[Allegra B]

I don’t think this happens. I’m pretty open in my life with people.

I have no idea where to go from here, lol.

I will mention that I do have a meet up set for Saturday, so as long as this one actually follows through and it happens, this are already looking better than previous guys. It’s very low key, a trail walk through a town that’s basically half way for both of us as we don’t exactly live near each other (45 min).

I’ll let you know how that goes and we can go from there?

[Allegra B]

Sure. It’s not that I haven’t been open to going from text to in person, it just hasn’t happened yet. I am talking to a guy right now that asked to meet, unfortunately I was busy that night. We are looking to reschedule soon. I’m not nervous or anxious about it so I feel like that’s a plus.

I honestly think the first time that happened was because it was so new, and the potential situation was a lot to handle at the time. Now that I think back on it, I don’t really know why I reacted the way I did.

It also doesn’t usually take me too long to figure out if a guy is only looking for a hookup. If that’s the case, like I said, I make it clear that is not what I am looking for. If they are looking for casual, I still talk to them. To me, casual means no pressure, because they can also talk to and meet up with other people. It’s a way to talk and build skills without having to worry about the sex part. If it takes a turn and they start pushing for more, then again, I tell them no.

Who knows, down the line when I’ve got a little more experience, casual might be appealing depending on where I’m at. Only time will tell.

[Allegra B]

I don’t know if it’s a belief. I just need to be comfortable with them. She and how that happens, I don’t know. I feel like sex is me opening up completely with someone, and that’s when I could really get hurt. I’ve gotten to the point where I see a future, and if they disappear afterwards, it would hurt that much more.

I don’t know. Dating to date seems like a waste of time. If I’m putting my time and effort into meeting someone, I was it to mean something. I don’t want to chat with a guy, meet and move on. At minimum that’s 3 days of my time and energy wasted.

Why not just date? Try it out? Even if I decided that something I want/would do, It honestly doesn’t help that the guys who seem to be matching with me end up wanting to hookup. Their profiles say one thing, but their behaviour is totally different. Ive been sure to make it clear right from the get go that a casual physical relationship is not what I am looking for.

[Allegra B]

I don’t think I’m basing it off them, it’s just a common theme that stands out. It could have something to do with where I am from. Small town living gives less chances to meet people. I don’t think there is something missing in me that allows me to keep it from being light. I just don’t feel dating to date is what I want.

If I knew what was missing, I probably would have tried to find it by now. Not sure something is missing.

I met him online and we hit it off right away. We talked about our families, hobbies, life in general. I think I was anxious to just put a person to the texts. It becomes real, and what if he wasn’t what I was expecting or not who he said he was at all, hello catfish!

I never dated, I had guy friends but nothing romantic. Just because I was happy with my life and who I was, doesn’t mean that I wasn’t sure if someone would want me for me. Everyone has insecurities that hold them back in some way.
I’m not sure what it’s been. I’ve had the opportunity to have sex, multiple times actually, but I never did. Maybe that means that I have to have some form of romantic relationship with them before I’ll be comfortable being intimate. I won’t know until that time comes.

[Allegra B]

I don’t know about dating just to date. It may sound funny, and I shouldn’t base myself off of this but, I come from a family (immediate and direct) that don’t date. They have relationships. I could count on 1 hand how many of my 50+ relatives have been in more than 2-3 relations before they got married. My immediate family, mom married first boyfriend and then my dad. My dad moved in with my mom at 21. Both of my sisters dated 1 guy before their significant others. I just don’t feel like I am built to date around.

Yes I have connected with my body sexually. I’m not uneducated on the topic by any means. I’m no prude and have zero issues talking about sex either. I just haven’t been comfortable enough with anyone to experience it yet.

[Allegra B]

I have been happy being alone. As I’ve gotten older I’ve started to feel that it would be nice to have someone to share things with. Friends and family are getting older too. They are getting married and having kids, and it’s made me start to see things differently.

I have been fine with myself. It’s possible to be happy with who you are but there be doubt out there about someone else liking you for you. I think everyone has some self doubt, no matter how happy they are with themselves. Ok sure, I’ve met people I’m attracted to, but not to the extent that I have been comfortable being physical.

That’s exactly it. I haven’t had sex and when you reach my age, I think it’s something that is assumed and it’s difficult to figure out if it’s something that I need to share and if so, when?

I don’t know about that. I’ve never thought about it and it’s obviously never presented itself in a situation. Could it be possible? I guess it could.

[Allegra B]

Oh no, I honestly never cared before if I was in a relationship. I have always been comfortable by myself and have said that if I don’t meet someone, I’m fine by myself.
I wasn’t really concerned about how I looked, no. I still had offers for dates but none of them interested me physically/romantically, so I never started anything with them.

