[Jovana N]

Awww, thank you Heidi,
I feel blessed and I have no reason to compare this relationship to the ones I have had in the past. Everything in the past was leading me here.

He is always talking about and doing the little things and I need to get out of the way and allow him more to carry my hand bag, fix my shoes, clothes and jewelry, open door, pull chairs etc. I guess I am just chilling and enjoying the attention, I tied his shoe lace yesterday and he really appreciated it 😂 😂.

It seems like it is OK for guys to obsess over women but women aren’t allowed to do the same without making men feel trapped so I am just going to chill. Besides I am in a lot of control/ emotionally when I am chilling, I plan on keeping it that way mostly.

Parenting is such a big deal, it is a good thing, we can get our hands into it straight away and start negotiating our way through it 😂😂. My daughter was was quite bratty when she was a baby and totler, she used to keep her father on his toes whenever they would meet and I would just sit back amused and thinking he deserves it 😂😂😂. Now that she is 4 years old, she is so well mannered, especially outside the house. I guess I am abit worried if he allows her to “work him”, she is going to start ” working me” too 😂😂. But that’s only a little problem, our parenting style is very similar.

I appreciate your insight
Cheers 🍻
Jovana

[Jovana N]

Thank you James
Great to hear from the Rockstar himself.

I have a question

I am a really easy going person and rarely ask much of anyone, I find it easier to do my own things than ask people and that may have worked against me as I probably failed to ignite a man’s hero instincts in the past.

This current relationship is different though, I find it really easy to talk to him about anything and even if I don’t talk nature will arrange perfect circumstances, like when we found a lizard on my doorstep at the end of our first date lol. I must say I am a really girlie girl, I am not the sort of woman who will try to fix that sort of thing especially if there’s a guy around willing to do it.

With the withdrawing man I initially was seeking help in regards to, he initially put alot of effort into the relationship and I think he started withdrawing because he overworked himself both in the relationship, his work and studies. Also circumstances changed that didn’t allow me to pay attention and appreciate his efforts as usual or I was trying to play hard to get 😂. I knew what was going wrong and I knew how we could fix it but he wasn’t ready. And because my heart was so open and inviting, I invited someone more suitable and I think it was better to start afresh and do it right than trying to fix something that was already ending before it even got started. I am sure he will find someone more suitable to him and have a really happy relationship too.

In this relationship we are both focused in doing it right, being intune with each other, not only initially but always. My question is about my little girl. She is pretty much spoiled by everyone around her, she is like the princess 👸 and that was my wish. I wanted her to be herself, to be free, to trust and able to express herself. I try to minimize the amount of nos I tell her because I want her to be aware of all the possibilities life has, not the obstacles. She is very much herself around him, like how she is with all our close friends and family members and he is very proud of us and loves our company and getting involved. But someone/ a woman made a comment the other time while we were at a birthday party in the part, that my daughter is working him and when the woman’s husband saw me again, he asked how we went after the party? He hopes my guy wasn’t soar from all the running around and carrying of my daughter he did. That made think maybe I should have interfered more, in regards to how much she is allowed to work him. Now I just get involved whenever I think it may get tiring for him so he can rest.

So my question is; do guys start to withdraw if they overworked themselves in a relationship? And how can I help him from getting burned out?

[Jovana N]

Thank you Kanya
We haven’t had any disagreement, not to mention upset so far. We actually have very similar beliefs and opinions, even though the level of our understanding may differ abit. I have had issues in the past with people trying to push buttons, it never really worked for me, none of us want to push buttons really.

We both love nature, reading / self- development, dancing, singing, cooking and really just big picture people.

He gets along with my daughter so well, and she totally loves hanging out with him as he can play with her more than I usually do.
He loves people and being part of a community alot while I am really private and love my own space. He is not a party animal or anything like that, none of of drink ( much), he is just really polite and helpful. We attended My community event on Friday and Saturday and he was fitting in even better than me 😂. And He is doing a great job fitting in to my space and being considerate about my needs. He seems to know everything I want and provides it before I open my mouth 😂 and he knows I am abit lazy to talk some times.

When we are out, he stays alert to the traffic and making sure I am on the safer side and he pays for eating out, the only food I pay for is the one I cook when he comes around our place.

I hope that gives you some idea about us

[Jovana N]

Thank you for the reminder, that is exactly what we have been doing, it is easy pissy 😂😂.

We decided to make that first experience together as my birthday 🎂 present in November and we are just happily getting to know each other. Besides, we have so many things in common, so we are just happy to give ourselves this time, to do and say the things we like before sex overshadow everything we have going.

