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Sorry one more item. He is a mommas boy through and through and she is very manipulative.
She was unkind to me on several occasions and he was not able to stand up to her.
This was a huge issue likely top 2 for me in our relationship.
Any tips on this. For now or even in future for him or someone else?
The big shift came in our relationship about a year in. Things were going really well and I was thinking he is the one I will marry. I was talking to his sister one night at a game night. She and I were actually friends first but I was talking about some of the cultural nuances and things that don’t understand from their culture and she got offended but did not talk about it with me. Instead she told their mom and their mom told their dad and they called a family meeting to figure out what I meant but did not invite me.
CJ and I had discussed this all before but CJ under conflict is not articulate or able to stand his ground so I don’t think he likely did a good job of advocating for me.
He didn’t even tell me about all this for over a week. He completely lacked maturity to stop them and say hey wait. We want to know what she means then we ask her. We’re not sitting her talking about her and what she says without her.
So this felt like a huge punch in the gut. I did not feel safe with his family I did not feel they trusted me and I felt insecure about how CJ could protect me.
We tried to work through it but his family specifically his mother would take no ownership in how this hurt me or that there was a better way to have addressed this.
From there on our relationship was not the same. CJ felt often distant not just to me but even to his own self.
I believe I should have ended the relationship at this time but I loved him and I wanted to give it time.
I feel like things progressed but only because I drove them to.
Even his proposal while I know he loved me felt flat.
We met for coffee on Wednesday this last week and I’m confused because he wants to be friends. He wants to show me his new house “next time” he said this several times.
What is the point I’m thinking of being friends if we aren’t going to try to work things out.
I asked him pretty straightforward. He said he will have a hard time considering being back together without having a friendship first. In speaking with my therapist I believe it will be extremely bad for my emotional well being to be friends without the hope of getting back together.
So I now feel I am in a catch 22.
I don’t know what to do.
It seems like I need to wait for him to reach out again to “show me his house etc.” but that could be weeks from now.
I hope I answered all of your questions.
He did say that when we ended he prayed and decided he would not date anyone for a year. He would focus on himself on being in touch with himself and growing in who he wants to be. I really wish he had done this before we met. But he didn’t and k still love him.
Is there any hope or should I just try to move on?
Do I have any chance to reach out to him or is that a bad move?
His house he built a dining table and there are sandings everywhere he said I should come when it’s not a dust bowl I told him I didn’t mind helping him get it all cleaned up.
Lastly he and I really enjoy John Mayer and in July we were supposed to meet but he cancelled 2 hours before. Anyway I’m around that time John Mayer tickets went on sale and I bought some for a city 3 hours away.
The concert is in Feb
When CJ was saying he wants us to be friends etc not do many words I told him let’s just make sure we’re in friends in Feb and not because v day
And he got curious. We kept talking but then he asked again and I couldn’t keep the secret so I told him. We kind of talked through the date and could he get off work etc.
But I’m saying this because should I not have mentioned this?
I told him he doesn’t have to go with me and he said we’ll talk through it. In his very patient natures way knowing we have a couple months here before we would have to plan/decide.
Ok I think those are the details.
Thank you for your help.
