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Ok I sent him a funny picture (nothing rude) just a funny picture of a woman in a bullet bra. He replied saying I should feel great as a I have lovely breasts. I replied ‘oh you noticed my breasts’. He said he appreciates beauty in all forms especially in a lady. I said ‘I can see beauty in anything, but I see something quite unique in you’. He said oh that’s a really nice thing to say, I’m a fan of uniqueness. Then asked if If my son had a nice birthday.
Are we playing a game? Is this my imagination?
Anna
No I wouldn’t change my tune. NOBODY is moving in.
I can’t help it. I’ve got an intuitive feeling about Ricky. I’m going to give it some time and see where it goes. Whenever I get this feeling for someone it usually turns out to be a significant person in my life. He sent me some texts. He sent me some photos of him away on holiday with his daughter. He also sent me a song he wrote. He also sent a really sweet birthday message to my son. I liked it a lot. I think we’ve got the same kind of values. I don’t think he would open up his personal life like that if he wasn’t interested??
But I’m also going to get to know other people in the meantime.
No I’m not interested in a swingers club. Yes you’re right I want connection and vulnerability. Just not marriage more kids or living together. I’m going to see where this is going with Ricky for a while. I’ve just got a feeling about it. I can be very intuitive that way. It’s going to be something. I would like Ricky to be my first in my fantasy. Lol.
Oh my goodness. I’ve no idea how to go about it. I’m soooo out of practice lol. Well Ricky is still texting friendly texts. I’ll let him take it to the next level if he wants to. I find him incredibly sexy and hot. I’m not going to try and take it to another level unless he initiates.
I’ve invited Billy for a day of art in my back garden. We’re going to paint stencils.
There’s another guy I like who’s 10 years younger. Again I don’t really feel like pursuing particularly??
I’m thinking a casual thing with Ricky would be lovely if he takes it further
Plus I’m not sure I even want monotony. I’d like to see what I like and what I don’t like. It’s been 6 years since I was with a guy??
Ok so I let Ricky go today and low and behold he texts a few texts to say he’s on holiday with his daughter??
I also had a session with my long time therapist who reminded me of the long journey I’ve been on to find my freedom from abusive family, drugs and unavailable men. We really established I am looking to be treated with dignity and respect yes but do want sex and friendship. I’m really not looking for all the conventional stuff. I’d like to meet up with someone once a week or something??
Yes it is. We were so interested in many similar things. I’ve realised though I’m just looking for casual. I have sexual needs and I want to scratch that itch. A need for human connection and touch too. I thinks it’s very patriarchal that women should keep themselves for ‘the one’. I really feel there’s something beautiful in everyone and I’d like to try on some men and see what I like/don’t like??
But should I send Ricky one more text to make that clear?
So after exchanging a daily formal text with each other, I haven’t replied for 2 days and heard nothing. What should I do. Just wait it out? I was hoping he might initiate something? I did initiate the texting initially over a week ago. We had some nice dialogue. He sent me a few pics and videos of him at a demo in London. Told me how much he loves his music. I replied with supportiveninterested texts. I sent a music video and a funny music meme as he’s so in to music. I sent a a music political video that I like as he seems to be in to that and he responded positively although not much. He hasn’t initiated anything for about 5 days. He has responded to me though. So I thought I’d leave it to see if he’d initiate a chat thread. But he hasn’t. It’s been 2 days since his last text. I don’t know. I was so sure he was attracted to me.
Yes the other guy. We’ve been out for lots of meals n stuff as friends. He broke up with his girlfriend a couple of months back so I don’t know maybe he needs time to heal? He told my ‘I’m his type’ and kissed me goodbye on the lips. Not a full blown kiss. But I can tell he would go there if I would. Right now it’s Ricky I want to hear from
Anna
As for my friend. We were in rehab together 20 years ago. So he knows everything about me already. He’d probably be a really good partner not TBH. We have a lot in common.
Yes i agree. Not enough information yet. But I’m feeling very sexually frustrated with all this waiting around. I think about Ricky a lot. Is this normal or is it just a manifestation of my autism. Autistic people really don’t like uncertainty. Or am I a ‘co-dependant’. Yes I am but I’ve had 10 years of therapy and here I am at 45 obsessed like a teenager on drugs. Or is it just a normal response to liking someone. Yes I’m in love with a fantasy. How do I keep it real? When should I disclose about autism and history of addiction?
What should I do about Wednesday with both the fnthese guys. I’ve got a feeling that tnwillmgomthere soo er rather than later?