Actually November doesn’t seem that long anymore 😂😂🙏. At the same time, we can’t wait but we can wait. I am just enjoying being swept off my feet and I don’t have to feel bad about not giving sex. Heaven on earth, what took him so long? 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

[Jovana N]

Hi Heidi
Thank you very much for this info, so many gold nuggets.

We spent the whole weekend together, outside and inside the house cooking and eating together. I don’t feel quilty being close to him and not having sex. He agreed to give it time and that he doesn’t want to do anything that’s going to kind of shake the foundation we are building.

I guess the challenge now is figuring out and maintaining boundaries that won’t violente the purpose we are trying to achieve. I mean what is acceptable closeness and caressing during the no sex period?

Thank you again

[Jovana N]

Hi Kanya you were right about how a ” relationship is right around the corner “, for me.

Over three weeks ago I was at concert and I noticed a guy checking me out, I thought he was hot 🔥 but I didn’t pay much attention, I had people keeping me company. It turned out we have been talking with this guy on Facebook and he explained why he didn’t come to introduce himself. But we have been in touch daily since then. We talk for at least an hr daily, he calls in the morning, afternoon and night.

He was traveling in few days and wanted to catch up before he goes but I thought it was too soon, he can go, we will catch up when he comes back. He was there for two weeks. well he said he had to cut the trip short because he wanted to catch up with me. We caught up last Saturday and Sunday and we just clicked and I think that is a problem lol 😂.

I have always been pretty easy going in relationships, if I don’t like a guy, I don’t date them, if I like a guy, I don’t mind sleeping with him after few dates. But I understand guys are the sweetest, gentlest and passionate at the beginning of the relationship and I really want to enjoy this phase for sometime so I can get to know him, his needs and what would make a relationship work with him (I feel ready to be in a relationship, I don’t want to be like whatever). And he seems so suited to me; we understand each other and take interests in each others passions and interests and will support them.

I understand that if it is meant to be, we can’t screw it up but I still want to stack the deck on my favour so
The question is how do one spend lots of time and be close to someone they like so much without crossing the line?

Last Saturday when he was dropping me off, I found a lizard on my door steps, and thankfully, he didn’t just drop me off and run, he came with me to door so he was able to be the hero who protected me from and got rid of the lizard. He wants to come around my place on Friday and clean up my backyard ( I have a big backyard that is poorly maintained). I insisted that he should after 3pm, when I have picked my daughter from school, that way I know we will behave but that will only work for that day. So the question remains
“how do you spend lots of time and be close to someone you like so much without crossing the line?” and what things can I do in the meantime to aid the success of this relationship?

I look forward to hearing from you

Jovana

[Jovana N]

Hi Kanya
Thank you for your prompt response, it is helpful.

I was just reading one posts, similar to mine and Ingrid was advising the lady to call, even if he doesn’t pick, she can leave a voicemail instead of Texting. I was thinking I should probably try calling him, it has been over month since I last called him. Now I am not a fan of talking, I prefer to write, which is why it doesn’t bother me much that we haven’t spoken in two months. But if I try to call and he picks, the meaning and firmness of the message is going to be watered down alot. So I don’t know if calling is a good idea. So I think I will stick with messaging and I don’t have to write it like a letter, I can split into conversation that I am not going to let him ignore.

And you are right, it doesn’t matter what happens, I had probably be better off dating someone in my own city, it is alot warmer than his 😂 😂 😂

Cheers 🍻 🍻 🍻

Jovana

[Jovana N]

Hi

It is Jovana here seeking some help again.

I haven’t had a phone conversation with the man I was looking for help to ” be irresistible ” for like in two months. That’s from before I came across your program and I told him that a week ago and he said it is less than two months and I didn’t want to argue over it.

What we have been upto is just ignoring each other and flirting abit on messenger, nothing about love or commitment and I was OK with that but what I have realized is we are not really getting to know each other, we are just mucking around and that’s not satisfying for me. I think I am ready for a change with him or without him. He sent me a gif roses yesterday and I didn’t reply.

I was going to to write to him and update him about what I am upto as I didn’t want to just go mute, writing an update to him seemed abit more proactive and because I do care about him, I want to set down some standard on how we can move forward, together or not. But I thought it was abit off, so I am seeking a feedback.

Below is the message I had liked to send him:
”
I can barely recognize this relationship with you for the past month or two but now that you are well and back to your normal life, I had liked to make some changes to the way I relate to you and get myself out of confusion. So I am ready to let go of the phase of this relationship we have gone through in the past two months; which is basically silence and distance. I have tried a little bit in the past to understand the situation and not pressure you too much but that didn’t help much. I am not going to pressure you into reassuring me now or anything. I just don’t want to continue the silence and distance but still hoping we have a Relationship, more so a love and exclusive relationship because obviously the way we have been treating each other doesn’t seem like we are committed to each other still. And we haven’t gotten a chance to redefine what the relationship since things started going south.

