[Emily B]

Thank you!! Well I did meet him at a party in the first place. I just wonder if I’m hiding behind the excuse that he is shy. I mean just bc one of my friends “overheard” he is shy doesn’t really prove that does it? And he is seriously so attractive and it was clear that other girls were flirting with him; I mean I just don’t see how he could really be shy if girls are all throwing themselves at him. I will keep the doors open, but I also don’t want to the be the initiator and come across as forward since I’m sure there are plenty of other girls doing that to him.

[Emily B]

Thanks so much Heidi!
The thing is that there’s no way he’s not well versed about women. He is VERY attractive, and when I met him at the party, a lot of girls were talking to him. He bought one girl a glass of wine. In fact, it seemed like his friend was trying to set him up with that particular girl…so it could be that he is seeing someone else…or just not that into me.
I am throwing a going away party for my friend Shelby (she’s moving to CA) on Friday night. Shelby invited him to the event on Facebook, and he responded as a No. He obviously has other plans or could be out of town, etc, but I feel like if he was interested in me he could have reached out and said “sorry I can’t make it to Shelby’s going away party; I have another commitment” etc

[Emily B]

Latest update. Seems like such a small issue/ silly question but this is how the conversation went: we were talking about something and I said “progress right?!” And he just responded and said “Das right! 🙌🏼“ so I mean that leaves me to revive the conversation, which means I’d be taking the lead rather than him…should I just let it die and not respond or is it bad if I’m the one who revives the convo?

[Emily B]

Hi Kanya,

No worries about not getting back in time before the service. I did go to the early service, but I did not see him there. There were a ton of people, and also I was late getting there. However, he posted an Instagram story later that day showing a really cool spot on his hike, so I responded to his story saying something like “wow, that looks amazing! I’m jealous.” Then he responded and we have messaged back and forth a little. My last message to him was very short, kind of letting the conversation die down without asking another question because I want to see if he takes initiative and revives the conversation to show his interest.

[Emily B]

Not sure if you’ll see this in time Heidi…

But yes I would love to give this guy a chance because I was interested in him, and it’s rare that I meet a guy I’m actually excited about! I guess it’s just that I don’t know if it’s his shyness keeping him from asking me out or if he’s just not interested? I mean since I followed him on Instagram and friended him on Facebook, I feel like I sent a pretty clear signal and he didn’t take any further action, so I was thinking that is a sign of disinterest on his part?
When I met him he told me what church service he goes to (we go to the same church but there are two different locations and two different service times at each location). I told him I sometimes go to that location but not that service time. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again, so I could show up tomorrow at the earlier service (the one he told me he attends). But is that like stalking haha?? I mean would he interpret that as being really forward if I told him I usually go to the other service?

[Emily B]

It’s funny, right after I posted that he accepted my friend request on Facebook. Like I got a notification a few minutes after that last post haha

[Emily B]

Yes I did skim the Art of Flirting article one time, so I’ll take a look at that again thanks!

He followed me back on Instagram, and when I posted an Instagram story one day, I noticed he watched it. I had friended him on Facebook a day or two after we met, but he didn’t seem to use Facebook (which is why I decided to follow him on Instagram after one week). Then I checked Facebook a few days ago and noticed he had changed his profile pic but didn’t accept my friend request. I mentioned it to my friend Shelby tonight, and she said she once overheard some girls talking about him at a party. She heard a girl who knows him say that he is very shy and has anxiety. I noticed he was very shy too. So either that is the reason he didn’t follow up and ask me out, or he’s not interested. Either way, I think I’ll just let it go!

[Emily B]

Also Heidi,

I liked what you were saying how you “test” a guy by sending out the signal. What type of “signal” do you send? I’m always afraid of coming across as too forward….

[Emily B]

It has been a week, and he never reached out, so I just followed him on Instagram. Hopefully that’s not too forward…

[Emily B]

Thanks Heidi!! I will respond to the above post soon^^ but I have a quick question first. I met a guy on Sat night that I liked. Well at least I found him attractive, and I enjoyed talking with him. He got my number and texted me immediately after I left saying it was great to meet me. I was surprised at this because he was initially very shy. Like you could tell he is one of the “shy” guys even though he is very attractive, and many girls at the party acted interested in him. I didn’t see him get anyone else’s number, and he talked to me longer than any other girl. I responded to his text that night saying it was great meeting him as well. Then he sent another text in response saying he hoped I made it back safely, and I said I did. It was very late at night, so that was the end of the texting exchange.
So that was on Saturday night, and now it is Monday night and I haven’t heard from him. I do remember him saying he has a weird work schedule and works on Sundays. I am all about the guy being the initiator and leading things. So is it bad if I start following him on Instagram or something like that? Or do I just sit back and wait to see if he reaches out?

