[Alisha R]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you so much for your support and encouraging words. I’m working on the self-love part, its something that has always been a struggle for me. It’s now week 3 going into week 4 since our breakup, I feel stronger.

I put myself on a dating site and went out yesterday morning on a date. It’s nice to feel appreciated and converse with someone that doesn’t have the amount of issues that my ex had. I didn’t realize how much I was sacrificing to be with him. It wasn’t a bad thing but I think after the way he did broke things off, like he didn’t care, it made me feel unwanted. My self-esteem took a serious blow and I questioned my worth. I’m hoping to continue making progress; I’m not looking to get into anything serious but it’s nice to get back out there again.

Thank you so much Heidi & Kanya for your support and perspective on this. I seriously didn’t know how to handle what had happened. Your kind words and encouragement are what got me through a very dark time in my life. I can’t thank you enough!

~Alisha

[Alisha R]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you so much for your support, it helps more than you know. Today is a new day, i’m just staying busy with work and spending time with my son and my friends as much as possible.

I can walk away from this relationship knowing that it wasn’t my doing and that I gave everything I had. I feel as though he let me go because he knows that he has too many issues to be in a relationship. But even with that, I thought he could trust that I’d be there for him and us every step no matter how hard it got.

I can’t be everyone’s savior though, that’s one thing I have to learn. I have to set boundaries and not be taken advantage of like I have in the past. Lots of learning to do for me but that’s life. 🙂

~Alisha

[Alisha R]

Thank you Heidi. I reached out to him the other day because he made his Instagram public and he posted a quote that said: “the worst feeling isn’t being lonely. It’s being forgotten by someone you’d never forget” so I messaged him to make sure he was ok. He said he was and then I said that if he ever needed to talk I’m still here for him. He said ok, thank you and that was it.

I don’t know what more I could’ve done to salvage the relationship but at the end it just seemed like he didn’t want to do it anymore. I guess I realize it now even though it was so abrupt.

I am moving forward even though I don’t want too. I know that if I don’t it isn’t healthy for me. And I have my son to worry about and he’s watching what I’m doing and how I handle things. I don’t want him thinking this is how relationships are.

[Alisha R]

Hi Kanya,

Thank you so much for getting back to me. Yes, he kept saying that talking about our relationship made it feel worse. He just flat out refuses to talk things out. I saw him once and we said goodbye to one another. It was like someone was kicking me in the gut repeatedly. The next day I had a panic attack and went home from work. I cried for the whole day. I saw him a few days after that and completely ignored him. That hurt even worse.

Right now, my emotions are all over the place. One minute I understand why he ended it the way he did. I make excuses in my head for all his possible reasonings. My mind often wanders to what I could have done better to make it work. I’m usually pretty strong but this has made me feel so hopeless and broken.

My mom and son have been wonderful and I have friends that are keeping me busy. But I’m so used to hearing from him from the time I wake up until I fall asleep. Not having that feels incredibly empty. I can’t help but wonder how he is even though it’s not my place anymore. I just want to know he’s ok. 😢

[Alisha R]

Hi Heidi,
You pretty much described him exactly. I know he is in so much pain from his past and never had anyone there for him. I think he was comfortable enough with me to get by in our relationship but not completely. He has tried therapy before and he said it doesn’t help talking about it. He said talking about it makes things worse for him. I just don’t understand how he could get so torn up inside about things that were happening in our relationship and not feel like he could talk to me. Now he just wants to be alone and no longer wants a relationship…he blocked my number and won’t even see me. It’s been 2 weeks of absolute agony for me and I just can’t stop feeling this pain.

[Alisha R]

Thank you Kanya for your response. I have a great support system but I can’t help but feel completely and utterly like a failure. This isn’t what I wanted to happen at all. But to answer some of your questions:

It took him a while to get comfortable with opening up about his past. The relationship before me was verbally abusive. She played mind games and cheated. They were together for 8 months. The relationship before that they were together for 10 years. She cheated as well. Before that relationship had ended he got diagnosed with Ménière’s disease and tinnitus (ringing of the ears). He’s been dealing with it ever since. Any type of stress he tries to stear away from it whenever possible.

He confides with a friend and coworker and sometimes his family. But there are also past issues with family as well.

He had mentioned in the past about time. But when I started my second job I had told him please just tell me if this becomes too much for you and I’ll quit because I won’t let a job ruin our relationship. He never said anything. He told me when he ended things that he would never make me do something like that because he knows that I help my mom financially. I just wish he would’ve said something or given me a chance to fix things. It just seems like he told everyone but me what he was feeling and I feel left in the dark.

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