The point I am trying to make is we started off with so much passion, commitment but the last two month things have jus gotten colder and colder, I had like to stop this relationship from getting freezing cold by not continuing with it the way it is. And allow you the time and space you need to decide what you want. If you want to talk about how to move forward together or leave things behind, call or message back but most importantly take your time cause it seems like that you need time to sort your stuff out. I just don’t want to be in cold turning into freezing relationship anymore. So I will take myself out till you are ready to update me on your side of the story”.

I feel nothing for meeting him but gratitude; for the amount of expansion he has inspired in my life. He seems to be the best guy I have met so far and I was holding on because I wanted on to the dream but I am realizing I have to be willing to let go if things are going to get better. I don’t wish to break up with him or make an ultimatum, I just don’t know how to get us through this situation without sounding like I want to break to break up.

I want to be firm and ready to walk away if he is isn’t willing to step up. I never set up any standards for him as I thought he exceeded my expectations till he started withdrawing. But if he is going to stick around, I will be requiring that we meet each other needs or there is no point sticking it out.

Let me know what you think

Jovana

[Jovana N]

Oh my goodness, what an amazing discussion and learning.

I very much relate to Janja; well educated, Entrepreneur, on purpose and you just wonder why is it so hard for amazing strong women like us to find the right relationships when other women who aren’t as educated, grounded and pretty getting married every weekend all over the world. I guess some people are better at settling than others and I guess each person’s journey is different from another. We maybe struggling with relationships while other parts of our lives are in order, other married women aren’t as blessed in their careers and health as we are.

I also relate to Janja in the fact that we seem to fall in love pretty fast. Some times we know what we are hearing can’t be all true but we wish it could be true and fall for it anyway. For a long time, I had believe in love at first sight, I thought I needed to know it is love right away so I could know he is the one 😝😝😝😝, what a lie.

I guess I am also abit lazy and tend to let things just slide and think let it be whatever it will be, it gets me into trouble, especially when I am always relying on the guys to make it work; take the right course of actions and directions but I guess I need to put on my working shoes. Seriously I don’t think relationships should take so much work, after all, everyone is supposed to have a relationship 😝😝😝. As a result I just ignore learning and applying whatever I need to learn and implement.

I rarely ever chase guys, or initiate plans with guys I am just getting to know, I leave it all upto them. And I just get to decide if I will stay or go, depending on whether they will meet my standards or not.

The last relationship I was in that started going south when I reached out to you for help seemed perfect. He was saying all the right things, he met and exceeded all my standards and expectations until he started pulling off by himself. I am getting abit over it now, and allowing him the space to decide if he will persuade me again or not. And I am so going to play this “being a challenge” game I thought isn’t for me ( apparently I am too unique to play the same old game everyone play to try to keep a guy 😝😝😝). But yeah we live in a programmed world, whatever works, works for everybody or not.

I have to say romantic relationships seems to be such a passive endeavor for me, especially at the start but I guess I need to put in some work to enhance his experience with me and that’s one thing your teaching could help with sustaining the relationship but when it falling apart before it even start, that’s not the right time to sustain it.

Anyway Janja, sorry for hijacking your post but I hope my experience will help you as yours has.

Cheers 🍻

Jovana

[Jovana N]

Thank you Kanya
I appreciate your insight
Cheers 🍻

[Jovana N]

Hi Kanya
Thanks for your response, it is super helpful.

I have developed a habit of being in long term relationships lol. I have mostly always been in long distance relationships. We talked about moving together and I was going to move to his city by next year but you are right, it is good to just slow down and take things easy. Should be a relieve really.

I guess I was afraid that if we aren’t close anymore, I am just I may just move on and I am afraid, none of the guys in the picture will fill his shoes ( even though the picture of the reality maybe different from what I hold now). I always get myself into a situation where I have few guys interested at the same time but it seems like I always choose the wrong one 😂. But I am alot mature now, I should be able to hold my ground, take my time and not let guys push me around.

I guess I felt obligated to be there for him because he said he was sick and going through some sort of a break down. But we spoke yesterday and he seems to be doing well, he said he is getting some professional help, I may leave give him the space. Oh maybe I should check on him one more time 😂 😂 😂. I know it will work out the way it is supposed to. I will definitely give him the space whenever I am ready. I am not that bad actually, I haven’t messaged him all day 😂 😂 😂

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