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Also, since the break up from vacation which was in December and me breaking his watch in January, I’ve tried to talk to him on several occasions both in person and via text, about what we’re doing, how I feel, how he feels, and what we should do moving forward for our child. But he has ignored me every time I try to communicate with him about where we stand and where we’re headed. The first time I tried to talk to him about it, it was in person, and he said he wasn’t in the mood to talk but that we would have the conversation when I came back from visiting my brother on New Years. After that, he’s ignored or avoided every attempt that I’ve made via text message to discuss things.

[H]

Hello. Thank you so much for responding and for your help.

When it comes to us breaking up, he’s always the one to leave. We’ve been through a lot of break ups. One of which lasted 2 years. We both saw other people during that 2 year period and when we got back together we ended up having our daughter about a year after we got back together. While I was pregnant he asked if I was intimate with other men while we were broken up. At first I denied it because I didn’t want to tell him but he basically gave me an ultimate that if I didn’t tell him he would leave me. We broke up initially because of me lying to him about a guy who texted my phone and so I didn’t want to lie again moving forward so I decided to tell him the truth that I was intimate with guys when we were broken up. After that, things changed. He said he didn’t look at me the same anymore and couldn’t be intimate with me because every time he looked at me in a sexual way, he saw me with other men and I let other men touch me so I was tainted at this point. His trophy was no longer his trophy. While I was 9 months pregnant, I found a used condom in his house and found out he was cheating on me. I tried to leave him but he begged me not to go and said now “we’re even” and now I “know how it feels” and he was sorry and he still wanted us to move in together and work things out. So I did and I stayed. But things just went downhill for the next 5 years until present day. The trust was gone for the both of us at this point.

When it came to me supporting him. He had quit his job to move to our of state with me while I was in school and he said he would stay home to care for the baby. I wasn’t fully okay with that but he went ahead and made the decision for the both of us without me. I was working on an intern salary paying all the bills and he was helping with money that he had saved up. But it clearly wasn’t enough because there came a point when he car got repossessed because he wasn’t paying on it. When that happened I made the decision to put our child in daycare so he can work on finding a way to make money. He didn’t want to get a job because he wanted to pursue his businesses and entrepreneur dreams. I said okay reluctantly having a new born. He wanted to create an app. I helped him with that. He wanted to work on a business. I helped him with that. Then there was a point when he wanted to open his own store out of state back in own home town, while we were living in another state. Our child was still a baby so I was concerned about how that was going to work. When he first approached me about it I said okay but of course asked questions about how this was going to work. During an argument he claimed that I told him I didn’t care about his “stupid store”. I don’t remember ever saying that but I told him that if I did then it would’ve been in the context of me being more concerned about him moving back to our home state and what would happen to our family. I apologized for it even though I told him I didn’t recall saying that and told him that I do care about his dreams but I also care about making decisions as a family. Since then he has made this point that I don’t support him or trust him to lead our family. He ended up breaking up with me again and basically told me he was moving back to his home town and I had the choice to with move back as well or stay in the other state and we would figure out how to make this work with our kid. So I chose to move back. About 8 months after we moved back we ended up deciding that we would work on our relationship again. During that time I found out that he was seeing another woman. He was seeing her for about 2 years behind my back while him and I were supposed to be working on our relationship. That crushed me. I gave him a choice, either me or her and he ended up choosing her. Eventually after about 3 months of being separated, we got back together. From October 2018 to December 2020 we had been together and trying to make our relationship work. I supported him on many businesses. To the point where I’ve given him money to finance some of the businesses. Put the business’s in my name and opening accounts for him. I’ve promoted him business and helped create things for him and with him. But even with that he says he doesn’t feel my support is genuine. He says when he comes to me about business ideas that I always question him. But really it’s me asking details and if he’s thought through every nook and cranny because I want to make sure he’s dotted his i’s and crossed his t’s. But he said that’s not the kind of support he’s looking for. He needs me to just have his back and if he has an idea to go along with it and support it and if it fails then just be there to pick him back up and be there for him. But for me, I don’t want to see him fail. So I rather support him in making sure he has the least likely chance of failing because I’ve helped him to think things through. But that’s not what he wants. So I changed my approach to what he wanted and he still said it didn’t feel genuine or like I was truly supporting him. Mind you, I am the sole income provider in our home. I take care of all the finances by myself and I don’t ask him for a dime because I know he’s not where he wants to be financially.

Recently, he took our family on vacation for my birthday. He paid for everything. While on vacation we got into a minor argument over excursions and a rental car. I tried to fix it by offering to pay for the car for a longer period of time but he said no and said that he’s not dealing with my stupid backwards planning. So i tried to fix by finding other things we could do from the resort. We met another family out there and the wife and I hit it off. We started talking about our relationships and she asked if her and her husband could speak some positivity into our relationship since they have been married for 10 years and been through a lot. I initially declined but she kept insisting so I gave in. While she and her husband were talking to us, things went left. She ended up saying she felt sorry for me and my boyfriend got so mad. He and her began to exchange words. The husband tried to stop his wife but she was drunk and just kept yelling. I just sat there in silence because I didn’t want to escalate things more than they were. He got mad at me for that and said that I should’ve defended him and us to that woman especially when she said she felt sorry for me. He said he was done and that he can’t be with a woman like me who wouldn’t have his back. Who wouldn’t protect him. And who wouldn’t defend him in a situation like that. I told him that I understood where he was coming from and that I was sorry. The reason I stayed quiet was because I didnt want to make the situation worse especially because our children were right there and could hear what was going on. He said he didn’t care and that he was done with me. Then we got back from vacation and I accidentally knocked his Rolex watch off the kitchen counter while I was cleaning and he flipped on me. Said I didn’t care about him and his things. But it was truly an accident. I offered to get it fixed but he stayed mad. He stopped talking to me and everything.

I love him and want to be with him but I have not been feeling happy or fulfilled in our relationship. Before we went on vacation, I found him complimenting women’s vaginas on his social media pages which is public for anyone to see. I approached him about it and he broke up with me saying that he can’t trust me because I probably was snooping on his social media and I always have an issue with things that he does. All I pointed out to him was that that type of behavior isn’t respectable when you’re in a relationship and that I felt disrespected by what he was doing. But he said he was trolling and that’s how he gets clients for his photography business. Every time I come to him to communicate my feelings he dismisses me and flips it on me as if I’m in the wrong and then makes me feel guilty about voicing my feelings. I love him but we have a lot of issues that we need to work through that he refuses to discuss. We tried counseling and it was going well for the first 4 sessions but he quit after the situation that happened on vacation. He said since he was done with me that he’s also done with therapy. He said therapy was his last resort to salvaging our relationship. So because he quit that I truly believe he is done with me for good. And I don’t want that. I want us to work through our issues. I want to marry him. We have children and I don’t want to lose him or our family. My child would be devastated. We’re both 35. I don’t want to start over. I only want to be with him.

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