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It’s just when I think of the Christian ideology and a man claiming me which turns me on and I want. It just seems like a bunch of patriarchal bullshit.
When I think of being free. I don’t own anyone. I also feel very turned on. But it feels more true.
Can you help me resolve this?
Anna
No I haven’t discussed with him that I was disappointed. I didn’t want to approach it from a critical perspective so I offered to help him find my sweet spot next time via text. Should I expect sex if I give him a tantric massage? Or should I have no expectations ?
Ricky did apologise for his current busyness and general unavailability due to ‘releasing a song for the Freedom movement’ lol. Love all that. He could’ve invited me I guess. But I don’t really care about all that. I want mind blowing sex. He is lovely.
Ricky is still texting but keeping me at arms length. He called me and said we should meet for coffee but still hasn’t called to set an actual date. He still responds to flirty texts and texts me every few days. Should I be waiting for him to take it to the next level or should I take it there?
Ok so I’ve offered to go to a museum for Paul’s birthday. He says he’s up for it. I also offered to give him a tantric massage for his birthday. He said ‘sounds delightful’. How do I pull this off. The sex with Paul last week was really not great. I still find him attractive though and see potential for a great FWB situation.
Anna
I mentioned going to see an exhibition type thing to Paul. He said he’s up for it but didn’t say when. I was thinking of suggesting taking him for his birthday next week. Is that too much at this point.
I want to see both Ricky and Paul. I want a bond, a connection and sex. Mutual respect and trust.
I’m not sure if Paul will want to try again with me as the sex was crap. Maybe we should slow it down? I’ve asked him to go visit an exhibition. He said he’d like that
Ok so Paul came over. He said he was staying the night initially but decided to go home as he had an early appointment.
The sex was an anti climax. It was lovely but he didn’t give me an organs. He didn’t take care of me before he left. He didn’t come either it just kind of didn’t get hot enough. I’m a bit disappointed I imagined him ravishing my and screwing me all over my house. Maybe we’re both out of practice. I could’ve of given more sexually. I’m very disappointed to say I didn’t practice safe sex. He said he didn’t like to wear condoms and I caved in. He said he’d had a sexual health test and had had one partner since then. Fuck. I wish I had stuck to my guns. I’ll have to go and get tested now. We had great deep and meaningful conversation though lol.
Still sending back and forth little flirty texts with Ricky. I texted him ‘ do you want to come over and crawl through my dark caves’. He said he felt very aroused by my text. I said good. I was glad about that. But explained I was now out with friends.
I still don’t feel like he’s chasing me at all though.
I’m definitely exploring and need more practice. I’d like to take more control sexually
Ok. I asked Paul outright about a FWB type of thing. He is totally down with it. I’m so excited. I really like Paul. I’ve known him for 10 years and we’ve shared a passionate kiss in the past. Like I said I’d just separated from my ex so was a bit soon. I’m so happy just to have a sexual thing with him. It feels very clear and free.
About Ricky. Should I not have just said same to Ricky rather than all this beating around the bush. I am scared I would grow to like Ricky very much though. Paul is 10 years younger than me and I’m totally cool with FWB. I’m just not sure that’s all I would want with Ricky. I want to get to know Ricky. I already know Paul.
Anna
Yes I’m waiting for my other friend to get back to me re his work schedule. He’s going to come over for a visit.
There’s a young guy Paul I’d really like to have sex with. We went on a few dates years ago then he pulled back. We just left it. I’d just split with my sons father at the time and he was still very much in my life. Maybe it’s just unfinished business for me? Should I just invite him over?
