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Hi Heidi!
Things have been going great. Time apart definitely helpful for us both. He came home and we formed a new life goal together to move out to somewhere new in a few years time. That alone has given him a major boost in motivation for life and our relationship. He has begun cooking at home again and delving into old interests like photography which I assist with.
Shelby
We used to hang out with friends, go to the movies, have long talks about common interests and goals, read or learn new things, play tennis or go ice skating to name a few.
We have similar goals for the future, such as move to a different country, find a way to over all have a better work life balance. We both want to travel and explore. We are very similar people at our core, despite looking like polar opposites on the outside.
As far as projects we can work on together, there are a few things such as working on a screenplay together. He actually went ahead and shared his document with me the first day of his trip while he worked on it and asked for my input. He is very athletic (I’m not, but I try), and has tried to encourage me to get involved, which I try to do, but sports are expensive, especially with sports centers jacking prices up. We live in a very wet corner of the US, so that tends to make it harder to use the outdoors instead of sports centers.
Hi Heidi,
Thanks for the reply!
Even before COVID hit, our area isn’t a booming market with many fulfilling job options, and that has been a constant source of stress for him in the three years we’ve been together. He is a very social person, and I admittedly, have restricted him from that a few times in ways I worry may have been irreversible. I’m trying to be better and work on my own mental health and insecurities, but it is hard when I’m even more isolated than he is as I’m much more introverted and careful. Most of my friends live far away now or in living situations I wouldn’t be able to intrude on.
He is already planning another trip to the city he is currently in (where he previously went to college) both for his birthday next month and to reconnect with more friends than he was able to this time. We have talked about him taking more solo trips for the next few months. Our heavy conversations and his soul-searching in regards to how he wants to proceed with our relationship in the future has made him much more low key. He has a tendency to retreat into himself to figure things like this out, which I understand and do myself, but it makes it much harder to draw him out and laugh or have fun together. I’m trying to apply what I’ve learned in the book and it did seem to have a brief, positive effect before he headed off on his trip, which was encouraging.
We have talked a lot about future plans and trips, but they tend to be so far in the future that it depresses him. He is much more of an instant gratification type than a buckle down for a while person like me. With the trip he is currently on, I felt it was crucial for us both to get some space at the cost of a little savings money. Despite being much freer at spending, he often points to money being a problem whenever I suggest stretching a little. I’m not sure if he points it out as if to ask if I’m sure, being as stingy I am, or as a means of avoiding doing things with me, which scares me to think about.
It’s also a matter of finding what will engage him despite being in a long term relationship. He and I have very different ways we view sex in general. For him, it’s a pleasure to be enjoyed with whoever will have it with him. For me, it is only something done with someone I love. I’m not sure if he truly wants an open relationship because of how he views it, and has stated that even if I were to not want it (which I don’t), it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker because he wouldn’t want to hurt me. He has even gone as far as to say he doesn’t want to break up despite questioning if he is designed for a fully committed relationship. Which, I believe he is, as he has tried polygamy in the past, and didn’t like it. I’m not above admitting I probably won’t ever understand how others are okay with open relationships, but paired with other problems we have and his overall level of immaturity, I don’t think it is the last resort fix he has tried to frame it as.
At the moment, I honestly don’t know what direction we are headed in, but I want to try my best to save it if possible.
