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So far online dating is a bust. Zero messages. Most apps don’t work with Google Voice (thr only phone I can have out here). But I believe it’s about my frequency not an app. I have a very hard time of manifesting a good man. Always have. Since learning the LOA over a decade ago visualization has continued to be very difficult for me. I keep tryna get back up onto the horse whenever I fall off so to speak. But mostly my thoughts are negative and lack-based because I feel so alone and have it seems always been surrounded by fat women with devoted husbands, etc.
Jeremy does still have my favorite hat. And his dog keeps coming to my house. Not sure how to get it back or stop the dog. I like the dog and don’t super mind it drinking some of my dog’s water, but it feels a bit weird and annoys me to some degree to be reminded of him and have his dog on my property because he doesn’t pen him.
Hi Spyce,
You get it. Yes I am really wanting to change my pattern and can see the light moreso than ever before with regard to the clear path I have to walk in order to make it happen. I.e. walking away at the first red flag rather than the fifth or tenth. That makes sense to me and is concrete enough that I can actually build it into a new habit.
With Jeremy, I don’t feel there’s anything to say, because it is obvious he treated me like a friend you ask favors of but don’t spend time with, and he failed to apologize. Those two things say it all. I’ve already broken off down my own path, away from him. I don’t want anything from him anymore.The challenging part now is steeling myself against a solitary life in which I spend the entirety of most days without speaking to another human being. This makes it difficult to hold out hope.
So this is my strategy. I will continue to build connections with the friends and friendly people I seem to connect with, regardless of distance. I will return to a focus on feeling good for no reason whenever I remember to. I will appreciate what I do like about my life. I will allow people who don’t understand or support me to fade into the background. I will keep pursuing my interests. My goal is to be happy if I can without a partner or companion. Of course that doesn’t mean I don’t want one. But I believe Eckhart Tolle is onto something.
I do feel anxious about possibly running into him, as I know it could make me slide into negative feelings and thinking. All I can do though is hold my head up and move forward with my life. At this time I feel that only if he should come around asking for food will I give him that sandwich.Hi, I appreciate the way you’re approaching this coaching session and your perspective. Being heard helps me feel relaxed so I can focus better on responding more effctively to the scenario I’m currently experiencing.
I must say that I’ve reached a point of decision after some things that happened between the last time I wrote to you and now.
A couple of days ago he texted me again after I hadn’t been the last one to text. Basic magnetics. But it was to ask me for a “huge favor” to feed his dogs for him because it would have been a “pain in the ass” for him to go out there and do it with his crazy work schedule. I definitely felt like it was a little bit of a demotion from the already very low place I was for some reason occupying in his life, and after I agreed to do it I regretted it because I realized I’d missed an opportunity to honestly let him know that I’d already made plans and so was not available to help him out. But I felt too nervous to bring it up again so I powered through my own chores and went ahead and also got his dogs fed before changing and going to meet a friend for some live music about 40 minutes away.
When I went to gwt the dog food I felt angry discovering Marcia’s sandals in his camper. And I needed to know the truth so I did something I’ve never done before – I smelled both the pillows on his bed. But it delivered the answer because one of them smelled like a man and one of them smelled fruity and flowery like some other than him. This made me feel hurt and angry because I am a far better person than she but he gives her his time.The proof in the proverbial pudding was that he was at the show, and I realized all in one breath that he must have been both using and lying to me about being too busy. Maybe so he can feel like he has more options or something I don’t know. What kind of friend asks you to feed his dog so he can party but doesn’t invite you to the party? It finally hurt my feelings enough to make me close my heart to him.
Indeed, as soon as I returned his greeting (I know I sounded upset when I said hi back to him, and mayne he knew I was pretendong not to see him at first – I felt too upset to know what to do in the moment) he made up an excuse about getting in the last 2 hours of his day before crashing and going back to work early the next morning. I felt so uncomfortable at having stumbled upon him obviously feeling guilty and him thinking that he had been caught. I felt ashamed again like I did the day I went to hike and found him spending his Saturday night with Marcia. So this finally actually did hurt me, and I decided that I just can’t take being treated so lowly anymore by someone no matter what he claims verbally to feel for me or how important our “friendship” is to him because I’m eo “awesome.” To top it off he didn’t even give me a hug or say goodbye – he just slunk off into the night at a certain point soon after saying hi to me and making the excuse.I feel really sad that the people who supposedly care about me treat me like such dirt. It’s been this way my whole life by everybody and I just wish that I knew how to attract caring people. Lately with all the confusing time totally alone I’ve been really trying to stay in a positive vibrational frequency about my own life, because I have read that has the power to attract in much better people if I can maintain it.