I’ll be totally honest in saying I’m picky. This is probably part of the reason that I haven’t met someone to his this point. I grew up in a small town in rural Ontario where I felt like I was related to half the boys I went to school with or grew up with the others and didn’t have any interest in them. But I’m comfortable in the characteristics i’m looking for in a significant other.

Obviously I need to be physically attracted to him. But over the years, it’s always been dependant on the guy himself. Im not big of facial hair, but a little 2 day scruff can be hot.
He needs to be in shape for the most part, whether that’s the result of a physically demanding job or exercise. Someone how who takes care of themselves to be healthy, not to show off their muscles.

I want someone family oriented. I’m very close with my family and we spend a lot of time together. I want someone who has that with their family. But if they don’t, I need them to be okay and comfortable with spending time with mine. I have a brother in law that misses a lot of family get together, and it doesn’t impress any of us.

I want someone with attainable goals. Maybe it’s a job that they are working towards. Maybe it’s that they want to own their own home within a certain number of years. It could be that there is a trip they want to take but have yet. I don’t want someone who just moves through each day because it’s what they have to do.

I want someone who is active and adventurous. Up until recently (covid aside) I was active. Sports have always been a big part of my families lives. He needs to want to get out and do things. Play sports or go on walk or hikes. He also needs to be spontaneous with it too. Maybe one day wakes up and says, hey let’s go and do this today.

I caught the travel bug about 10 years ago and want to do more. That’s a must. My dad isn’t a traveller, he would much rather stay home, and I see how hard that is on my mom. In the 37 years they have been together I can count on 1 hand how many times they have gone away, besides a night at a hotel or for our sports competitions. I won’t live like that. It’s not fair to me to have to let go of something like travel dreams.

I have so be caring and listen. As Ive said before, I have some things holding me back, and he needs to listen and hear me. A relationship is a two way street, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t listen to me or who talks down to me and tries to be controlling, that will not work.

At my age having a conversation with a man about my sexual history is awkward. I’ve had it with 2 guys and both seemed to be understanding and accepting of it. Unfortunately, one ended up ghosting me and the other is the guy I have been talking to as a friend. I totally get that if the guy is right for me, it won’t matter, but that’s easier said then heard.

[Allegra B]

Not afraid per se. Indifferent somewhat. I honestly always said if I was alone that would be perfectly fine for me.

I’m 33 years old. I don’t remember anything happening in my life that would effect it like it has. Without putting too much detail on a public post, I have issues with intimacy. Even small things like hugging usually make me uncomfortable.

The idea of going out with multiple guys, not necessarily at the same time but in general isn’t really appealing. If I’m going to date, it’s because I want to meet someone. My mom always said, quite seriously “once you meet someone that you think is right, that’ll be it”. I always laughed, but figured she was right, because I’m too picky in what I want to just be with anybody.

[Allegra B]

My dating history is non existent. I have never been in a romantic relationship and never really wanted one before.

A friend of mine said “put yourself out there, even just to see what’s out there for guys” so I did.

I wasn’t really into it and was just in the apps to see what’s what. Then I started getting matches 6 weeks ago or so.

-I talked to one guy frequently for a few days then he just ghosted, moved on.
-I had been chatting with one guy for about 6 weeks, but I don’t have a romantic attraction to him. I have let him know this, he seemed ok with it. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard from him in a week or so. Chances are he realized I 100% wasnt interested in a physical relationship and has decided to move on. Who knows?
-I have been talking to Kyle, as I stated above.
-I recently matched with 2 other guys very recently, but nothing consistent.

I have my reservations when it comes to a relationship. Mostly it’s psychological and probably just something I need to work through little by little, but it’s the main reason I haven’t been looking for a relationship before now.

But at this point in my life (significant weight loss, new job, new friends) I want to see if I can find someone to be with.

[Allegra B]

My dating history is non existent. I have never been in a romantic relationship and never really wanted one before.

A friend of mine said “put yourself out there, even just to see what’s out there for guys” so I did.

I wasn’t really into it and was just in the apps to see what’s what. Then I started getting matches 6 weeks ago or so.

-I talked to one guy frequently for a few days then he just ghosted, moved on.
-I had been chatting with one guy for about 6 weeks, but I don’t have a romantic attraction to him. I have let him know this, he seemed ok with it. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard from him in a week or so. Chances are he realized I 100% wasnt interested in a physical relationship and has decided to move on. Who knows?
-I have been talking to Kyle, as I stated above.
-I recently matched with 2 other guys very recently, but nothing consistent.

I have my reservations when it comes to a relationship. Mostly it’s psychological and probably just something I need to work through little by little, but it’s the main reason I haven’t been looking for a relationship before now.

But at this point in my life (significant weight loss, new job, new friends) I want to see if I can find someone to be with.

[Author]

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