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So he actually ended things last night. Because he wasn’t feeling more for me before i could talk to him. He said it’s unhealthy and not good for the both of us. That we been together for this long and he doesn’t feel that way. We talked for a while later together for a few hours. He opened up even more about his past. Which i though was weird because what’s the point now.
I mentioned that he implied the future like about the candle and he said it’s still a maybe. I told him i think it has to do with stuff going on in His head and he agreed and disagreed saying he thinks it was a lot of things. When i asked him if he could figure stuff out on his own or should see someone. He didn’t think it was that bad. He said maybe partly attraction but i find that unlikely considering how crazy our sex life was. And the way he treated me and looked at me.
He said he felt that way at times but it never stuck i told him that’s a bit unusual.
He seems to come to terms with that fact like being with himself more then anyone else and doesn’t think he needs someone else. Which i kind of relate to in away but to the extreme.
I just think that he’s not ready to face the stuff in his head and he gonna keep coming up with excuses of why he feels certain ways till he figure it out.
He asked if we could still be friend and i say maybe but i have to figure that out if i want him completely out of my life or not.
He told me he is happy now and things are great but for some reason he thinks something is missing.
I don’t i later texted him to say the last few things he said to give it time and we’ll get back to each other on stuff.
Part of me tells me that I’ve lost the most amazing thing in my life. The person that makes me the happiest in the world. And it sucks. Maybe that sounds over the top but i don’t know it was really amazing.
And it’s weird because I’m sad and upset but i feel like everything’s gonna be okay it weird. I feel like it’s not the end and it doesn’t feel like I’m trying to get things to continue because I’m not i let him go and I’m okay with that it’s weird i feel that way. On the other hand it’s hurts a lot not like I’m not crying just sometimes like i can’t breath sometimes or eat. And I’m just anxious.
I’m gonna move on for now. Do what’s good for me. Not try to seek a relationship out. He said those possible things about the future but i can’t bet on that. I do know i like being in relationship or with someone a lot. But i need to do me for a while.
I just can’t help the thought that i want him in my life regardless if he feels that way towards me. And that i can’t loose him. I just wish i knew if he was gonna come back or not. But only time will tell.
If or when he gets back to me. Is when will talk but I’m not gonna reach out at all just wait see if he begins to feel.
At the point i am now i just want him out of my head so i can stop thinking about him all the time but Ik that won’t happen for a long time.
Yes, i would like to know more about that.
So I mentioned I had a question to ask him on Sunday. So tomorrow i will probably bring that up to him hopefully right away at least before we do anything.
I might be like you know i trust you but i saw something and i have to ask you about it. So i saw bumble on recent on your phone. I just wanna make sure your still not using it.
And hopefully it’s a no and i might suggest him to delete it. If yes I don’t know honestly probably tell him focuses just on us or the girls on
bumble.He’s also very guarded about his camera roll on his phone and i thought that was weird. And I’m gonna bring that up tell him it makes me feel like he’s hiding things and see what he say. Before he said his friends never show each other that.
Yes, we are still seeing each other. We haven’t talk about much since but every things going great! He’s been staying over just about every time. He mentioned a couple things about next year like this candle he was gonna get me he said maybe next year. I’ve been asking him for a shirt for a while and he keeps saying no and i asked why and he said i think it’s fun when you ask. And he said ask Santa next year lol.
I have to talk to him about a couple thing when i see him next, I noticed bumble in his recent on his phone so i gotta mention that since we talked about only seeing each other months ago. He could be just clearing notification idk but i wanna ask to make sure.
I do think it’s just fear that he will leave or find some else. Maybe a little of I’m not good enough. In my last relationships I wasn’t very open but with him I attend to be more open I’ve told him things about my past I’ve never told anyone or even really realized about myself.
My parents got divorced when i was young around 10. I cried everyday in school because of this. My dad wasn’t very present, I mean he was but he never helped out with school money wise just overall selfish. My mom used to prevent me from doing not in the sense she wouldn’t let me but wouldn’t drive me anywhere so i just came okay with no hanging out with anyone.
Not sure if any of this really has to do with anything honestly.
Yes, that does make sense. A little scary but yes. It sucks cuz he does have a lot of baggage but he has already taken the best out of his situation but something is still holding me back. but I just I’m just gonna make the best out of the situation and hope he does figure out everything he has going on and help him in any way I can.
I decided I’m not going to set a time limit because that’s not fair to him. I have been working on myself which I like best about me and him is I have never gotten to work on myself while in a relationship and I can and want to with him. It’s amazing.
Thank you so much for your help!
I do know a bit about his past. It scares me to ask more, more in a way I don’t even know where to start. What to say to start the conversation. Usually when I ask about something he asks what I want to know then he will talk a lot. I do think I should ask a little about ex because that probably has something to do with it. I’m not sure if I should suggest getting help. or ask if he has ever thought about it.
He came over yesterday and it went very well. He actually came over and we hung as normal didn’t talk about things at first. I wasn’t thinking it was gonna go that way and neither did he when we actually did talk. But he came in he had a smile on his face and all I wanted to do was telling about my week. We talk about our week got food watched some movies together. He ended up spending the night. One thing I thought was really funny is he was sleeping and woke saying he had a bad dream he said it was about me and didn’t wanna talk about it. Later he told me and it took place in high school but I told him that it wasn’t gonna work on and in the dream, he was like I knew it. I just thought it was cute since he thought about that as a bad dream.
Anyway, the next day right before he left I asked about saying that we left things as not seeing each other but today happened. So what are you thinking? He said he needs more time and I agreed. I told him that I think he has some stuff to figure out that doesn’t have anything to do with me and that I know he really likes me. We talked a little more about a couple of other things that we liked about each other. I told him that I don’t think there any reason to give up if we don’t have any problems. He agreed and said he’s still shocked. We laughed about not even knowing what we would fight about. Although it was an overall short conversation, I think it went well. We were both on the same page. We still do have a couple of things to talk about and then maybe go into stuff about the past.
I think why I need commitment is just to know that this is going somewhere and it won’t be a complete waste of my time. Also, that we are building towards something. I do think it does have something to do with fear of his just leaving me even though I know he would just do that. but everything is so amazing that I almost don’t care.
Also, is there anything I can do to help besides opening up to each other more?
Also, we have doing this for so long how do I know when it’s been long enough? I mean this conversation with him is a big step forward it’s self. I just don’t know when I would essentially give up if he isn’t feeling this way for a long time. I want to talk to him about a little of what i think is the issue and about figuring out what’s going on to make him feel this way. Obviously treading on this a little lightly. But that can take a long time I’m willing to be there but how long is too long. That a tough question I guess. And I guess that might be something I need to figure out as I go through it.
Hi thank you so much for the response.
Honestly, I am willing to go through all the bumps in the road because I know it will be worth it. Even the small bumps we have been through now doesn’t pull us apart in anyway. And just to compare my old relationship he doesn’t make me mad like in the past I don’t get mad at little things. Which I think is wild it’s self. Just like something would happen and if I was with my ex I know there would be little fight and nit picking thing which would partially be my fault. But with him we just work together.
I do understand it’s a lot to ask. So if it’s gonna take him moving on from his past to fully feel. How will I ever get him to commit. I don’t really know how to phrase that but how to I help him to understand that, that’s what he needs to move forward. I think he’s a little worried about not feeling more as well.
I actually did think about giving him more time prior to your response. I know how amazing things are and why through it away for when there no need to. And especially if it isn’t necessary his fault.
You say let things develop naturally, but even if we did that would the upper limit stop him from feeling more.