In a way, this is kind of the perfect breaking point in terms of giving him a communication sandwich. Incidentally here’s what I had come up with prior to this whole thing happening with the dogs and the party:“It made me feel very good to hear you say you really care for me. However, your actions don’t seem to match those words. You said you’re afraid of losing me. Well, here’s what I need: frequent and regular companionship, something in between when you first moved out to your property and how it’s been lately. I do appreciate the time we have already spent together.”
The only thing is, and this is how I’ve always felt to be honest in pretty much all relationships I’ve ever had, I can’t fully believe it matters, that he even cares at all; I have a nagging sense that I’m sort of playing the fool or something in terms of thinking that any feeling or need I have would matter in any way whatsoever to this person. I feel it’s obvious that he would just laugh and play me more because I gave him something to keep playing.
And besides, he hasn’t reached out to me at all since that party. So I would essentially be pursuing. š„No worries hope you get well soon.
It is understandable that an outsider’s sense of the timing of this is different from my own, but also your being a professional coach and my being in the middle of it does definitely factor in, too.
The first thing I’m noticing in how I feel is a very strong resistance to wanting to give him any kind of ultimatum or put pressure on him. This might have more to do with how it is said than what is going to be said, but because he has been consistently clear about how busy it is for him at work right now, I hesitate to push him in a direction he just seems to not be able to go while he navigates the first busy season at his new tour guide job (or is not mentally/emotionally prepared to go maybe with me). We do live in the vicinity of a national park and so have a steady number of tourists coming through on a regular basis. There is a bug annual event this week, too, so I do believe him that he is busy giving them tours.
Having said that, I think you and I can both agree that what doesn’t make sense is not taking five minutes to initiate a text more often instead of just respond to my occasional text, and 15 minutes to drop by on his way to his land to feed his dogs even once a week, or inviting me to get a drink or even simply hang out after work in town where he stays.
On the other hand I feel like it’s too easy for women in my situation to get completely caught up in the idea of requiring action in order to get what we want from men. In this aspect I get the sense that allowing him to lead even though he is doing it so minimally may be the right thing to do. If he feels me leaning into my own life he then has the space to come toward me. I spent a looong time fixated with no way to forget him, so he may not have realized yet that I am less so now. The meeting I saw him at last week was a clear example.
So it seems we’re in agreement about waiting for him to make the next move before I talk to him about my needs. And then I think how I say it is going to be really important so you’re intuition is right regarding a sandwich too. If he gets the sense that I am going to pressure him when he can’t provide the thing I want, what can he do but pull away more, as the HI book says a man will not attempt something he doesn’t see himself winning. So if I can make him feel like he’s winning with me in certain ways, for instance like making it clear to me that he cares for me, which also would be potentially a nice way to remind him that he does care for me, and then tell him how that makes me feel really good before I say I’m struggling with the radio silence and don’t understand or like that he isn’t dropping by like he used to or initiating any time together except for last week for an hour after the meeting. Then again though that specific set of requests start to sound controlling to me. Sigh.“..exactly what he needs to do to keep you in his life? This is how I need you to interact with me if Iām going to feel safe connecting with you on any level.”
Hi I appreciate getting your reply as it feels supportive and informative.
My question is again with logistics and specifics. Do I reach out to him to say that? Wait until he responds to my previous message to say it? Weave it into an in-process conversation or lead with it, craft a communication sandwich? Or? Thanks.I’ve been consistently clear with you from the beginning that Jeremy and I have decided to be friends without sleeping together but with a potential future relationship. I have never changed this. What is confusing to you?
