super rough childhood. So my protective mechanism was to just shut down. This is how most people operate. It’s a very intelligent way we were made because it helps us survive what we needed to survive when we were young. However, what helped us as children, then turns around and hurts us as adults. So going numb helped me survive as a child, but as an adult, not being able to feel very much meant that I had much more of a capacity to be mean, uncaring, and cold. It took MANY years of healing work to undo the damage from growing up and now I feel A LOT!!! However, it’s definitely more difficult. I hurt A LOT more. I feel sadness more, I feel anger waaaaay more etc.
What’s interesting about how we are designed is that our threshold for pain is directly connected to our threshold of happiness as well. So because I was pretty numb and didn’t feel much hurt, pain, or anger etc. it ALSO limited my ability to feel the positive emotions. Sure I could laugh and have fun, but I was a pretty serious person. I definitely never was silly or goofy, I couldn’t excited about much, and I definitely didn’t feel appreciation or gratitude very much. So as I started my therapy journey and expanding my capacity to feel the yuk side of my emotions, automatically I started feeling the good stuff too! Today, I am able to tap into the gorgeous beauty, wonder, and awe of a flower or the smell of a pine tree BECAUSE I am now able to feel the sadness, pain, anger etc. from something as small as accidentally stepping on a snail and ending its life.
You are MUCH stronger emotionally than your family – you have a spectrum of emotions that you have access to which means your life is much more rich and full. When you feel, especially the harder emotions in life, it reminds others of what they are avoiding and running from (on a subconscious level). Your family keeps trying to change your sadness, because it reminds them of the sadness they carry within themselves (they have no idea that’s what they are really doing though). If they were in relationship with their own sadness, your sadness would be completely fine for them! They would have compassion and care for you instead of trying to change you. Your emotions scare them (again, not something they are aware of consciously). And that makes you quite powerful. You become the focus of attention for them, right? You become the target to “control” because they feel out of control inside. When people feel out of control, they naturally go to some place where they can get control. Me, for example, I tend to clean when I have power drops. I have control over my home and there is a beautiful accomplishment when I’m done. If you think about it, A LOT of the people who are teachers, cops, judges….they spent their lives feeling out of control, so they end up being drawn to a career where they have control/power over other people.
Is this making sense as to why your family reacts to you the way they do? And think about it Anna…if you didn’t have any influence or impact on your family, they wouldn’t be spending so much time focusing on trying to change you. You get so much attention from them (even though it’s unhealthy – but attention is attention).
Yes, you are going to have to protect yourself. It really is sad that you most likely will have to start being more discerning about what you share with them. It’s a loss. It’s saying goodbye to the closeness you want with them and that’s always difficult. However, it will also strengthen you internally. You will be building trust within yourself that because you will be making your own heart a priority…something that healthy people do!
Let me know how it goes for you as you try out some new things with them. Just keep connected to the higher level truth here as you may face some rejection….any rejection of you, is BECAUSE they are rejecting themselves. It’s not about you and not being enough, it’s about them – and as you ask for them to become more aware of YOU, you are asking them to become more aware of themselves…and they may not be ready for that. And that’s okay. Keep coming here so we can talk about anything you may end up feeling. I’m here for you!
Your perspective on rejection as a revealer of “cracks” in self-esteem is one I never considered. I normally just try to push through rejection/fear of rejection and ignore it because, as you said, it is a universal experience. I’m glad this resonated for you! If rejection hurts, it’s only because we are disconnected from the higher level truth and more connected to some kind of low self-esteem story that lives within that crack. So because my father was incredibly destructive towards me, when a guy would reject me, all the low self-esteem my father programmed me to feel would get activated. Those low self-esteem stories are FULL of lies, but it feels real and this is why: when challenges happen to a child, it stores in the brain in “state-specific” form. Let’s say you are 5 years old and you want to play with the girls on the swing set at school. They push you away and one girls says “No, you are ugly so you can’t play with us.” You will store that moment in your brain in the “state” you are in….AS A 5 YEAR OLD. This means that your little 5 year old brain will believe her, believe that there is something wrong with you, and let’s say she is a blond hair blue eyed girl, your brain would store that in the subconscious and your 5 year old brain will think that all blond haired blue eyed girls are prettier than you. A 5 year old brain DOES NOT have the capacity to process the TRUTH about that situation nor understand it. So this story gets stored in your little 5 year old and then every other rejection you feel as you go through life, will just add to that original story – therefore helping your low self-esteem to grow – therefore feeling the pain of rejection. The higher truth is, if someone rejects you, it’s not because something is “wrong” with you…it’s because something about the situation is not a match for some reason – who knows what that reason is, but it’s NEVER all about you and it’s NEVER about you not being lovable, or being enough, or being whatever it is you think you need to be so don’t get rejected. If we ALL were connected to THAT truth, rejection wouldn’t hurt would it? We may feel disappointment that something didn’t work out, but we wouldn’t absorb the pain, we wouldn’t take it personally, we wouldn’t be so afraid of it. So that is why the pain of rejection reveals the areas in your system where you have cracks – the cracks are where those stories are stored – and even though they are buried, they are still very much alive and influence you every single day. It’s so fascinating….this is where learning the language of the subconscious is INCREDIBLY helpful. As I started doing my healing work over 30 years ago, I started to see within myself, all the thoughts, the behaviors, the choices, the feelings I was having that were coming from the cracks in my system and actually had NOTHING to do with the present moment. The present moment was just the trigger to show me where I am not healed. That’s why pain is a gift. That’s why pain is our teacher. It shows us where we are not free from those stories we made up as children about whatever was happening. I normally go through all of this in a class setting and I am able to go into much more detail, but hopefully this will at least give you a little more insight into yourself as well as what you are triggering within your family (remember, it’s not your fault that you are triggering them!).
