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Hi Christine,
I’m glad to hear you were one step ahead of me and had already attempted to reach out and apologize directly to her. I’m guessing then that you have also tried apologizing to him as well? I agree that the door is probably not closed on this relationship and that if he were already involved with this other woman he probably would have wanted all of your belonging out of his house.So, if you consider your therapist’s advice to “fight for your relationship”, what does that mean to you? How have the two of you worked through conflict in the past? What have you learned about him, yourself, and this relationship that you can use in this situation? How can you put that information into action to help remedy the split?
It may be time to suggest to him that the two of you start dating. Take a step back from where you had been before all this and then proceed slowly. Give him some of the space and time he says he needs to find himself but still maintain the connection. During this “dating” period, the two of you can address any concerns about the relationship and repair any damage done during this recent incident.
Hi Christine,
I can imagine what a huge blow it was to you to find out he went on a date with his daughter’s boyfriend’s mother. I think the key to working through this is to put yourself in his shoes for a moment.It sounds like he felt he was put in the middle of you and his daughter. I think it may help to acknowledge not just his but her feelings in that situation and apologize to both of them. Even if it was unintentional (which I assume it was since in the years you’ve been together you’ve gotten along well with his daughter), she (they) may need to hear straight from you that you understand why she felt disrespected. Really connect to her emotional experience about what happened and then do the same with him. It couldn’t have been easy for him to be in that position.
I doubt he has moved on that quickly. You had built a strong relationship with him and his daughter. Those feelings don’t turn off just like that. But you have to repair that situation before you can attempt to work on your hurt feelings about him going on that date. Go back to where the problem started and work through that first.