It’s an interesting take to look at someone who is being horrible to me as being super unhappy, although that is typically the reason why people like her are horrible to others I suppose. He is correct in saying friends of friends don’t always get along. While I would like it if he disassociated himself from her, he is not my boyfriend and has the right to choose his friends.
If he is spending time with her but not me I do have an issue and will distance myself. I am not going to assume though.In the meantime I would like to date or meet other men instead of wait for him. Today I downloaded all the top dating apps and completed profiles for three, but verification was not allowed due to my sole use of Google Voice rather than a cell plan carrier.
It really did make me feel real good. I’m just glad (very glad) he is still my friend. There are some mean, nasty people out here just looking for opportunities to put me down or exclude me based on their friends who defamed me. It is difficult to be around. I went to a Halloween party yesterday and fairly easily avoided that clique. But I made the mistake of using marijuana offered to me in between performances and messed up royally in the 2nd dance performance; some of them laughed at me. I felt very embarrassed, but I decided to show confidence and simply keep showing up as if it is human to err and I still hadn’t done anything wrong (which I haven’t). I had a few satisfying connections because of that.
So having a solid friend in the mix gives me hope and helps me cope with the horrid high school emotional maturity of the bad people in this community.
Something you had said earlier about friends vs romance piqued my interest and I would like to explore that further. These facts keep a question in my mind about whether to use the HI or not with him:
– He has now three times strongly vocalized being against a platonic connection with no future potential.
– I did dream work on a psychic dream (fortelling that I’d see him the very next day, which I did) – the dream revealed his distraction/conflicted state of mind while walking his path but desire to connect with me, even if I pursued a connection with him prior to his cleansing himself of his issues. I told him the dream and asked what he thought it meant prior to doing my dream work process on it. He’d answered that it was about him ending up with me after working through some stuff of his own. When I shared the dream work with him, he exclaimed that it was ‘super close’ to what he’d tried to say when I asked what his intuitive interpretation of the dream.
– He said, “I really care for you” and “I’m scared to lose you.”
– He said he “cherishes” our friendship.
– He said he feels this way for now but is open to a relationship, even marriage (he brought that up not me).
– He said he wants to spend time with me when he has free time from work.
– I feel his consciousness from time to time, usually about once to two times every week, with a variety of emotions; usually it’s brief, sometimes it’s prolonged. Today I felt it when I woke up and heard the clairaudient message, ‘he cares about you.’ Yesterday around 5 pm (I assume when he got off work and saw I hadn’t texted back following his exclamation over my dream work being accurate) it was a sadness that I felt from his mind.The only issue I have is that he hasn’t spent a lot of time with me or reached out much since his new job got into its super busy season. I believe him, as he has always given me a sense of being sincere; even after he lied he came forward to apologize and admit he had a problem he didn’t know how to solve. But I do feel a little distrusting because it only takes five minutes or less to send a text or ten minutes to drop by for a quick hug and hello, you know?
The complication I see is, and this is the second layer of psychic power of that dream I had about him the day before seeing him recently, he is staying friends with Marcia. I saw her last night at the party, and she for the second time glommed onto someone I’d been speaking with. She walked right up to the person and captured their full attention very intentionally, ignoring and cordoning them off from me. She is obviously devious and manipulative, having projected onto me her own plotting based on the man who spread the defamation against me being the one who cheated on his fiancee with her and had bitched her out for supposedly telling me they’d cheated so his fiancee wouldn’t find out. Right after that was when she spoke in a toxic manner to me, claiming that she knew what I was ‘all about.’ In the dream work, Jeremy was distracted and his main attention taken up by a toxic, manipulative force, represented perfectly in the subconscious symbolism my mind utilized by none other than Marcia.
2 days ago I felt Jeremy’s consciousness twice within the span of about 2 hours. I get these feelings of people’s mental and emotional energy whenever they are thinking about me and have learned to trust them unquestioningly because they are always accurate. Yesterday I went to a board meeting for the member owners of the ranch where I live and he came in and sat down next to me. He told me that he had gone over to my house that morning, and I asked, “why is that,” and he said to make sure that I knew about the meeting and because his best friend Jake and GF Kelly were in town for it. He also told me that he had tried radioing me twice the day before. That coincides of course with the two times I felt his consciousness the day before yesterday. (I have consistently felt his mind every few days to a week for months now).