[Emily B]

Thanks Heidi,

Oh yes I definitely plan on getting to know them better; I won’t know if I’m interested in either of them until I get to know them. They just seem like nice guys. I have met one of them, Jose, several times, and he always likes my stuff on Instagram/facebook but has never asked for my number. He seems more on the shy side, and also once he mentioned his Brazilian ex-girlfriend. Then I saw him talking to another Brazilian girl at a church event, so that may be his type. He is Hispanic, and I am blonde. But I speak fluent Spanish because that was actually my degree in college. And I tutor students in Spanish now. So we connected on that. But I have no idea if I even like him as more than a friend. He seems kind of passive when it comes to girls. He did show up at my birthday party in August, which surprised me because he didn’t know anyone else there. He brought his friend, so that’s how I met the friend. Then I saw the two of them together at a church event, so I talked to them at the same time, not showing favoritism towards one over the other.
The church I go to is huge–thousands of people, three different service times, two different locations. So I’m always seeing different people at church. You never really know who will be at what event.
I sent them a group message inviting them both to a free concert tomorrow night, and they both responded saying they want to try and make it. So that could be a way to get to know them better. Anyway, because I am always talking to different guys when I see them, they definitely have no clue that I’d be interested in either of them. I’ll just keep hanging out with them in group settings and see what happens.

[Emily B]

Thank you Kanya!! Can’t wait to take a look at these articles!

Here is one other question. I was on a walk with a guy on Sunday night in a public place, and we ran into two other guys (best friends) who I’ve met a few times. I was walking with a guy I met online, and it was our second date, but I’ve decided I’m not interested in him as more than a friend. The two other guys, however, I know from church, and I would be interested in either of them if they asked me out. They will both probably be at the event tonight, but now they may think I’m dating the guy they saw me with. The last time they saw me (before this Sunday), I was walking to my car with a different guy (who I kind of dated for a month). This past Sunday it was really dark outside, and the guy I was walking with kind of the looks like the guy who walked me to my car last time. So basically, these two guys who I’m potentially interested in may think I’m dating someone else…how do I make it clear that I’m single?

[Emily B]

Great question :). I guess the truth is I am interested in them, and I just don’t want to admit it. Or at least I think about them a lot, and I want them to like me. I miss my ex-boyfriend Elliott (we had a healthy relationship, never fought, ended on good terms, etc.), but he has a new girlfriend now. With John, we weren’t even in a relationship, just going on dates, but I wanted to at least see where things could go. I wanted to get to know him better. But he ended it because he said he didn’t have the time to fully invest in me and pursue me since he was overwhelmed (he just bought a new house and is renovating the entire house by himself). The guy I mentioned in my friend group is someone I will be going on a trip with in October, and I’m nervous about it because I think I do want him to like me. We know each other, but we haven’t been friends long enough to know each other on a deeper level. So I guess my question is how to spark their interest. I may run into John at an event tomorrow night. The last time I ran into him at an event, I acted casual and friendly but not overly friendly. I spent most of my time at the event talking to other people. When I talked to him, he mentioned I should come see his house once he finishes renovating it. Then he saw me talking to/leave with another guy.

[Emily B]

Wow all this time I’ve been checking my e-mail waiting for a response to my last post, and now that I’m looking back at this website, I realize my post never went through for some reason!!

Thanks for that advice, yes I 100% agree. I do feel very happy and fulfilled in my single life, and I am not currently interested in anyone. I do still think about John, the guy who I first posted about, simply due to the fact that he chose not to date me. I am always the one who turns guys down, so I think when someone turns me down, I subconsciously view it as a challenge. Like I want them to change their mind. The same goes for my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me after 9 months of dating. So I guess I’m curious if these same things–being confident and happy, etc.–could attract them. Honestly, I don’t even think I have feelings for John or Elliott (my ex-boyfriend) anymore. But I’m just curious if there are certain tactics that could potentially make either of them interested in me again. There’s also a guy in my friend group who a lot of girls are interested in, but he doesn’t seem to like any of them. So of course part of me wants to see if I can get him to like me, just because it’s a challenge. I know this is not the best way to think when it comes to dating! But I still want to hear your advice on these situations…

[Emily B]

I’ve had a lot of guys interested in me in the past, but recently it’s been more intense, like all these guys texting me asking me out, etc. I know it is because I have become confident in my own skin, confident in who I am as a person. These guys that like me right now are the not the ones I’m interested in though. When I am fully myself, that is what draws a guy in. But when I like a guy, I don’t think I’m able to be fully myself because I’m trying to act a certain way to get him to like me. So what is the best way to attract a guy when I like him? Do you think it’s just a matter of being able to remain confident and act the way I do around the guys I’m not as interested in? Are there any certain secrets I should know?

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