Isn’t it ironic that mature, fun, high-quality people, people who would make amazing partners, sometimes struggle to find other amazing partners? OMG Anna! I cannot tell you how many times I have had this thought. It makes soooooo much sense though. While it’s not fair, it makes sense. Taking the journey of healing that I have over the years, I cannot tell you the amount of pain I have had to face. I cannot tell you how many times I was down on my knees, barely able to breathe from crying so hard. Even yesterday I got triggered and was taken back to moments in my childhood where I was powerless in being able to help my bunny and save him from the people who were hurting him. The darker side of emotions are incredibly difficult to feel and when you don’t have help or the skillset to be able to process all of it out of your system, then all that happens is people get depressed, high anxiety, high levels of stress and then they grab for addictions to help them cope or they go see a doc who will prescribe them meds. Healing and letting go of the baggage is NOT a common path. I know very few people who actually live on that path. When I was younger, I could have the pick of any guy that I wanted. I had soooooo much attention everywhere I went and I soaked it up like it was a drug. But I only got all of that attention because I was LOADED up with baggage – and that is how the average person lives….asleep with no idea who they REALLY are. Taking the healing path, while my insides could breath, while my internal strength sky rocketed, while my joy in life multiplied by a thousand, I also became more lonely because there were not a lot of people to be friends with or date. I have a little sister (just a friend but she feels like my little sis cuz she’s 29) who is online dating right now and she is INCREDIBLY evolved. She has been working with my coach for a few years now and her emotional intelligence, her inner strength, her self-esteem have all sky rocketed and she just keeps going on first dates with guys who are just missing it. But like you, both she and I would rather be alone and happy than tied to a guy who doesn’t operate at the level that we function. And while it is slim pickings for us, the quality of our relationships FAR exceeds what average person will ever get to feel. The depth of love we are able to offer and receive, the level of joy and laughter we get to feel every single day, and the quality of life we have….well I’ll just say we are both completely content with being alone 🙂
It’s honestly very inspiring that you’ve come to such a solid place in your life, even without a guy! Maybe I’ll get there, too, eventually; it’s just taking a little longer than I thought it would. Something to aim for…you want to feel whole and complete in your life…meaning you do not need a guy to feel happy, or content, or feel better. When YOU feel complete and whole, then there is no “needing” a guy or “wishing” for a guy or “craving” a guy. All those feelings are coming from your subconscious stories telling you that you “need” a guy to feel good about yourself – and that is NOT the energy you want to invite someone into, because all that will happen is that guy will become what I call your “feeding tube” and any guy who says yes to that, will also be needing to attach his “feeding tube” to you as well. So when you are complete and whole, you don’t need anything from them. They will ADD to your life, not fill it. This takes a while Anna and it takes a lot of help from experts who know how to guide you in clearing out the gunk. So be patient with yourself and when you are ready, seek some professional or expert help. There is no way you can do this journey alone…no one can. I am happy to recommend my coach (she is seriously badass!) if you ever feel ready to dive in deeper.
I’ve always felt like my sensitivity/ASD made me childish and inherently inferior to those who have a higher threshold than I. I get why you would think this way. Most do and I used to think this way too until I realized I was completely wrong. Here is another way to view it….the higher the pain threshold, the more emotionally unhealthy the person is. Healthy people have a lower tolerance for pain, because they FEEL!!! I used to date those “bad boy” types all the time and man did it suck! Constant games, constant rejection, constant up and downs, but that was the environment I was used to. I hated it, but it was familiar. Now that I am healthy, you couldn’t pay me a million dollars to even have a conversation with a guy who functions on that level. EXHAUSTING!!!!! But back then, because I had a HIGH pain threshold, I could take on all that drama and be okay. So do you see how your sensitivity is a gift??? It keeps you connected to yourself and is a warning system about who to avoid, who to connect with, and how to navigate your life so you stay in your happy, peaceful zone! Your sensitivity is your sensing system that is there to protect you and keep you safe from those who want to bring chaos into your life. There is no inferiority about that!!! That is just plain smart to me, wouldn’t you say?
Heidi