I behaved reservedly around him because I had reached a point where I did not want him to think that I was just available for whenever he wanted me, and an independent state of no longer crushing/obsessing; I would definitely have liked a little more touch points during that few week period he wasn’t around.
I spoke at the meeting and he was very supportive, and I actually got solid applause walking up to the mic and coming back to my seat. That felt good. At one point he came back from going out to smoke a cigarette and his chair had been taken by somebody. Instead of taking one of the empty chairs next to where his had been he went and got another chair and put it next to mine.
I wasn’t sure what was going on but at the end of the 4-Hour meeting I went over to where they were serving hot dogs to the members who had attended. I remained in my own self and not leaning forward so to speak and talked heartily with his best friend Jake and Kelly and several other member-owners. It was a pretty nice time and we were there for about an hour. I maintained my sense of subtle distance from Jeremy to protect my heart. I went ahead and left and noticed after about 2/3 of the way home that he was behind me. He flashed his lights and honked his horn so I pulled over and he pulled up next to me on the road. I told him I didn’t know it was him behind me. He said he had tried to catch me whem I left. He asked if everything was okay and I said yeah. Then he said I seemed kind of distant. And I replied that he had seemed really distant. We just talked right there in our cars. He said it really was just work, that he was staying in employee housing down south five nights a week and wasn’t getting home until 7:00 p.m. to pass out and go do it again the next day. At first I was hesitant to trust what he was saying but I could tell he was being sincere with me.I had had a dream about him the night before as well, a second psychic experience. I told him about the dream in the meeting, but leaving out the last part where he came and snuggled with with me before I woke up. On the road there I told him the real ending of the dream.
He came over briefly to share a beer and talked for a little over an hour. We just kind of discussed things that I wasn’t sure about and ended up reaffirming our friendship with the option of a potential relationship in the future. He said twice he was going to be my friend for a long time, which gave me a sense of stability and felt good. He said two times quite strongly as he had said originally that it would suck to just be friends only with no potential for a relationship. He also told me, “I really care for you,” and “I’m afraid of losing you” when we were talking about a previously discussed plan to share a psychedelic experience together. He was worried that he might get touchy or horny and that I would have to subtly fend him off and he would feel bad for making me have to worry about that every time he saw me afterward. So I suggested we do it in a small group, and he finally admitted it was only a 1% chance he would mess it up.
He hugged me three times.
I had asked him what he thought the dream meant before I did Dream Work the next morning. I sent him a screenshot of my dream work and let him know that his intuitive interpretation (that he ends up with me after figiring some shit out) was not at all far off. I also let him know that I am down south once a week and that it would feel good to hang out even just once a week.
I am going to go back to my work of focusing on my own journey and will be happier if he makes spending time with me more of a priority. If not I know he is still too conflicted to make time for me during his busiest season at his new job.I’m currently trying to focus on the positive aspects of my situation and was able last night to avoid getting super-mired in rumination over another unplanned encounter with Marcia. It hurts and doesn’t make sense to me why she got the friendship and I was dumped as a person (not even caring about in a romantic sense anymore), but then I train my mind back to what you said about me having allowed in the wrong person in the first place, and it no longer needs to make any sense why I’m the superior person but was the one left behind.
The book says to integrate by accepting aspects we fear being rejected for, which makes sense. No change yet after the first exercise, but I’ll continue at a pace I can handle with all my other commitments and hope it makes a difference.
I think you’re saying overall that as I continually return to self-acceptance I will eventually attract in the kind of people who mirror my confidence or self-valuation.I have told you I wanted his friendship. This area is remote and the other individual I invested in and made friends with in my first year here defamed me. I was “cut” from a job because of her and a show I’d formally been invited to perform in. People she lied about me to haven’t been warm toward me since.
The “community” isn’t easy to make new friends in. But I am trying by showing up even though it makes me feel angry to watch manipulative Marcia receive the hugs I used to get and a place in my other I guess former friend Jeremy’s friend circle. I don’t know why he dropped me as a person, as a friend. I told you I am not interested in him romantically because of how he treated me in that definition of relationship. Since he completely stopped reaching out or visiting or radioing after spending Saturday with Marcia a few weeks ago, I realized he wasn’t a good friend after all because he let her poison him against me most likely or can’t match his actions to his words.
Maybe you can understand what I’ve been saying.To try and make new friends, Im pulling back from my former interest in those who have been colder toward me since the defamation. Im participating in local events, showing up. Im reaching out to people I feel might be a potential new friend. So far it is painful and I am all alone but there have been a few points of responsiveness and I will keep at it until I meet or make new connetions.
I am reading the shadow work book you recommended and hoping I find people to care about and include me in a real way. It would be the first time in my life.It isn’t just with romantic relationships. It’s been a lot of people in my life including my entire extended family. People are always on their way out the door. I can feel it. Like they’re primed to leave and looking for a reason to jet. As I keep saying I do want this person as a friend because of the small population and prior connection. If he just continues to not show up for me then I’ll know my answer that he just isn’t and I will have to move on even though his land is in my neighborhood. As it stands, he did message me on Wednesday and I shared my feelings of sadness and confusion and he responded promptly and said he was sorry he hasn’t been around much but that his touring company job is doing back to back doubles and so he’s staying in employee housing in town. I don’t know whether to believe he really cares or is doing the “I’ve been busy” brush off, but anyone can find 5 minutes to text someone or drop by for 15 minutes on his way home to feed his dogs etc. His dog walked all the way to my house yesterday so I didn’t know what to do because when I tried to shoo him back home he started walking further away from Jeremy’s, so I kenneled him overnight and I’m going to take him back over to Jeremy’s house today and practice drums even though he is at work.
My friend Lori is just being. Got it.
Isn’t the point of reading a course to master the material and learn something?
“I am continually receiving messages from non-human creatures, guiding me to continue working behind the scenes or camouflaged. I take this to mean the work with the HI material. Guidance from spirit ācreaturesā can many times have various meanings to them. Iām curious why you feel the guidance is about working with the HI materials specifically.” I look up symbolic meanings of creatures which cross my path in an obviously meaningful way and use intuition, reason, and common sense to find the relevance to my life; it is usually obvious. With my interpretation of it being about HI, that is the only endeavor I have been making that is ‘behind the scenes’ or ‘hidden.’
“I did notice that today without thinking about it I did something the right way. Iād like to guide you away from that black and white (right and wrong) kind of thinking. It can be very damaging and quite deflating. Right DOES NOT equal the result you want and nor does wrong equal a bad result. Right and wrong, at itās source, is judgement. Who is to say what is right or wrong? It all depends on the viewpoint, right? Instead of right or wrong, I like view things more from the lense of more effective or less effective. Even in the worst decisions or behaviors (wrong), there is ALWAYS something effective that can come out of it. You seem to have a very strong attachment to doing things the ārightā way in order to produce a certain result. In the world of relationships, love and people, that just does not happen.” So that all goes without saying, as effective is what I meant. I do have a concern as you know with getting the HI material down correctly.
“I donāt really have any kind of hope that anything I could do or not do would really have any impact on bringing him back so to speak, maybe because Iām so used to disappointment that I canāt imagine I could ever prevail in winning love. I mean, this is what has always happened, more or less every time I have really liked someone they have been distant and I have been on my own. It donāt really look at it as my fault as you say but more as a pattern ingrained in me through trauma and abandonment by my family of origin. One of the things it seems you are not really taking into account is the KIND OF PERSON you are trying to get attention from. This, first and foremost, is one of the biggest factors influencing the kind and level of connection that exists. His lack of connection is about HIM and not about what you are doing or not doing.” I get that. I pick or allow in or am attracted to unavailables like my parents. I think you’ve been saying he will not change so I need to look elsewhere.
“Maybe because Iām so used to disappointment that I canāt imagine I could ever prevail in winning love. Letās talk about this further. āprevail in winning loveā sets you up for EARNING love by doing and being the right kind of person. There is NOT truth in this statement. Love exists just because. You can be loved JUST FOR BEING you ā no tricks, no games, no manipulations, no NOTHING. Just you being EXACTLY who you are is enough. Anyone who cannot offer you a connection from that place, is NOT someone you want in your life anyway.” I have never met anyone who loves me as I am. I have always felt a need to pursue and get it right before it slipped through my fingers, which it always has. I have never felt I could relax and it would simply come to me. I have always been confounded by how that happens for other people. I don’t understand why not me. For instance, my friend Laurie recently befriended a man while renting a U-Haul. He stopped by while I was there helping her and just hung out, no sense of having to be somewhere else or that ahe needed to keep him entertained. I couldn’t understand how at all and was haply for her but confused and envious.
“I donāt really look at it as my fault as you say but more as a pattern ingrained in me through trauma and abandonment by my family of origin. This IS saying itās your fault. You are saying you have a pattern ingrained in you that causes an abandonment pattern. Your core belief is that your inability to āwin loveā lives within you. It seems like you are saying that YOU are the one responsible. The place where you are responsible lives within the choice you make of WHO you invite your life. From the sounds of it, the people you have tried to build relationship with, are pretty damaged and unavailable. Your choice NOT to walk away from that, IN THE BEGINNING, is where you can hold yourself accountable. The fact that the connection failed is not because YOU couldnāt make it work. You were trying to make something work that was NOT workable to begin with. So this has nothing to do with the abandonment patterns you carry. Itās that energy that CHOOSES to engage emotionally unavailable men, NOT the failure of it.” Okay well yes people show up and I can say no to the unavailable ones inatead of yes please sir can I have some more.
Sure I can take a look at your referral to the person you worked with. I am continually receiving messages from non-human creatures, guiding me to continue working behind the scenes or camouflaged. I take this to mean the work with the HI material. I did notice that today without thinking about it I did something the right way. Taking my experience with Jeremy as practice, yesterday he sent me a text in response to a text I had sent a week ago. He asked if I had gotten stuck in the storm we just had out here. I was really into my own thing yesterday and didn’t want to interrupt the good vibe I had going in my own life finally where I didn’t care about him, so I didn’t respond until today. I had made it out and so instead of answering his question directly I decided to simply say that all my road berms had blown out in the storm. I felt his annoyance but he responded a few hours later by offering to help me make them better if I’d meant the ones using the rocks he had given me. I was exhausted from all of the work I’ve been doing on my land the padt two days, so I said so but that sometime I would accept his help doing the berms correctly. Regardless of whether he actually follows through on his offer or not, I did notice after the fact that what I did was essentially share my need without offering him a suggestion for how he could meet it, and he stepped in to suggest that he help me.
Having said all of that the resolve you hear in my tone and words is more about healing myself and not staying stuck in that horrible place I’ve been in for the last several months created by him pulling away.
I still find myself thinking about him often and feel sad the worst fear I had came to pass with him, but something has finally shifted in me where I’m not needing to process constantly in order to just be okay on a daily basis from being abandoned again by someone whom I thought would be there for me.I don’t really have any kind of hope that anything I could do or not do would really have any impact on bringing him back so to speak, maybe because I’m so used to disappointment that I can’t imagine I could ever prevail in winning love. I mean, this is what has always happened, more or less every time I have really liked someone they have been distant and I have been on my own. It don’t really look at it as my fault as you say but more as a pattern ingrained in me through trauma and abandonment by my family of origin.
So I guess if I am able to use this experience to learn the HI material, i.e. if I were to be able to bring Jeremy back into my life in a meaningful way, measured by him stopping by my house regularly like he used to and radioing me to invite me to spend time together, I would have the friendship I need and would know that I am successfully mastering the material in the course. It was after all satisfying to kind of accidentally or perhaps because I am ingraining the material find myself doing it right today regardless of outcome.
Yes I have had a very rough life. But what am I gonna do, give up? Mean, toxic, abusive, dysfunctional people have always crossed my path because of the core wounding dealt me by my family.
I have tried working with a variety of modalities including energy clearing, reiki, counseling, and coaching. I am open to something else if it works. I bought land to be able to move forward with my goals in spite of shitty people.I agree Jeremy isn’t relationship material but since I do want a friendship but he has almost completely disappeared (he texted yesterday a reply to my text of a week ago) I plan to simply practice drums a few times a week at his place and if he is home I will lean back. Easy peasy now that I know what’s really going on.
Things I have never been able to dislodge from my craw:
Once in grad school the teachers aid for a plant ID class asked the cohort if we thought she should throw out a bonus question most got wrong. I had seen the plant by chance the day prior with fruit on it so had felt good that I had gotten it right. I said no. They all hated me after that, for the rest of the entire program, but no one said anything, just excluded me and gave me dirty looks.
Another time I hired a graduate psychology student for a trade where he counseled me for professional practice. He cam to my birthday party to observe my ‘friends’ and roommate, ask she/ they were treating me like I didn’t matter. He disappeared afterward for two months, so I finally confronted him. He said, somewhat disgustedly, that I didn’t need to change myself I needed to change my friends, that my roommate was so selfish she only allowed people around her who let her be so.
Another time two long term friends came to visit while I lived with her. I confided in them about how she was treating me. They dropped our friendship with no explanation afterward.
One tinder date and I were asked by a bartender if we were together, and I nodded. After the date I knew I was not interested in the guy but sensed something weird so asked a couple of weeks later about it. He went off on me, saying because I had nodded at the bartender he had asked my Facebook friends about me and someone (no idea who) told him to stay away from me. I realized he was either mentally ill or another narcissist for having such an overreaction to nothing.
I was nice to Marcia all summer while she cornered me at the pool four times to tell me about her sexual relationship and plans for getting Jeremy to impregnate her. She recently took my former friend Becky’s defamation campaign telling the community I ‘propositioned’ her former lover Eric (with whom Marcia cheated on Eric’s fiance) and her former lover Jim, neither of whom I have ever even felt attracted to let alone flirted with. Jeremy’s uncle said he was gonna put off the ebay gig Becky had gotten me but later I was informed by Jeremy that he was looking for someone else to take the position. (I need Becky’s address for my attorney to send a cease and desist letter for defamation.) Jeremy had, well before he recently stopped coming over or reaching out to me, informed me that Eric was deatroying me to prevent his fiancee finding out because I’m new here and that Eric has done similar before. He said Eric went off on Marcia, thinking she had told me about them cheating. That’s when I sent a friendly text to Marcia for telling Jeremy what Eric was doing to me, and she responded with vitriole and hate. Jeremy talked to her about it but she made an excuse and never apologized to me.
A former friend blurted to a large group that I had been ‘kicked out’ of a festival camp, when I had confronted the camp lead about what they were all saying behind her back and planned on leaving the camp but never had a conversation about it with the lead who my friend was now saying had kicked me out. I told her afterward how it hadn’t been very thoughtful of her to assert such in so public a way and she admitted she had regretted it as soon as she said it. But she started siding with the roommate I mentioned after that and our friendship dissolved.
As a kid I spent one slumber party sleeping while the other girls screamed in the other room. Another time I watched a special show (we didn’t have much in the way of TV) instead of join the girls outside. I was on a walk years later and on a hunch knocked on a relatively new girl’s door. She and all of the friends I used to slumber party with were there and an awkward silence so I excused myself.
I have often and usually been excluded like this, out of nowhere, due to a misunderstanding or assumption, and ruminate for decades afterward about how I could have prevented the horrible repeat experience.
As I mentioned, it has been now 1.5 weeks since Jeremy has initiated contact in any real way, except if you count inviting me to join he and Marcia when I’d showed up to hike thinking he wasn’t home and he inviting me to hang out with him while his bf Jake was there after asking me to look up the time of the show they were going to. I am not sure I just feel like I have been dropped again and I don’t really understand why people continually do this to me. Other than their narcissism and general hatred toward that which shows them their flaws by simply shining in contrast or something (my abusive ex of 3 months Nik told me the locals excluded me for being ‘too perfect’ for their group, i.e. not overweight, alcoholic, or backbiting.
I feel torn between low self esteem telling me not to bother playing the drums as invited because it will look like I am pursuing Jeremy. But my confident voice is saying to ignore invites that naturally provide propinquity as well as being enjoyable and a mutual interest is social suicide.
I am not reaching out but lean toward going over a couple of evenings this week to practice on his drum set. I don’t know what to say or do though. It seems like leaning back is good but avoiding sharing how I feel isn’t.
